What exactly are we discussing?

Can you please clarify what you mean by that?

Let’s agree on a definition before we continue.

Quite often, miscommunication with someone begins when you don’t agree on the definition of a word or idea. The problem occurs when you and the other person mistakenly think you’re discussing the same idea, but you’re not aligned on the definition.

One of the reasons lawyers write what seem to be complicated agreements and contracts is that they want to be as clear as possible about the definition of every word or concept in the document. They do this to prevent any future confusion between what is written and what is understood.

A way to prevent miscommunication is to find a way to agree on the definition of words or ideas either before you begin a discussion, or if you feel as though you and the person, you’re speaking with are just talking past each other, then pause for a moment and ask the other person to clarify their position just to ensure that you’re speaking about the same thing.

While asking or clarifying definitions of words and ideas is by no means a panacea for all problems, it can help. For starters, it shows empathy and that you’re interested in hearing what the person you’re speaking with really has to say, and sometimes showing a little empathy can go a long way.

So, the next time you find yourself on a slippery slope heading towards a heated discussion, or you’re in a conversation spiraling towards an argument, pause for a moment and attempt to clarify the topic at hand. Learning this skill might help you eliminate many unnecessary arguments and even improve or save some relationships.

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