What are the top 5 regrets of dying people?

Now at first glance, this might sound like a morbid question, but it’s actually an opportunity to learn.  Especially if there’s a common theme amongst people that are close to the end of their life because for them every minute of their remaining days brings with it a sharp focus on what’s really important in life.

Fortunately for you and me, we don’t have to wait until the end of our lives because there is a study done by a hospice nurse over the course of her career that documented the last weeks dying people in a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Here’s a list of regrets that she found to be most common.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not attempted to pursue even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.  When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that was asked. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.

Now it’s said that a wise person learns from his mistakes and a wiser one learns from others’ mistakes. And although you might not categorize the regrets of others as mistakes, there’s still an opportunity to learn from those that have lived before you.

So if you choose too then you can use these regrets, or lessons learned from others to structure your life in a way that you too don’t have the same regrets when it’s your time to go.

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