Raj Daniels

How often do you water weeds?

Never?

Sometimes?

What about by accident?

Well, I’m not talking about the weeds in your garden, I’m referring to the weeds in your mind.

But let’s go back to your garden for a moment. Even those weeds get watered by accident, but since they’re visible, and if you’re a diligent gardener, then you probably work at removing the weeds so your plants can flourish.

Back to the weeds in your mind. Your negative thoughts, your what-ifs, your doubts, and your fears. How often do you focus on them? How much energy and attention do you give them?

While I agree that it’s not entirely possible to stop having negative thoughts or to prevent fear and doubt from sprouting up uninvited, you don’t have to give them the energy they need to sustain themselves. You can choose to change and refocus your attention at any time you want to.

Choosing not to focus on your negative thoughts is a skill you can develop, and no, it’s not easy, but it is well worth the effort required to do so. Just to be clear, I’m not suggesting you ignore life-threatening warnings, or even that you stop thinking about the responsibilities you have. I’m talking about negative thoughts that create overwhelming anxiety or prevent you from pursuing what you want from life.

So, commit today to stop watering the weeds of your mind. Oh, and don’t worry about them, they’re strong and hearty and will find a way to keep showing up in your life. It’s just when they do, you’ll no longer give them the attention they seek and instead refocus and give your attention to what you seek instead.

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Do you listen to speak or listen to learn?

While both have their places in life, if all you do is listen so that you can speak then you’re probably not really listening, or hearing what’s being said.

Listening to learn means that you give the other person the room to explain or share their ideas and positions before you jump to conclusions or have answers and opinions cocked and ready to fire before they’re finished saying their piece.

Listening to learn is not easy. It takes a lot of effort, but it’s a skill that can be developed with practice. And it’s a skill that when honed can serve you well in life.

Although listening to learn is an active approach to communication, you will feel passive when you practice it because you’re waiting and providing space during conversations before you respond.

One reason almost everyone struggles with listening to learn is that we’ve been taught through our education systems and other social cues that the first to respond is often regarded as the smartest. But life isn’t a game show, and while there is a time and place for quick responses, not all conversations require to you defend or display how smart you think you are.

So, take the opportunity today when in conversations to listen and learn. Let the other person speak their entire piece before responding. I warn you that this will feel strange at first, both to you and maybe even the person you’re speaking with. But that’s okay, you’ll get used to it. And who knows, maybe when you start giving people the room speak their mind and share their ideas, they might start doing the same for you too.

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How many quick wins can you accomplish today?

If you’re not sure what a quick win is, then let me explain.

A quick win is an action you can take with a high degree of confidence that you’re almost guaranteed to succeed.

Why are quick wins important?

Because they give you momentum. A quick win is an action you can take to launch you off the starting blocks and move you towards your goals.

Quick wins are stackable. They are small, short bursts of reassurance. When you begin to experience quick wins, you’ll begin to feel more confident and that’s when the virtuous cycle begins. When you begin to feel more confident, you’ll attempt to do more, then continue to rinse and repeat.

Pursuing quick wins doesn’t mean you only do what’s easy or guaranteed to succeed, you should balance quick wins with longer-term more challenging goals. You learn to use the quick win to eat the proverbial elephant one bite at a time.

Getting a quick win allows you to experience what completing a task feels like. They help you get a feeling of, if I can do that, what else can I do?

So, list out some quick wins that you can accomplish today and begin to build your confidence. And use the momentum to accomplish your larger life goals.

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How often do you stack the odds in your favor?

What actions do you take to increase or decrease the probability of getting the things you want out of life?

Professional gamblers know and understand that even a slight increase in the probability of a win can lead to huge payouts and so they’re always thinking about how to stack the odds in their favor.  You can do the same for yourself in life.

For example, take your health. If you eat healthy, exercise, and sleep well, there’s no guarantee that you won’t get sick or contract a disease, but by doing so, you are increasing your odds of living a healthier life. And like the gambler, sometimes all it takes is a slight edge in your favor to win big.

So how do you stack the odds in your favor?

Stacking the odds in your favor is not a one-time event but a continuous effort towards moving towards what you want out of life. Let’s go back to the health example. You know that eating one healthy meal or exercising once is going to do nothing or very little for you. But with a slow consistent effort over time, stacking the odds, you begin to experience the benefits of doing so.

One of the best things about stacking the odds in your favor is that you begin to gain momentum towards the things you want out of life. Approach stacking odds like the gambler that recognizes that they might not win every hand, but they take a holistic, long term view, knowing that the goal is when they walk away from the table they leave with more money than they started out with.

So, start stacking the odds in your favor in whatever area of life you want to improve. Don’t be discouraged by temporary setbacks, which I can almost guarantee there will be; keep moving forward. Keep in mind the bigger picture of what you’re working to achieve and make as many decisions as possible to increase your probability of accomplishing your goals.

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How often do you work to please others while foregoing your own needs and wants?

While I’m not promoting selfishness, wait, maybe I am, well at least a little.

There’s a fine balance between wanting to get along with others and self-sacrifice, and that point of balance is different for everyone. The key is to know when you’ve given so much of yourself that you’ve forgotten to take care of yourself.

When it comes to people-pleasing, you are not alone. Almost everyone has a desire to be liked, needed, and wanted, but the question is, at what cost?

Before I go on, let me clarify that not pleasing people doesn’t make you a bad person, although those that you aren’t trying to please might tell you that you are. But that’s because you’ve made the decision to prioritize yourself over them.

When you find yourself working to please someone else, ask yourself these questions.

Why am I doing this?

What am I afraid of losing?

Why am I so concerned what they’ll think about me?

What will I lose if I do this?

Every time you choose to do something for someone else you are losing or giving away a part of your life to do so. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong in doing things for others, make sure that it’s for the right reasons. Don’t do it out of the fear that you will lose the person or that they will withhold their affection from you. Because once you begin down that road, it’s very difficult to turn back.

So, the next time you find yourself bending over backward to please someone, especially when it’s to your own detriment, stop and think about why you’re doing so. And while this might be challenging at first, just think about how much of your life you’ll back get when you stop working to please others and spend that time on yourself.

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How do you go from where you are in life to where want to be?

One way to do so is when you imagine what you want, to be greater than what you have. Let me clarify that I don’t mean the things you want in a material sense, although that is a motivator for some, I’m referring to how you want to feel.

The image, the feeling of the future you, the you that you want to be, must be so compelling that you’re willing to leave behind who you currently are. You’re essentially willing to bury parts of who you are to gain what you want and become the person you want to be.

You see, if what you want out of life tomorrow is not greater than what you have today, then you’re probably not going to make the sacrifices and tradeoffs needed to get there. Think about it for a moment.

Why would you give up the comfort of all you have and feel today if your ideas and the feelings about the future you are no better than who you are today?

So while I’m not here to judge what you want from your future, I can, with a certain degree of certainty tell you that it must be more, or better, choose the words that suit you best, than what you have and how you feel today.

As always, the choice is yours. Live as who you are and accept the status quo, or imagine a future you that so compelling, that you’re willing to shed the skin of who you are today to become the person you want to be.

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How do you show kindness and compassion towards yourself?

While you probably or at least hopefully, spend your days being kind and compassionate towards other people, when do you turn those same emotions towards yourself?

It’s easy to be kind or show empathy for a friend in need, or that is experiencing a low point in their life, but what do you do when that person is you? Do you show the same compassion, or do you try to power through hoping the emotions will pass?

So how do you begin to show kindness towards yourself?

The easiest way is to treat yourself like a friend or loved one that you’d console or counsel when they’re having a hard time.

What kind of questions would you ask them?

How would you speak to them?

What tone of voice would you use?

While this might feel strange at first, especially if you’re a power through and get over it kind of person, eventually, and with enough practice, you too can become your own best friend and ally.

I’m not suggesting that you go through life letting yourself off the hook for mistakes, avoiding responsibilities, and spend all your time self-coddling yourself. What I am saying is that the times when you’re experiencing emotional turmoil, or sadness, learn to be just as kind and compassionate towards yourself, as you would be to a loved one. After all, you deserve just as much of your kindness and compassion as you give to those around you.

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How often do you go the extra mile?

What I mean by the extra mile is, above and beyond what you’re supposed to do.

You see, almost everyone can do what they’re supposed to do, but going above and beyond, well that’s where the magic happens.

What magic?

I’m glad you asked.

Doing what you’re supposed to do, or close to it, is table stakes, and yes you can get through life by doing so. But when you start going the extra mile or putting in additional effort, that’s when you become remarkable. That’s when people notice and you reap the rewards, both externally and internally for doing so.

Let me be clear, going the extra mile doesn’t mean you have to do twice the work, it could be as simple as going ten percent beyond what you’d normally do. I’m also not suggesting you do it all the time unless of course, you want to.

An example of going the extra mile could be as simple as a random act of kindness. Yes, we’ll both agree that you’re a good person, but if once in a while you go out of your way to share a moment of kindness, whether through words or deeds, with someone you know, or a total stranger, then you’re going the extra mile.

The best thing about going the extra mile is that your effort compounds over time. And while there’s no real way to measure where you’ll end up in life after going the extra mile versus if you didn’t, you just have to trust the process.

So, commit today to go the extra mile in every area of your life that’s important to you. Give it time and you’ll begin to experience the magic of doing so.

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What do you consider to be the fair treatment of yourself and others?

If you’re like most people then your thoughts and ideas about what is fair are biased, but that’s okay, so are mine and everyone else’s.

So, what’s the problem with being biased?

Well, the biggest issue is that being biased leads to unfairness.

So, how to solve for bias?

The truth is that solving for bias is probably impossible until and unless you can get everyone to agree on the definition of what’s fair. However, there is a simple but fun thought experiment that you can work through occasionally, that can help you check your ideas of what fairness might look like.

The experiment is called the Veil of Ignorance. The “veil of ignorance” is a method of determining the morality of issues. It asks a decision-maker to make a choice about a social or moral issue and assumes that they have enough information to know the consequences of their possible decisions for everyone but would not know, or would not take into account, which person they are.

Or in simpler terms.

If you could reshape society from scratch, what would it look like?

How would you distribute wealth and power?

Would you make everyone equal or not?

How would you define fairness and equality?

And here’s where it gets interesting. What if you had to make those decisions without knowing who you would be in this new society?

While I know that in reality, this is impossible to do, what if just for today you assume that you and everyone you encounter are equal in every sense of the word. They are you and you are them. And you treat them with the same amount of love, compassion, equality, and as fairly as you like to be treated.

Doing so just for today will not change society, but it might just change the life of one person you meet today.

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How does it feel to be in control of You Inc?

That’s right, you’re the head honcho, the boss. This especially true if you’re over eighteen when you read this.

You see, now that you’re over eighteen, you’re considered to be an adult, and that means you’re responsible for every decision you make. Let that sink in for a moment. You are responsible for every decision you make. The buck now stops with you.

For the rest of your life, you’ll have to be the captain navigating all the ins and outs that you encounter along the way.

How will you get through it all?

By making decisions.

But not to worry. Remember all those classes and lessons you took when you studied decision making. Yup, I don’t remember them either. Unfortunately, decision making is rarely taught, if ever, especially in formal schooling. So, if you want to learn to make good decisions, you’re going to have to make the effort to learn it on your own.

If you want to achieve any level of success for You Inc, and yes, you can measure success however you want to, I’d highly recommend you start taking decision making very seriously. And it’s not too late to start today.

Maybe you’ve taken a few years to get used to the idea of being in charge of your life and now you’re realizing that you are in control, that’s okay. Instead of mourning over wasted years, chalk them up to experience and learn from them.

Now’s your time. Take the helm of You Inc. and begin to focus on the few decisions that really matter. Do what other good leaders do. Learn to study and weigh your options, and then act accordingly. You are in charge and in control of you, so please act accordingly.

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How much deferred maintenance are you accumulating in your life?

If you’re wondering what deferred maintenance is, then great, let me explain.

The concept of deferred maintenance is most commonly used in real estate. Deferred maintenance is the practice of postponing maintenance activities such as repairs in order to save costs or time. However, the risk of doing so could lead to asset deterioration and ultimately asset impairment.

If you’re still a little confused and wondering how this might apply to you then please allow me to add some clarity.

Deferred maintenance can apply to a variety of areas in your life. If you defer investing in your health then over time, it will deteriorate, and the same applies to your relationships, your finances, and even your mental or spiritual wellbeing. The idea that you can put off or indefinitely postpone taking care of the critical areas of your life will indeed lead to impairment in those areas.

Now obviously, in real estate it’s inanimate objects that are deteriorating and, in most cases, they can be brought back to acceptable or working conditions with the investment of resources. But in life, if you let your health or relationships deteriorate, there’s a high probability that there will come a time when they are beyond repair.

So how do you avoid falling into the trap of deferred maintenance of your life?

Continuous and consistent investment in the things you say you care about.

If you say you care about your health, then invest time in staying healthy. If you say you care about your relationships, then invest time in your relationships. Whatever it is you think or say is important to your life, invest in it. Because if you don’t, then eventually, due to the accumulation of deferred maintenance, you will have to deal with the consequences of all that you neglected along the way.

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How does it feel to be unstoppable?

Wait!

You do know that you’re unstoppable?

At least I hope you do.

Now I know that you might not feel like you’re unstoppable, but there’s a difference between how you feel and reality. How you feel often has nothing to do with reality, it’s just your interpretation of what’s going on around you.

So, back to you being unstoppable. Before I go on let me clarify that there are indeed times in your life when you might be slowed down and even perhaps on pause due to an illness or other unfortunate events, but those are just temporary events. The only time you’ll ever really stop is when, you, like everyone else, take the final exit. But until then, you are unstoppable, you just need to believe, or convince yourself that you are.

I can hear your arguments as you read this about the number of times you’ve failed to accomplish things in your life or challenges that you’ve had, and that’s all true, but as long as you’re reading this, you’re still here, and that means there’s still time for you.

Being unstoppable doesn’t mean challenges will be easier for you, it means you don’t give up. You behave like the wind and water around you and continue to erode what stands between you and your goals. And you continue doing so for as long as you can.

Hopefully, after reading this you will be on the path to believing that you are, indeed, unstoppable. And you use your newfound superpower to pursue your goals for as long as you want, with the understanding that you are the only one that can stop yourself from doing so.

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What role are you auditioning for?

Now you might be thinking that you’re not auditioning for a role, or perhaps the last time you did, you were a child hoping to get a role in a school play. And while that might be partially true, you’re auditioning daily.

You see, whether you realize it or not, every day you are trying out for the role of the person you want to be.  The same way an actor prepares for a future role, or a musician practices for a future event, you too are practicing for your future. You just might not realize that you’re doing so.

So now that you know, what are you going to about it?

If you’re still a little confused or stuck, let me attempt to add some clarity. If you have a desire to be a better student, business person, employee, parent, spouse, or any other role in life that you can imagine, then you must, in your mind have a picture of how that person would be and act. That’s the role you are auditioning for. And to audition, and get the role, you must prepare.

Of course, don’t need to prepare, you can always leave it to chance. What I mean by chance is that you just show up, get the role and that’s it. But if you leave it to chance, then at best you get an average performance. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with average, the average is rarely what people are looking for.

So how are you preparing for your future role?

If you haven’t been doing so, that’s okay. Today is your lucky day because you’re auditioning for the person you want to be ten years from today. So, take some to imagine the person you want to be in the future and then begin to prepare for the role. Or as they say in the acting world, prepare for the role of a lifetime. And while the actors might be exaggerating, for you this couldn’t be truer.

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What do you do when you know better?

Well, it’s been said, when you know better you do better.

But do you?

And if not, why not?

What are you continuing to do in your life that you know is not good for you?

Or perhaps a different question.

What in your life do you know that you could or should be doing, but are not doing?

Let me start with this. No one is perfect and there’s room for improvement in everyone’s life. But improvement only happens when what needs to be improved is worked on. Only when effort is applied do results occur. I know I’m pointing out the obvious, but at times it’s the obvious that gets overlooked.

There are two main reasons people don’t attempt to work on their life, lack of hope, and lack of courage, also known as fear. Which one of these are you struggling with? If you answer none, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t be making all the changes in your life that you want to. You should be doing better because you know better. But if you’re struggling or stuck, then you must address the causes I mentioned earlier.

Both lack of hope and lack of courage are by no means easy to overcome, but if it’s change you’re seeking, then you have to find a way to bring both into your life. Now I intentionally put hope before courage because hope is the light; it’s the feeling that your life can be different, and as it’s been said, without hope, the people will perish. Once you have hope, then it’s courage that will help you move towards the light, towards a better future.

Now I don’t expect a three-hundred-word blog post to solve any issues you might have around lack of hope and courage, but I want you to ask yourself the question. When I know better, why don’t I do better? My goal is that the more you ask the question, the more answers you’ll get. And once you have your answers, you can begin to root out what’s preventing you from doing better and begin to apply hope and courage to those areas of your life.

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Why do you stay with the devil you know?

What do I mean by the devil you know?

I referring to the idiom ‘better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.’ It means that it is often better to deal with someone or something you are familiar with and know, even if they are not ideal, then take a risk with an unknown person or thing.

Before I go on, let me assure you that you’re not alone. Familiarity and comfort are the traps laid by the devil you know that are designed to keep you where you are. But let’s not put all the blame on the devil you know, because you too are complicit.

If you read the idiom carefully then you’ll recognize that it’s in your knowing where you’re agreeing to participate, whether consciously or not, you’re accepting the familiar and staying where you are. This might sound a little harsh at first, but very rarely in this day and age can you be held against your will.

I’m not suggesting that leaving comfortable familiar conditions, and situations is easy or even possible for everyone, but for many, there are more opportunities to do so, than not. It’s just that it’s difficult and fear of change is often paralyzing.

Oh, and one last thing. Quite often the devil you know is none other than your own mind that’s working against you under the guise of keeping you safe. So, before you go looking for devils in your life, take control and subdue the one that’s in your head. Ultimately, you’ll have to decide, whether you stay with the devil you know, or forgo comfort and security and pursue the life you want

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When was the last time you went in for an upgrade?

Unfortunately, for so many people the answer to the question is never.

It’s not what most people do. At least not actively. Most people stop upgrading themselves once they’re out of school. They think that they no longer need to learn or take the time to adapt to an ever-changing future. And slowly but surely, over time, they find themselves being left behind by all the changes taking place around them.

Why don’t people upgrade themselves?

Because it’s hard and takes time to do so.

You see, upgrading an inanimate object is easy, just buy a new one, or press a button, and voila, upgraded. But a personal upgrade requires you to do the work.

But what’s they point, why do you need to upgrade yourself?

You don’t. Unless of course, you want to be able to adapt to the changes taking place in society around you.

Now when I speak about upgrading, I’m not suggesting you spend all your time learning about the latest and greatest technology or attempt to read all the new information being produced daily. What I am recommending is that you adopt a learning mindset. A mindset that allows you to adapt to the present and one that prepares you for the future.

So, the next time you think about upgrading material objects in your life, consider adding yourself to the list. Invest time in upgrading yourself, so you too will be the latest and greatest version of you.

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What role does luck play in your life?

What is luck?

There are many definitions and ideas about luck, and they vary from person to person and culturally. Luck, also at times is referred to as being fortunate, or being on the receiving end of positive improbable events. However, there are those that argue that luck is also a mindset, or even an emotion, a feeling.

How can you feel lucky?

Let me rephrase the question.

How can you feel as though circumstances and situations will work in your favor?

While I agree that you might need to adopt a mindset that some might define as irrational optimism, you can go through life feeling lucky, irrespective of how many times luck does strike for you.

What’s the benefit of adopting such a mindset?

Great question. The shortest and best answer I have is that if you consider yourself to be lucky then you’ll attempt to do a greater variety of activities in your life. And while everything you attempt to do will not work out for you; your probability of success will increase.

You see, luck or good fortune rarely favors those that sit and wait for something to come along, or said differently, fortune favors the bold. And the bold aren’t known for sitting around and waiting for something to happen.

So, learn to adopt a mindset of feeling lucky. And while you might feel strange at first, stick with it. Go out into the world, pursue your dreams, and feel good fortune smiling on you. Or of course, there’s the other obvious option, stay put and do nothing. The choice is yours.

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What kind of conversations are you having when it’s time for you to go to sleep?

I’m not talking about the conversations you have with another person; I’m referring to the ones that you’re having with yourself.

You might not be aware that you’re having a conversation with yourself, because the words and thoughts masquerade as thoughts. But what else are thoughts, if not conversations with yourself?

So, if you’re going to have a conversation with yourself right before you go to sleep, be intentional about it. It’s been said that how you speak to and feel about yourself when you’re alone and in your quietest moments is just as important, if not more so than how you speak and feel about other people.

There’s rarely a better opportunity than right before you close your eyes and drift off to sleep to have a kind and loving conversation with yourself. To remind yourself how important you are and to express gratitude for your own life.

Now I know that this might sound a little ‘hokey’ at first, but what do you have to lose? Instead of going to sleep taking inventory of the day’s events, or thinking about what you must do tomorrow, spend a few minutes being kind to yourself. Learn to love and feel good about yourself.

Oh, and one last thing. Once you get in the habit of having kind conversations with yourself at night, try to implement the same habit for the first few minutes of your morning. There’s probably no better way to start your day than reminding yourself just how loved you are.

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What are you aiming for?

Imagine for a moment, a football game without end zones, a soccer game without goals, or a basketball game without baskets. While this might sound ridiculous at first, this is exactly how many people go through life, aimlessly.

The interesting thing about having something to aim for is that while you might not always hit the target, at least you can move in a specific direction. And every once in a while, with enough shots on target, you’re bound to score a point or two.

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with buffeting through life without goals, having something to aim for does make life more interesting. And perhaps even more important than interesting, it gives you a sense of ownership or said differently, a sense of control over your life.

Before I go any further, I do want to clarify something about goals. All too often pursuing personal goals can be misconstrued as selfish, or perhaps limited to financial or material gains. And while there are those that prioritize financial gains as their primary goal in life, you can set goals that you believe are important to you and to society.

Just a quick example. You could set a goal to help or be kind to one person a day. This might not seem a lofty or worthy goal at first, but if you started when you were ten years old and lived to be eighty-five, then you would have helped or have been kind to about 27 thousand people.

So, as you go through your day today, think about what you’re aiming for. Make a list of all the goals you want to accomplish and point your life towards them. While you might not hit all that you want to accomplish, you’ll significantly increase your chances of doing so because you’ll be going in the right direction.

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P.P.S My website encountered a technical issue on August 31st, 2020. I was not aware of this issue until a few readers emailed me to ask whether or not I was still writing my blog. While it took some time to have the issue resolved I still maintained my schedule of writing three times a week.

There are about seventeen posts that you didn’t receive, so if you’re interested, they’re all their on the website.

So, if this is the first time you’re receiving my blog since August, then hello again. And thank you for your continued support.

If I made you, how would you do it?

If you were told that someone you loved would suffer irreparable harm if you didn’t accomplish a specific task, what would you do?

Would you find a way?

Would do whatever you could accomplish the task?

Or would you let the person perish?

While this sounds like an unrealistic scenario, it’s not. And my attempt to motivate you into action might fail as you read on without being moved, because the reality is, no one is going to harm someone you love.

Or will they?

Nope, if you don’t act, there’s a high probability that no one will ever harm anyone you love. Except of course. The harm you will cause to yourself.

You see, if you don’t begin to act towards your own desires and goals in life, the person you will harm will be yourself. And hopefully, you love yourself enough to care if any harm comes to you.

The harm you inflict on yourself is not obvious at first, but slowly over time, it will begin to eat at you. You’ll begin to look back on your life and think about all the what-ifs? And while the damage might not irreparable, the longer you wait the harder it will be to fix.

So, learn to protect yourself just as you would any other person you love. Act as if your life is on the line and you must figure out ways to accomplish and achieve what you want out of life. Begin today, because the longer you wait to start, the more difficult it will be to repair the damage you will have inflicted on yourself.

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