How do you feel when you think you made all the right choices, but it still didn’t work out for you?

Do you begin to doubt yourself?

Do you start sliding in to the ‘why me?’

Do you become bitter, not only with yourself, but also towards those who seem to ‘have it all?’

These are normal feelings, but if not addressed while still fresh will begin to lead you down a vicious cycle. You’ll begin to slip into what is known as a negative feedback loop, and you will begin to reaffirm all your feelings of self-doubt and ideas about failure.

So how do you prevent yourself from entering the cycle?

Well, you start by disaggregating events. That’s just a fancy way of saying; view each event as separate from the other. If you listen to people complaining you’ll often hear them saying, then this happened and then that happened, very often making the proverbial mountain out of a molehill.

Once you begin to view events as separate, then allow yourself some honesty and grace as you ask yourself, what role you played; what was your contribution to the event. This might take some real deep introspection, but keep in mind; this is to prevent you from entering the downward spiral, so well worth the effort.

Now here’s the hardest part, don’t let the event define you because if you do, then you have affirmed that this is the person you are. And like it or not, your mind will begin to look for evidence to support your claim.

Breaking out of or preventing yourself from entering cycles is difficult, but ultimately you have a choice. Cycles are ultimately feedback loops. So if you stop giving yourself negative feedback, and begin to find ways to give yourself positive feedback, even incremental, you’ll begin to see changes.

Ultimately, it’s your life and whether you agree or not, you do have a choice of when to intervene and say stop. And make the decision, if you’re going to allow yourself to enter vicious or virtuous cycles.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.