Raj Daniels

How do you think about risk?

When and where did you learn about risk?

How much about what you know about risk have you just parroted and not actually experienced?

Statistically speaking, the probability of any disastrous event happening to you is very slim. For example, the number of people killed in car accidents in the U.S. averages around 40,000 people a year. And while the fact that anyone dies in a car accident is sad and unfortunate, that number is roughly one percent of the population.

Now I’m not suggesting you take risk lightly or develop a cavalier attitude towards it, what I am saying is that when you do hear about risk and risky situations, consider the source. One reason risk is sensationalized is because it happens so infrequently and disturbs the pace of normal life.

Bad weather events, ax murderers, and or bankruptcies are all categorized as risk and if you continuously worry about all the risky situations you could get into, then you’d never leave your home. And even while you’re in the safety of your home, you’ll worry about all the other low probability events that could happen to you.

It’s been said that ‘no risk, no reward,’ but I don’t believe the rewards for taking risks are equal to the risk taken. And there are different kinds of risk. There’s financial risk, physical risk, relational risk, and you need to learn to weigh different risks for what they are. You also need to evaluate where and from whom you first learned about risk and what their motivations might have been.

Learning to think about and question what and how you think about risk is one of the first steps to creating any change in your life. You must be willing to navigate the risk of failing in any new endeavor before you begin.

So, the next time you’re thinking about doing something that might be life-changing, take a good hard look at why you think it might be risky. Ask yourself whether these are really your concerns or the concerns of others that you’ve adopted into your own life. And keep in mind, that at times, the risk of inaction, is just as great, if not greater, than acting.

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How often are you where you are?

I know my question might seem a little odd, but just think about it for a moment.

If you’re still struggling with it, then allow me to clarify.

While you might be physically occupying a space, where are you mentally?

Are you here now, in the present, or has your mind wandered off into the future or the past?

If your mind has wandered off, then not to worry, you can bring it back to the here and now.

Having your mind in the same location as you are physically is not a requirement of life, but it is one way to alleviate anxiety and ease depression. It’s been said that anxiety is the constant thinking and worrying about the future, while depression is ruminating on the past. So, bringing your mind into the present allows you to escape, if only temporarily, from the perils of the past and future.

While being present and aligning your mind with your body might be challenging at first, it’s absolutely a skill you can learn to do. And you don’t need to do it all the time to reap the benefits. Just a few moments throughout your day can give your mind an opportunity to reset itself from thinking about the past and future.

So, learn to give your mind a break. Just for a moment, leave the past where it belongs and wait for the future unfold. Experience the feeling of being where you are.

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What is the secret to happiness?

Maybe there’s a better question.

Is there a secret to happiness?

If there is, I’m almost certain it’s not a one size fits all secret.

But, let me add to the mix and ask additional happiness related questions.

Is happiness a worthy goal in itself?

What does happiness look like?

When did you learn about happiness?

Chasing happiness is a tricky endeavor because it’s such an ephemeral emotion. You might know when you experience it, but so often it slips away just as fast as it arrived.

I know that there’s a lot of external or social pressure on you to say and show that you’re happy and this further complicates matters. Everywhere you look you see images of people smiling and supposedly happy and enjoying their lives. Over time these images begin to seep into your mind, and you might even begin to ask yourself, am I the only one that’s not happy?

Before I go on, I want to come clean and tell you that I don’t have the secret to happiness, and I apologize if you feel like I’ve misled you. But before you stop reading let me share a few thoughts that might help you in your pursuit of happiness.

What I’ve learned and can share is that instead of pursuing happiness, seek personal fulfillment. Fulfillment, as the word implies, will give you a longer feeling of satisfaction in life. Think of fulfillment as a long multi-course meal that satisfies all your taste buds, and happiness as a piece of gum that loses its flavor in a matter of minutes.

When you combine personal fulfillment with occasional sprinkles of moments of joy, then you might even experience those fleeting moments of happiness that you’re seeking. Maybe there is a secret to happiness after all.

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What was the last thing you built?

Was it a business or company, a team, a product, or perhaps a personal project?

Humans were designed to build. It’s what we’ve been doing since we’ve been on this earth. The problem is that life has become so convenient and modernized that the need to build is optional.

But why is building important?

It’s not the building that’s important, it’s the skills that you acquire during the building process.

Building increases your self-confidence. It signals to you that by using your mind and at times your hands you have the power to create. And as your confidence increases you begin to get a sense of self-reliance, not in a negative, I don’t need anyone kind of way, but in a positive, ‘I can do this.’

Becoming a builder is a mindset. At times it requires you to shun the easy road and take on challenges that you might think are beyond your current capabilities. The builder mindset also involves you taking on projects that are messy and don’t have any clear instructions, the kind of projects you must figure out as you go along. To draw a parallel, just think about the first structures built by humans, no instructions or rules, all trial, and error.

So, learn to adopt a builder mindset and find a challenge for yourself. You don’t have to start with a big one that is so daunting that you don’t even begin, just a small one to get you started on your journey. And as you continue to build, you’ll notice that not only are you building your projects, but you’re building your self-confidence too.

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Whose life are you trying to imitate?

Who are you trying to be like?

During the 1990s, the company Gatorade had a campaign in which they encouraged everyone to ‘be like Mike.’ Mike, being the famous basketball superstar Michael Jordan. While the campaign generated millions of dollars in revenue for the company, ultimately no one could be like Mike. There was and is only one Michael Jordan.

Michael Jordan’s skills and talents are unique to him and he was able to effectively use them to propel himself and the teams he played for to be champions of an era.

You too have skills and talents that are unique to you but if all you do is try to emulate others then you’ll always fall short. While having role models and learning from others is great because it gives you an ideal to aspire to, continuously comparing yourself to someone else only amplifies the distance between you and your perception of their success.

But how do you find your unique talents?

That is a question for the ages. And my only and best advice is to expose yourself to as many experiences as you can.

There some ‘lucky’ individuals that know from a very early age what they want to do in life, but some must wander for a while before realizing what they’re best suited for. There is no right answer. What I can tell you is that when you eventually find your unique skills and talents focus on them with intensity because the more you do so, the faster you’ll be able to differentiate yourself from the pack.

So, begin your journey today. Keep your role models but leave the comparison behind. Learn to become the master of your own uniqueness and carve out your own path. Make your goal to ‘be like you.’

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How often do you get in your own way?

Let me explain.

You’re sitting there and you have an idea or an inspiration to do something, perhaps even make a change in your life, and then, quietly from within you, you hear a voice.

“Not today.”

“You can’t do that.”

“Who do you think you are?”

And doubt begins to creep in and dismantle your idea or inspiration. You see, quite often, you are your own greatest obstacle.

How many times has this happened to you?

How many inspirations and ideas have you buried in the recess of your mind without even giving them the opportunity to see the light of day?

Learning to get out of your own way is one of the best things you can do for yourself. By the way, this doesn’t mean that suddenly, your ideas and inspirations will begin to succeed, it just means you’ll give them a chance to live.

Getting out of your own way is all about silencing your inner critic. It’s about quieting or ignoring the inner voice I mentioned earlier.

Removing the obstacle of you is no easy task, but it’s one that’s well worth the effort. It requires you to take small steps towards building confidence and belief in yourself, and perhaps the most difficult step, being okay with failing, sometimes even publicly.

By the way, it’s the failing in public that prevents most people from getting out of their own way. And while I can’t alleviate your pain of failing in public, I can share that the public is fickle and self-absorbed and will soon forget about your mishaps and move on.

So, when you have your next idea or inspiration, step out of the way, and allow it to come to life. At least give it the opportunity to take its first breath. There will be plenty of obstacles for it to face in order for it to come to fruition, just don’t let you be one of them.

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What’s best for me?

If you’re like me most people, then that’s the question you’re probably asking and answering all day every day. And although there might be times during your day that you’re truly thinking about the welfare of others, you then revert to what’s best for you.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a bit of a selfish streak, prioritizing yourself, and thinking about what’s best for you. But what if occasionally you asked, what’s best for everyone?

Yes, I understand that it’s impossible to act in a manner that best for everyone, but what I’m suggesting is that you take a more holistic view of the world.

But how do you act in a manner that has the interest of the majority?

It’s a good question. And while I can’t provide an exact roadmap, I do have a few broad ideas.

My ideas are related mostly to your consumption patterns. When you purchase food, think about the farmers and whether they’re being treated fairly or not. When you buy clothes, think about where they come from and are the companies paying and treating their labor well. When you buy electronics and other gadgets, think about the natural resources being extracted from the earth.

While my ideas might sound too broad or overwhelming to think about, it’s only when we begin to think in this holistic manner that we start to see how we can benefit not just ourselves, but everyone.

So, today as you go about your day doing and acting in ways that are best for you, spend a few moments thinking about what’s best for everyone. After all, whether we admit or think about it or not, we’re all in this together.

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How often do you give yourself a break?

How do you speak to yourself when projects are not going your way, you’re behind on a deadline, or perhaps you’ve had a recent failure?

Instead of berating yourself or reminding yourself of all your other past mishaps, learn to give yourself a break.

I’m not saying you should take your foot off the gas entirely; I’m just suggesting that occasionally, give yourself a break. Go easy on yourself.

Life’s requests and demands will never stop, so you must learn to step away from them. Whether you choose to do this for a minute an hour a day or any other amount of time is up to you, but just learn to do so.

Taking a break doesn’t mean giving up, it’s just taking time to reset. Think of it as rebooting a computer that’s stuck.

Now you might wonder if giving yourself a break really is worth doing and that you might even lose your edge if you’re soft on yourself, which are valid concerns. But think of it this way, any object, whether in nature or manmade will eventually break if it’s under pressure all the time. And you’re no different.

So, the next time you find yourself overwhelmed with a challenge, or struggling with a recent failure, give yourself a break. Reboot, reset, refresh, and prepare for your next set of challenges. They’ll be waiting right where you left them.

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How often do you water weeds?

Never?

Sometimes?

What about by accident?

Well, I’m not talking about the weeds in your garden, I’m referring to the weeds in your mind.

But let’s go back to your garden for a moment. Even those weeds get watered by accident, but since they’re visible, and if you’re a diligent gardener, then you probably work at removing the weeds so your plants can flourish.

Back to the weeds in your mind. Your negative thoughts, your what-ifs, your doubts, and your fears. How often do you focus on them? How much energy and attention do you give them?

While I agree that it’s not entirely possible to stop having negative thoughts or to prevent fear and doubt from sprouting up uninvited, you don’t have to give them the energy they need to sustain themselves. You can choose to change and refocus your attention at any time you want to.

Choosing not to focus on your negative thoughts is a skill you can develop, and no, it’s not easy, but it is well worth the effort required to do so. Just to be clear, I’m not suggesting you ignore life-threatening warnings, or even that you stop thinking about the responsibilities you have. I’m talking about negative thoughts that create overwhelming anxiety or prevent you from pursuing what you want from life.

So, commit today to stop watering the weeds of your mind. Oh, and don’t worry about them, they’re strong and hearty and will find a way to keep showing up in your life. It’s just when they do, you’ll no longer give them the attention they seek and instead refocus and give your attention to what you seek instead.

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Do you listen to speak or listen to learn?

While both have their places in life, if all you do is listen so that you can speak then you’re probably not really listening, or hearing what’s being said.

Listening to learn means that you give the other person the room to explain or share their ideas and positions before you jump to conclusions or have answers and opinions cocked and ready to fire before they’re finished saying their piece.

Listening to learn is not easy. It takes a lot of effort, but it’s a skill that can be developed with practice. And it’s a skill that when honed can serve you well in life.

Although listening to learn is an active approach to communication, you will feel passive when you practice it because you’re waiting and providing space during conversations before you respond.

One reason almost everyone struggles with listening to learn is that we’ve been taught through our education systems and other social cues that the first to respond is often regarded as the smartest. But life isn’t a game show, and while there is a time and place for quick responses, not all conversations require to you defend or display how smart you think you are.

So, take the opportunity today when in conversations to listen and learn. Let the other person speak their entire piece before responding. I warn you that this will feel strange at first, both to you and maybe even the person you’re speaking with. But that’s okay, you’ll get used to it. And who knows, maybe when you start giving people the room speak their mind and share their ideas, they might start doing the same for you too.

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How many quick wins can you accomplish today?

If you’re not sure what a quick win is, then let me explain.

A quick win is an action you can take with a high degree of confidence that you’re almost guaranteed to succeed.

Why are quick wins important?

Because they give you momentum. A quick win is an action you can take to launch you off the starting blocks and move you towards your goals.

Quick wins are stackable. They are small, short bursts of reassurance. When you begin to experience quick wins, you’ll begin to feel more confident and that’s when the virtuous cycle begins. When you begin to feel more confident, you’ll attempt to do more, then continue to rinse and repeat.

Pursuing quick wins doesn’t mean you only do what’s easy or guaranteed to succeed, you should balance quick wins with longer-term more challenging goals. You learn to use the quick win to eat the proverbial elephant one bite at a time.

Getting a quick win allows you to experience what completing a task feels like. They help you get a feeling of, if I can do that, what else can I do?

So, list out some quick wins that you can accomplish today and begin to build your confidence. And use the momentum to accomplish your larger life goals.

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How often do you stack the odds in your favor?

What actions do you take to increase or decrease the probability of getting the things you want out of life?

Professional gamblers know and understand that even a slight increase in the probability of a win can lead to huge payouts and so they’re always thinking about how to stack the odds in their favor.  You can do the same for yourself in life.

For example, take your health. If you eat healthy, exercise, and sleep well, there’s no guarantee that you won’t get sick or contract a disease, but by doing so, you are increasing your odds of living a healthier life. And like the gambler, sometimes all it takes is a slight edge in your favor to win big.

So how do you stack the odds in your favor?

Stacking the odds in your favor is not a one-time event but a continuous effort towards moving towards what you want out of life. Let’s go back to the health example. You know that eating one healthy meal or exercising once is going to do nothing or very little for you. But with a slow consistent effort over time, stacking the odds, you begin to experience the benefits of doing so.

One of the best things about stacking the odds in your favor is that you begin to gain momentum towards the things you want out of life. Approach stacking odds like the gambler that recognizes that they might not win every hand, but they take a holistic, long term view, knowing that the goal is when they walk away from the table they leave with more money than they started out with.

So, start stacking the odds in your favor in whatever area of life you want to improve. Don’t be discouraged by temporary setbacks, which I can almost guarantee there will be; keep moving forward. Keep in mind the bigger picture of what you’re working to achieve and make as many decisions as possible to increase your probability of accomplishing your goals.

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How often do you work to please others while foregoing your own needs and wants?

While I’m not promoting selfishness, wait, maybe I am, well at least a little.

There’s a fine balance between wanting to get along with others and self-sacrifice, and that point of balance is different for everyone. The key is to know when you’ve given so much of yourself that you’ve forgotten to take care of yourself.

When it comes to people-pleasing, you are not alone. Almost everyone has a desire to be liked, needed, and wanted, but the question is, at what cost?

Before I go on, let me clarify that not pleasing people doesn’t make you a bad person, although those that you aren’t trying to please might tell you that you are. But that’s because you’ve made the decision to prioritize yourself over them.

When you find yourself working to please someone else, ask yourself these questions.

Why am I doing this?

What am I afraid of losing?

Why am I so concerned what they’ll think about me?

What will I lose if I do this?

Every time you choose to do something for someone else you are losing or giving away a part of your life to do so. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong in doing things for others, make sure that it’s for the right reasons. Don’t do it out of the fear that you will lose the person or that they will withhold their affection from you. Because once you begin down that road, it’s very difficult to turn back.

So, the next time you find yourself bending over backward to please someone, especially when it’s to your own detriment, stop and think about why you’re doing so. And while this might be challenging at first, just think about how much of your life you’ll back get when you stop working to please others and spend that time on yourself.

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How do you go from where you are in life to where want to be?

One way to do so is when you imagine what you want, to be greater than what you have. Let me clarify that I don’t mean the things you want in a material sense, although that is a motivator for some, I’m referring to how you want to feel.

The image, the feeling of the future you, the you that you want to be, must be so compelling that you’re willing to leave behind who you currently are. You’re essentially willing to bury parts of who you are to gain what you want and become the person you want to be.

You see, if what you want out of life tomorrow is not greater than what you have today, then you’re probably not going to make the sacrifices and tradeoffs needed to get there. Think about it for a moment.

Why would you give up the comfort of all you have and feel today if your ideas and the feelings about the future you are no better than who you are today?

So while I’m not here to judge what you want from your future, I can, with a certain degree of certainty tell you that it must be more, or better, choose the words that suit you best, than what you have and how you feel today.

As always, the choice is yours. Live as who you are and accept the status quo, or imagine a future you that so compelling, that you’re willing to shed the skin of who you are today to become the person you want to be.

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How do you show kindness and compassion towards yourself?

While you probably or at least hopefully, spend your days being kind and compassionate towards other people, when do you turn those same emotions towards yourself?

It’s easy to be kind or show empathy for a friend in need, or that is experiencing a low point in their life, but what do you do when that person is you? Do you show the same compassion, or do you try to power through hoping the emotions will pass?

So how do you begin to show kindness towards yourself?

The easiest way is to treat yourself like a friend or loved one that you’d console or counsel when they’re having a hard time.

What kind of questions would you ask them?

How would you speak to them?

What tone of voice would you use?

While this might feel strange at first, especially if you’re a power through and get over it kind of person, eventually, and with enough practice, you too can become your own best friend and ally.

I’m not suggesting that you go through life letting yourself off the hook for mistakes, avoiding responsibilities, and spend all your time self-coddling yourself. What I am saying is that the times when you’re experiencing emotional turmoil, or sadness, learn to be just as kind and compassionate towards yourself, as you would be to a loved one. After all, you deserve just as much of your kindness and compassion as you give to those around you.

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How often do you go the extra mile?

What I mean by the extra mile is, above and beyond what you’re supposed to do.

You see, almost everyone can do what they’re supposed to do, but going above and beyond, well that’s where the magic happens.

What magic?

I’m glad you asked.

Doing what you’re supposed to do, or close to it, is table stakes, and yes you can get through life by doing so. But when you start going the extra mile or putting in additional effort, that’s when you become remarkable. That’s when people notice and you reap the rewards, both externally and internally for doing so.

Let me be clear, going the extra mile doesn’t mean you have to do twice the work, it could be as simple as going ten percent beyond what you’d normally do. I’m also not suggesting you do it all the time unless of course, you want to.

An example of going the extra mile could be as simple as a random act of kindness. Yes, we’ll both agree that you’re a good person, but if once in a while you go out of your way to share a moment of kindness, whether through words or deeds, with someone you know, or a total stranger, then you’re going the extra mile.

The best thing about going the extra mile is that your effort compounds over time. And while there’s no real way to measure where you’ll end up in life after going the extra mile versus if you didn’t, you just have to trust the process.

So, commit today to go the extra mile in every area of your life that’s important to you. Give it time and you’ll begin to experience the magic of doing so.

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What do you consider to be the fair treatment of yourself and others?

If you’re like most people then your thoughts and ideas about what is fair are biased, but that’s okay, so are mine and everyone else’s.

So, what’s the problem with being biased?

Well, the biggest issue is that being biased leads to unfairness.

So, how to solve for bias?

The truth is that solving for bias is probably impossible until and unless you can get everyone to agree on the definition of what’s fair. However, there is a simple but fun thought experiment that you can work through occasionally, that can help you check your ideas of what fairness might look like.

The experiment is called the Veil of Ignorance. The “veil of ignorance” is a method of determining the morality of issues. It asks a decision-maker to make a choice about a social or moral issue and assumes that they have enough information to know the consequences of their possible decisions for everyone but would not know, or would not take into account, which person they are.

Or in simpler terms.

If you could reshape society from scratch, what would it look like?

How would you distribute wealth and power?

Would you make everyone equal or not?

How would you define fairness and equality?

And here’s where it gets interesting. What if you had to make those decisions without knowing who you would be in this new society?

While I know that in reality, this is impossible to do, what if just for today you assume that you and everyone you encounter are equal in every sense of the word. They are you and you are them. And you treat them with the same amount of love, compassion, equality, and as fairly as you like to be treated.

Doing so just for today will not change society, but it might just change the life of one person you meet today.

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How does it feel to be in control of You Inc?

That’s right, you’re the head honcho, the boss. This especially true if you’re over eighteen when you read this.

You see, now that you’re over eighteen, you’re considered to be an adult, and that means you’re responsible for every decision you make. Let that sink in for a moment. You are responsible for every decision you make. The buck now stops with you.

For the rest of your life, you’ll have to be the captain navigating all the ins and outs that you encounter along the way.

How will you get through it all?

By making decisions.

But not to worry. Remember all those classes and lessons you took when you studied decision making. Yup, I don’t remember them either. Unfortunately, decision making is rarely taught, if ever, especially in formal schooling. So, if you want to learn to make good decisions, you’re going to have to make the effort to learn it on your own.

If you want to achieve any level of success for You Inc, and yes, you can measure success however you want to, I’d highly recommend you start taking decision making very seriously. And it’s not too late to start today.

Maybe you’ve taken a few years to get used to the idea of being in charge of your life and now you’re realizing that you are in control, that’s okay. Instead of mourning over wasted years, chalk them up to experience and learn from them.

Now’s your time. Take the helm of You Inc. and begin to focus on the few decisions that really matter. Do what other good leaders do. Learn to study and weigh your options, and then act accordingly. You are in charge and in control of you, so please act accordingly.

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How much deferred maintenance are you accumulating in your life?

If you’re wondering what deferred maintenance is, then great, let me explain.

The concept of deferred maintenance is most commonly used in real estate. Deferred maintenance is the practice of postponing maintenance activities such as repairs in order to save costs or time. However, the risk of doing so could lead to asset deterioration and ultimately asset impairment.

If you’re still a little confused and wondering how this might apply to you then please allow me to add some clarity.

Deferred maintenance can apply to a variety of areas in your life. If you defer investing in your health then over time, it will deteriorate, and the same applies to your relationships, your finances, and even your mental or spiritual wellbeing. The idea that you can put off or indefinitely postpone taking care of the critical areas of your life will indeed lead to impairment in those areas.

Now obviously, in real estate it’s inanimate objects that are deteriorating and, in most cases, they can be brought back to acceptable or working conditions with the investment of resources. But in life, if you let your health or relationships deteriorate, there’s a high probability that there will come a time when they are beyond repair.

So how do you avoid falling into the trap of deferred maintenance of your life?

Continuous and consistent investment in the things you say you care about.

If you say you care about your health, then invest time in staying healthy. If you say you care about your relationships, then invest time in your relationships. Whatever it is you think or say is important to your life, invest in it. Because if you don’t, then eventually, due to the accumulation of deferred maintenance, you will have to deal with the consequences of all that you neglected along the way.

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How does it feel to be unstoppable?

Wait!

You do know that you’re unstoppable?

At least I hope you do.

Now I know that you might not feel like you’re unstoppable, but there’s a difference between how you feel and reality. How you feel often has nothing to do with reality, it’s just your interpretation of what’s going on around you.

So, back to you being unstoppable. Before I go on let me clarify that there are indeed times in your life when you might be slowed down and even perhaps on pause due to an illness or other unfortunate events, but those are just temporary events. The only time you’ll ever really stop is when, you, like everyone else, take the final exit. But until then, you are unstoppable, you just need to believe, or convince yourself that you are.

I can hear your arguments as you read this about the number of times you’ve failed to accomplish things in your life or challenges that you’ve had, and that’s all true, but as long as you’re reading this, you’re still here, and that means there’s still time for you.

Being unstoppable doesn’t mean challenges will be easier for you, it means you don’t give up. You behave like the wind and water around you and continue to erode what stands between you and your goals. And you continue doing so for as long as you can.

Hopefully, after reading this you will be on the path to believing that you are, indeed, unstoppable. And you use your newfound superpower to pursue your goals for as long as you want, with the understanding that you are the only one that can stop yourself from doing so.

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