Your Harshest Critic

Your harshest critic is always going to be yourself. Don't ignore that critic, but don't give it more attention than it deserves.
Michael Ian Black

How does it feel to live with your harshest critic?

You know the one I’m talking about.

It’s the one that lives in your head, your inner voice.

The little voice in your head makes you feel as though you’re not good enough or don’t have the ability or talent to attempt the things you’re thinking about doing.

Entirely escaping your harshest critic is nearly impossible because it’ll always be there to remind you about that one time you tried and failed or that you’ll never be as good as so and so. Then there’s also the who do you think you are question that it uses as an ace in the hole when no other tactics are working.

But what could you accomplish if you could free yourself from your harshest critic?

Quieting or going against the voice in your head is no easy task but is almost a requirement if you want to achieve anything worthwhile in your life. And yes, I understand and agree that the idea of worthwhile is a subjective point of view.

How do you quiet or ignore your harshest critic?

This is a difficult question to answer because, on the one hand, you feel as though you’re going against your better judgment; you’re taking a risk and putting yourself potentially in harm’s way. And this might be true in certain circumstances. But what are the risks, and can they be mitigated, or can you live with them?

When it comes specifically to risk, you should evaluate what would happen if and how you would feel if you didn’t move forward. Oh, and just to let you know, your inner critic will always only show you the dark side of what would happen if.

So, the next time you’re thinking about attempting something new or different, and you hear your harshest critic telling you all the reasons you shouldn’t, hear it out. Once it’s done talking, then it’s your job to decide whether you’re going to hold yourself back because you believe everything it said or move forward and pursue the things you want to accomplish.

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You’re Being Judged

Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own. Paulo Coelho

How can you avoid being judged by others?

It’s a trick question. You can’t.

There’s no avoiding being judged by other people. It’s what people do. If you’re honest with yourself, then you’ll admit that you do it too.

Some people will express their judgment of you openly, while others will be more subtle about it. Occasionally people will judge you with malice, and even from a competitive viewpoint, and at other times, they will judge you with curiosity.

The judgment stems from humans constantly sizing up and comparing themselves to each other.

Since you can’t avoid being judged by others, then the next question is, how will you let the judgment of others determine how you live your life?

Now it would be easy for me to suggest you ignore the judgment of others and just move on, but that’s easier said than done.

So, let me ask you this instead.

How often do you think people are judging you? What I mean by this is, are people actively voicing their judgement of you, or are you interpreting their looks and language as judgement?

I ask because quite often, we, yes, we, are experts at judging ourselves. And we’re also very good at making up stories about other people’s views of us. So, while they might not be judging us, we think they are. In this case, instead of assuming that you’re being judged, wait until a comment or question validates your assumption.

When someone does vocalize their judgment of you, you have a choice. You don’t have to accept it as the truth. It is, after all, their point of view about you. You can always choose to ignore it or think about it and then decide whether their judgment is valid.

So, now that you know that people will always judge you, you have a decision to make. You can live in the shadow of judgment from others, or you can step out into the light and live your life because you know you’ll be judged if you don’t or judged if you do. So, you might as well do.

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Fake It

Don’t fake it till you make it. Fake it till you become it. Amy Cuddy

Who will you become?

You will become the person you think or believe you are.

But there’s also an opportunity for you to become the person you pretend to be.

If this sounds a lot like, ‘fake it til you make it,’ then you’re spot on.

Before you pooh pooh the idea of fake it until you make it, know that history is full of stories about individuals that went beyond their station in life because they acted as if they could.

Now obviously, neither you nor I want a surgeon operating on us that’s faking it or a pilot flying a plane filled with passengers that’s not up to the task. But that’s not what I’m suggesting you do.

What I’m suggesting is that when you feel as though you’re not up to a particular role or task, you prime yourself to believe that you are. One of the best techniques for this is to ask yourself, how would you behave or act if you could accomplish the task?

While the idea of acting as if you are ready is not a magic wand that delivers instant results, it is a gateway for an opportunity. An opportunity for you to act, an opportunity for you to physically engage in becoming the person capable of the role or accomplishing the task.

Pretending to be the person you want to be is all about building your confidence, and when you feel more confident, you’ll likely be more willing to work on your competence.

So, the next time you find yourself faced with an opportunity and you find yourself unsure of your ability to take advantage of it, ask yourself, what kind of person do you need to be to do so? And once you’ve defined the character traits, then begin to act accordingly. Do so knowing that while acting as if will not guarantee immediate results, you’ll move away from the person who can’t and closer to the person who can.

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Non-Negotiables

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. Brené Brown

What are your non-negotiables?

If you’re wondering what a non-negotiable is, then let me help you. A non-negotiable is a thing that you’re committed to without compromise. Obviously, there’s always room for extenuating circumstances, but let that be the exception and not the rule.

When you commit to a non-negotiable, you’re essentially saying to yourself and the world that you’re going to do a thing no matter how you feel because you know that thing is important to you. And you’re also saying that you will not tolerate or participate in words or deeds that do not align with your non-negotiables. If non-negotiables sound like boundaries, it’s because they are.

Examples of non-negotiables are:

You will not say anything about another person that you wouldn’t say directly to them.

You will always prioritize your health.

You will always put family first.

The reason for drawing hard lines in the sand for yourself is that they keep you aligned with your values and eliminate the need for decision-making. You’re not wasting energy asking yourself, should I or shouldn’t I? because your non-negotiable is the rule you live by.

Of course, non-negotiables are not a requirement for living, but they can make your life a little easier. Think of them as mini autopilots that you can use to drive your life in a specific direction and, while you might need to occasionally course correct. They do most of the work for you.

So, ask yourself, what are going to be your non-negotiables? What areas of your life are you no longer going to leave to chance? Establish boundaries for yourself that align with your beliefs and values and set your life on a course to become the person you want to be.

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What Do Your Goals Want?

What you seek is seeking you. Rumi

What do your goals want from you?

This might sound like a strange question because, after all, your goals are a construct from your imagination.

But, once you set or create a goal for yourself, then your goal requires you to change, to be different.

Your goals need you to be the person, or better said, to become the person you need to be to achieve them.

The message you give yourself when you set a goal is, it’s time to change. It’s time for a new, different version of you. And it’s this new version of you that your goal wants or needs from you.

Before I continue, let me clarify something about goals. Goals do not need to be lofty ideals set way in the future. They can be simple, incremental waypoints that you set for yourself to improve any area of your life that’s important to you.

The reason you set a goal is that you’re dissatisfied or discontented in a particular area of your life. Or, you know you can be better or do more. Said another way, you know you have the capacity to change, to be different. And that’s what your goal wants from you.

So, then next time you set a goal for yourself, ask what kind of person your goal needs you to be. And then work towards becoming that person. When you do so, not only will you find yourself moving closer to your goal, but you’ll also see your goal moving closer towards you.

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Making a Change

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.  Edmund Hillary

What’s the most challenging step in making a change in your life?

If you answered, not making the same decision you made before, then you’re correct.

The answer sounds so simple and perhaps even logical, but in practice, it’s so challenging.

You see, when you make a new or different decision, you introduce complexity and uncertainty into your life. And your body and brain don’t enjoy either one. They like the status quo because it allows them to conserve energy and remain on their own version of autopilot.

Your brain and body begin to conspire against your new or different decision. Your brain starts generating what-if scenarios so that you start to second guess yourself. And your body, well, if you’ve ever experienced the sensation of butterflies in your midsection, that’s your body’s way of telling you’re doing something different.

The question is, do you give into your brain and body, or will you show them who’s in control and that they work for you?

Before I go on, let me be clear. Your brain and your body are not your enemies. While they are trying to conserve energy, they’re also trying to keep you alive. So, I’m not suggesting or recommending that you ignore their messages and warnings. I am proposing that if you’re making a decision that’s not putting you in harm’s way, then learn to override the messages your brain and body are sending you.

So, the next time you find yourself in a position to make a change in your life, recognize that the uncomfortable feeling you’re experiencing is your brain and body doing their job. And it’s your job to put them at ease and proceed with the change. You and they will soon realize that the uncomfortable feeling is only temporary, and the change might be good for all of you.

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Locus of Control

Until you accept responsibility for your life, someone else runs your life. – Orrin Woodward

Where is your locus of control?

Before you answer, first, let’s clarify what a locus of control is.

“Locus of control is the degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces (beyond their influence), have control over the outcome of events in their lives.” Wikipedia

Now, back to my original question.

Do you believe that you have an internal locus of control, where you believe you have control over events that influence your life, or do you believe you have no control and are the victim of outside forces?

I ask about your belief about your locus of control because your belief will determine how you navigate life.

If you believe that you do not have any control over your life, then you’ll act accordingly. You’ll be less motivated to take action, and when you do, you’ll do so with doubt and hesitation lurking over your shoulder because internally, you’ll feel as though no matter what you do, you won’t make a difference.

However, if you have an internal locus of control, you’ll have a bias for action because you believe that you can make a difference in your life.

Now granted, there will be times, especially as a child, when you’ll feel as though your life is dependent on outside forces, such as parents, teachers, and other people with authority over your life. But as you move through adolescence into adulthood, you have the opportunity to develop your own belief about your locus of control. And yes, there are always exceptions when events and outcomes are genuinely out of your control.

While I don’t want to be judgmental about your belief about your own locus of control, I will share that, in my opinion, you will live a more fulfilled life if you live with an internal locus of control. And while it might take some practice to do, it’s well worth the effort.

So, then next time you find yourself in a situation where you’re forced to decide between taking ownership of your life or abdicating it to outside forces, I hope you’ll look inside yourself and opt for an internal locus of control.

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Amateur

Every artist was first an amateur.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

When was the last time you felt like an amateur?

Hopefully, you remember the once upon a time feeling of being a beginner, fumbling and stumbling through a project or new hobby.

How long has it been since you felt that way?

If you can’t remember, then it’s been too long.

Unfortunately, the word amateur has taken on a negative context, as someone that’s not good at a particular activity. But one of the word’s original meanings refers to one who does something for the love of it.

So, let me rephrase my question.

When was the last time you did something for the love of it?

Not to earn an income, not impress anyone, but simply because you felt drawn to it.

Giving yourself the freedom to be or feel like an amateur requires both a childish and mature mindset. Childish because if you watch a child drawing or playing, you’ll soon notice that they don’t care what you think. They’re all out and involved in whatever they’re doing. And mature, because there comes a time in a person’s life when they too realize that what people think of them is no longer as important as they once thought it was.

It’s usually the messy middle between adolescence and mid-life adulthood where the idea of looking good and competent quashes the idea of being or looking like an amateur. But the desire to look good or professional also prevents you from trying something new or different. It stops you from doing something for the love of it.

So, the next time you feel yourself being drawn towards something for the love of it, see if you can refrain from falling into the trap of trying to look good and adopt a childlike or mature adult approach. Leave the looking good to the professional adults and enjoy the freedom of being an amateur.

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The Pygmalion Effect

Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right – Henry Ford

How can you leverage the Pygmalion effect to improve your life?

If you’re not familiar with the Pygmalion effect, then here’s the definition to help you.

The Pygmalion effect, also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy, is a psychological phenomenon wherein high expectations lead to improved performance in a given area.

While this definition is focused on the expectations of others, it also applies to you.

What is your self-fulfilling prophecy?

Oh, wait.

Are you aware that you have one?

Well, self-fulfilling might be a little bit of a stretch, but it’s very close to being true. You see, your self-fulfilling prophecy is rooted in your expectations for yourself. And your expectations are tied to your beliefs about you and the future.

When you have certain beliefs about yourself and your future, you will act accordingly, and then when you experience the results of your actions, you solidify or reinforce your beliefs.

This can be either a vicious or virtuous circle.

You are building your entire life based on the foundations of your beliefs. And while there might be some exceptions to the rule, most of the limitations you’ll experience in your life are the ones you’ve convinced yourself you have.

So how can you create a virtuous self-fulfilling prophecy?

Examine your belief system. Find the beliefs that you might have adopted or learned and begin to change or replace them with beliefs that empower you to expect more from yourself.

Yes. Easier said than done. But if you want to improve your life, you must work at doing so.

So, the next time you find yourself butting up against what you consider a limitation in your life, if you choose to, revisit your belief about the constraint. Leverage the Pygmalion effect to set new expectations for yourself, and then take steps to live up to them.

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Judging Others

When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself. Earl Nightingale

When you meet someone new, what’s the first thing you notice?

Their clothes?

Their shoes?

Their eyes?

The thing you notice reveals more about you than them.

Your judgment of a person’s appearance is based on your own personal biases. And it’s rooted in what you think is important.

For example, what will you think if you meet someone who has rumpled or disheveled clothing?

If you’re a frequent traveler or a new parent, you might give them more leeway because you know that there have been times when you, too, have been unable to look your best due to unavoidable circumstances.

Judging people based on their appearance is a learned behavior that is one of the causes of thinking of them as others. And it’s not entirely your fault that you judge or have preconceived notions about people before you get to know them.

Media and the way you were raised are significant contributors to how you view other people. You’ve been taught and, in some cases, manipulated to think a certain way.

Oh, and this applies to how you view yourself too.

When you feel as though you must look or dress a certain way to be accepted, it’s because you’re judging yourself based on the teaching of media and how you were raised.

Judging people by the way they look or dress might be acceptable as a child or adolescent. Still, hopefully, as you mature as an adult, you’ll be able to discard some of the ideas you were taught about judging others based on their appearance.

So, the next time you meet someone new, instead of focusing on what they’re wearing or how they look, think of them as another version of you, another human being. Put aside your biases and judgments and treat them the way you wish to be treated. If you’re lucky, they might do the same for you too.

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Dream Killers

People are dream killers – you’ve got to be careful who you give emotional access to. Tyrese Gibson

How will you deal with dream-killing questions?

What is a dream-killing question?

Here are a few examples?

How will you make money doing that?

What makes you think you can do that?

And one that sows the most doubt in an individual.

Who do you think you are?

Granted, there might be people in your life that are genuinely concerned for your well-being and don’t want to see you struggle financially or emotionally, and so, with good intentions, ask you some form of the questions I’ve listed.

Then, there are those individuals that project their own fears and, in some cases, failures onto you. They’re not the ones scared for you. They’re the ones that attempted to follow their dream, quit, or failed, and their own wounds haven’t healed yet.

Lastly, and maybe even the most dangerous dream killers are the people that are afraid of your success. The ones who don’t want to be left behind, and so they attempt to sabotage your dreams by convincing you to play small and stay within your limits.

While the list of people I’ve described is not exhaustive, you’ll find that most people will fall into one of the three categories.

So, what are you do about your dreams?

Well, they’re your dreams, your babies, and just like any good parent, you need to protect and nurture them. You need to hold them close to your chest and only share them with people you trust to help you raise them and bring them to fruition. And on occasion, if you feel that someone you trust is attempting to hold you back or sabotage your dreams, you need to make what can be, at times, a difficult decision to no longer share your dreams with that person.

So, the next time you’re asked a dream-killing question, seek to understand the person’s motivation. If you feel that it’s out of genuine concern for your well-being, then appreciate the persons’ intention, proceed with caution if needed, and continue towards your dream. But if you encounter the other dream killers I described, then, in the kindest way possible, remove or limit your interactions with them. Because if you don’t, you’ll find that the more time you spend around them, the faster your dreams will slip away from you.

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Separation Anxiety

We know what we are but know not what we may be. William Shakespeare

How does it feel to struggle with separation anxiety?

Before you answer – let me clarify.

I know that separation anxiety is usually associated with infants and toddlers as they transition from being at home to starting school or any other unfamiliar environment. But adults also struggle with separation anxiety.

Before I go on, I want to clarify that I am not making light of those individuals who have been clinically diagnosed with anxiety and need professional help or medication to help them deal with it.

You’ll find separation anxiety in adults manifests itself in different ways.

First, there are those individuals that always need to be in a familiar environment. The problem with this is that they limit their lives. They don’t explore or go beyond a certain territory because they fear the unknown.

Next, there are those that fear being alone. So, they spend untold amounts of energy always trying to be around other people, and in doing so, they never quite get a grasp of who they are.

Last, and perhaps the most insidious, are those individuals not willing to part with their who they are to become the person they want to be. The fear or anxiety of acting or behaving out of step with their current self or in line with the expectations that others have of them keeps them trapped in their current state.

So, if you find yourself struggling with any of the manifestations of separation anxiety that I mentioned, know that you can work your way through it. It will take time and effort to do so, but you’ll also experience a sense of freedom once you begin to separate from and shed your old ways of being for the new you. I know it’s cliched but think for a moment what a caterpillar must go through to become a butterfly.

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Success Follow Action

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary. Vince Lombardi

What do all successful people have in common?

Well, if you read the title of this piece, then you know the answer is action.

Before I go on, I want to make one thing very clear. I’m using the word success broadly to define achieving a result you personally define and not some pre-determined commercial view of success.

If you observe a person that you consider to be successful, you’ll soon see that they have a bias for action. They’re always thinking about or working towards their goals. Sometimes their actions are imperceptible, but they know that even tiny actions have the power to compound over time. You’ll also see that they act because they know that they will learn only by acting even when they’re afraid.

You see, not only does success follow action, but it is also attracted to action.

But why is success attracted to action?

Because when you act, you generate energy, you propel yourself towards your goals.

Does taking action guarantee success?

The honest answer is no. It doesn’t.

But not taking action guarantees failure to succeed.

So, the next time you’re contemplating a goal or thinking about an area of your life where you’d like to see success, once you’re done thinking, then start acting. Become the person that success is attracted to.

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Why Let That Stop You?

If your why is strong enough you will figure out how!  Bill Walsh

Why let that stop you?

What is that?

The that is the obstacles or hurdles between you and your goals. And the obstacles are unique to you and what you’re attempting to accomplish.

Now obviously, there are some limitations, whether they are rules, regulations, or the laws of physics, that might prevent you from achieving certain goals. For example, if you’re twenty years old, you’ll not be able to remain in high school because it’s against the regulations. But that shouldn’t prevent you from learning.

When you’re in pursuit of a goal, you only have one job, and that is to overcome or eliminate each obstacle as it arises. And believe me when I say, if you’re pursuing anything worthwhile, you will encounter obstacles.

So, how do you eliminate the obstacles?

Sorry, but I can’t help you with that because, as I said, they are unique to you. But I can recommend a perspective that might help you. The answer lies in the question, why let that stop you? If you guessed it’s the ‘why,’ then you’re correct.

If you can answer the why, then you’re on your way to overcoming that.

So, the next time you bump up against an obstacle on your way towards your goals, remind yourself why you’re pursuing them. You’ll find that if your why is strong and means enough to you, then you won’t let ‘that’ stop you.

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Relative Deprivation

We won’t be distracted by comparison if we are captivated with purpose. Bob Goff

How can you miss something you’ve never had?

Well, apparently, you can, and the phenomenon is called relative deprivation. It’s a close cousin of FOMO (fear of missing out) but not quite the same.

While FOMO is the feeling you have that you’re missing out on the fun that others are having or that others have better lives or experiences than you’re having, relative deprivation is when you feel deprived of a thing or an activity that you may not have even considered.

For example, you might hear a friend or colleague speaking about a luxurious vacation they took and then feel as though your vacations no longer satisfy you. Relative deprivation is rooted in the feeling that other people have things that you don’t, and you begin to think that you too should have them.

If you look carefully, you’ll quickly realize that the culprit of relative deprivation happens when you begin to compare your life to the lives of other people.

So how do you avoid the feeling of relative deprivation?

Well, one way is to isolate yourself from everyone and avoid any interaction with the outside world. But that would be a little extreme.

Realistically speaking, avoiding the feeling of relative deprivation requires you to work on yourself. It requires you to know what you want out of life. Once you know what you want, you’re not as easily lured into comparing what you have with what others have and do because you are confident on your own path.

So, the next time you find yourself feeling as though you’re missing something you never thought you wanted or had, you’ll know that you’re experiencing the phenomenon of relative deprivation. And to cure yourself of this feeling, re-center yourself and remind yourself that your life is about doing and getting what you want, and not in comparing your life to the lives of other people.

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Akrasia

If you think about the long term then you can really make good life decisions that you won’t regret later. Jeff Bezos

How often do you struggle with akrasia?

While akrasia might sound like a strange rash that needs medical attention, it’s not. Akrasia means to act against one’s better judgment.

So, let me rephrase my original question.

How often do you act against your better judgment?

Why do you continue to do things that you know aren’t good for you?

The answer in many cases is that you’re either seeking pleasure or avoiding pain in the short term. If this sounds like a simplistic explanation, then let’s take a moment to explore it.

Have you ever attempted to eat healthier only to find yourself succumbing to the temptation of foods that you know aren’t good for you?

Have you ever said words out of anger or pain that you’ve later regretted?

Have you ever spent more money than you know you should have?

These are just a few examples of behaving against your best long-term interests.

Now I understand that you’re human, and in being so, you are fallible like all of us. We all, on occasion, act in ways that are future self’s regret. But what if there’s a way to minimize the regret?

Notice I didn’t say eliminate the regret. Because for that, you’d have to be a perfect human, and I’m quite sure that person doesn’t exist.

One way to live a life that aligns you with your best interest is to secure a strong image of the person you want to be. Carving out a strong identity provides you with a template, a guide that you can turn to when faced with situations where you might act against your best interest. For example, if you begin to identify yourself as the person who lives within their means, you mitigate your vulnerability to overspending.

While this might sound simple, we both know that it’s not easy.

Is it worth the effort?

That’s a question only you can answer. But if you ask me, then I would ask you. If you don’t act in your own best interest, then who will?

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Raison D’être

The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for. Fyodor Dostoevsky

What is your raison d’être?

If you’re not familiar with the phrase, then here’s the definition. Raison d’être is a French word that means your reason or justification for existence.

Now I understand that you might not know or have not explored your reason or the justification for your existence, and that’s okay. It can be daunting to think about such a big question. But don’t let that intimidate you.

Searching for or thinking about your reason for existing can be a lifelong journey, and there isn’t always one answer to the question. And the answer can change depending on the stage of life you’re going through. If you ask a teenager and seventy-year-old their reasons for existing, you’ll likely get two very different answers because they have different priorities.

Occasionally, you’ll come across a unique individual who knows their reason for being from a very early age. But this is an exception, not the norm.

Thinking about your raison d’être is more about self-exploration than coming up with concrete answers. It’s about allowing yourself to follow your curiosity and to see what interests you. It’s about casting a wide net.

Finding your reason for existence is not a requirement of life, but it helps give your life direction. And when you have direction, you have meaning because you’re moving towards something.

So, set aside some time today or this week and think about your raison d’être. Let your mind wander and think about what’s interested you in the past or what you’re curious about today. Once you have a few answers, permit yourself to pursue them. And if, after doing so, you don’t find your reason for existence, that’s okay. Maybe our reason for existence is in the exploration and not in the finding.

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Earworm

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results. Willie Nelson

What was the last song you had stuck in your head?

If you’re not familiar with the concept of an earworm, then here’s a definition for you. An earworm is a catchy and/or memorable piece of music or saying that continuously occupies a person’s mind even after it is no longer being played or spoken about.

While earworms are almost always related to music, you also have other earworms that, if given the opportunity, can continuously occupy your mind.

Unfortunately, the earworms I’m alluding to aren’t as positive as a catchy song or tune. They’re the earworms where you’re playing back recent arguments or heated discussions that you’ve had. You know the ones where you can’t believe they said that to you. The ones where you’ve felt disrespected, demeaned, and in some cases, even unloved.

Experts, yes, there are experts studying earworms, recommend that one of the best ways to get rid of an earworm is to replace it with another piece of music. The great thing about this technique is that you can also use it to eliminate emotional earworms.

When you ruminate on a conversation that causes you to feel a negative emotion, you’re essentially giving oxygen to it and allowing the earworm to grow stronger in your mind. As the old saying goes, energy goes where attention flows. So, to quiet down or eliminate the negative earworm, you should re-focus your attention on positive or other uplifting conversations you’ve had.

I know, it’s easier said than done, but what’s your other option? Keep playing the negative conversation in your head?

So, the next time you find yourself stuck with a negative earworm playing in your mind, you now have a choice to make. Keep it going and continue reliving the negative conversation or drown it out by replacing it with positive, mood-enhancing thoughts.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Would You Rather?

No matter what the situation, remind yourself, I have a choice.
– Deepak Chopra

Have you ever played the game? Would you rather?

If yes, then great. If not, then here’s a quick explanation.

It’s a game mostly played by children, and it consists of questions where you must choose between two, usually painful or gross, options. For example, would you rather lick a dirty trash can or the bathroom floor?

It’s a fun game, and there are no winners or losers. Except if you have a vivid imagination and a weak stomach, then you might find yourself grossed out over the idea of having to choose between living in a house with five million cockroaches or a house with five million flies.

But why am I writing about would you rather?

Good question.

You see, you can use the game to assist you with reaching your personal life goals.

Very often, choices in life seem as though they are binary. They are go, no go, do, don’t do, but that’s not always the case. And if you’re the kind of person that struggles with difficult, cut, and dry decisions, then this is good news for you because now you can use, would you rather.

Here are a few examples of how you can use the question.

If it’s health you’re pursuing then, would you rather take a long or short walk? Or would you rather have a piece of cake or a bite of cake?

If you’re pursuing financial goals, then would you rather save a dime or a dollar?

If it’s a mindfulness goal, then would you rather meditate for five or thirty minutes?

It’s almost as if the question is a win-win for you.

Of course, using the question might take you longer to accomplish your goals, but at least you’ll be consistent in your actions, which means you’ll always be moving towards them.

So, the next time you find yourself debating between two opposing choices that lead you towards or away from your goals, reframe your perspective to consider more or less of a positive action. Use the would you rather question to manipulate your thinking and to keep you on track.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Pre-Mortem

Always ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow. Paulo Coelho

When was the last time you conducted a pre-mortem on any area of your life?

If you’re not sure what a pre-mortem is, then let me help you.

Here’s the best definition I’ve found for a pre-mortem. “A pre-mortem, or premortem, is a managerial strategy in which a project team imagines that a project or organization has failed, and then works backward to determine what potentially could lead to the failure of the project or organization.” (Wikipedia)

Now you might be wondering why I’m asking you about applying a business strategy to your life. And that’s a good question. But, if you think about it for a moment, you’ll soon realize that your life is very similar to an organization made up of many projects.

Let’s walk through a few examples together.

I’m going to start with health because I believe it’s the foundation to a good life. If I were to ask you, how does a person’s health deteriorate or fail, barring any unforeseen events such as diseases beyond a person’s control, what answers would you give me?

I think we would both agree that lack of exercise, poor diet, and maybe even lack of sleep as contributing factors that would lead to poor health if continued over time.

What if I asked you about poor financial health? Perhaps overspending, lack of financial knowledge would be a couple of factors we would agree upon.

What about relationships? Ignoring friends and family, taking people for granted, or even egocentric self-centeredness might all be contributing factors to poor relationships.

All three of these areas we’ve looked at can be viewed as projects, and while applying a pre-mortem strategy to them might not guarantee success, it will help mitigate the risk of failure.

So, take some time today to think about the areas of your life that you feel are important to you and conduct a pre-mortem. Identify the potential weak or failure points and begin to take actions that will increase the probability of success in the most important project you’ll ever work on – your life.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.