Managing Your Expectations

My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations. Michael J. Fox

How good are you at managing your expectations?

Before I go on, let me ask another question.

Why do you think expectations exist?

Research shows that expectations exist because we are egocentric and tend to believe that the world does and should revolve around us. And it takes some of us longer than others to realize that this is not true.

The organization, Alcoholics Anonymous, has a book as part of their treatment plan, and the following is a paragraph from their book.

“Expectations are Premeditated Resentments. When you find yourself feeling resentment, you can almost always trace it back to your expectations. Usually it indicates that you tried once again to control or manipulate a situation or outcome and was resentful when it didn’t turn out the way you expected.”

Let that sink in for a moment.

Expectations are premeditated resentments.

Managing your expectations is about mitigating and, in some cases, eliminating disappointment and, as the AA book says, resentment.

When you find yourself angry, annoyed, disappointed, or any other number of negative emotions towards a situation, you can almost always pin it on the fact that your view of how things should be didn’t match the reality of the event.

Does this mean you shouldn’t have expectations?

I’m tempted to say yes, but I know that’s unreasonable.

If you’re human, you’re going to have expectations, some more than others. But how you manage them will be unique to you. And while I can’t give you a direct solution or panacea for managing your expectations, I can suggest grace.

Grace towards your own expectations towards yourself and those times when events and people in your life don’t meet your expectations. If you’re wondering why grace, then let me share the best definition I’ve found. Showing grace to others is about showing kindness even when they don’t deserve it.

So, as you go about your day today and you happen to come across a person, or event that collides with your expectations, remember, you can choose to manage your expectations. You can rebel, get angry, annoyed, or frustrated, which might feel good at that moment, but rarely lead to a positive outcome. Or you can choose to show grace, both for yourself and the event. Remember, how you manage your expectations will always be your choice.

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Resigned

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. we ourselves must walk the path.  Buddha

What do you think of when you hear the word resigned?

If you’re like most people, then you probably think of it in the context of a person resigning from a job.

But there’s another meaning too.

Some people feel resigned towards life. They feel or accept that something unwanted or unpleasant will happen or cannot be changed. They’ve lost hope.

How do you know if you’re resigned towards life?

You begin to show signs of not caring anymore.

You begin to go through the motions of life without any enthusiasm or optimism. You give up the agency of your life and subject yourself to the whims and wishes of others.

You feel as though you have no choices and that what you think and feel no longer matters.

Feeling resigned towards your life is a sad and, in some cases, dangerous place to be.

So how do you avoid feeling resigned towards life?

One obvious answer is to seek the help of a professional counselor. But even if you do decide to get help, it’s a partnership, and ultimately you will have to uphold your end of the deal and begin to work on yourself.

You can begin to work on yourself by small acts of self-care and concern for your own well-being. When you take small steps, you begin to realize that you do have control and can make choices about a few things in your life. Once this realization sinks in, then you can begin to use the momentum to take back agency over your life.

So, if you find yourself sliding down the precarious slope of resignation towards life, begin to dig your heels in. Start by identifying a few things you know you can control and then build on them. Hopefully, you’ll shift from feeling resigned towards life to retaking ownership of your life by taking these steps.

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Self Guessing Yourself

One should make the best choice possible given the circumstances, and then avoid second-guessing for the sake of one's own sanity. Lisa Kleypas

How often do you second-guess yourself?

Should I have done more?

 Should I be doing this?

 Did I do the right thing?

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m second-guessing myself right now about whether I should be writing about second-guessing. But I’ve decided to do so and am going with it.

You see, almost everyone experiences some form of second-guessing themselves. And those that say they don’t are either not telling the truth or are missing an important component of being human.

Second-guessing yourself is nothing more than self-doubt about a decision you’ve already made. And the unfortunate reality about decisions is that they can only really be evaluated in hindsight.

Some decisions are obviously more difficult to undo than others and should be treated accordingly. For example, choosing a career path will have a greater impact on your life when compared to what you choose to have for dinner today. But in the grand scheme of things, if you feel as though you’ve made an error in either one, then in the future, you can make a different decision.

When you find yourself second-guessing yourself, don’t view it as a negative or something wrong with you. A certain level of introspection is healthy, but don’t drive yourself crazy by constantly ruminating over decisions you’ve made, because after all, they now reside in the past. And all you really have control over is the present.

So, the next time you find yourself second-guessing a decision you made, stop for a moment and ask yourself if you made the best decision you could have based on the information you had. If you did, then great. There’s no need to continue to second guess yourself. If you didn’t, then don’t start by beating yourself up over your decision. Instead, view it as an opportunity for self-improvement.

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Need Not Publish

The creative adult is the child who survived. -- Ursula Leguin

When was the last time sat down to draw?

When was the last time you painted a picture?

When was the last time you wrote a story?

One of the downsides of adulthood is that unless you’re paid to be creative, activities like painting, drawing, and writing quickly take a backseat for a couple of reasons.

First, they are considered children’s or childlike activities, and second, they require time, so they get deprioritized because you have more ‘important’ tasks on your to-do list.

But these activities that are thought to be only for children are fulfilling and also satisfying for adults. Studies have repeatedly shown the benefits of creativity towards the physical and mental well-being of adults.

Tapping into your childlike creativity is one sure way to open your mind to new ideas. It allows you to explore beyond your everyday routines.

Often, an obstacle to adults being creative is they harken back to their childhood where they judged their creativity against the work of their peers and felt their work didn’t meet a certain standard. And while these feelings might be legitimate, there’s no reason to feel that way as an adult. As an adult, you do not need to publish or show your work to anyone unless you want to.

One of the benefits of being an adult is that hopefully, you have or can find a space to be creative in private. You’re no longer under the watchful eye of a teacher and worried about what grade you’ll receive. And perhaps even more important, there are no peers to judge yourself against. It’s just you and your creative outlet. Of your course, you can share your work if you choose to, but you’re not required to do so.

I hope that you knowing you need not publish your work allows you to explore the natural creativity you once had as a child. And you begin to enjoy and reap the physical and mental benefits that creativity can bring to your life.

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Question Yourself

What kind of questions will you ask yourself today?

Why would you ask yourself questions?

That’s a good question.

The purpose of the questions you ask yourself is not to interrogate, judge or punish yourself. They are gentle reminders about the way you want to live your life. To ensure that you’re on the right track.

What’s the right track?

Whatever track you choose to be on.

For example, if you want to be healthy, then the following questions might be a useful way to start your day.

What will I eat today?

How much do I weigh?

Will I exercise today?

Or you can end your day with:

What did I eat today?

Did I exercise today?

If these questions seem a lot like planning and journaling, it’s because they are. But unlike journaling, and nothing against it, consider them to be a little less formal.

At times journaling for some can sound a lot like hard work, and often, anything that adds additional work to a day will soon be left behind. But a list of questions that you’ve written down or stored on a smart device can be gentle prompts to remind you of the things that are important to you. And don’t forget, you’re in charge and can add or change your questions whenever you choose.

Now the idea of questioning yourself might seem to be an overly simplistic way to move you towards want you want to accomplish, and that’s because it is. But there’s also magic in the simplicity.

So, the next time you think about something you want to accomplish, think about questions that will help you get there.  Let your questions be your guide to living the life you choose to live.

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Be Prepared

Confidence comes from being prepared. John Wooden

What does it mean to be prepared?

If you’re familiar with the Boy Scouts, you know that ‘be prepared’ is their motto. But what does it mean to be prepared?

Does being prepared mean you’re ready for every challenge, obstacle, and situation? No, because that’s not possible.

Does being prepared mean you have all the answers? That’s not possible either.

Being prepared is more of a mindset. It’s practice and preparation for what might happen and a sense of confidence, a knowing that you are as ready as you can be for the unknown.

Being prepared is not a one-time action but a continuous investment in yourself. It’s learning and adapting to ever-changing times.

Being prepared applies to both your physical and mental well-being, so both are ready and available when you need them to be.

What does it take to be prepared?

It takes time. Although not too much.

Think of being prepared like the quote by Benjamin Franklin, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”.

How you decide to prepare will be unique to your own set of life circumstances, and while you can glean ideas from others, you should focus your time on what you think will work for you.

So, consider adopting the Boy Scout motto and begin to prepare yourself for your life ahead. If you start with preparing yourself for the foreseeable future, you might find yourself better prepared to tackle the unforeseeable future too.

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Actionable Insights

There is nothing so terrible as activity without insight.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

How do you get results?

Or, perhaps more important, how do you get the results you want?

Results are always a consequence of action. Or, in some cases, inaction, which is also an action.

Seem too obvious?

Maybe so.

But it’s important to recognize.

If results are a consequence of action, and you’re interested in specific results, you should be more attentive to your actions.

You see, your actions are data. They are information. And it’s from your action that you can gather insights into what works and doesn’t work for you, which leads us to actionable insights.

Actionable insights have been called the missing links between data and results. While this mostly occurs in a business context, it’s just as relevant in your personal life.

But who has time to sit around gathering data about their personal life?

Yes, I know you’re busy and have so much going on. But if you’re seeking specific results in your life, you must learn to gather data about your behavior and habits. Only then, once you have the data, will you able to glean actionable insights, which in turn will enable you to move closer towards the results you’re looking for.

If gathering data about yourself sounds like work, it’s because it is. But it’s work that is worth investing in, especially if it moves you to change or rethink your current actions for ones that help you achieve specific results.

So, if you’re seeking certain results in your life, then spend some time evaluating your current actions. Gather the data and evaluate it on a moving towards or away from the results you’re seeking scale. And then use your insights as steppingstones towards the results you’re seeking.

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Assembly Required

The self is made, not given. ―Barbara Myerhoff

When was the last time you built something?

By the way, it’s a trick question.

The reason it’s a trick question is whether you realize it or not; you’re in the process of assembling or building regularly. You are building your life.

The real question is, how intentional are you about building your life?

Are you in full-on participatory mode, or are you more hands-off, letting others do it for you?

While there’s nothing wrong with delegating tasks or seeking assistance in building your life, there’s a great benefit to you if you take a more active role.

Of course, you aren’t always responsible for building your life, since as a child, your parents and other adults were responsible for providing you with a foundation. But once they were done, it became your responsibility to build your life.

The transition from when others built your life to when you became responsible can be difficult, especially if you weren’t taught to build for yourself. In which case, you continue to look for others to build your life for you. But there comes a time in everyone’s life when the realization sets in that they had more agency than they thought they did. Hopefully, for you, it comes sooner than later.

Building the life you want requires attention, diligence, and persistence. And just like any other building project, especially one of any significance, there will be challenges and mistakes along the way. And it’s your job to catch, mitigate or resolve the challenges.

During the process of building your life, it’s your job to ensure you have the right tools and resources to do so. And when you don’t, then find ways to get them. This could mean enrolling or asking people to help you or educating yourself on the matters that mean the most to you.

So, as you step into your day today, remind yourself that participating in the assembly is required if you want to live the life you want. Then put on your mental overalls, grab your toolkit, and gather or create the plan for your life. Begin to take intentional steps towards building your life.

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Stagnant Mind

 A life without change is not a life; it is a stagnant pool. Alan Cohen

What happens to stagnant water?

Well, if you’re familiar with or have seen pools or puddles of water that have been sitting for a while, then you know that soon enough, the water begins to smell and, in some cases, attract flies and other insects.

Why am I asking about stagnant water?

Because a stagnant mind is very similar to stagnant water.

A mind that doesn’t allow for new ideas and remains stuck in the past, holding on to ideas and ideals that are no longer valid, is also in danger of becoming stagnant.

How do you know if your mind is becoming stagnant?

When you don’t allow for any new experiences or ideas to permeate it. When all you do is seek people and ideas that confirm what you already think. When you play it safe and no longer seek out new experiences. When you become more concerned with just surviving and are no longer engaged in living.

Now there are no laws against having a stagnant mind, but is that how you really want to live?

If yes, then fine. But if not, then it’s not too late to get your mind flowing again.

Avoiding stagnation of your mind doesn’t need to be a daunting task. All you need to do is intentionally introduce adventurous and creative activities into your routine or schedule.

Being adventurous doesn’t mean you have to engage in mountain climbing or skydiving unless, of course, you want to. For you, adventurous might be as simple as speaking with a stranger, especially one with a different viewpoint of life than you do. And as for creativity, it can be found in simple tasks such as cooking unfamiliar foods or writing a short story.

So, if you don’t want your mind to become stagnant, open it up and let new ideas and experiences flow through it. Doing so will allow you to live your life and not just survive it.

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Small Wins

I've found that small wins, small projects, small differences often make huge differences. Rosabeth Moss Kanter

What if, just for today you only focused on small wins?

Nothing big, no monumental goals or tasks, no huge effort, just a few small wins.

Research shows that one of the best boosters of positive emotions is the feeling of making progress. But it’s difficult to feel as though you’re making progress if all you’re doing is measuring up against a large goal.

Identifying and focusing on a small win is a great step towards overcoming procrastination. This is especially useful if there’s a task that you’ve been avoiding, either because you don’t enjoy doing it or you feel like it’s beyond your current ability.

Accomplishing small wins can also help build your confidence. Think of a child learning to walk. The first few attempts are clumsy at best, but then as their legs gain strength, the steps come a little easier, and before you know it, they’re running all over the place.

While identifying and accomplishing small wins is a great start, acknowledging and celebrating small wins is just as important. The reason is that this helps you reinforce your own behavior. Yes, it’s Pavlovian, but it also works. The celebration doesn’t have to be outsized or even out loud, of course, unless you want to. Something as simple as even a ‘mental’ pat on your back for your accomplishment can give you the motivation to continue.

So, as you go about your day today, instead of feeling overwhelmed with all the large grand tasks ahead of you, focus only on small wins. Take baby steps and celebrate yourself for doing so. If you repeat this often enough then, you’ll find yourself well on your way to accomplishing goals that once might have intimidated you.

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Leverage Frustration

Frustration, although quite painful at times, is a very positive and essential part of success. Bo Bennett

When does change begin?

It begins when an individual is no longer willing to accept the world as it is. Change is often born of desperation or frustration.

Why am I telling you this?

Because if you’re experiencing desperation or frustration in your life, then view them as clues or signs that you need to do something different in your life. You need to change.

I know need is a strong word and even perhaps incorrect. You don’t need to change, but not doing so is akin to having a small rock in your shoe and refusing to remove it because it would take effort. All the while knowing that it’s going to bother and maybe even injure you as you walk.

Now you don’t need to change every time you feel frustrated. Sometimes it’s just part of life, but when you find yourself constantly aggravated by the same or similar situation, it might be time to consider changing yourself or the position you’re in.

Change requires hope, it requires optimism, it might even require sacrifices on your behalf, but most of all, it requires effort, and that’s why it’s difficult to do. And while it might be difficult, it’s not impossible.

So, the next time your find yourself repeatedly feeling frustrated with a situation in your life, instead of just living with the emotion, learn to leverage it. Consider your frustration as an opportunity to say no or never again. Find a way to use it to your advantage and think about how you can change yourself or the situation that will allow you to remove the rock from your life once and for all.

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Why Am I Doing This?

Adversity always presents opportunities for introspection.  Abdul Kalam

How often do you stop to ask yourself, why am I doing this?

If you let it, this question can give you much insight into your life.

You can use it as a tool, as a scalpel, to dissect your actions and interrupt patterns of behavior you want to change.

Here are few examples of how you can use the question to assess your actions.

Why am I eating this?

Why am I wearing these clothes?

Why am I reading this?

Why am I feeling this way?

I could go on, but I’m sure you get the drift.

It’s easy to get caught up in life and go along to get along, not realizing that so much of what you’re doing is not because you’ve taken agency over your life. Instead, you’ve fallen into patterns of repetitious behavior. And while behavior patterns are useful, they can also be limiting.

When you bump up against a problem or challenge in life you resort to using the limited arrows in your behavior quiver, and when they don’t work is when you become anxious, frustrated, or annoyed. Asking yourself, why am I doing this, allows you to explore different ways of framing your situation and in some cases adding additional tools to your emotional arsenal.

I agree that too much navel-gazing or introspection can make you overly absorbed in yourself, but a little time spent evaluating your life can go a long way especially if there are changes, you’d like to make.

So, the next time you find yourself looking to make a change in your life or up against a challenge, instead of rushing to change, or running headfirst into the challenge, ask yourself, why am I doing this? Explore the reasons for your need to change, use the question to give yourself a fresh perspective, and open yourself up to new ideas and solutions.

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Mood Lifters

There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.  – John Holmes

What’s one of the easiest ways to lift your mood?

I’ll give you a clue, it has nothing to do with you.

If you guessed helping or performing a good deed for someone else, then you’re correct.

While performing a good deed for another person is not a solution for all your life’s problems, it can change your mood almost immediately.

But how does helping someone else help you?

That’s a good question.

There are several reasons that helping others lifts your own mood. Here are a few that might help you do so.

The first is that it shifts your attention from the issues you might be facing to assistance you’re providing the other person. You temporarily forget about your own challenges.

The second is that you feel more connected to the broader community. Even if you’re the loner or introverted type, it’s natural for you to desire a sense of connection, and helping others fulfills that innate longing for connection.

And last is reciprocation. In his book Influence, author Robert Cialdini writes about reciprocation as one of the pillars of influencing others. Not influencing them in a manipulating manner but enrolling them as part of your tribe. Think of reciprocity as give and take. I’m not suggesting that you only do so that you can receive, but collaboration and helping each other is, in the long run, beneficial for all of us.

So, the next time you find yourself having a bad day or in the doldrums, see if you can motivate yourself to shift your focus, even temporarily, away from yourself and towards the service of someone else. You might find that while helping others doesn’t change or eliminate your own challenges, a slight lifting of your mood can help you better deal with the problems you’re facing.

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Zero-Sum Thinking

Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into. Wayne Dyer

When was the last time you played a zero-sum game?

Do you think of life as a zero-sum game?

If you’re not sure what zero-sum is, then let me help you. Zero-sum is a situation or game where again by one is offset by an equal loss by another.

Most games, especially in the world of sports, are zero-sum games defined by a clear winner and loser. And of course, board games and alike are also designed with zero-sum in mind.

When it comes to games, zero-sum thinking is fine since most games are played for fun, but if you go through life with a zero-sum perspective, then you’re working from a position of scarcity. You’re watching other people succeed and feeling that it’s at your expense. They win, and you lose.

Is it true that when others win or succeed you lose?

There might be times when you feel that it’s true. For example, if you’re in the final selection for a team or a job and another candidate is given the position, you might feel that their win is your loss. And while there’s real pain associated with your loss, losing that one opportunity doesn’t mean that all the opportunities are gone. It’s just that one.

Shifting or moving away from zero-sum-based thinking requires you to change your belief from scarcity-minded to one of abundant thinking. This can be difficult, especially if you’ve been taught to believe that another person’s gain is your loss. But it is possible and beneficial for your mental wellbeing to change your perspective.

Moving from a scarcity mindset to an abundant one moves you from being competitive to collaborative, which, over time, is better for you and those around you.

So, the next time you find yourself thinking that someone else’s gain is your loss, remind yourself that life is not a zero-sum game and that opportunities are abundant for you to succeed too. You might be surprised how many more opportunities you’ll begin to see once you open yourself up to looking for them.

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Where Did You Learn That?

Half of wisdom is learning what to unlearn.  Larry Niven

Who told you?

Who taught you?

Where did you learn that?

Where do your beliefs come from?

Are your beliefs outdated and holding you back?

Until very recently, it was thought that certain races were less capable than others, and these beliefs were perpetuated through generations. Unfortunately, some people still believe this to be true.

Women were also thought to be less capable than men, and again, some still believe this to be true.

Racial and gender-based beliefs are just a couple of examples of beliefs that are alive and well in certain segments of our population, and the reason they are alive and well is because people don’t stop to question what they were taught.

Freeing yourself from beliefs that hold you back requires you to commit to unlearning what you’ve been taught. It requires you to question those that you consider to be the authority in your life. And this kind of questioning can be destabilizing because it goes to the core of who you are. But it can also be liberating.

Asking or performing an internal investigation into your belief system is not easy, but it is important to develop a more authentic self. It’s also important if you want to rid yourself of generational baggage.

You see, the people that you learned from may not have questioned their belief system, so you might be stuck with beliefs that are generations old, and while there might be a few beliefs that stand the test of time, there are sure to be others that have lost their validity a long time ago.

Unlearning or releasing beliefs that prevent you from changing your life is no easy task but is almost a requirement if you want to experience real change in your life. You must leave behind the old, no longer useful parts of you to make room for your new beliefs.

So, the next time you find yourself wanting to do something different in your life but stuck with the belief that tells you that you can’t, or that’s not what you’re supposed to do, stop and ask yourself why. Who told you, or where did you learn that belief? See if you can root out and free yourself from the trap of your old belief and step into a new, more authentic you.

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All the Time in the World

You have all the time in the world, but don’t waste a moment. Ram Dass

What would you do if you had all the time in the world?

Think about it for a moment.

Would you travel?

Would you pursue new hobbies?

Would spend more time with friends or loved ones?

What would you do?

While dreaming about having all the time in the world is a great exercise, reality soon sets in, and you realize that you don’t.

But you do have some time.

You have gaps, spaces in your schedule that you can take advantage of to fulfill a few of your ‘all the time in the world’ desires.

Using the gaps or downtime in your schedule wisely requires a level of intentionality and planning because if you don’t plan, your spare time will quickly get sucked away by distractions and other less fulfilling chores.

Speaking of chores. I understand that cleaning, laundry, and other domestic activities are a requirement of life. Still, if you choose, you can begin to batch them or, if you have the resources, outsource them, allowing you to free up your time to pursue more fulfilling activities. Unless, of course, you’re the kind of person that finds fulfillment in domestic chores, in which case, more power to you.

So, the next time you find yourself with the desire to pursue an activity or project that you think might provide you more personal fulfillment, start by looking for gaps in your schedule. And then quickly block those gaps ahead of time and use them to your advantage. If you don’t learn to do this, not only will you not have all the time in the world, but you’ll also lose the little time you already have.

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Manage Your Environment

Control your environment, otherwise it will control you. Mike Ferry

How good are you at managing your environment?

Why would you want to manage your environment?

The primary reason you want to manage your environment is to help you reach your goals. Or said another way, allow you to live the life you want to live.

Let’s look at a few concrete examples of managing your environment.

If you feel that you’re overly distracted by social media and it’s affecting your relationships or preventing you from focusing on a task you want to accomplish, removing apps from your devices or making them harder to access are a couple of ways of managing your environment.

If it’s health and fitness you’re after, then removing junk food from your pantry or pre-committing to workouts are ways to manage your environment.

If time off from work or vacations are a priority for you, then booking in advance or blocking your calendar ahead of time are a couple of ways that can help you achieve your goals.

Managing your environment is all about eliminating decision-making. Or said differently, making decisions ahead of time so that when you’re tired or faced with choices or temptations that move you away from your goal, the ‘good’ or ‘rational’ version of you has already made the choices for the current you.

Managing your environment for your personal success or goals is all about setting rules that help you manipulate your future self.

So, the next time your find yourself contemplating a change that you’d like to make in your life, instead of relying on willpower, which can wax, and wane based on your energy and mood, consider managing your environment. Give your future you a head start by eliminating decisions and defining a clearer path towards your goals.

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Mind Reader

Great relationships are based on clarity, not mind-reading. Steve Arterburn

How good are you at mind reading?

If you’re not sure then let me help you.

You’re not very good.

Not to worry, you’re not alone.

While you might be able to recognize patterns in people’s behavior and, in some cases, even be able to guess their actions correctly, it’s not because you can read their minds.

Even though you’re not a mind reader, how often do you find yourself acting as if you know what a person will say or do?

This kind of anticipatory thinking can lead to all kinds of problems because you begin to prepare yourself for what you think a person is going to say or do before they act. Or, perhaps said another way, they are guilty before they’ve acted.

Letting a person’s actions or words unfold before reacting is difficult because your brain is a very efficient pattern recognizing machine. And so, to save energy, it looks for cues and begins to formulate responses even before events have occurred. And this is where mind-reading can cause problems.

So how do you stop mind reading?

Well, you can’t really stop, but you can override your first set of thoughts. You can give a person room to act and speak, knowing that you don’t need to respond right away. You can give yourself time to digest their actions and words and respond later, or not at all.

So, the next time you find yourself jumping to a conclusion about what you think a person is going to say or do, remind yourself that you’re not a mind reader. Give them the benefit of the doubt and let the moment play out. If you begin to give people room to say and act without pre-judging them, then they might do the same for you too.

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Radical Acceptance

Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is. Tara Brach

What will be your greatest challenge in life?

Before I tell you what it is, I want you to think about what’s your biggest challenge right now.

Okay, are you ready?

Your greatest challenge in life will be your inability to accept things the way they are. Or said differently, things, people, and situations are not how you want them to be.

That’s it.

This incongruency between how things are and how you would like them to be can apply to all areas of your life. Think about the broad four pillars that your life is built on. Your career/finances, physical health, relationships, and mental/spiritual wellbeing. These are the areas where you’ll face your biggest challenges.

So how should you handle the challenge of misalignment or incongruency that you will inevitably experience during your lifetime?

One solution is to approach life with radical acceptance. Psychologist Tara Brach coined the term radical acceptance, and it essentially means accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot change. It’s about saying yes to life as it is.

While this might sound like a passive approach to life, it’s not. It’s actually a very active, intentional approach because it requires you to understand and acknowledge the difference between what you can and cannot control. And then apply your energy appropriately towards only that which you can control.

Radical acceptance is a skill that takes time to cultivate. But not to worry, life will provide you with plenty of opportunities to practice and improve your skill. Your most significant impediment to learning radical acceptance will be your own personal resistance to doing so.

So, the next time you find yourself in a situation that you wish were different, try using radical acceptance. While it’s not a panacea for all of life’s problems, it’s an opportunity for you to ground yourself before you decide if you really need to act or radically accept life the way it is.

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Inertia

Life leaps like a geyser for those who drill through the rock of inertia. Alexis Carrel

How do you combat inertia?

If you don’t think you struggle with inertia, then let me provide you with a definition and see if it sounds familiar. Inertia is a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged.

Now perhaps it sounds familiar.

So how do you overcome inertia?

Well, first, you must admit that you’re struggling with it. And then you must do the work to find the reasons for your inertia.

But admit to who and why should you admit to being stuck?

As they say, in the world of addiction recovery, admitting you’re stuck is the first and most difficult step. Without this step, there is no cure or solution.

You don’t have to publicly declare that you’re stuck, but if you’re seeking to make a change in your life, then it requires you to be honest with at least yourself. You are very capable of having a difficult, straight-talking conversation with yourself if you permit yourself to do so.

Once you’ve spent some time introspecting and being honest with yourself, then, and if you really want to change, you must lay out the steps or create a plan to overcome the inertia.

Are plans and steps necessary?

Yes, they are.

Think of plans and steps as guardrails that prevent you from slipping back into the grasp of inertia. Keep in mind that when you’re battling inertia, you’re up against Newton’s first law of motion, that an object at rest will remain at rest.

Once you’ve identified the steps to change, then you must begin to act. At first, even the most imperceptible actions are helpful because they are the foundation for momentum, and once you have momentum on your side, you’re almost unstoppable.

So, the next time you find yourself battling inertia and not making the changes you wish to see in your life, take some time to examine the reasons that are holding you back. Once you’ve identified what they are, and if you think you still want to make a change in your life, then make a plan and begin to act. Leave inertia behind and change your life.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.