Raj Daniels

How do you go from where you are in life to where want to be?

One way to do so is when you imagine what you want, to be greater than what you have. Let me clarify that I don’t mean the things you want in a material sense, although that is a motivator for some, I’m referring to how you want to feel.

The image, the feeling of the future you, the you that you want to be, must be so compelling that you’re willing to leave behind who you currently are. You’re essentially willing to bury parts of who you are to gain what you want and become the person you want to be.

You see, if what you want out of life tomorrow is not greater than what you have today, then you’re probably not going to make the sacrifices and tradeoffs needed to get there. Think about it for a moment.

Why would you give up the comfort of all you have and feel today if your ideas and the feelings about the future you are no better than who you are today?

So while I’m not here to judge what you want from your future, I can, with a certain degree of certainty tell you that it must be more, or better, choose the words that suit you best, than what you have and how you feel today.

As always, the choice is yours. Live as who you are and accept the status quo, or imagine a future you that so compelling, that you’re willing to shed the skin of who you are today to become the person you want to be.

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How do you show kindness and compassion towards yourself?

While you probably or at least hopefully, spend your days being kind and compassionate towards other people, when do you turn those same emotions towards yourself?

It’s easy to be kind or show empathy for a friend in need, or that is experiencing a low point in their life, but what do you do when that person is you? Do you show the same compassion, or do you try to power through hoping the emotions will pass?

So how do you begin to show kindness towards yourself?

The easiest way is to treat yourself like a friend or loved one that you’d console or counsel when they’re having a hard time.

What kind of questions would you ask them?

How would you speak to them?

What tone of voice would you use?

While this might feel strange at first, especially if you’re a power through and get over it kind of person, eventually, and with enough practice, you too can become your own best friend and ally.

I’m not suggesting that you go through life letting yourself off the hook for mistakes, avoiding responsibilities, and spend all your time self-coddling yourself. What I am saying is that the times when you’re experiencing emotional turmoil, or sadness, learn to be just as kind and compassionate towards yourself, as you would be to a loved one. After all, you deserve just as much of your kindness and compassion as you give to those around you.

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How often do you go the extra mile?

What I mean by the extra mile is, above and beyond what you’re supposed to do.

You see, almost everyone can do what they’re supposed to do, but going above and beyond, well that’s where the magic happens.

What magic?

I’m glad you asked.

Doing what you’re supposed to do, or close to it, is table stakes, and yes you can get through life by doing so. But when you start going the extra mile or putting in additional effort, that’s when you become remarkable. That’s when people notice and you reap the rewards, both externally and internally for doing so.

Let me be clear, going the extra mile doesn’t mean you have to do twice the work, it could be as simple as going ten percent beyond what you’d normally do. I’m also not suggesting you do it all the time unless of course, you want to.

An example of going the extra mile could be as simple as a random act of kindness. Yes, we’ll both agree that you’re a good person, but if once in a while you go out of your way to share a moment of kindness, whether through words or deeds, with someone you know, or a total stranger, then you’re going the extra mile.

The best thing about going the extra mile is that your effort compounds over time. And while there’s no real way to measure where you’ll end up in life after going the extra mile versus if you didn’t, you just have to trust the process.

So, commit today to go the extra mile in every area of your life that’s important to you. Give it time and you’ll begin to experience the magic of doing so.

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What do you consider to be the fair treatment of yourself and others?

If you’re like most people then your thoughts and ideas about what is fair are biased, but that’s okay, so are mine and everyone else’s.

So, what’s the problem with being biased?

Well, the biggest issue is that being biased leads to unfairness.

So, how to solve for bias?

The truth is that solving for bias is probably impossible until and unless you can get everyone to agree on the definition of what’s fair. However, there is a simple but fun thought experiment that you can work through occasionally, that can help you check your ideas of what fairness might look like.

The experiment is called the Veil of Ignorance. The “veil of ignorance” is a method of determining the morality of issues. It asks a decision-maker to make a choice about a social or moral issue and assumes that they have enough information to know the consequences of their possible decisions for everyone but would not know, or would not take into account, which person they are.

Or in simpler terms.

If you could reshape society from scratch, what would it look like?

How would you distribute wealth and power?

Would you make everyone equal or not?

How would you define fairness and equality?

And here’s where it gets interesting. What if you had to make those decisions without knowing who you would be in this new society?

While I know that in reality, this is impossible to do, what if just for today you assume that you and everyone you encounter are equal in every sense of the word. They are you and you are them. And you treat them with the same amount of love, compassion, equality, and as fairly as you like to be treated.

Doing so just for today will not change society, but it might just change the life of one person you meet today.

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How does it feel to be in control of You Inc?

That’s right, you’re the head honcho, the boss. This especially true if you’re over eighteen when you read this.

You see, now that you’re over eighteen, you’re considered to be an adult, and that means you’re responsible for every decision you make. Let that sink in for a moment. You are responsible for every decision you make. The buck now stops with you.

For the rest of your life, you’ll have to be the captain navigating all the ins and outs that you encounter along the way.

How will you get through it all?

By making decisions.

But not to worry. Remember all those classes and lessons you took when you studied decision making. Yup, I don’t remember them either. Unfortunately, decision making is rarely taught, if ever, especially in formal schooling. So, if you want to learn to make good decisions, you’re going to have to make the effort to learn it on your own.

If you want to achieve any level of success for You Inc, and yes, you can measure success however you want to, I’d highly recommend you start taking decision making very seriously. And it’s not too late to start today.

Maybe you’ve taken a few years to get used to the idea of being in charge of your life and now you’re realizing that you are in control, that’s okay. Instead of mourning over wasted years, chalk them up to experience and learn from them.

Now’s your time. Take the helm of You Inc. and begin to focus on the few decisions that really matter. Do what other good leaders do. Learn to study and weigh your options, and then act accordingly. You are in charge and in control of you, so please act accordingly.

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How much deferred maintenance are you accumulating in your life?

If you’re wondering what deferred maintenance is, then great, let me explain.

The concept of deferred maintenance is most commonly used in real estate. Deferred maintenance is the practice of postponing maintenance activities such as repairs in order to save costs or time. However, the risk of doing so could lead to asset deterioration and ultimately asset impairment.

If you’re still a little confused and wondering how this might apply to you then please allow me to add some clarity.

Deferred maintenance can apply to a variety of areas in your life. If you defer investing in your health then over time, it will deteriorate, and the same applies to your relationships, your finances, and even your mental or spiritual wellbeing. The idea that you can put off or indefinitely postpone taking care of the critical areas of your life will indeed lead to impairment in those areas.

Now obviously, in real estate it’s inanimate objects that are deteriorating and, in most cases, they can be brought back to acceptable or working conditions with the investment of resources. But in life, if you let your health or relationships deteriorate, there’s a high probability that there will come a time when they are beyond repair.

So how do you avoid falling into the trap of deferred maintenance of your life?

Continuous and consistent investment in the things you say you care about.

If you say you care about your health, then invest time in staying healthy. If you say you care about your relationships, then invest time in your relationships. Whatever it is you think or say is important to your life, invest in it. Because if you don’t, then eventually, due to the accumulation of deferred maintenance, you will have to deal with the consequences of all that you neglected along the way.

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How does it feel to be unstoppable?

Wait!

You do know that you’re unstoppable?

At least I hope you do.

Now I know that you might not feel like you’re unstoppable, but there’s a difference between how you feel and reality. How you feel often has nothing to do with reality, it’s just your interpretation of what’s going on around you.

So, back to you being unstoppable. Before I go on let me clarify that there are indeed times in your life when you might be slowed down and even perhaps on pause due to an illness or other unfortunate events, but those are just temporary events. The only time you’ll ever really stop is when, you, like everyone else, take the final exit. But until then, you are unstoppable, you just need to believe, or convince yourself that you are.

I can hear your arguments as you read this about the number of times you’ve failed to accomplish things in your life or challenges that you’ve had, and that’s all true, but as long as you’re reading this, you’re still here, and that means there’s still time for you.

Being unstoppable doesn’t mean challenges will be easier for you, it means you don’t give up. You behave like the wind and water around you and continue to erode what stands between you and your goals. And you continue doing so for as long as you can.

Hopefully, after reading this you will be on the path to believing that you are, indeed, unstoppable. And you use your newfound superpower to pursue your goals for as long as you want, with the understanding that you are the only one that can stop yourself from doing so.

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What role are you auditioning for?

Now you might be thinking that you’re not auditioning for a role, or perhaps the last time you did, you were a child hoping to get a role in a school play. And while that might be partially true, you’re auditioning daily.

You see, whether you realize it or not, every day you are trying out for the role of the person you want to be.  The same way an actor prepares for a future role, or a musician practices for a future event, you too are practicing for your future. You just might not realize that you’re doing so.

So now that you know, what are you going to about it?

If you’re still a little confused or stuck, let me attempt to add some clarity. If you have a desire to be a better student, business person, employee, parent, spouse, or any other role in life that you can imagine, then you must, in your mind have a picture of how that person would be and act. That’s the role you are auditioning for. And to audition, and get the role, you must prepare.

Of course, don’t need to prepare, you can always leave it to chance. What I mean by chance is that you just show up, get the role and that’s it. But if you leave it to chance, then at best you get an average performance. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with average, the average is rarely what people are looking for.

So how are you preparing for your future role?

If you haven’t been doing so, that’s okay. Today is your lucky day because you’re auditioning for the person you want to be ten years from today. So, take some to imagine the person you want to be in the future and then begin to prepare for the role. Or as they say in the acting world, prepare for the role of a lifetime. And while the actors might be exaggerating, for you this couldn’t be truer.

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What do you do when you know better?

Well, it’s been said, when you know better you do better.

But do you?

And if not, why not?

What are you continuing to do in your life that you know is not good for you?

Or perhaps a different question.

What in your life do you know that you could or should be doing, but are not doing?

Let me start with this. No one is perfect and there’s room for improvement in everyone’s life. But improvement only happens when what needs to be improved is worked on. Only when effort is applied do results occur. I know I’m pointing out the obvious, but at times it’s the obvious that gets overlooked.

There are two main reasons people don’t attempt to work on their life, lack of hope, and lack of courage, also known as fear. Which one of these are you struggling with? If you answer none, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t be making all the changes in your life that you want to. You should be doing better because you know better. But if you’re struggling or stuck, then you must address the causes I mentioned earlier.

Both lack of hope and lack of courage are by no means easy to overcome, but if it’s change you’re seeking, then you have to find a way to bring both into your life. Now I intentionally put hope before courage because hope is the light; it’s the feeling that your life can be different, and as it’s been said, without hope, the people will perish. Once you have hope, then it’s courage that will help you move towards the light, towards a better future.

Now I don’t expect a three-hundred-word blog post to solve any issues you might have around lack of hope and courage, but I want you to ask yourself the question. When I know better, why don’t I do better? My goal is that the more you ask the question, the more answers you’ll get. And once you have your answers, you can begin to root out what’s preventing you from doing better and begin to apply hope and courage to those areas of your life.

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Why do you stay with the devil you know?

What do I mean by the devil you know?

I referring to the idiom ‘better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.’ It means that it is often better to deal with someone or something you are familiar with and know, even if they are not ideal, then take a risk with an unknown person or thing.

Before I go on, let me assure you that you’re not alone. Familiarity and comfort are the traps laid by the devil you know that are designed to keep you where you are. But let’s not put all the blame on the devil you know, because you too are complicit.

If you read the idiom carefully then you’ll recognize that it’s in your knowing where you’re agreeing to participate, whether consciously or not, you’re accepting the familiar and staying where you are. This might sound a little harsh at first, but very rarely in this day and age can you be held against your will.

I’m not suggesting that leaving comfortable familiar conditions, and situations is easy or even possible for everyone, but for many, there are more opportunities to do so, than not. It’s just that it’s difficult and fear of change is often paralyzing.

Oh, and one last thing. Quite often the devil you know is none other than your own mind that’s working against you under the guise of keeping you safe. So, before you go looking for devils in your life, take control and subdue the one that’s in your head. Ultimately, you’ll have to decide, whether you stay with the devil you know, or forgo comfort and security and pursue the life you want

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When was the last time you went in for an upgrade?

Unfortunately, for so many people the answer to the question is never.

It’s not what most people do. At least not actively. Most people stop upgrading themselves once they’re out of school. They think that they no longer need to learn or take the time to adapt to an ever-changing future. And slowly but surely, over time, they find themselves being left behind by all the changes taking place around them.

Why don’t people upgrade themselves?

Because it’s hard and takes time to do so.

You see, upgrading an inanimate object is easy, just buy a new one, or press a button, and voila, upgraded. But a personal upgrade requires you to do the work.

But what’s they point, why do you need to upgrade yourself?

You don’t. Unless of course, you want to be able to adapt to the changes taking place in society around you.

Now when I speak about upgrading, I’m not suggesting you spend all your time learning about the latest and greatest technology or attempt to read all the new information being produced daily. What I am recommending is that you adopt a learning mindset. A mindset that allows you to adapt to the present and one that prepares you for the future.

So, the next time you think about upgrading material objects in your life, consider adding yourself to the list. Invest time in upgrading yourself, so you too will be the latest and greatest version of you.

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What role does luck play in your life?

What is luck?

There are many definitions and ideas about luck, and they vary from person to person and culturally. Luck, also at times is referred to as being fortunate, or being on the receiving end of positive improbable events. However, there are those that argue that luck is also a mindset, or even an emotion, a feeling.

How can you feel lucky?

Let me rephrase the question.

How can you feel as though circumstances and situations will work in your favor?

While I agree that you might need to adopt a mindset that some might define as irrational optimism, you can go through life feeling lucky, irrespective of how many times luck does strike for you.

What’s the benefit of adopting such a mindset?

Great question. The shortest and best answer I have is that if you consider yourself to be lucky then you’ll attempt to do a greater variety of activities in your life. And while everything you attempt to do will not work out for you; your probability of success will increase.

You see, luck or good fortune rarely favors those that sit and wait for something to come along, or said differently, fortune favors the bold. And the bold aren’t known for sitting around and waiting for something to happen.

So, learn to adopt a mindset of feeling lucky. And while you might feel strange at first, stick with it. Go out into the world, pursue your dreams, and feel good fortune smiling on you. Or of course, there’s the other obvious option, stay put and do nothing. The choice is yours.

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What kind of conversations are you having when it’s time for you to go to sleep?

I’m not talking about the conversations you have with another person; I’m referring to the ones that you’re having with yourself.

You might not be aware that you’re having a conversation with yourself, because the words and thoughts masquerade as thoughts. But what else are thoughts, if not conversations with yourself?

So, if you’re going to have a conversation with yourself right before you go to sleep, be intentional about it. It’s been said that how you speak to and feel about yourself when you’re alone and in your quietest moments is just as important, if not more so than how you speak and feel about other people.

There’s rarely a better opportunity than right before you close your eyes and drift off to sleep to have a kind and loving conversation with yourself. To remind yourself how important you are and to express gratitude for your own life.

Now I know that this might sound a little ‘hokey’ at first, but what do you have to lose? Instead of going to sleep taking inventory of the day’s events, or thinking about what you must do tomorrow, spend a few minutes being kind to yourself. Learn to love and feel good about yourself.

Oh, and one last thing. Once you get in the habit of having kind conversations with yourself at night, try to implement the same habit for the first few minutes of your morning. There’s probably no better way to start your day than reminding yourself just how loved you are.

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What are you aiming for?

Imagine for a moment, a football game without end zones, a soccer game without goals, or a basketball game without baskets. While this might sound ridiculous at first, this is exactly how many people go through life, aimlessly.

The interesting thing about having something to aim for is that while you might not always hit the target, at least you can move in a specific direction. And every once in a while, with enough shots on target, you’re bound to score a point or two.

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with buffeting through life without goals, having something to aim for does make life more interesting. And perhaps even more important than interesting, it gives you a sense of ownership or said differently, a sense of control over your life.

Before I go any further, I do want to clarify something about goals. All too often pursuing personal goals can be misconstrued as selfish, or perhaps limited to financial or material gains. And while there are those that prioritize financial gains as their primary goal in life, you can set goals that you believe are important to you and to society.

Just a quick example. You could set a goal to help or be kind to one person a day. This might not seem a lofty or worthy goal at first, but if you started when you were ten years old and lived to be eighty-five, then you would have helped or have been kind to about 27 thousand people.

So, as you go through your day today, think about what you’re aiming for. Make a list of all the goals you want to accomplish and point your life towards them. While you might not hit all that you want to accomplish, you’ll significantly increase your chances of doing so because you’ll be going in the right direction.

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P.P.S My website encountered a technical issue on August 31st, 2020. I was not aware of this issue until a few readers emailed me to ask whether or not I was still writing my blog. While it took some time to have the issue resolved I still maintained my schedule of writing three times a week.

There are about seventeen posts that you didn’t receive, so if you’re interested, they’re all their on the website.

So, if this is the first time you’re receiving my blog since August, then hello again. And thank you for your continued support.

If I made you, how would you do it?

If you were told that someone you loved would suffer irreparable harm if you didn’t accomplish a specific task, what would you do?

Would you find a way?

Would do whatever you could accomplish the task?

Or would you let the person perish?

While this sounds like an unrealistic scenario, it’s not. And my attempt to motivate you into action might fail as you read on without being moved, because the reality is, no one is going to harm someone you love.

Or will they?

Nope, if you don’t act, there’s a high probability that no one will ever harm anyone you love. Except of course. The harm you will cause to yourself.

You see, if you don’t begin to act towards your own desires and goals in life, the person you will harm will be yourself. And hopefully, you love yourself enough to care if any harm comes to you.

The harm you inflict on yourself is not obvious at first, but slowly over time, it will begin to eat at you. You’ll begin to look back on your life and think about all the what-ifs? And while the damage might not irreparable, the longer you wait the harder it will be to fix.

So, learn to protect yourself just as you would any other person you love. Act as if your life is on the line and you must figure out ways to accomplish and achieve what you want out of life. Begin today, because the longer you wait to start, the more difficult it will be to repair the damage you will have inflicted on yourself.

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How many opportunities are you missing because they are hiding in plain sight?

Quite often everything you need to get started on a new endeavor or goal is hiding in plain sight. You just overlook it because it’s too obvious. And there’s also a part of your mind that lures you into believing that getting started must be more complicated then it is.

Here’s a great short story called Acres of Diamonds that does a beautiful job of illustrating the hiding in plain sight concept.

“The Acres of Diamonds story ”a true one” is told of an African farmer who heard tales about other farmers who had made millions by discovering diamond mines. These tales so excited the farmer that he could hardly wait to sell his farm and go prospecting for diamonds himself. He sold the farm and spent the rest of his life wandering the African continent searching unsuccessfully for the gleaming gems that brought such high prices on the markets of the world. Finally, worn out and in a fit of despondency, he threw himself into a river and drowned.

Meanwhile, the man who had bought his farm happened to be crossing the small stream on the property one day, when suddenly there was a bright flash of blue and red light from the stream bottom. He bent down and picked up a stone. It was a good-sized stone, and admiring it, he brought it home and put it on his fireplace mantel as an interesting curiosity.

Several weeks later a visitor picked up the stone, looked closely at it, hefted it in his hand, and nearly fainted. He asked the farmer if he knew what he’d found. When the farmer said, no, that he thought it was a piece of crystal, the visitor told him he had found one of the largest diamonds ever discovered. The farmer had trouble believing that. He told the man that his creek was full of such stones, not all as large as the one on the mantel, but sprinkled generously throughout the creek bottom.

The farm the first farmer had sold, so that he might find a diamond mine, turned out to be one of the most productive diamond mines on the entire African continent. The first farmer had owned, free and clear … acres of diamonds. But he had sold them for practically nothing, in order to look for them elsewhere. The moral is clear: If the first farmer had only taken the time to study and prepare himself to learn what diamonds looked like in their rough state, and to thoroughly explore the property he had before looking elsewhere, all of his wildest dreams would have come true.”

So how do you identify opportunities that might be hiding in plain sight?

You must change your perspective.

Now before I go on, let me make something very clear. I’m not suggesting that everything you need is there in front of you, or that you shouldn’t explore beyond your current environment, what I am saying is that very often you have what you need to get started, and getting started is the hardest part of any endeavor.

So, the next time you feel that you don’t have access to the resources you need to start a new endeavor, change your perspective by taking inventory of all that you do have. You never know, with enough time and attention you might just find what you need to get started hiding right there in plain sight.

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When was the last time you asked for help?

For so many of us, asking for help is a sign of weakness. But why? What is about asking for help or what have we been taught that makes us feel this way?

The ability to ask for help is a strength, or I would go so far as to say that it’s a skill that over time can be honed and improved. I say it’s a strength because those that know how to ask for help have learned that in doing so they are willing to say or show that they don’t have all the answers, and this in itself is a form of confidence. And when they do ask for help, they endear others to them.

How does asking for help endear people to you?

As much as people enjoy being around or admire confident people, they also don’t like overconfidence. So, asking someone for help does a couple of things. First, it shows them that your human and humble enough to ask for help. And second, and perhaps even more important, it makes them feel needed.

We know from history that any one person that achieved a great accomplishment in their life did not do so alone. They were often surrounded by a support system or team that helped them get to their goals, it’s just that the support system doesn’t get the same amount of attention. You too will need a team or support system to reach your goals. So, learn to ask for help when you need it.

I’m not suggesting or recommending that you continuously ask other people to do things for you because if you do, you’ll soon find that people will begin to ignore or avoid you. But if you’re genuinely stuck and have exhausted all your options then ask for help.

Develop the strength, courage, confidence, and skill to ask for help without any feelings of weakness. Once you do, you’ll find that not only will you endear people to you, but you’ll also open the door for them to ask you for help. And what could be better than a world where we all help each other accomplish our goals.  

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All your reasons for not being able to make progress in your life are valid.

Everything you say and feel is true.

So now what do you do?

Do you give up?

There’s no one to fault you if you do.

Or do you make the choice to buckle down and continue to work towards what you aspire to be and do despite the obstacles?

While by no means an easy decision, it’s one you’ll need to make quite frequently in your life, especially if you’re not quite ready to bury your dreams. And keep in mind that if you do decide to pursue your dreams, there are no guarantees that you’ll achieve them, the prizes and accolades are never promised to anyone.

However, there is one prize or accolade that you will receive, and while not tangible, it’s the feeling, the knowing that you tried. And while at first, this might not seem like much, ultimately how you feel about yourself is the greatest prize of all.

So, as always, the decision is yours. Accept the reasons you can’t make progress and resign yourself to a life of unfulfilled dreams or adopt a mindset of ruthless tenacity with the knowing that victory is not guaranteed. Except of course the personal character victory of knowing at that you never gave up.

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How often to do go to where the action is?

Or perhaps said differently, you must fish where the fish are.

What do I mean by this?

Well, if there’s an opportunity you want to pursue, a career you’d like to learn more about, or even associate with a particular kind of people, then you have to seek out where they are and insert yourself in that environment.

While the idea of inserting yourself in an unfamiliar environment might seem intimidating or uncomfortable at first, it’s the mandatory first step on any new journey. The good news is that you don’t have to take the step all at once unless of course, you want to.

Today you have access to as much knowledge as you need to become familiar with almost any subject or topic you want to learn about. So before engaging in a new environment, you can learn the language or vocabulary, just enough so that you feel at least a little more prepared when you engage with those that are already seasoned in whatever field you’re interested in.

Your aspirations and goals are like mountains, they’re sitting their ambivalent to your wants and desires and don’t really care if you climb them or not. So, if you want them then you must go to them, you must go to where the action is, or as I said earlier, if you want to fish, then you must go to where the fish are.

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Are you having fun?

I know it’s a broad open-ended question, so allow me to narrow it down for you.

Are you having fun in the work you do?

While fun and work might seem contradictory, there are ways to infuse your work with fun.

I understand work is a serious matter and that some jobs require a more serious approach than others, but there’s always an opportunity to add some fun or levity to your work. And while your work might not present you with openings for fun, you can bring fun to it.

Fun is a state of mind. It’s an attitude, a perspective that can you generate within you. It’s the ability to acknowledge and understand that you do have commitments and responsibilities, but you choose to view them not as a burden, but as an opportunity, and that’s where the fun begins.

Look, I know life is serious and that apparently there’s an unwritten rule that after a certain age you have to be and act with a level of maturity, and that’s all well and good, but what’s the point of going through life without any enjoyment. Or waiting for weekends or some other specific time that’s designated for fun.

Having fun doesn’t mean you have to clown around in public or play the fool. All it means is that you bring some moments of enjoyment or pleasure to your everyday activities.

So, never forget, it doesn’t matter how old you are, or what you do. You have a choice between how serious you want to be and how much fun you want to have. And I hope you choose to have some fun today and every day.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.