Raj Daniels

How often do you misinterpret facts and your opinion?

One of the rules of journalism is objectivity. This means a journalist should learn to report on the facts of a situation, not their opinion about what occurred.

As you can probably guess, this kind of unbiased reporting is challenging because all actions and experiences are evaluated through the eyes of the beholder.

Now, while you might not be a journalist, learning to view situations through a journalistic lens can be quite beneficial for you. Your ability to separate facts from your opinion has the potential to alleviate much heartache.

But how do you develop an objective, journalistic view of life?

The best way is to ask, is this true? And then, very quickly, follow up with how do I know?

If you don’t have a concrete answer after asking the preceding questions, you know you’re skating on thin ice, and you’re probably infusing a situation with your opinion. You are very quickly moving from fact to fiction.

The not-so-funny thing is that, to some extent, we are all living in our fictitious worlds. Worlds where we all create our own narrative about what we think is happening. And that’s okay, except for when it begins to cause problems.

You can see the problems coming when you begin to guess what you think someone said versus what they said or what you think might have occurred in a particular situation versus what really happened.

When you find yourself working to over-interpret a conversation or event is when you’re most likely to lose journalistic integrity.

Now, it goes without saying that there’s absolutely no need for you to act or think like a journalist, and you can go through life just fine interpreting events as you see fit. But, if you do, then you’ll also leave yourself open to falling prey to emotional highs and lows based on your subjective view of events versus a feeling of calmness that comes with an objective viewpoint.

So, the next time you’re faced with a situation that’s causing you stress, and you find yourself overthinking it, be like a journalist and ask, what are the facts? Once you untangle the facts from fiction, then hopefully, you’ll alleviate yourself from some heartache by coming to a conclusion that’s as close to the truth as you can get.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

What’s on your agenda for today?

The same old same?

The rinse and repeat of another day.

If you let it, life can very quickly become monotonous. And that’s okay because there’s nothing inherently wrong with monotony. Many people find comfort and safety in the predictability and routine of monotony. If you’re one of those people, then you can save time by not reading any further.

However, if you’re feeling stagnant because of your monotonous routine, then what are you going to do about it?

Yes, breaking out of a daily rut is your responsibility.

Did you think I was going to do it for you?

Okay, fine. I’ll give you a few suggestions, but you’ll have to do the work.

One way to break the monotony is to step way out of your comfort zone. Find an activity or identify a challenge that is foreign to your everyday routine. When you do this, you’ll find that your heightened sense of anticipation and, in some cases, fear will force you to act differently.

Another way to break monotony is to associate with different people. Break away from your current network of friends and associates and actively seek out people you wouldn’t normally interact with. Again, being around different people will allow you to be different.

And my last suggestion is a planned adventure. This doesn’t have to be weekly or daily, but plan an activity that draws you away from your daily routine at least once a month. Your activity doesn’t have to be expensive or require intense planning. It could be as simple as exploring a local walking trail that you’ve never visited.

So, if you’re tired of the monotonous and mundane routine of everyday life, instead of complaining or suffering through it, break free from it. Find ways to infuse your life with adventure and excitement. Remember what I said earlier, breaking out of your rut is your responsibility.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Why do pilots use autopilot?

Is it because they’re lazy and want to do less work?

No.

Autopilot was invented for a couple of reasons. One reason is that pilots that were flying long distances were struggling with fatigue, and over time this became dangerous as performance would decline. The second is that autopilot allows pilots to focus on other aspects of flying, such as monitoring weather and other parts of the aircraft.

So, why am I writing about autopilot?

Because there’s a great parallel that can be drawn between autopilot and habits.

You see, autopilot assists the pilot in reaching their destination, but the pilot can override the system at any time. Well-constructed habits can do the same for you.

There isn’t much difference between attempting to reach a physical destination and working towards a long-term goal. Establishing habits that help you accomplish your goals is akin to having your personal autopilot.

The benefit of implementing habits to help you reach your goals are similar to the benefits the pilot enjoys from having access to an autopilot. You can avoid the fatigue of constantly thinking about the actions you have to take to reach your goals, and you can focus on the other areas of your life.

For example. If saving money is important to you, then an automated habit of depositing a fixed amount of money into a savings account regularly is a habit to consider. And, like the pilot, you can override or change the habit on an as-needed basis. 

Well thought out and intentionally implemented habits can provide you with the freedom you can’t really understand until you experience their power.

So, think about some habits that can help you move along the journey towards your goals. Use them as your autopilot and free up your mind and time to focus on and enjoy other areas of life.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

How often do you look at yourself in a mirror?

If you’re like most people, I’d guess at least once a day, if not more.

When you do look at yourself in a mirror, what are you looking for?

Are you looking to ensure you approve of how you look or to notice any changes that might have occurred?

While looking in a mirror might inform you of your physical appearance and well-being, it tells you nothing about your mental well-being. And that’s okay because, after all, Sleeping Beauty only asked, “mirror mirror who is fairest of them all?”

But, I’d argue that your mental health and appearance are just as, if not more important than your physical appearance, which leads to my next question.

How often do you check in on your mental state?

Do you check in with yourself at least once a day?

It’s easy to get lost in your physical appearance because, after all, it’s tangible and easy to recognize and compare, and perhaps more important to some, it’s what others can see. But having a beautiful, healthy body will only take you so far, especially if you have a poor mental state.

Now I’m not suggesting you obsess over your mental state the way some might over their physical appearance, but I recommend you make time daily to reflect upon mental well-being.

Checking in on your mental state shouldn’t take long. Just a few moments of time throughout your day when you can tune in to how you’re feeling about yourself. Asking yourself a few probing questions, and if you’re an overachiever, you can even jot your answers down.

My goal of asking you to evaluate your mental health isn’t to add any more work to your already full plate. It’s to remind you that there’s more to you than your body.

So, while looking in a mirror to ensure that your physical appearance looks acceptable or good to you, don’t forget to also check in with your mental state. After all, we both know that beauty and good looks wane over time, but your mind will always be with you.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

What’s your best guess as to what will happen in the next moment or two?

Will you continue reading this blog post?

Will you step away and do something different?

I asked about your best guess because that’s what you’re doing all day long. You’re taking your best guess as to what will happen next. And it’s not just you. We’re all doing it.

What exactly is a guess?

Well, it’s a prediction based in many cases on imperfect information. Unless, of course, you’re a mathematician using concrete evidence to work on problems all day long. But the majority of us aren’t mathematicians, so we’re all operating on best guesses.

So, why am I asking about your predictions?

Because in your mind, your predictions become self-fulfilling prophecies – they become your reality.

Please re-read the previous sentence.

Your guesses, aka your predictions, very quickly become fossilized in your mind, and you believe them to be true. And then you navigate the world according to your best guesses.

Navigating the world based on your predictions is natural and easy, but it also primes you to behave according to what you think might happen versus what’s really happening. Or said more eloquently by Anais Nin, “You do not see the world as it is. You see it as you are.”

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with seeing the world as you are except that it confines you to thinking and acting in a very limited manner. Constantly believing in and relying on your predictions of what will happen next might feel safe, but it minimizes creativity and opportunities for personal growth.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you stop relying on your model of how you see the world. Obviously, if you’re reading this, then whatever actions you’ve taken based on your best guesses has kept you alive, and hopefully well. All I’m recommending is that occasionally, you allow yourself to second guess your best guess. Change the way you think about what will happen next and watch how the world changes around you.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Will you learn to leverage or be a victim of creeping normality?

If you’re not familiar with the concept of creeping normality, then let me help you.

“Creeping normality is a process by which a major change can be accepted as normal and acceptable if it happens slowly through small, often unnoticeable, increments of change. The change could otherwise be regarded as remarkable and objectionable if it took place in a single step or short period.” (Wikipedia)

Let’s look at a couple of concrete examples of creeping normality.  

Imagine for a moment you enjoy a daily alcoholic nightcap. It begins with one drink every evening just to relax you from the burden of your day. But then, slowly but surely, you begin to venture down the slippery path to two, three, or as many drinks as you need to leave your day behind. You are now a victim of creeping normality.

Now for the second thought experiment.

Imagine you want to increase the amount of money you want to save. You can always begin with considerable lump sum savings, but you might be intimidated, or your finances might not be a position for you to do so. Here’s where you can leverage creeping normality, by starting small, just enough to create a habit, until saving money becomes your new normal.

If the concept of creeping normality sounds to you like the road to creating habits, then you’re spot on. It’s just that sometimes, at first glance, the actions you take might not look like habits. They appear to be normal, everyday behavior. And you don’t realize you’ve adopted a new habit until you’re knee-deep in it.

So, learn to be vigilant to the concept of creeping normality. Avoid becoming a victim of it and learn to leverage it to become the person you want to be.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

How often do you revert to mediocrity?

If you’re confused, then let me clarify.

In statistics, reversion to the mean or reversion to mediocrity is the phenomenon that arises if a sample point of a random variable is extreme (nearly an outlier), in which case a future point is likely to be closer to the mean or average.

In everyday language, this means that if you do something outstanding or outside of your norm, then eventually, you’ll revert to the average you.

Why am I sharing a statistical phenomenon with you?

I’m sharing because the phenomenon of reversion to average will be your biggest challenge if you’re attempting to improve any area of your life.

For example, you might commit to improving your health, and so for a set amount of time, you increase the amount of exercise you do and pay very close attention to your food intake. This kind of behavior is an outlier for you, but then, over time, you begin to revert to your mean.

Why does this occur, and how to prevent it?

It occurs because your commitment is temporary, and the way to prevent it is to change your average or setpoint.

Battling reversion to mean is like fighting gravity. No matter how hard you try to escape it, its force will always be present. And that means if you want to change any area of your life, you must be constantly vigilant of its presence.

While the idea of reversion to the mean might seem disheartening, knowing the phenomenon exists is beneficial for you. Before Newton, humans knew that objects fell to the ground, but they didn’t know why. Once he defined the law of gravity, humans could account for it and, as flight and space travel has shown, even escape it.

So, when you attempt to make any changes in your life, don’t forget to account for and don’t fall prey to the phenomenon of reversion to the mean. Exert the additional effort required to change your setpoint average and continue to push forward towards lasting change.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Do you know the two biggest influences in your life?

If you’re thinking people, then you’re correct. But what specifically about people?

Entire industries have and are making trillions of dollars of revenue on these two pillars.

The two pillars are what other people are doing and what other people have.

These two pillars tap into your human emotions of curiosity and envy. And no matter how much you feed these emotions, they are rarely satisfied.

Think about social media for a moment. The entire industry relies on these two pillars. And the more time you spend on these platforms, the more you’re influenced by what others are doing and what they have.

Advertising is also an obvious candidate for these two pillars. It’s all about showing you what others have and are doing so that you too develop the desire to be like them. Or said another way, monkey sees, monkey do.

You see, one of the definitions of monkey see, monkey do is that it implies the act of imitation, usually with limited knowledge and or concern for the consequences. And this definition is almost a perfect fit for advertising and social media because when you avail yourself to both, you do so with limited knowledge. Very rarely are you privy to the backstory of any individual or products that you’re viewing.

Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with imitating others, and we all do it to some extent, primarily because we can’t help it. Humans, like primates, use imitation as one of our survival techniques. In fact, in some cases, the more we imitate, the more we are endeared by ‘our tribe.’ But the problem with over imitating is that eventually, you lose touch with who you are because you spend all your energy trying to be everyone else.

Ultimately, you have a choice as to how you want to spend your time. Inherently there’s nothing wrong in spending your time feeding your curiosity and stoking your envy by looking at what other people are doing and what they have. But the more time you spend doing so, the more you’ll desire to be like them, and the result of that is, the less you’ll be who you really are.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Did you know that there’s an equation for success?

Well, maybe not an equation because I’m sure there are many based upon your personal idea and definition of success. But there is one that you can use as a practical tool or guide towards your idea of success.

Daniel Kahneman, Nobel Prize winner in Economics equation for success is success = talent + luck.

Let’s look at each component of the equation.

What is talent?

Talent is defined as your natural aptitude or skill.

If you’ve already discovered your talent, then great, skip this blog post and make better use of your time.

However, if you haven’t yet discovered your talent, then keep reading.

Finding or uncovering your natural talent can be a difficult proposition. Especially since early education and social norms almost force you to remain within an acceptable box. Unless, of course, you’re an athlete because then you’re encouraged to shine.

But don’t despair. Even if your talent has been stifled as you move through the system, you still have an entire lifetime ahead of you to bring it to life. However, you must be willing and committed to doing so.

One of the best ways to discover your talent is to feel what you’re naturally drawn towards. You’ll have to avoid many of the distractions and mind-numbing temptations of daily life so that you can turn your focus inwards and pay attention to yourself. This will take some time and introspection, but if it’s success you’re seeking, it’s well worth the effort.

Once your talents begin to reveal themselves, then begin to work on them, even if it’s only in your spare time. Remember, you’re playing the long game of success in life, so don’t be disheartened by short-term mishaps.

As you work on your talents, keep this quote in the back of your mind, “the harder I work, the luckier I get.”

This leads us nicely to the luck part of the equation. Luck has been defined as preparation meeting opportunity.

This is great news for you. Because if you spend your time working and honing your natural abilities, then you are in the mode of continuous preparation, so when the opportunity presents itself, you will be ready.

So, if success in life is something you’re interested in, then maybe use this equation as a tool. Work to discover and then enhance your natural talents and then take advantage of the luck, aka. Opportunities presented to you.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

How often in life do you take the scenic route?

You’ve probably heard that in life and even as you progress towards goals, it is all about the journey and not the destination, but do you pause to enjoy the journey, or do you just plow ahead?

Indulging yourself in taking the scenic route is not about being lazy or wandering without direction. It’s about meandering and appreciating all there is along the way.

In today’s world of easily available GPS, so much adventure and fun have been stripped out of almost all journeys. You enter your destination, and bam, you get the quickest, most efficient route. And while there’s a time and place for efficiency, it also removes any sense of wonder.

Oh, and just a side note regarding the GPS. Unless you’re extremely familiar with all the nuances of the area you’re in, you are relying on someone else’s opinion, all be it in algorithm form, for the best route to take. And, if you’re like most, you don’t take the time to verify whose best interest the algorithm is written for. It could be you or the McDonalds you pass on the way to your destination.

The analog versions of the GPS are tight schedules and college and life plans that supposedly get you to your goals as efficiently as possible. And while I’m not against planning, I don’t recommend you become so goal-focused that you develop tunnel vision and miss all the beauty available to you on your journey.

One of the major factors of mid-life crisis is the feeling of remorse. Individuals feel they missed out on life and wish that they had spent more time with family and friends and slowed down instead of being obsessed with their career or goal-driven. They wish, to some extent, that they had taken the scenic route.

So, the next time you find yourself scheduled from dawn to dusk or obsessed with the most efficient way to get through life, pause for a moment and consider slowing down. Yes, you might experience delays in reaching your destination or goals, but you’ll also reap the benefits of taking the scenic route.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Are you keeping score?

I can hear you asking – keeping score of what?

Keeping score of whatever is important to you.

In business, there’s a mantra that ‘what gets measured, gets managed.’ But when it comes to their personal lives, people seem to fly by the seat of their pants.

Why is that so?

Let’s take relationships as an example.

It might seem strange or artificial to measure the number of hugs you give or the number of kind words or terms of endearment that you say to a loved one. Maybe you feel as though these actions should be intuitive and based upon how you feel.

But is that true?

What happens when for whatever reason, you don’t feel like expressing kindness or positive emotions?

Should you let your most important relationships fall by the wayside? Should the people around you be punished for how you’re feeling?

Or should you act in a loving manner regardless of how you feel?

I understand that an argument can be made for both sides, but I’m on the side that action precedes emotion. When you act a certain way, you’ll eventually begin to feel that way.

If you’re keeping a score of the number of times you require yourself to say kind words or behave lovingly, then you’ll act regardless of how you feel.

Acting regardless of how you feel because you’re keeping score forces you to pay attention to what is important to you. And you can use this technique as a superpower that can also apply to other areas of your life.

So, whatever area of life you’re trying to maintain or improve, start keeping score. Write down metrics that, if you know if you’re able to beat or maintain, would move you towards the outcomes in life you’re seeking.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Where does your time go?

How often do you lose track of time only to realize that an hour, a day, or in some cases another week has slipped away?

While we all have the same amount of time, have you noticed how some people seem to be more productive or have more time than others?

Why do you think that is?

Before I go on, let me clarify that productivity can be measured in many ways and is not a competition.

Now back to our conversation about time.

While I can’t tell you there’s one sure shot recipe that works for everyone, I can tell you from conversations and observations of people that seem to have more time is that they’ve learned to and committed to prioritizing their time.

They have committed to using their version of the Big Rocks technique.

For your convenience and in the interest of not reinventing the wheel, here’s a story that illustrates the technique.

One day, a time management expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget.

As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers, he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.” Then, he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?”

Everyone in the class said, “Yes.”

Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar, causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

Then, he asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time, the class was onto him. “Probably not,” one of them answered.

“Good!” he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?”

“No!” the class shouted. Once again, he said, “Good!” Then, he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then, he looked up at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!”

“No,” the speaker replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.”

What are the ‘big rocks’ in your life?

A project that YOU want to accomplish?

Time with your loved ones? Your faith, your education, your finances? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others?

Remember to put the BIG ROCKS in first or you’ll never get them in at all.

So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the ‘big rocks’ in my life or business? Then put those in your jar first.

Hopefully, you enjoyed this short story, and reading it will prompt you to search for the big rocks in your life, and you’ll no longer feel as though your time has slipped away.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Whose life would you trade places with and why?

Is it because they’re famous, wealthy, or seem to have it all together and somehow magically figured out life?

While someone’s life might seem glamourous to you, or they seem to have figured out life, trust me when I tell you that everyone has their own problems they are dealing with.

The magnitude and the frequency of problems vary significantly from individual to individual, but no human escapes problems.

The dastardly personality of problems is reminiscent of the pop quiz given in school. They have a habit of appearing when you’re not quite ready for them, catching you off guard and unprepared. And so, like the quiz, you fumble your way through them, hoping to get the answers correct.  However, the biggest difference between the pop quiz and the problem is that rarely is there one right way to solve a problem.

Are there some problems that are beyond your capacity to solve? Absolutely, but fortunately, in most cases, those are few and far apart.

So, if everyone has problems and you can’t avoid them, then what should you do?

Do the best you can.

I know my answer might seem flippant or an easy out, but what other choice do you have?

And, just in case you don’t realize it, everyone else is also doing the best they can.

Of course, over time, experience helps. The better you get at solving, handling, or recognizing problems, the less rattled you’ll be when you encounter them.

So, the next time you find yourself wishing to trade places with someone who you think has fewer problems than you, remind yourself that just because you can’t see their problems doesn’t mean that they don’t have them. And in some cases, when you find out what their problems are, you’ll quickly realize that you’d rather have your problems and not theirs.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

How do you respond when a person doesn’t meet your expectations?

Do you meet them where they are, or do you reject them for not being the person you want them to be?

How often do you show grace and let them be the person they are?

Showing grace to others even when you think they don’t deserve it is one of the most amazing things you can do.

I agree that it’s easy to get annoyed or irritated with people when you feel slighted or wronged by them, but don’t forget, the narrative about being mistreated is about you and not them. It’s about your desire about how you think they should act that’s causing you discomfort.

If we turn the tables for a moment, then don’t you hope that you might be accorded a degree of grace when you ultimately fail to meet the expectations that someone else has for you?

Showing grace is not always easy. What’s easy is falling into behavior patterns that are deeply embedded in your personality. To show grace when you’re angry or frustrated takes a degree of self-awareness and deliberate action because you are intentionally creating a new behavior pattern.

Of course, you’re not required to show grace. You can continue through life as you are, expecting people to live up to your expectations and getting annoyed when they don’t. But that’s going to be a bumpy journey for you and those around you – if they continue to stick around.

Ultimately, showing grace is a choice you get to make. Through your actions and words, you can choose to make people you interact with feel accepted as they are or rejected for who they are. And while you might feel justified in the way you treat them, hopefully, they’ll show grace for the person you are.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Will you choose to be bitter or better?

When you’re being treated poorly?

When events and situations don’t go as you expected or wanted?

When you fail or lose?

It’s easy and, in some cases, even justifiable to fall into a pattern of feeling bitter towards situations and people that don’t comply with how you believe the world should be. But the same events can also be an opportunity for you.

Feeling annoyed, hurt, and upset are natural emotions, but if you’re going through and feel the pain of these emotions, then why not use them to improve your life?

Being bitter or better is a choice you get to make.

I agree that the idea of being bitter or better might not seem like a choice during the heat of a moment where your idea of how things should be versus the reality you find yourself in, but the option is always available.

Choosing to be bitter or better is all about breaking or escaping your learned pattern of behavior. The problem is that once you’re stuck in a pattern, you begin to believe that it’s unbreakable, and that’s just how you are, and so you react to situations the same way over and over again.

But you don’t have to behave this way.

Yes, it’s not easy to do so, and at first, you will feel out of character and at times even feel as though you’re being taken advantage of, but these feelings are natural as you transition from being bitter to better.

By the way, let me clarify that being better is not about being better than other people. It’s about being better for yourself. It’s about being able to let go of emotions and feelings that disempower you and drag you down.

So, the next time you find yourself faced with a situation that tests your patience or challenges your ego, remind yourself that this is an opportunity, and you do have a choice, to be bitter or better.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

What are your small dreams?

Why am I asking about small dreams?

Good question.

I’m asking because all too often, people get asked about their big dreams, their ‘what if you had a magic wand’ dreams. And while I understand the power of big dreams and their ability to pull you towards them, the idea of big dreams can also be intimidating.

There are also people who don’t have big dreams or, said another way, might seem trivial compared to other people’s dreams. For example, one person’s big dream might be to have a good stable job and raise a healthy family, while another person might want to conquer space. Both are valid dreams, but in the eyes of some, the first dream might seem insignificant compared to the latter.

I understand that it’s impossible to compare dreams because it’s like comparing apples and orangutans. You were probably expecting me to say oranges, and I was going to, but it’s early in the morning, and I’m in a playful mood, so orangutans it is.

Back to comparing dreams.

I know I titled this piece small dreams, but I don’t really believe there are small dreams. In my mind, saying a person has small dreams is akin to saying they have small feet. As long as their feet work for them, then they’re just the right size. And whatever dreams you have are the appropriate size for you.

So, about your small dreams.

In a world that almost forces you ‘think and act big,’ you might feel hesitant to reveal or pursue small dreams, but I implore you not to feel that way. If you learn to string together a constant stream of small dreams, you might eventually end up with what will look like one big dream. So, ignore the pressure to dream big and give your small dreams the life they’re seeking.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

What does it feel like to be remote-controlled?

If you’re confused, then let me clarify for you.

You’re probably familiar with a TV remote that, via the marvel of engineering, can change the status of a TV from off to on and then go on to change channels with a simple push of a button.

Now I ask you.

Who or what can remotely control you?

What events or people have the ability to change your status, mood, and emotions?

What if I told you that the only way an event or person can change your mood is if you let them?

Would you believe me?

Or are you already arguing the idea that your emotions are within your control?

If your feathers are already ruffled at the notion that you can control your emotions, then please don’t read any further because you’re only going to get more irritated. Or, said another way, it’s almost as if I have access to a remote control to your emotions.

Look, I know what I’m suggesting isn’t easy, and I truly empathize with you because I, too, struggle with being remote-controlled. Still, I can tell you that if you choose to, then with practice, you can significantly reduce the number of events and people that stimulate your emotions.

Let me make one thing clear. I’m not suggesting or recommending you become numb to life and cut off your emotions. I am saying that if you choose to, you don’t have to react and emote every time your buttons are pushed. You can choose not to give attention or energy to any emotion you don’t want to feel.

Of course, it’s ultimately your choice. If you’re okay with being remote-controlled, then continue on, but don’t blame others for how you feel. However, if you’re ready to stop being remote-controlled, then welcome to the world where you’re now responsible for your own emotions.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

What if you viewed your weaknesses as features, not bugs?

First, let me give you a quick clarification of bugs and features. Usually, in software development, a bug is viewed negatively as a problem or weakness. In contrast, a feature is viewed as a positive or a good attribute to have.

All too often, the systems we exist in force us to conform to a set of norms that make it easier for not us but the system to exist. And even though much lip service is given to the idea of being unique and creative, there’s an underlying implication that a person should keep their uniqueness and creativity within the system’s boundaries. And so, you’re taught at a young age that any attitudes or behaviors you have that don’t comply with the system are weaknesses and equivalent to bugs.

But what if your quirks, the so-called weaknesses that you’ve kept muted or have struggled to control, are actually your greatest features?

What if your bugs are what the world needs?

Back in 1997, Steve Jobs had a great quote that illustrated my point. “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. Still, the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do. “

What if your weakness, your inability to comply, is the civil disobedience that’s needed to push and promote change?

Now I understand that there’s risk associated with non-compliance, and it’s much easier to go through life hiding or going along to get along, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with doing so. But if you do, you’ll lead a limited life, and by doing so, how will you ever know just what you were capable of doing?

So, the next time you find yourself focusing on or ruminating about what you consider to be or have been told is a weakness of yours, try to reframe your thinking. Take what you or others might consider a bug and transform it into one of your most powerful features.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

How do you know what’s best for you?

You’re constantly inundated with information and opinions about what you should and could be doing for yourself, so how can you tell what’s best for you?

You can often reveal what is best for you by turning inward.

Whether you realize it or not, you have an inner compass that’s constantly feeding you information in the form of feelings. When you pay attention to your inner feelings, you’ll learn when you’re being drawn to or repelled from ideas, people, and situations.

You’ve probably experienced your inner compass communicating with you in the past but might have decided to ignore it because of social pressures or other reasons.

If you’ve ever walked into a room and had an uneasy feeling or met a person that you didn’t feel comfortable being around, then you’ve experienced your inner compass talking to you.

Before I go on, let me be clear that your inner compass is not judging whether a place or person is good or bad, it’s just telling you that it doesn’t suit you.

So how do you tune into your inner compass?

One way, is to every so often throughout your day, pay attention to the feelings you’re having in association with the tasks you’re doing, the people you’re around, and the environment you’re in. This practice takes time, so the goal is to start slowly and just notice, not judge. Use this time for awareness, not action.

As you get better at noticing the signals from your inner compass, you’ll find yourself, when possible, moving away from situations that don’t suit you and moving towards ones that do. This will take time, and there’s no need to rush the process.

So, the next time you’re thinking about what’s best for you, turn inward and pay attention to your inner compass. While at first, following your inner compass might seem like a selfish thing to do, over the long run, you’ll have more capacity and energy for others because you’ll be better aligned with yourself.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Imagine for a moment two people in a great relationship?

What would it look like?

Do you see them prioritizing time with each other?

How would they speak to one another?

Would they express kind words and even words of encouragement for each other?

Would they, on occasion, buy gifts for each other?

Would they celebrate each other’s victories and be there to console in times of loss?

If you’re nodding your head in agreement, then you have a good idea of what a good relationship would look like.

So, let me ask you this.

How often do you behave this way with yourself?

Confused?

Well, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. And how you feel about and behave towards yourself will determine how you behave with others.

Think of your relationship with yourself this way. You can’t grow a good healthy plant in poor soil. So, if your relationship with yourself isn’t healthy, it’s going to be difficult for you to have a good relationship with anyone else.

Now you might disagree, and that’s okay. But you know, deep down, when you’re struggling to have a good relationship with yourself, it eventually seeps into your interactions with others.

So, how do you have or improve your relationship with yourself?

You prioritize it.

You put in the work, just as you would with any other relationship that’s important to you.

I don’t need to give you step-by-step instructions on how to have a good relationship because you already know what it takes to do so. However, if you need a few tips, refer to the top of this blog post for ideas of where to start.

So, if you haven’t already, then start working on your relationship with yourself today. Treat yourself just as you would any other relationship you value, and over time, you’ll begin to experience the beauty and pleasure of your most important relationship.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.