Raj Daniels

How does entrainment effect your life?

In case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t misspell entertainment.

One definition of the word entrainment is the process whereby two interacting oscillating systems assume the same period. An example of this is if you mount two clock pendulums side by side on the wall, they will gradually begin to swing together. They synchronize each other by picking up tiny vibrations they each transmit through the wall.

They synchronized by picking up tiny vibrations they each transmit through the wall. I find that fascinating.

Author Ursula Le Guin described this beautifully when she wrote, “any two things that oscillate at about the same interval, if they’re physically near each other, will gradually tend to lock in and pulse at exactly the same interval. Things are lazy. It takes less energy to pulse cooperatively than to pulse in opposition. Physicists call this beautiful, economical laziness mutual phase locking, or entrainment.”

Why am I sharing this with you?

If you’ve heard the phrases, birds of a feather flock together, or, you are the sum of the five closest people to you, then this is entrainment at work in your life. But I’d like to expand on the previous phrases and tell you that you’re also the sum of the ideas you spend time with.

As Le Guin said, it takes less energy to pulse cooperatively than to pulse in the opposition. You don’t have the energy to continuously fight against or disagree with the people or ideas you spend time with, so eventually, you have few choices. Succumb, cooperate, fall in step, or change the people and ideas you surround yourself with.

It’s not easy leaving the people or ideas you’re comfortable with, but if you ever really want to change your life, it will require you to do so. And if you can’t do so physically, then at least mentally via whatever resources or medium is available to you.

So, if you find yourself seeking change in your life, you need to spend as much time as you can immersing yourself in the people and ideas that have already accomplished what you’re seeking to do. At first, this will feel daunting, but with enough time, you’ll find yourself in entrainment or in sync with your new environment.

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What do you think when you hear the words, overnight success?

The idea of an overnight success is ridiculous because it doesn’t exist. This might sound like a strong statement, but it’s true.

When you hear or read about a person that seems to be an overnight success, it’s because you’re not aware of the years that person toiled in anonymity before they became an overnight success. And the reason is, toiling in anonymity isn’t attractive or sexy and doesn’t garner the same attention as the phenomena of an overnight success.

Look at these two statements.

Person works hard for years and then becomes successful in their chosen endeavor or craft.

Person becomes a success overnight.

Which one makes you ask how?

If you’re like most people, then it’s the second statement that will intrigue you, and understandably so. I mean, who would want to work for years to become successful when it can be achieved overnight?

If you want to be successful in any area of your life, you must invest time. How much time is going to depend on the endeavor you’re pursuing. And in some cases, you won’t know for a long time if you’ve been successful.

You see, success can mean different things to different people. For some, it might be something as simple and tangible as accruing dollars or winning games. And for others, it might be as nebulous as great relationships or being a great parent. Both are very hard to measure. The one thing all successful ventures have in common is that they don’t happen overnight.

So, the next time your attention is captured, or you’re intrigued by someone you think has achieved overnight success, remind yourself that what you’re seeing is a snapshot in time, a finished product. You and most other people will have no idea how much time and effort they invested in becoming an overnight success. And if you desire to become an overnight success, you too will have to invest an unknown amount of time in becoming one.

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How are you enjoying your wonder years?

What are wonder years?

Wonder years are years of your life filled with curiosity and wonder that leave you in awe and feeling grateful that you have the opportunity to experience life.

I’ll be the first to agree with you that due to the ups and downs of life, it can be difficult to maintain a sense of curiosity or wonder on a daily basis. However, when you do take the time to lift your head from your daily minutiae, take a moment to reawaken your childhood curiosity.

Taking time to view the world through the lens of curiosity and wonder will open doors for your imagination to explore possibilities beyond your current realm of thinking. And this can be helpful if you’re stuck in a problem you’re facing right now because, as you might know, and it is rumored that Einstein said, “problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.”

Curiosity and wonder are two free and readily available tools to you whenever you call on them. Don’t let age, lack of resources, or circumstances prevent you from tapping into them whenever you need or want to.

So, from now on, hopefully, you’ll make the time to use curiosity and wonder as your magical muses to make every year you’re alive a wonder year and leave you in awe of your life.

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Are you extrinsically or intrinsically motivated?

Take a moment, or a day or two to think about the question.

I know, who has a day or two to ponder a question. But it’s a very important question and deserves a fair amount of thinking time.

If you’re not quite sure about the definitions, then let me help you. Extrinsic motivation is when you receive external rewards that can be psychological or tangible, such as fame, money, or trophies. In contrast, the intrinsic reward is doing something for self-satisfaction or self-fulfillment.

While both motivators are valid, if you’re only or mostly extrinsically motivated, then you’re constantly at the mercy of the whims and wishes of other people. You’re motivated to act in ways that might not be self-fulfilling because what you’re seeking requires you to seek external approval.

On the other hand, if you’re intrinsically motivated, then you’ll take actions that align with your internal compass, actions that satisfy your own self-fulfillment. You’ll behave in a manner that’s closer to who you really are.

Both extrinsic and intrinsic motivation have pros and cons, and with attention and practice, you can learn to use them as tools throughout your life.

There will be situations and times in your life when you might have to succumb to the constructs of society and play the game of extrinsic motivation, and that’s okay. Just realize you’re doing so and work to use the opportunity to your advantage. However, for the long game, learn to rely on your intrinsic motivation because it will allow you to express your true personality.

So, now might be a good time to review the question I asked at the beginning. Use the question as a tool by asking yourself regularly if you’re extrinsically or intrinsically motivated. And then use your answers to shed light on your actions and help guide you through your life.

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Do you view the world you exist in as mostly good or bad?

Why am I asking?

Because how you view the world will determine your actions.

If you view the world as a negative place, one where people are out to get each other and take advantage of each other, you will behave accordingly. You will limit your interactions with others because you’ll be skeptical of their motives. And more than likely, you will live from a position of scarcity, spending your time and energy holding on to and protecting what you have because of your lack of trust in others.

On the other hand, if you view the world as being mostly a good safe place, you’ll be more willing to trust other people. This, of course, leads to opportunities to collaborate and help one another accomplish dreams and goals together. You’ll live from a place of abundance, not concerned that people will take advantage of you or take what you have.

Now I agree that there is and should be a healthy place for pessimism when required. You should be careful and conduct some due diligence before committing to relationships, whether they be personal or professional. But, except for the rare exception, giving people the benefit of the doubt and thinking of them as good increases your positive view of the world.

While there’s no doubt that there are people in the world that do bad things, most people are trying to their lives like everyone else. They are working to do well for themselves and their families. So, if you begin to view them and the world as being a good place, then they might view you as being good too. And who knows what you, we, can all accomplish with a positive world view.

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When you think of a leader, who comes to mind?

Why that person?

What about you?

Do you think of yourself as a leader?

If you said yes, then good for you. You’re ahead of the game.

The majority of people don’t realize that they are leaders and lead the most important person in their life, themself. However, it’s not their fault in most cases that they don’t realize that they’re a leader because they’ve never been taught or told that they are leaders.

Society and the education system begin to teach individuals at a very young age to be subservient, first to parents, then teachers, and ultimately employers. So, people spend their entire lives in the habit of thinking that an appeal to authority must solve every problem. And slowly, over time, they abdicate their agency over themselves into the hands of others, the ones they consider to be leaders.

It’s no wonder that so many young adults struggle to find their footing when they head out into the ‘real world’ for the first time. They’ve been conditioned to look to others for leadership.

So why am I telling you this?

Because the sooner you realize that you’re the most important leader you’ll ever interact with, the better off you’ll be. Notice I didn’t say the better your life will be. I can’t predict that, and neither can anyone else.

Owning the title of leader for your own life puts a huge amount of responsibility on your shoulders, but it also provides you with a high level of intestinal fortitude, also known as guts or grit. When you begin to believe that you’re the one responsible for your life, you stop looking to others to lead you and begin to take back ownership of your own life.

Before I go on, let me be clear. You don’t have to think of yourself as a leader and can make it through life just fine by following others. But if you decide to do so, then keep in mind that you’ll always be blaming and praising others for the ups and downs you encounter during your lifetime.

So, the next time you’re thinking about or looking for a leader to follow, stop for a moment and look inside yourself. While there are plenty of people in the world to admire, imitate, and learn from, maybe, just maybe, the leader you should be following is you?

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What are you feeding your mind?

Are you making intentional choices about the information you consume, or are you picking up whatever comes along?

There’s much discussion in the public domain about the food you should consume and at what intervals so that you can maintain a healthy, sound body.

However, there’s little discussion about how much and what kind of information you should consume to maintain a healthy mind. And I would argue that a healthy mind is as, if not more important than a healthy body.

I know and understand that the mind doesn’t function the same as the body, but there are similarities. Both require sustenance and time for rest and recovery. Both also require activity or exercise to maintain a fitness level that allows you to do the things you want to do.

You know that a diet of junk food will not result in a healthy body; after all, you are what you eat. But what’s the problem with junk food for the mind?

Well, I’m intentionally going to be unclear and say it depends. I know I’m taking the easy way out, but I believe it depends on how you want to live your life and what you want to accomplish. We both know that millions of people are happy as stereo typical ‘couch potatoes’ surviving on a diet of junk food and enjoying their life.

And if that’s how you want to live your life, then you have all the right to do so.

But if that’s not the life you want to live, then you must make some sound choices about your mental diet. You must decide to intentionally consume information that brings you closer to the kind of person you want to be. Of course, just like in your food choices, there’s always room for the occasional indulgence, or perhaps now more popularly known as a cheat meal or day.

By the way. It’s not only the information you consume that’s part of your mental diet. It’s also the thoughts you think and how you speak to yourself that contribute to your mental diet. I understand that it’s close to impossible, yes I left wiggle room there, to control all your thoughts, but with practice, you can catch your mind when it begins to wander and bring it back to focus on the thoughts that empower you.  

So, as you go about your day today, work on your mental diet by paying attention to the information you’re consuming and the thoughts that arise when you do so. Periodically take a break from consuming and allow your mind to digest, as you would do between meals. Commit to making your mental fitness as important or even more so than your physical fitness. After all, what’s the point of having a healthy body without a healthy mind.

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Are you playing a long or short game?

What’s the difference?

Immediate, quick short-term gains and results versus results over time.

Which one is better, or more useful?

It depends on what you’re trying to accomplish.

You might enjoy the quick wins or instant gratification that you receive from short-term actions, but do they fit into the long-term vision of your life?

The problem with only playing the short game is that it’s easy to get addicted to doing so. You neglect the future and only seek to do what makes you happy right now. And soon enough, the future is upon you, and you begin to realize that you haven’t prepared adequately because you squandered so much time on the short game.

The long game requires tradeoffs and sacrifices. It involves making decisions that delay gratification and your willingness to work towards an intangible future that exists only in your mind.

I’ll be the first to agree that you can’t and shouldn’t always play the long game. There is absolutely a time and place for you to participate in and even enjoy short-term thinking and results, but you must learn to balance between and long and short games.

Time has the incredible ability to compound your actions, so what might seem to you as ‘one-off’ short-term choices soon begin to increase in frequency, and if the choices are detrimental to you, it might take you twice as long to course correct.

So, the next time you’re thinking about short-term results, consider how they might affect you in the long-term. And yes, I know that the younger you are, the more difficult it is to do so because you feel invincible and the future is so far away.  But try to get in the habit of viewing life through the lens of the long game as soon as you can. One day in the future, you’ll look back and will be grateful to the person you are today for doing so.

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What if, do unto others as you would have done unto you, is the equation of life?

Now wouldn’t that be interesting?

Of course, there would be caveats and exceptions, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

To provide additional leeway, you wouldn’t be expected to live up to the equation until you were of a sound adult mind. And yes, I can hear the arguments being made that the age of sound mind is debatable.

Should the age be sixteen, eighteen, twenty-five? I don’t know; maybe it should be thirty.

If do unto others etc., is the equation of life, how would you act and behave towards others?

Would you feel comfortable being the person you currently are, now knowing that there might be some sort of karmic boomerang delivering back to you every action you send out?

Or would you be more mindful of your actions?

Oh, by the way. Thoughts, especially intentional ones, count as actions. Yup. Sorry to spring that surprise on you, but it’s true.

If you find yourself contemplating the question, then good for you. The good news is that if you’ve ever done something intentionally that you knew would hurt or harm someone, then welcome the human being club. You are not alone. It’s also not too late. Or said differently, better late than never.

So, while do unto others might not be the equation of life, imagine a world where everyone behaved as if it were true. And who knows, it might be true. In which case, now might be a good time to start behaving according, because if you don’t, then watch out for that karmic boomerang.

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Over the past ten years, what is something you’ve changed your mind about?

If you can’t think about something you’ve changed your mind about, then, essentially, you’re the same, not physically, but mentally, the person you were ten years ago. And there’s nothing wrong with not changing your mind, especially, or as long as the person you were ten years ago is the person you still want to be.

Now, you might argue that you’re not the same person and that you’ve matured mentally because you’ve been exposed to new information. Still, to accept new information, you must be willing to replace or build upon the information you have. Or, said another way, be willing to change your mind.

The problem with not being flexible and changing your mind is that it leads to stagnation and frustration. Essentially you remain stagnant and then become frustrated because you see the world changing around you, but you refuse to keep up, and you wish that things remained as they were. You see, the world around is in constant transition, and to not get left behind, you must be willing to change your mind.

I’ll absolutely concede that there are a handful of timeless principles, such as kindness to your fellow human being and laws of nature that are evergreen, but besides the limited few, everything else is in motion.

So, as you peruse your catalog of thoughts, begin to identify the ones you’ve held on to for a long time. If you find ones that aren’t of the timeless, or evergreen nature, then evaluate them. If you don’t do so every so often, then you’ll begin to become ossified as the world around you continues in transition, and you remain stuck in your old ways of thinking.

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How good are you at blocking out the noise?

When will you decide to focus most of your energy on what’s important to you?

Blocking out noise is about eliminating or reducing all that isn’t important to you so that you can focus on the things that are. The sooner in life you’re able to learn this skill, the more fulfilled your life will be.

Now, if you’re like most people, then there will be a period in your life where you’ll feel as though you don’t have control of your time and energy, and you might have to go along to get along. But that doesn’t mean you can’t begin the practice of blocking out noise.

What exactly is noise?

Distractions.

Distractions that keep you from your goals and becoming the person you want to be. And distractions come in all forms. I can’t tell you which ones to eliminate, but I can tell you that the quicker you begin to identify which distractions prevent you from living the life you want, the more fulfilled you’ll feel.

Of course, identifying distractions or noise in your life requires some introspection, and while I’m not suggesting you spend all your time naval gazing, I do recommend at least an hour a week to give your life some direction.

Once you begin the practice of blocking the noise in your life, the signal of what you want will become more evident, and your life will become simpler, not to be confused with easier. Simpler in the sense that you’ll become more aware of where to focus your energy. And as you mature through life, you’ll realize that life is all about energy management.

So, the next you find yourself distracted or overwhelmed, perform a quick evaluation of your life, and identify the tasks, or even in some cases, the people that are preventing you from focusing your energy on what you want to accomplish. By the way, let me be clear, I’m not judging what’s important to you. I just want you to experience more of whatever it is, and you can do so by blocking out the noise.

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What do you think of when you hear the words low expectations?

If you’re like most people, then when you hear the words low expectations, they probably carry a negative connotation.

But what if I told you that low expectations can be a good thing?

Low expectations can be a powerful tool to get you started on a challenging task or even a project you’ve been procrastinating on. Setting low expectations for yourself can be the push you need to get moving.

Now, if you’re wondering how having low expectations for yourself can be helpful, let me explain.

Setting low expectations for yourself doesn’t mean you don’t strive for excellence, greatness, or any other high level of achievement. In this context, low expectations mean setting a small, tiny, surmountable goal or step for yourself—a step you can take and achieve with minimal effort.

The secret behind setting low expectations is that in doing so, you’re not intimidated into inaction. It allows you to just for a moment stop comparing where or who you are to the person you want to be. And once you start meeting the goals of your low expectations, then the actions you take begin to compound over time.  

To be clear, low expectations do not mean lower your standards. Keep your standards as high as you want to but use low expectations to reach them.

So, the next time you find yourself stuck or daunted by a big challenge or goal, start by setting low expectations for yourself. Use them as stepping stones to help you get started on your way, and as your confidence grows, then slowly, over time, begin to raise them. Let low expectations be your gateway to high achievement.

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Uitwaaien is the Dutch practice of jogging or walking into the wind, especially in the winter, for the purpose of feeling invigorated while relieving stress and boosting one’s general health.

Imagine jogging or walking into the wind and using the feeling of the wind’s resistance to invigorate one’s self.

Do know that airplanes’ ideal conditions to take off and land are when they do so, into the wind. An airplane uses the wind’s resistance to provide them the lift that keeps them afloat.

Sailboats use the wind’s resistance to assist them in tacking, moving in a zigzag motion towards their destination.

In nature, trees become strong and resilient growing into the wind.

What do you when you face headwinds in life?

Do you lean in, avoid, or run away?

Avoiding or running away from headwinds in life does very little to test your character. In comparison, leaning in shows you what you’re made of and can also strengthen and better prepare for the next headwind you face.

Before I continue, let me clarify that I’m not recommending you run towards tornadoes or any other life-threatening situations. But every so often, when you do face a headwind, be like the Dutch, lean in, and run towards it. Use the headwind to become more resilient and, in some cases, even to provide you the lift you need to become a stronger version of yourself.

P.S. For those of you reading this, you might be aware that I started this blog as inspirational and motivational messages to my daughters. The interesting irony about today’s blog post is that I learned the word Uitwaaien a couple of days ago from my middle daughter Ashna. So, Ashna, I’m not sure when you’ll read this but thank you, and I love you always.

P, P.S. As always, thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

How often do you stress test yourself?

Now you might be asking, why would I want to stress myself? And it’s a valid question. But I have an answer for you, to build resiliency.

The military conducts war games, scenarios in which they run simulations of how they would respond to enemy attacks. Companies run red-teaming exercises, models of how they would respond to cyber-attacks, and even in some cases, what they would do if competitors moved into their market. Both the military and companies perform these exercises, not in the hopes but to build resiliency just in case these events occur.

Another form of stress testing is exercise. Exercise is the intentional act of stressing your body either under weights so that your muscles don’t atrophy or via a cardio exercise to maintain or increase your heart and respiration system’s strength.

Your ability to navigate stressful situations can be a superpower that you can cultivate for yourself. Still, to do so, you must be willing to expose yourself to stressful situations or learn stress management techniques.

When I suggest exposing yourself to stressful situations, I don’t mean to put yourself in harm’s way. I am suggesting that you don’t shirk away from situations or events that might cause you to feel uncomfortable or even scare you a little. Depending on your personality, speaking to a stranger or taking a walk when the weather is less than desirable can both be stressful situations, but with a little practice, you can build resiliency to both.

Practice dosing yourself with small amounts of stress regularly, and over time, I can almost guarantee your resiliency and confidence will grow. Just like nature is exposed to the elements and flourishes under the weather’s stress, you too can grow and flourish under a regular regimen of stress testing yourself.

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How much time do you spend being a victim of circumstances?

Let me start by saying that I absolutely agree that there are some circumstances that you cannot avoid, from the weather to macro politics and so much in between. But the point at which we might part ways is that I believe how you deal with or respond to a circumstance is up to you, especially if you’re steeped well into adulthood.

As a child growing up, it’s difficult to avoid being a victim of circumstances because much of your decision making is out of your hands. But once you enter the independence of adulthood, then you begin to experience opportunities to decide how you’ll respond to circumstances.

Let me also recognize that it’s challenging to break free from the training wheels of how you were raised, and changing or paving over the indelible markings of the environment you were raised in can be a lifelong effort.

Shifting from being a victim of circumstance to a master of circumstance requires you first to be honest with yourself about the things you can control. And the top of that list and most important is your mindset. And since it’s the most important, that’s where you should focus most of your energy.

So, the next you get the feeling of being a victim of circumstances, begin with differentiating between what you can and cannot control. Once you’ve identified the few things you can control in your life, then drive your energy towards them and let the rest go.

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What do you choose to believe?

What do you choose to believe about other people, about life, and perhaps most important, about yourself?

If your mental gears are grinding and you feel yourself pushing back at my question, then I’ve done my job.

Although there are some universal beliefs, such as gravity, temperature, etc., essentially a handful of things that science has repeatedly proven that we, collectively, have decided to agree on, the rest of the beliefs held by most people are just stories.

Now I’m not downplaying stories at all. In fact, I’ve come to believe, yes, I see the irony, that there’s very little in life that’s as important as a good story. Stories have the power to inspire, to manipulate, and to change the entire course of history, which they very often do.

So, if beliefs are just stories, what stories are you telling yourself?

And no, not all stories begin with once upon a time. The best ones begin right in the middle of the plot and then build around it. Think for a moment how you do this in your own mind. You experience an incident or situation, and then your mind goes to work writing a narrative about why it happened. And your mind is an expert at manufacturing evidence to support the story it’s writing.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting that some of the things you experience aren’t really happening to you. It’s just that it’s challenging for anyone to really have an objective viewpoint because we all view life through the lens of our own individual experience and history.

So, be cautious in your beliefs. Occasionally evaluate them to see if they’re allowing you to live the life you want or if they’re holding you back. And keep in mind they’re your beliefs, and what you believe is a choice you make. And you can, whenever you want to, choose to tell yourself a new story.

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How well do you handle mundane tasks?

While this might sound counterintuitive, your ability to handle mundane or boring tasks is one of the keys to your long-term success.

Goals and dreams have shiny veneers that draw you towards them, but the steps required to reach them can often be boring because in many cases there’s a lot of repetition involved. For example, if you were to ask a professional athlete about their workout routine or their nutritional plan you would find that once they identify what works for them, they stick with it until it no longer works.

Consistency in any area of life can very quickly become boring, and that’s when most people begin to give up on their goals, the repetition wears them down. Those that learn to stick with their plans and work through the uninteresting and repetitive nature that is part of the dream pursuit journey are very often the ones that achieve their goals.

Working through the mundane everyday repetition can be challenging, especially if you have the kind of personality that is always seeking the new and novel, but it’s a skill you need to learn if you want to increase your probability of accomplishing any meaningful goal. One of the ways to help you work through the boredom of consistency is to remind yourself of your goal on a regular basis. Essentially keeping your ‘why’ front and center.

So, the next time you find yourself struggling through the boring tasks that need to be done for you to accomplish a goal that is meaningful to you, remind yourself why you started out on the journey and stick with them. Think of the monotony and repetition as required rungs on a ladder, each one helping you reach a new level in life.

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What exactly are we discussing?

Can you please clarify what you mean by that?

Let’s agree on a definition before we continue.

Quite often, miscommunication with someone begins when you don’t agree on the definition of a word or idea. The problem occurs when you and the other person mistakenly think you’re discussing the same idea, but you’re not aligned on the definition.

One of the reasons lawyers write what seem to be complicated agreements and contracts is that they want to be as clear as possible about the definition of every word or concept in the document. They do this to prevent any future confusion between what is written and what is understood.

A way to prevent miscommunication is to find a way to agree on the definition of words or ideas either before you begin a discussion, or if you feel as though you and the person, you’re speaking with are just talking past each other, then pause for a moment and ask the other person to clarify their position just to ensure that you’re speaking about the same thing.

While asking or clarifying definitions of words and ideas is by no means a panacea for all problems, it can help. For starters, it shows empathy and that you’re interested in hearing what the person you’re speaking with really has to say, and sometimes showing a little empathy can go a long way.

So, the next time you find yourself on a slippery slope heading towards a heated discussion, or you’re in a conversation spiraling towards an argument, pause for a moment and attempt to clarify the topic at hand. Learning this skill might help you eliminate many unnecessary arguments and even improve or save some relationships.

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How long should you hold a grudge?

An hour, a week, a month, a lifetime?

How much energy does it take to hold a grudge?

Think about it for a moment. To hold a grudge, you must spend energy reminding yourself of how you were wronged by the person you’re holding a grudge against. That’s mental energy you’re spending on someone that may or may not care or even know that you’re holding a grudge against them.

Holding a grudge is the mental equivalent of carrying a heavy backpack around with you while you go about your day. At first, you feel the weight of the backpack but eventually, you get used to it and don’t realize just how heavy it is until you put it down.

Now I’m not suggesting you become a benevolent doormat and allow people to walk all over you without recourse. And to prevent becoming a doormat, you can set your rules and boundaries of the behavior you will and will not accept from others.

Letting go of a grudge can be difficult, especially if you keep replaying to yourself the action the person took or perhaps how they disrespected you but try to keep in mind that how you think you should be treated is your own rules, and not the rules that others play by. They have their own rules they live by.

So, the next time you find yourself offended by the actions of another, remind yourself that holding a grudge against that person is a choice you’re making. And the reality is that the grudge your holding is a story you’re continuously telling yourself and you can if you choose, change the story, and drop the grudge anytime you want to.

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How many decisions can you eliminate today?

Some sources suggest that the average person makes about 35,000 decisions per day. While this number might sound high, even if you half it, that’s still 17,000 decisions a day. And although it might not be obvious at first, every one of those decisions leads to a choice that carries consequences. Now while the consequences for each decision don’t carry equal weight, the sheer number of decisions do carry a cognitive load and require you to spend energy thinking about them.

So how can you eliminate or even automate some of your decisions?

Well, one way is to set rules for yourself. Think about it for a moment. If you set a rule about the food you eat or the clothes you’ll wear, then you eliminate that decision. Eliminating what could be considered, trivial decisions free up your mind, or your cognitive capacity to focus on other, potentially bigger, or more important decisions.

Another way to eliminate decisions is to delegate or let others make them for you. This can be tricky especially if you’re one of those people that needs to be in control. One of the best ways to see if this works for you is to have someone you trust to make a few, not so important, decisions for you. While you might recoil at the idea of someone else making decisions for you, if you think about it, when you seek medical or legal advice, you are in some cases asking others you believe are more qualified than you to help you make life-changing decisions.

So, as you go through your day today, think about decisions that you can set rules for, outsource, or eliminate. Work on freeing up your mind so that you can spend more energy focusing on the big decisions in life. After all, your entire life is based on the decisions you make.

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