Raj Daniels

How many opportunities are you missing because they are hiding in plain sight?

Quite often everything you need to get started on a new endeavor or goal is hiding in plain sight. You just overlook it because it’s too obvious. And there’s also a part of your mind that lures you into believing that getting started must be more complicated then it is.

Here’s a great short story called Acres of Diamonds that does a beautiful job of illustrating the hiding in plain sight concept.

“The Acres of Diamonds story ”a true one” is told of an African farmer who heard tales about other farmers who had made millions by discovering diamond mines. These tales so excited the farmer that he could hardly wait to sell his farm and go prospecting for diamonds himself. He sold the farm and spent the rest of his life wandering the African continent searching unsuccessfully for the gleaming gems that brought such high prices on the markets of the world. Finally, worn out and in a fit of despondency, he threw himself into a river and drowned.

Meanwhile, the man who had bought his farm happened to be crossing the small stream on the property one day, when suddenly there was a bright flash of blue and red light from the stream bottom. He bent down and picked up a stone. It was a good-sized stone, and admiring it, he brought it home and put it on his fireplace mantel as an interesting curiosity.

Several weeks later a visitor picked up the stone, looked closely at it, hefted it in his hand, and nearly fainted. He asked the farmer if he knew what he’d found. When the farmer said, no, that he thought it was a piece of crystal, the visitor told him he had found one of the largest diamonds ever discovered. The farmer had trouble believing that. He told the man that his creek was full of such stones, not all as large as the one on the mantel, but sprinkled generously throughout the creek bottom.

The farm the first farmer had sold, so that he might find a diamond mine, turned out to be one of the most productive diamond mines on the entire African continent. The first farmer had owned, free and clear … acres of diamonds. But he had sold them for practically nothing, in order to look for them elsewhere. The moral is clear: If the first farmer had only taken the time to study and prepare himself to learn what diamonds looked like in their rough state, and to thoroughly explore the property he had before looking elsewhere, all of his wildest dreams would have come true.”

So how do you identify opportunities that might be hiding in plain sight?

You must change your perspective.

Now before I go on, let me make something very clear. I’m not suggesting that everything you need is there in front of you, or that you shouldn’t explore beyond your current environment, what I am saying is that very often you have what you need to get started, and getting started is the hardest part of any endeavor.

So, the next time you feel that you don’t have access to the resources you need to start a new endeavor, change your perspective by taking inventory of all that you do have. You never know, with enough time and attention you might just find what you need to get started hiding right there in plain sight.

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When was the last time you asked for help?

For so many of us, asking for help is a sign of weakness. But why? What is about asking for help or what have we been taught that makes us feel this way?

The ability to ask for help is a strength, or I would go so far as to say that it’s a skill that over time can be honed and improved. I say it’s a strength because those that know how to ask for help have learned that in doing so they are willing to say or show that they don’t have all the answers, and this in itself is a form of confidence. And when they do ask for help, they endear others to them.

How does asking for help endear people to you?

As much as people enjoy being around or admire confident people, they also don’t like overconfidence. So, asking someone for help does a couple of things. First, it shows them that your human and humble enough to ask for help. And second, and perhaps even more important, it makes them feel needed.

We know from history that any one person that achieved a great accomplishment in their life did not do so alone. They were often surrounded by a support system or team that helped them get to their goals, it’s just that the support system doesn’t get the same amount of attention. You too will need a team or support system to reach your goals. So, learn to ask for help when you need it.

I’m not suggesting or recommending that you continuously ask other people to do things for you because if you do, you’ll soon find that people will begin to ignore or avoid you. But if you’re genuinely stuck and have exhausted all your options then ask for help.

Develop the strength, courage, confidence, and skill to ask for help without any feelings of weakness. Once you do, you’ll find that not only will you endear people to you, but you’ll also open the door for them to ask you for help. And what could be better than a world where we all help each other accomplish our goals.  

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All your reasons for not being able to make progress in your life are valid.

Everything you say and feel is true.

So now what do you do?

Do you give up?

There’s no one to fault you if you do.

Or do you make the choice to buckle down and continue to work towards what you aspire to be and do despite the obstacles?

While by no means an easy decision, it’s one you’ll need to make quite frequently in your life, especially if you’re not quite ready to bury your dreams. And keep in mind that if you do decide to pursue your dreams, there are no guarantees that you’ll achieve them, the prizes and accolades are never promised to anyone.

However, there is one prize or accolade that you will receive, and while not tangible, it’s the feeling, the knowing that you tried. And while at first, this might not seem like much, ultimately how you feel about yourself is the greatest prize of all.

So, as always, the decision is yours. Accept the reasons you can’t make progress and resign yourself to a life of unfulfilled dreams or adopt a mindset of ruthless tenacity with the knowing that victory is not guaranteed. Except of course the personal character victory of knowing at that you never gave up.

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How often to do go to where the action is?

Or perhaps said differently, you must fish where the fish are.

What do I mean by this?

Well, if there’s an opportunity you want to pursue, a career you’d like to learn more about, or even associate with a particular kind of people, then you have to seek out where they are and insert yourself in that environment.

While the idea of inserting yourself in an unfamiliar environment might seem intimidating or uncomfortable at first, it’s the mandatory first step on any new journey. The good news is that you don’t have to take the step all at once unless of course, you want to.

Today you have access to as much knowledge as you need to become familiar with almost any subject or topic you want to learn about. So before engaging in a new environment, you can learn the language or vocabulary, just enough so that you feel at least a little more prepared when you engage with those that are already seasoned in whatever field you’re interested in.

Your aspirations and goals are like mountains, they’re sitting their ambivalent to your wants and desires and don’t really care if you climb them or not. So, if you want them then you must go to them, you must go to where the action is, or as I said earlier, if you want to fish, then you must go to where the fish are.

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Are you having fun?

I know it’s a broad open-ended question, so allow me to narrow it down for you.

Are you having fun in the work you do?

While fun and work might seem contradictory, there are ways to infuse your work with fun.

I understand work is a serious matter and that some jobs require a more serious approach than others, but there’s always an opportunity to add some fun or levity to your work. And while your work might not present you with openings for fun, you can bring fun to it.

Fun is a state of mind. It’s an attitude, a perspective that can you generate within you. It’s the ability to acknowledge and understand that you do have commitments and responsibilities, but you choose to view them not as a burden, but as an opportunity, and that’s where the fun begins.

Look, I know life is serious and that apparently there’s an unwritten rule that after a certain age you have to be and act with a level of maturity, and that’s all well and good, but what’s the point of going through life without any enjoyment. Or waiting for weekends or some other specific time that’s designated for fun.

Having fun doesn’t mean you have to clown around in public or play the fool. All it means is that you bring some moments of enjoyment or pleasure to your everyday activities.

So, never forget, it doesn’t matter how old you are, or what you do. You have a choice between how serious you want to be and how much fun you want to have. And I hope you choose to have some fun today and every day.

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How often do you really tune in to your five senses?

Right now, as you read this your senses are working away to provide you with a working model of the world around you. Obviously, if you’re reading, you’re using your sense of sight, but if you’re sitting or standing your sense of touch is also working to keep you spatially oriented.

While it’s okay to take your senses for granted, it can be a fun, interesting, or even meditative exercise to occasionally pay close attention to them. I’m not suggesting you sit for hours focused in on your senses unless of course, you’re inclined to do so, but just a minute or two a day to appreciate them.

The easiest way to acknowledge and appreciate your senses is when you wake up and when you go to sleep. Right there when your laying in your bed, work your way through them. Appreciate your ability to see, hear, smell, taste, and touch the world around you. And if this sounds too much like meditation to you, then think of it as something more practical, perhaps some sort of sense test that you’re required to do to pass your day.

Taking your senses for granted is an easy thing to do, especially when then they’re all there and working for you.  But don’t forget that there are many people that have either lost one or more of their senses, through old age or via some other ailment that never had the benefit or pleasure of experiencing life as vividly as you have.

So take a moment to recognize and appreciate your senses and keep in mind, while navigating the world without one or more wouldn’t be impossible, having all five in working order is what allows you to fully experience the world around you.

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How much internal wealth do you have?

External wealth can be easily displayed for all the world to see, but internal wealth is much more difficult because it’s impossible to see. But unlike physical things, you can carry internal wealth with you wherever you go.

What is internal wealth?

Internal wealth is the abundance of kindness and good feelings you can generate for others. It’s an infinite well of generosity, that’s available to you always. It’s feelings and emotions that although cannot be seen, can be felt by those in your presence.

What would the world look like if we all spent just as much energy cultivating internal wealth as we do external wealth?

Just imagine what that collective mission would look like and how much better of we would all be.

Now you might argue that it sounds nice, but not possible, and to some extent, you might be right. But what if there was a compromise? What if for every hour you work towards building external wealth, you commit to spending a few minutes building internal wealth too?

Maybe you can add building internal wealth to your daily to-do or schedule just like you would any other appointment or meeting. It could be something as simple as taking a couple of minutes to send a kind email or share a few words of kindness with a friend or colleague.

So, as you go off into your day today, working towards building external wealth, give away some of your internal wealth. And remember, the best thing about your internal wealth is you have full control over it and can spend as much as you want to.

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How many adults do you know that are still enrolled in Drama Club?

You know the people I’m talking about. The ones that always seem to have something dramatic going on in their lives, or if they don’t then they seek out the drama in other people’s lives. You probably even know the ones that become restless when there isn’t any drama, so they manufacture their own dramatic events.

How much drama do you have in your life?

A lot?

A little?

Or none?

Life itself is full of interesting ups and downs and can keep you engaged and entertained in all sorts of ways, especially if you’re paying attention to it, and rarely is there a need to add additional drama to life’s escapades.

Then why do people seek out drama?

When researchers studied drama in relationships, they identified three specific traits or roles. One of the most popular is the Karpman Triangle by Stephen Karpman M.D

The Victim – The victim in Karpman’s triangle is not an actual victim, but rather someone feeling or acting like a victim.

The Persecutor- The persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior – self-righteous. The persecutor insists, “It’s all your fault.”

The Rescuer- The rescuer is a classic enabler. The rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn’t rescue. Yet his/her rescuing has negative effects: it keeps the victim dependent and gives the victim permission to fail. It also keeps the rescuer stuck in focusing energy on someone else’s problems, not solving his/her own. The rescuer’s line is “Let me help you.”

If you find yourself slipping into any one of these three roles, then you know that you’re engaging in drama. Now while drama isn’t inherently bad, it can drain your attention energy, and focus, all of which could be going towards something more positive in your life.

So now you know a few of the identifying traits of the adult drama club, you get to decide whether you want to participate or not. Just keep in mind, the more drama you invite into your life the less time you’ll have for the other, perhaps even more interesting, or important activities. You see, the thing about drama is that the more you participate, the more it takes from you.

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How often do people follow cynics and skeptics?

Not very often.

Do you know why?

Because cynics and skeptics don’t exude hope for the future. I’m not suggesting that viewpoints of cynics and skeptics aren’t valid, in fact, at times they might be more rational than optimists, it’s just that people want to have hope. They want to feel as though the future is something worth working towards and living for.

So why am I writing to you about cynics and skeptics?

Because I want you to be careful about your own state of mind. And while I don’t want to you go through life blissfully ignorant about reality, I also don’t want you to become jaded and lose hope about the future.

Hope, while not quite an emotion, is the foundation upon which you build your entire being. If you didn’t have hope, you wouldn’t even get out of bed. The individuals that suffer from depression and struggle to start and get through their days are battling hopelessness. Clinical depression is a serious disease and not for a moment do I recommend that you ignore or try to fight your way through it alone. But if you’re not depressed then hope is your best elixir for life.

There will be times in your life when being cynical and skeptical will be an advantage and possibly save you from making poor choices and decisions, but for the most part, attempt to maintain a hopeful disposition. Not only will you feel better about yourself and your future, but you’ll also be the kind of person other people will want to spend time with.

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How often do you hear, read, or watch good news?

It’s not that good things are happening in the world, it’s just that bad news sells better and faster than good news. This is especially true if you’re plugged into the mainstream media, and even if you’re on social media.

So instead of waiting to hear good news, why not take it upon yourself to make and share good news?

Take on the role of the journalist or reporter and make it a point to share good news on a regular basis. Let those you interact with know that if they’re looking for a silver lining in life, you’re the one they can turn to. And no, I’m not suggesting you create false stories and make up good news. Once you decide that good news is what you’re looking for, then it’s good news you’ll find.

Making and sharing good news doesn’t mean that you ignore reality, and we can both agree that on a regular basis, bad things do happen in the world, but so do good things. Rarely can you do anything about the bad events that occur, and fortunately, the majority of them don’t really impact your life. So, knowing about them and then sharing with others does nothing for you or for them except reinforce the bad things happen. So, instead, learn to do the opposite. Find and share good news.

Look, ultimately, it’s up to you. You can continue to be mired in bad news and share and complain with others about all bad things happening in the world, or you can decide to be the bearer of good news. You can be the one that people turn to when they want to escape from bad news and need someone to brighten up their day.

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What’s your biggest dream?

What’s the one thing wish you could make happen?

If you don’t have one, no worries, if you’re reading this, there’s still time.

A big dream is a beautiful thing to have because it continuously pulls you into the future. It’s the thing you think about when you wake up and go to bed. It’s the nagging thought that’s always on a slow simmer in the back of your mind throughout your day.

If you’re lucky enough to be working on your big dream full time then you’re absolutely one of the lucky ones, but if you’re not, then that’s okay too. Most people work on their big dreams, find, and or make time to do so. They find time in the crevices and creases of their day. They skip the occasional lunch; they sneak in an early hour or two before the rest of the world is awake or have gone to sleep. The point is they find a way. Let me rephrase that. They don’t find a way; their dream continues to lure them, and they can’t stay away.

I hope that you dare to create a big dream for yourself. One so big that it almost seems impossible, but you still pursue it. Perhaps even a dream so big that it lives on after you’ve gone, and others are so motivated by your work that your dream becomes their dream, and they carry your torch into their future.

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What do you own that is no longer useful to you?

What do you do with things that have served their purpose?

Do you donate them, trash them, or do you hold on to them?

Dealing with possessions that are no longer useful can be a relatively easy choice once you’ve set your mind to doing so, but what about emotions or stories that no longer serve you?

Discarding emotions or personal narratives that are no longer useful to you can be a daunting task because they might have served you well during a particular time in your life. They might have kept you safe and enabled you to endure hard times or difficult relationships. They might have even saved your life, but what about now? How often are you carrying the baggage of your past into your future where now it’s no longer useful and is hindering your present and holding you back from being the person you want to be.

Letting go of past experiences is not an easy task, but you need to learn to do so if you no longer want to be held back by the person you once were. You can choose to seek professional help or do the work yourself, and yes, it is work, to liberate yourself from your past, or at least leave the past in past, where it belongs.

It’s up to you to decide if you want to continue carrying the emotional baggage of your past and replaying those experiences in your present and future, or if you want to put them down and move on. However, I can tell you that if you do choose to leave behind the emotions and stories that no longer serve you, your life will feel lighter and freer, and you’ll be more open to fully experiencing your present and future.  

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How do you find meaning in life?

The easiest answer is to be intentional about your days. And while the answer might be easy, the task is not simple, especially in today’s attention draining environment.

Being intentional about how you spend your time requires you to evaluate what is important to you. It requires soul searching and then establishing and prioritizing your own personal values. And all of this takes time and attention.

If you want to find meaning in life, you must treat your attention as your most valuable possession and as your superpower. You must guard it against the constant demands of everyday life and not allow trivial distractions to monopolize it or steal it from you.

While big audacious goals are great to have, you’ll often find more meaning in the small day to day activities. You’ll find meaning in the precious moments you spend with loved ones or doing tasks that bring you fulfillment and joy. But you’ll only find meaning if you’re paying attention.

So instead of waiting until the end of your life to think about the meaning of life, start now. Take control of your attention and set your intention on finding meaning in and during your daily activities. And keep in mind, the meaning in your life will rarely reveal itself to you, it’s something you’ll have to go out and discover for yourself.

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Are you going to work on yourself or be worked upon?

That’s it. Those are your two choices, there is no middle ground.

You will have to decide whether you’ll become who you want to be under your own influence or be influenced by others.

If you don’t believe then just look around you. Every day you’ll find people that are just floating along with time, directionless because they’ve submitted and surrendered to every whim and wish of others. They’ve given up trying to influence their own actions, and are just waiting to be told by people, by society, how to act and what to do next.

Working on yourself is a conscious choice and it requires time and patience. It requires you to introspect and think about what you want out of life, and then plan and act accordingly. You need to take the same approach an athlete would take to train their body to prepare for competition. Focus, dedication, and continuous practice are all critical elements for working on yourself.

Now keep in mind, working on yourself is not a requirement.  You can get through life just fine going with the flow, but if there are specific things you want out life then you’re going to have to fight against the current to get to your destination.

So, the choice is yours. Go with the flow, or pursue what you want? Either way, you’ll end up at the end of life. But how you’ll feel when you get there will depend on what you chose to do during your time here.

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How often do you account for adjustment costs?

If you’re not sure what adjustments costs are, not to worry, you’re not alone. Adjustment costs are a concept in economics, they are the costs associated with making any changes to the current business process.

Although the term is more commonly used in the business world, it’s also very applicable to your personal life. You see, any time you make a change in your life there are adjustment costs, and you should learn to account for them.

In business adjustment costs are both tangible, dollars and cents, and intangible, how people will feel about the changes being made, again, both of these costs apply in your life too. You see, change does not occur in a vacuum, and how you account for the consequences of change might determine whether the change is permanent or temporary.

If for example you make a drastic change in your life and those closest to you don’t handle it well, then the adjustment cost is high and you’ll have to decide what’s more important to you, the change you want to make or the feelings of others. There is no easy answer to this predicament, it’s a question you’ll have to answer for yourself.

So, the next time you’re thinking about making a change in your life, do some quick mental math and work through what the adjustment costs might be. Doing so will help you evaluate the price you’ll need to pay for the change you want to make, and you might even be able to reduce some of the cost if you prepare yourself and others in advance.

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Who are you competing against?

Who are you trying to beat?

While there might be times in your life when you’ll be involved in athletics, sports, or some other type of competitive endeavor, ultimately, you’re always competing against yourself. Even if there are identified opponents involved, the real competition is in your head and against your current self.

If you speak to or listen to professional athletes, they will talk about being inspired or motivated to beat their competitors, but then if you watch them, you’ll see that they work on themselves and on their craft in order to beat their competition. They do this because they know that being the best version of who they are is the one thing that’s in their control.

Competing against yourself is all about being the best version of you that’s possible. It’s a continuous journey of self-improvement that you can work on your entire life. And the best part of it is that you don’t need anyone’s permission to do so. You pick the areas of your life you want to work on, you set your targets, and then you go to work competing against yourself. It’s your own personal game, and only you keep score.

So, take a good long look in the mirror today at the most important competitor you’ll ever meet and start thinking about areas of your life that you want to improve. Once you’ve identified them, go to work besting your competition. If you play this game and compete with only yourself for the rest of your life, then when it comes to an end, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you ultimately became the best version of you that was possible.

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What will you do when the next opportunity comes your way?

Will you seize it, or let it flutter away?

Opportunities are like waves, they ebb and flow, and it’s your job to catch or, as a surfer would, use the momentum of one opportunity to carry you to the next one.

Now you might be asking, or wondering, which opportunity to choose? And my answer is the opportunities that move you closer to your goals, or more broadly, to the person you want to be.

The opportunities I’m speaking of are not specifically rooted in your career or finances, but also in your personal life. When the opportunity arises for you to be a better friend, parent, spouse, sibling, or any other role you play in your life, seize the moment before it disappears.

What happens if you don’t seize the opportunities that come your way?

The bad news is that because of the opportunities you’ve missed or failed to act upon, you’ll be further away from your version of your ideal self. However, the good news is that life will never stop providing you opportunities to change, to improve, to propel yourself forward. And the even better news is that once you begin to recognize and utilize the opportunities that life presents you with, you’ll begin to see opportunities materialize for you in every area of your life. And then you’ll have momentum on your side.

Now I know I didn’t tell you how to evaluate opportunities that come your way, and it’s because that’s going to be up to you. That’s the hard work that you’ll have to invest in order to decide what opportunities are best for you and then act according to your own beliefs and values.

So set out today with your eyes open for opportunities to improve any area of your life that are important to you. When you do so with an open mind you might just be surprised to see just how many opportunities come your way. And when they do, seize as many of them as you can, so tonight when you go to sleep you will have the satisfaction of knowing that today you did all you could do to be a better version of you.

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What’s your point of view?

About what, you might ask.

About anything.

I know it sounds a little confusing, but stay with me, I promise I’ll clarify it soon.

You see, your point of view on any topic or subject is unique to you, and yes, I know I might be stating the obvious, but all too often, the obvious is overlooked. Now back to your point of view.

How do you know your point of view is correct?

Is it backed by facts, statistics, science, or is it grounded in emotion? If you’re like most people, then your point of view is more often backed by emotion than reliable, indisputable data. Why is this important to know and realize? Because it means there’s room for error and more than one point of view.

Your point of view is just that. It’s your opinion based on your history and where you’re standing physically and metaphorically at that time. And the same goes for someone else’s point of view. So, this means that in most cases, neither one of you are right nor wrong, as they say, it’s a matter of perspective.

The sooner you’re able to listen to and allow for the points of view and perspectives of other people, the better of you’ll be because that’s when genuine cooperation and community building can begin to take place. Take notice that I didn’t say you have to always agree with someone else’s point of view; there’s nothing wrong in standing your ground, but doing so in a way that allows others to be heard is a much better long term beneficial position to take.

So, as you navigate life and bump up against those that don’t agree with your perspective and views, don’t reject them right away. Give them room to share their unique perspectives, and keep in mind; they believe they’re just as right as you think you are. And who knows what might happen when you let them share their views, and they allow you to share yours. You might get them to see and agree with your perspective, and every so often, you might also agree with theirs.

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What are you afraid of?

Bugs, ghosts, the dark, loneliness, failure, or something else?

All ‘normally’ adjusted people experience fear in during their life, it’s an emotion that is helpful for survival. It’s when the fear becomes debilitating and holds you back from doing what you want to do that fear becomes a problem.

You’ll find when you ask people why they don’t pursue their dreams or make the changes in their life that they want they will give you a list of reasons, and every once in a while fear will be one of those reasons. The truth is that fear is almost always the reason. It could be fear of change, fear of being ridiculed, fear of working hard, or just fear of making a change. Fear is almost always the common denominator.

The thing about fear is that in many cases it’s the imagined outcome that holds you and others back. Before you even take the first step towards something you fear, you’re already conjuring up a story of what might happen and it’s in that story where fear gets a hold of you.

What if you could learn to change the story?

The good news is you can, the bad news it that it takes effort. And in some cases, continuous effort.

Working on overcoming fear can be one of the best things you can do for yourself. With exception to real life-threatening situations, almost every other fear you have is at least worth exploring. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of and if you need to, make a list of all the outcomes you imagine. Once you have your list you can begin to evaluate the probability of those things happening. What you’ll find in most cases is that the likelihood of your imagined outcomes coming to fruition are very low. Which is good news, because now you can pursue what you’re after, and bad news because you no longer have a reason not to.

So, the next time you find fear holding you back, think about what exactly it is that you’re afraid of and then begin to take steps to eradicate your fear. Once you learn to do so, you’ll see a whole new world of opportunities begin to open up for you.

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Happy Thanksgiving

Yes, I know it’s August 28^th 2020, but so what?

I understand that in the U.S. we’ve allocated the last Thursday in November as the official day to give thanks, but what about the remaining days of the year? And while I’m all about celebrating with friends and family and openly sharing reasons to be thankful, I also believe that gratitude should be expressed or at least acknowledged on a daily basis.

I know that life can be difficult and trying and some days are just harder than others, but finding a moment in your day to be thankful for whatever reason you can think of can actually help you get through difficult times.

You see, the act of expressing gratitude allows you to shift your focus from all the things you want and don’t have to all the things and people that are already in your life.

So, let’s collude and pretend today and every day is Thanksgiving. And yes, you can still make a big deal about it in November, but secretly you and I will know that for us, every day is a day for thanksgiving.

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