Raj Daniels

How often do you stop and appreciate the simple pleasures in life?

It’s great to pursue big goals and life-changing events, but it’s also good and, in some cases, even more, important to appreciate the simple pleasures in life.

What are simple pleasures?

Psychologists define them as brief, positive experiences, emerge in everyday settings, and are accessible to most people at little or no cost. Simple pleasures are known as mini moments of happiness and joy—the perfect mood boosters.

But the key to appreciating simple pleasures is that you must first look for them. Fortunately, there’s not a one-size-fits-all, so you can find and enjoy simple pleasures that are unique to your life.

A simple pleasure for you could be something as simple as getting a green light at a busy intersection or a message from a friend or loved one.

You can consider the act of noticing and appreciating simple pleasures in life as emotional speed bumps that force you to pay attention just for a moment or two and allow you to slow down from the pace of daily life.

So, as you go through your day today, try to notice the simple pleasures in your life. Allow yourself to mentally step away and take a moment to appreciate them. And don’t worry, whatever you’re working on or wherever you’re going will still be there when you check back in.

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How do you stay motivated?

At its core, motivation is rooted in escape or, said differently, the desire to change.

The two drivers for motivation are dissatisfaction with the current state and the hope or vision that things can get better. Without these drivers, there is no motivation.

Dissatisfaction with how things are doesn’t necessarily mean unhappiness, although it can. It can also come from a feeling or knowing that you can improve on your current circumstances.

Then there’s hope. You might have heard the Bible verse, “without vision, the people will perish.” Well, hope and vision are related. Hope is the thought, the idea of a better future. But for hope to help you stay motivated, your vision of your future must be transformative. It must be big enough to pull you towards it regardless of the challenges you’ll face along the way.

According to research, there are three components of motivation. They are activation, persistence, and intensity. Obviously, there’s no movement without activation, but the key, the linchpin, is persistence. Your intensity will wax and wane based on many factors, but you must maintain a level of consistency. Use your vision of your future to help you stay consistent.

So, the next time you find yourself in a situation where your motivation to accomplish a goal or task is fading, go back and revisit why you started down that path in the first place. Find the reasons that prompted you to want to make a change in your life and see if they’re still valid, and move you towards change. If they are, then re-ignite your motivation by refocusing on your vision and move consistently towards it.

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How well do you take a compliment?

Do you accept it and enjoy the moment or reply with some form of self-deprecation?

Self-deprecation may be beneficial when socializing because you’ll be seen as humble but, in your effort to do so, there’s a danger that you’ll be sowing the seeds of self-sabotage and unworthiness.

Your self-confidence is grounded in the language you use to describe yourself, not only to others but also to yourself. So, what happens when someone compliments you, and you downplay it with a nonchalant, ‘it’s nothing, or no big deal’ is that you begin to believe this about yourself.

Accepting a compliment can be difficult, particularly in certain cultures where you’re taught that pride is a vice and humility is a virtue to strive for. And this might be true in some cases, especially when you’re trying to fit in, be likable and make others around you feel comfortable. But there’s a cost to downplaying yourself.

Imagine for a moment that every time a friend or colleague accomplished something in their lives, instead of praising them, you downplayed their achievements. How popular would you be with them? I think you’d soon find yourself with fewer friends. Well, this is what you’re doing to yourself when you self-deprecate and deflect compliments.

Now I’m not suggesting or recommending that you become braggadocios and flaunt your accomplishments at every opportunity you get because that too can and probably will have negative consequences in your social life. Instead, find a balance between being humble and, at the same time, proud of who you are.

So, the next time someone compliments you, don’t deflect with self-deprecation. Accept it with humility and gratitude. Allow yourself to feel worthy of the kind words they’re expressing, and hopefully, over time, you’ll begin to believe that you’re deserving of the compliments you receive.

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How often do you ask for what you want?

You might have heard the often quoted and popular Bible verse, “Ask, and you shall receive.” But, while asking is the bridge to almost anything you want out of life, you must first be willing to ask.

The act of asking requires courage because in doing so, you’re setting yourself up for rejection and even perhaps a sense of failure. Rejection is hard to handle especially if you take it personally. But it doesn’t need to be that way.

When you don’t ask for what you want, there’s often an underlying theme that you don’t feel as though you deserve to do so. So then, you self-sabotage yourself by not asking or asking from a position of weakness. You do this by saying to yourself something along the lines of, ‘they’ll probably say no.’

One way to get over the fear of asking is to understand that there’s a distinction between what you ask for and who you are. When you understand that there’s a clear delineation between you and your request, you’ll begin to realize that it’s your request that might be denied and not you. This enables you not to take the rejection personally.

Learning to ask for what you want is a superpower that you have the opportunity to work on at any stage in life. However, the sooner you learn to ask for what you want, the higher the probability is that you’ll begin to receive it.

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How much overthinking do you do?

When you find yourself ruminating over a thought, rarely is it a positive one. Positive or happy thoughts are inclined to evaporate quickly. It’s the negative thoughts that stick around.

The negative thoughts are the ones that snowball into imagined scenarios of doom and gloom.

Why does this occur?

There isn’t one specific reason you’re more prone to thinking about negative thoughts over positive ones, but your survival instinct plays a major role. Your brain is continuously calculating what-if scenarios, and it’s these scenarios that tend to get out of control. These out-of-control thoughts are also often the foundation for anxiety.

So how do you apply the brakes to negative thoughts before they become the mountain out of a molehill?

One way to reduce time spent on negative thoughts is to counterbalance your thinking. Actively looking for things that are going well for you and being grateful for them can help redirect the energy you’re spending on negative thoughts. Yes, this takes work, but it will get easier with practice like any other form of exercise.

Another way to prevent yourself from overthinking a problem is to give yourself a set time during which you’re allowed to think about the situation. This might sound like it’s not possible, and to some degree, you’re correct because it’s impossible to switch off your brain. But setting a time allows you to go into problem-solving or brainstorming mode. During the time you’ve allotted yourself, write down all the possible solutions and outcomes to the problem you’re thinking about. Doing this will alleviate your mind from carrying the burden and might allow you to approach the situation with less emotion and more logic.

So, the next time you find yourself overthinking a problem, consider using a technique or two to prevent yourself from sliding down the slippery slope towards negative thinking. Doing so might prevent you from experiencing the pain of issues that don’t even exist.

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What does it mean for life to be fair?

You’ve probably said it, or at least thought it, and for sure, you’ve heard other people say, life’s not fair.

But what does it mean for life to be fair?

For life to be fair, does it mean life should be equal for everyone?

It doesn’t take but a minute of thinking to conclude that’s not possible. To be clear, I’m not suggesting that there shouldn’t be opportunities for those that seek them. Still, even with opportunities present, people will succeed at different levels based on their abilities.

As children, we’re taught about being fair by sharing or in the way we treat others, which are both wonderful lessons and qualities to have. But with that lesson comes a downside, a belief that you will also be treated fairly, which as an adult, you realize is not always true.

The biggest problem with the idea of life being fair, is fair to whom? Fairness is based on an individual’s idea of what is right and wrong. It’s based on how life should be based on personal beliefs and values. And with the current world population at nine billion-ish and counting, that’s a lot of ideas about what’s fair and what’s not.

So, at the risk of sounding pessimistic, which I’m not, I do want to recommend that the sooner you can accept that life isn’t fair, emotionally speaking, the better off you’ll be. You’ll be more adept at handling the peaks and, more important, the valleys that you’ll inevitably experience in life. And, when things in life aren’t working for you or not going as planned, you won’t resort to asking why life isn’t fair. Because you’ll know that idea of life being fair is just an idea, a mirage.

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How do you move from what is, to what could be?

Why would you want to?

Well, you don’t have to, especially if you’re satisfied with how things currently are.

But, if you’re not, then this is for you.

The first step in thinking about what could be is giving yourself the permission to tap into your imagination and allow yourself to dream. The idea of giving yourself permission might sound strange, but there are many among us that kill their dreams the minute they’re born. If you listen carefully, you can hear it in their language. Phrases like, I could never do that, or that’s not the kind of person I am, are telltale signs of dream killers.

If or hopefully when you decide to allow yourself to tap into your imagination, then you’ve set the machine of what could be in motion.

Once your imagination is in motion, now your next step is to capture the products or, in this case, the ideas it generates. And capture them without judging them. Remember, this is the dream phase, so let your imagination run freely.

After you’ve let your imagination generate a set of ideas, now it’s time to sort or prioritize the ones you want to pursue. Don’t discard the others. They might come in useful later.

While letting your imagination run free and capturing ideas are extremely important, this next step might be the most important. Set aside your concerns, doubts, and fears, and act on an idea you have. Even small, imperceptible action counts. This is for you and not for anyone else to see. When you act, you build confidence, and you’re also rewarding your imagination. You’re building a virtuous cycle for yourself.

As you continue to act, you’ll learn and course-correct when needed. Then the magic will begin to unfold as you’ll find yourself moving from what is towards what could be.

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How complicit are you in contributing to your dissatisfaction?

Dissatisfaction with what?

Well, it depends.

Where in your life do you feel as though you’re lacking, falling behind, or not as good as others?

Now you might push back and say that you’re dissatisfied not because you’re comparing your life to others and that you have an intrinsic desire to do better. And I’ll give you that for a moment.

But, how do you know what better is?

If you lived your life completely isolated from any other human, your main concern would be survival. So, food, water, shelter, that’s it.

Doing better is a learned idea.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to do better. In fact, I encourage it. There are very few things that bring more personal satisfaction than self-improvement. But there’s a difference, perhaps nuanced, between self-improvement and dissatisfaction. The former is based on you wanting to become better, while the latter focuses on what you aren’t or don’t have.

I understand it’s easy to be dissatisfied, especially since you’re constantly shown and reminded by the media about all the things you don’t have. It’s almost as though you’re forced to see all that’s missing in your life.

If you’re interested in tamping down your sense of dissatisfaction, then you should learn to focus on all that you have and begin to eliminate sources that make you feel as though you have a hole in your life and leaves you in a constant state of comparison to others.

So, the next time you find yourself feeling dissatisfied with something in your life, ask yourself if it’s based on your life really is missing something or because you’re comparing it to something you’ve seen, read, or heard. My guess is that if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll quickly realize that you already have everything you need.

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Are you a seller or teller?

If you’re not sure, then let me clarify for you.

A person that is a seller is one that decides to take their fate into their own hands. It’s a person that regularly chooses to live on a knifes edge between failure and success. It’s the person that moves forward despite being afraid of doing so. Sellers are willing to accept uncertainty, and in some cases, even enjoy it. Sellers are proactive.

A teller is one that waits and prefers to act when asked to do so. Picture for a moment a bank teller. They’re usually waiting at the counter for a customer to walk up and submit a request, which they then fulfill. Tellers enjoy structure and stability. Tellers are reactive.

There is nothing inherently bad or wrong with being a seller or a teller since the world needs both personalities. And of course, there can be times in your life when depending on your circumstances; you might have to adopt a role that doesn’t suit you well. But always keep in mind that you don’t have to stay stuck in that role forever.

So, as you go through life and get to know yourself better, figure out if you’re a seller or teller. The sooner you do and come to terms with who you are, the sooner you’ll be able to play to your strengths.

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What’s your plan of action?

Maybe a better question would be after you plan, when will you act?

What will you do next?

It’s great to dream and think about what you want out of life, but there comes the point when sitting and thinking will only become more frustrating unless you begin to act.

Let me be clear, I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t plan or think about what you need or want to do, and planning is a great mental exercise, but very little is learned from planning. Action provides results.

But what if you don’t get the results you’re looking for?

Then revisit your plans and course correct.

If you hadn’t acted, you would have never known that your plans were incorrect.

It’s easy to get stuck in and hide in the dreaming and planning of life because it’s safe to do so. Very little is at risk when all you’re doing is planning. But action brings fear—both fear of failure and, in some cases, even fear of getting what you want.

Why the fear of getting what you want?

That’s a topic I’ll address in a separate blog post.

Acting doesn’t have to be in the form of big, bold steps that throw your life out of balance unless, of course, you’re looking to really shake things up. Small, experimental baby steps are often enough to give you a taste, an idea of what your life might look like if you continue down that path.

So, the next time you find yourself thinking, or making plans about what you want out of life, act as soon as possible. You’ll find that there’s something magical about acting that can’t be experienced or understood unless you’re engaged in it.

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What are you thinking about?

Stop for a moment or two and just listen to your inner voice.

What’s it saying?

If you listen long enough, you’ll soon realize that so much of what you consider to be your thoughts are just randomly generated by your mind. It’s almost as though you’re a spectator listening in on a one-sided conversation.

This spectating or witnessing your mind at work is a crucial observation because it highlights the fact that you don’t control most of your thoughts.

You see, right now, your mind is running through endless scenarios of predictions and what-ifs, none, or very few that are real. It’s basing its judgments and ideas on a combination of past experiences and predicting what might happen in the future. And it delivers these judgments to you in the form of thoughts.

What does this mean for you?

It means you shouldn’t believe everything you think. And not believing everything you think can be liberating.

Not being bound by fictional thoughts allows you to take a more intentional approach to life. And although you can’t apply this intentionality all the time because it would be exhausting, you can use it to override some of the false thoughts your mind is feeding you.

By the way, spectating or pay attention to your thoughts is a form of meditation. But if you’re allergic to the M-word, then you can call it whatever you want.

So, go back to listening to your thoughts and pay attention to what they’re saying. Ask yourself honestly, just how much of what you’re thinking is real versus being made up by your mind. And then you make the decision, whether you want to be controlled and act on thoughts that may or may not be true. Or break free from the stories your mind is feeding you and take a more deliberate approach to life.

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How do you know what you’re capable of achieving?

How will you ever know your true potential?

You don’t and won’t unless you’re willing to push yourself.

But why would you push yourself when you can coast through life, applying as little pressure on yourself as needed?

A reason to push yourself is so that you can uncover your true, untapped potential.

But pushing yourself can be difficult and, at times, even demoralizing. But there’s a little trick you can use. Instead of pushing yourself, find something you’re interested in and allow it to pull you towards it and light your potential on fire.

So how do you find an interest that ignites your potential?

That is a good question, and there isn’t one correct answer. So, I’ll give you the best answer I have.

Continuous exposure to different and new ideas and information.

Exposing yourself to new and different ideas in today’s age of abundant and easily accessible information is much easier to do than it once was. You’re no longer bound by geography or the people you have access to. But you must be open to entertaining new ideas and take a systematic approach to do so.

Why a systematic approach?

Because while you might stumble across an idea or two during everyday living, putting a system in place will help you accelerate the number of opportunities to find your interests.

The number of new ideas and people you interact with is up to you, but the sooner you commit to doing so, the closer you’ll be to finding an interest that begins to tap into your true potential.

While you might have some physical limitations with age, it’s almost never too late to find out what you’re capable of achieving. And keep in mind, this is only about you and your ability, and you’re not comparing yourself to anyone else.

So, if you’re curious about your true potential, implement a system today that allows new ideas and information to flow into your life. Find that idea or interest that allows you to flourish and releases your untapped potential.

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How does it feel to be an influencer?

If you don’t think of yourself as an influencer, you’re not alone. Most people don’t consider themselves influencers.

But you are.

Or, perhaps more specifically, you’re an influencer and a gatekeeper for other influencers.

First let me address your role as a gatekeeper for other influencers.

You might not be aware that there’s an active campaign to influence you at all times. Companies and individuals are behind it, and most of the time, they don’t have your best interest at heart. All you represent to them is one more data point at which they can direct resources to influence you to either buy what they’re selling or hear what they have to say.

Before I go on, let me state the obvious. I, too, am attempting to influence you, but I promise I have your best interest at heart.

As for your role as an influencer.

You will always be the most influential person you’ll ever meet. This might sound like an obvious statement, but you’d be surprised to learn just how many people subjugate their own influence over themselves and instead either rely on or fall under the influence of others.

Your role as an influencer over yourself requires a level of internal strength and boldness that can, at times, be difficult to maintain. It requires you to intentionally cultivate the sources of information you expose yourself to and then use them to advance your life in the direction you want it to go.

So, as you go about your day today, pay attention to all the influencers you make yourself available to. Ask yourself if whose best interest they have in mind and curtail your exposure accordingly. Leverage your power of influence over yourself to lead the life you want to live.

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When was the last time you delegated a task to someone?

This might sound like a strange question, especially if you don’t consider yourself in a position to delegate tasks or work to another person. But delegation is more about mindset.

You see, the problem with delegation is that you were taught, maybe not explicitly, but implicitly, that it’s wrong. For about eighteen years of your life, or however long you were immersed in the education system, you’re told that you must do everything yourself, that you’re responsible for all your results. And while this might have some semblance of truth to it, it narrows your thinking.

If you study leaders of companies or organizations, you’ll quickly learn that one of their superpowers is their ability to delegate tasks. They play to their strengths and only focus on a handful of responsibilities where they can be most effective. If a leader didn’t know how to delegate, then there would only one-person organizations. Without delegation, even the schools you attended wouldn’t be able to function.

Delegating gives you the one thing that you can’t get or make more of, and that’s time. It allows you to leverage the time you have.

Now to delegate, you must be okay with not everything being done the way you’d do it. You must be able to relinquish some control. And this will be difficult at first because, remember; you’ve been ingrained to think that you must be responsible for your results. But delegating isn’t about abdicating your responsibility to results. It’s about finding new and creative ways to achieve the results you’re seeking.

Whatever your position in life, begin to learn to delegate. And yes, it might cost you some money, and you might have to make a few sacrifices in other areas of your life, but building your delegation muscle will be one of the greatest investments you’ll ever make in yourself. Because when you learn to delegate, you’ll get back time, and that is what life is made of.

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Are you more concerned about what others think of you, or what you think of yourself?

There comes the point during your journey from being a child to an adult that you realize what you say and do directly affects how others see you. And in some cases, you begin to care more about what others think of you than what you think of yourself.

Slowly and surely, over time, you begin to lose touch with who you really are and begin to perform more for the appreciation and acceptance of others. And if you continue this journey, then one day you’ll find yourself looking in a mirror, no longer concerned about how you think you look, but thinking and perhaps even judging yourself through the eyes of people you want to be accepted by.

It’s understandable to be concerned about your appearance and the impression you might make, but there’s a tipping point when if all you’re trying to do is live your life to impress others, then you’ve lost yourself.

The balancing act of accepting yourself for who you are and wanting to be seen by others in a favorable light can be difficult, especially if you’ve been surrounded by people that have given more weight to the opinions of others than their own.

Before I go on, I want to make something very clear. You can go through life just fine, continuously seeking the approval of others, but you will pay the price of never really knowing or, in extreme cases, never really being yourself. If that’s a price you’re okay with, then so be it.

However, there’s also a price for being yourself. And that is, you might not receive the approval and acceptance of people you encounter. If you’re okay with that, then you release yourself from being pushed and pulled by the thought of what others think of you.

So, the choice is yours. Go through life concerned with what others think of you or prioritize what you think of yourself. It’s not an easy one to make, but I have a feeling that at the end of your life, you’ll wish you had done one more than the other.

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Do I have your attention?

More important is, do you have your attention?

Perhaps even more important, who has your attention?

Why is your attention so important?

Because it’s the foundation of building knowledge and building your life.

Imagine for a moment that you have contracted a builder to build a house for you. They show up at the building site, and instead of pouring the entire foundation, they pour just one corner and leave.

How would you respond?

You’d probably be concerned. And rightfully so.

You know that when building a house, the entire foundation must be poured simultaneously so that it cures in one piece, which provides it the strength to support the entire structure.

Your attention works like a foundation.

If you’re trying to learn or accomplish anything worthwhile, you need to learn to pay undivided attention.

One way to learn to pay attention is to ask yourself this question.

What do I want to accomplish?

Once you ask yourself this question, then you’ll know what you should spend your time doing. By the way, the question applies not only to work or tasks but can also apply to other areas of your life. Relationships, health, and if your so inclined, you can even think about what you want to accomplish spiritually.

Always keep in mind that your attention is the force that has the ability to grow and keep alive all that is important to you. Learn to harness it so that you can build your life on a strong and sturdy foundation.

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How much time do you allocate to self-reflection?

When was the last time you carved out an hour or more to think about your life?

Look, I know you’re busy, but self-reflection is one thing that might not seem like a good use of your time but can help you better use the time you have.

Consider this for a moment. Your life is the most important possession you’ll ever own. It’s the one thing that will always be unique to you. So, doesn’t it deserve some attention?

Yes, you can pick up five or ten minutes here and there throughout your day to think about tasks and to-dos, but that’s not really self-reflection. That’s more like junk food snacks versus a good healthy meal.

Self-reflection is taking a deep look at why you do the things you do. It’s about asking yourself what you want out of life, and when possible, identifying changes or making plans to live the life you want to live.

Self-reflection is also about thinking about your feelings and attempting to understand yourself at a much deeper level. Self-reflection is, as most of the spiritual texts say, a version of ‘know thyself.’

While there are many benefits to self-reflection, a key one is that it brings awareness to your motivations and actions. It begins to reveal yourself to you. And while you might already think that you know who you are, you’ll be surprised to find out how much of what you say and do is programming you’ve picked in during the course of your life without even thinking about it.

So, if you haven’t taken time recently to self-reflect on your life, then I strongly recommend you find some time on your calendar to do so. The worst thing that can happen is that you spend an hour or two thinking about your life and then decide it’s not something you want to do again. The upside is you realize just how disconnected you’ve been from who you really are and decide to harness the reins of your mind and drive it towards living a more intentional life.

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What do you expect but no longer value?

Or, said differently, you forget to show appreciation for what you value.

There are some simple creature comforts that I’m sure you value. Clean water, electricity, safe, inexpensive food are a few examples of things that you probably value but can very easily be taken for granted.

And then there are people in your life that you expect to act and behave in ways that please you, but you take their actions for granted.

It’s easy to get caught up in your daily activities and forget that so much of what you value and take for granted is not readily available to everyone.

I know you don’t disregard or take your life conditions for granted on purpose; it just happens over time because it’s normal life to you.  And that’s okay. But you can occasionally pause to show appreciation.

Showing appreciation for the things you take for granted and value doesn’t have to be an over-the-top action. You don’t have to go down to your local water company and thank them individually unless, of course, you want to. You can simply remind yourself how fortunate you are and mentally appreciate all the systems and people working hard to provide you with your basic comforts.

As for the people that are closest to you, the ones you expect the most from. How you show them that you value them is up to you but do so occasionally. Again, you probably don’t need any elaborate gestures, just a simple thank you, or telling them that you value what they do for you can go a long way.

So, as you go through your day today, think about some things and people that you’ve become accustomed to but no longer value. Pause and consider what your life would look like if they no longer meet your expectations. Hopefully, this little prompt will allow you to feel and perhaps even express gratitude for everything and everyone that’s constantly and often without recognition, meeting your expectations.

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