Raj Daniels

What do you own that is no longer useful to you?

What do you do with things that have served their purpose?

Do you donate them, trash them, or do you hold on to them?

Dealing with possessions that are no longer useful can be a relatively easy choice once you’ve set your mind to doing so, but what about emotions or stories that no longer serve you?

Discarding emotions or personal narratives that are no longer useful to you can be a daunting task because they might have served you well during a particular time in your life. They might have kept you safe and enabled you to endure hard times or difficult relationships. They might have even saved your life, but what about now? How often are you carrying the baggage of your past into your future where now it’s no longer useful and is hindering your present and holding you back from being the person you want to be.

Letting go of past experiences is not an easy task, but you need to learn to do so if you no longer want to be held back by the person you once were. You can choose to seek professional help or do the work yourself, and yes, it is work, to liberate yourself from your past, or at least leave the past in past, where it belongs.

It’s up to you to decide if you want to continue carrying the emotional baggage of your past and replaying those experiences in your present and future, or if you want to put them down and move on. However, I can tell you that if you do choose to leave behind the emotions and stories that no longer serve you, your life will feel lighter and freer, and you’ll be more open to fully experiencing your present and future.  

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How do you find meaning in life?

The easiest answer is to be intentional about your days. And while the answer might be easy, the task is not simple, especially in today’s attention draining environment.

Being intentional about how you spend your time requires you to evaluate what is important to you. It requires soul searching and then establishing and prioritizing your own personal values. And all of this takes time and attention.

If you want to find meaning in life, you must treat your attention as your most valuable possession and as your superpower. You must guard it against the constant demands of everyday life and not allow trivial distractions to monopolize it or steal it from you.

While big audacious goals are great to have, you’ll often find more meaning in the small day to day activities. You’ll find meaning in the precious moments you spend with loved ones or doing tasks that bring you fulfillment and joy. But you’ll only find meaning if you’re paying attention.

So instead of waiting until the end of your life to think about the meaning of life, start now. Take control of your attention and set your intention on finding meaning in and during your daily activities. And keep in mind, the meaning in your life will rarely reveal itself to you, it’s something you’ll have to go out and discover for yourself.

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Are you going to work on yourself or be worked upon?

That’s it. Those are your two choices, there is no middle ground.

You will have to decide whether you’ll become who you want to be under your own influence or be influenced by others.

If you don’t believe then just look around you. Every day you’ll find people that are just floating along with time, directionless because they’ve submitted and surrendered to every whim and wish of others. They’ve given up trying to influence their own actions, and are just waiting to be told by people, by society, how to act and what to do next.

Working on yourself is a conscious choice and it requires time and patience. It requires you to introspect and think about what you want out of life, and then plan and act accordingly. You need to take the same approach an athlete would take to train their body to prepare for competition. Focus, dedication, and continuous practice are all critical elements for working on yourself.

Now keep in mind, working on yourself is not a requirement.  You can get through life just fine going with the flow, but if there are specific things you want out life then you’re going to have to fight against the current to get to your destination.

So, the choice is yours. Go with the flow, or pursue what you want? Either way, you’ll end up at the end of life. But how you’ll feel when you get there will depend on what you chose to do during your time here.

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How often do you account for adjustment costs?

If you’re not sure what adjustments costs are, not to worry, you’re not alone. Adjustment costs are a concept in economics, they are the costs associated with making any changes to the current business process.

Although the term is more commonly used in the business world, it’s also very applicable to your personal life. You see, any time you make a change in your life there are adjustment costs, and you should learn to account for them.

In business adjustment costs are both tangible, dollars and cents, and intangible, how people will feel about the changes being made, again, both of these costs apply in your life too. You see, change does not occur in a vacuum, and how you account for the consequences of change might determine whether the change is permanent or temporary.

If for example you make a drastic change in your life and those closest to you don’t handle it well, then the adjustment cost is high and you’ll have to decide what’s more important to you, the change you want to make or the feelings of others. There is no easy answer to this predicament, it’s a question you’ll have to answer for yourself.

So, the next time you’re thinking about making a change in your life, do some quick mental math and work through what the adjustment costs might be. Doing so will help you evaluate the price you’ll need to pay for the change you want to make, and you might even be able to reduce some of the cost if you prepare yourself and others in advance.

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Who are you competing against?

Who are you trying to beat?

While there might be times in your life when you’ll be involved in athletics, sports, or some other type of competitive endeavor, ultimately, you’re always competing against yourself. Even if there are identified opponents involved, the real competition is in your head and against your current self.

If you speak to or listen to professional athletes, they will talk about being inspired or motivated to beat their competitors, but then if you watch them, you’ll see that they work on themselves and on their craft in order to beat their competition. They do this because they know that being the best version of who they are is the one thing that’s in their control.

Competing against yourself is all about being the best version of you that’s possible. It’s a continuous journey of self-improvement that you can work on your entire life. And the best part of it is that you don’t need anyone’s permission to do so. You pick the areas of your life you want to work on, you set your targets, and then you go to work competing against yourself. It’s your own personal game, and only you keep score.

So, take a good long look in the mirror today at the most important competitor you’ll ever meet and start thinking about areas of your life that you want to improve. Once you’ve identified them, go to work besting your competition. If you play this game and compete with only yourself for the rest of your life, then when it comes to an end, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you ultimately became the best version of you that was possible.

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What will you do when the next opportunity comes your way?

Will you seize it, or let it flutter away?

Opportunities are like waves, they ebb and flow, and it’s your job to catch or, as a surfer would, use the momentum of one opportunity to carry you to the next one.

Now you might be asking, or wondering, which opportunity to choose? And my answer is the opportunities that move you closer to your goals, or more broadly, to the person you want to be.

The opportunities I’m speaking of are not specifically rooted in your career or finances, but also in your personal life. When the opportunity arises for you to be a better friend, parent, spouse, sibling, or any other role you play in your life, seize the moment before it disappears.

What happens if you don’t seize the opportunities that come your way?

The bad news is that because of the opportunities you’ve missed or failed to act upon, you’ll be further away from your version of your ideal self. However, the good news is that life will never stop providing you opportunities to change, to improve, to propel yourself forward. And the even better news is that once you begin to recognize and utilize the opportunities that life presents you with, you’ll begin to see opportunities materialize for you in every area of your life. And then you’ll have momentum on your side.

Now I know I didn’t tell you how to evaluate opportunities that come your way, and it’s because that’s going to be up to you. That’s the hard work that you’ll have to invest in order to decide what opportunities are best for you and then act according to your own beliefs and values.

So set out today with your eyes open for opportunities to improve any area of your life that are important to you. When you do so with an open mind you might just be surprised to see just how many opportunities come your way. And when they do, seize as many of them as you can, so tonight when you go to sleep you will have the satisfaction of knowing that today you did all you could do to be a better version of you.

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What’s your point of view?

About what, you might ask.

About anything.

I know it sounds a little confusing, but stay with me, I promise I’ll clarify it soon.

You see, your point of view on any topic or subject is unique to you, and yes, I know I might be stating the obvious, but all too often, the obvious is overlooked. Now back to your point of view.

How do you know your point of view is correct?

Is it backed by facts, statistics, science, or is it grounded in emotion? If you’re like most people, then your point of view is more often backed by emotion than reliable, indisputable data. Why is this important to know and realize? Because it means there’s room for error and more than one point of view.

Your point of view is just that. It’s your opinion based on your history and where you’re standing physically and metaphorically at that time. And the same goes for someone else’s point of view. So, this means that in most cases, neither one of you are right nor wrong, as they say, it’s a matter of perspective.

The sooner you’re able to listen to and allow for the points of view and perspectives of other people, the better of you’ll be because that’s when genuine cooperation and community building can begin to take place. Take notice that I didn’t say you have to always agree with someone else’s point of view; there’s nothing wrong in standing your ground, but doing so in a way that allows others to be heard is a much better long term beneficial position to take.

So, as you navigate life and bump up against those that don’t agree with your perspective and views, don’t reject them right away. Give them room to share their unique perspectives, and keep in mind; they believe they’re just as right as you think you are. And who knows what might happen when you let them share their views, and they allow you to share yours. You might get them to see and agree with your perspective, and every so often, you might also agree with theirs.

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What are you afraid of?

Bugs, ghosts, the dark, loneliness, failure, or something else?

All ‘normally’ adjusted people experience fear in during their life, it’s an emotion that is helpful for survival. It’s when the fear becomes debilitating and holds you back from doing what you want to do that fear becomes a problem.

You’ll find when you ask people why they don’t pursue their dreams or make the changes in their life that they want they will give you a list of reasons, and every once in a while fear will be one of those reasons. The truth is that fear is almost always the reason. It could be fear of change, fear of being ridiculed, fear of working hard, or just fear of making a change. Fear is almost always the common denominator.

The thing about fear is that in many cases it’s the imagined outcome that holds you and others back. Before you even take the first step towards something you fear, you’re already conjuring up a story of what might happen and it’s in that story where fear gets a hold of you.

What if you could learn to change the story?

The good news is you can, the bad news it that it takes effort. And in some cases, continuous effort.

Working on overcoming fear can be one of the best things you can do for yourself. With exception to real life-threatening situations, almost every other fear you have is at least worth exploring. Ask yourself what you’re afraid of and if you need to, make a list of all the outcomes you imagine. Once you have your list you can begin to evaluate the probability of those things happening. What you’ll find in most cases is that the likelihood of your imagined outcomes coming to fruition are very low. Which is good news, because now you can pursue what you’re after, and bad news because you no longer have a reason not to.

So, the next time you find fear holding you back, think about what exactly it is that you’re afraid of and then begin to take steps to eradicate your fear. Once you learn to do so, you’ll see a whole new world of opportunities begin to open up for you.

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Happy Thanksgiving

Yes, I know it’s August 28^th 2020, but so what?

I understand that in the U.S. we’ve allocated the last Thursday in November as the official day to give thanks, but what about the remaining days of the year? And while I’m all about celebrating with friends and family and openly sharing reasons to be thankful, I also believe that gratitude should be expressed or at least acknowledged on a daily basis.

I know that life can be difficult and trying and some days are just harder than others, but finding a moment in your day to be thankful for whatever reason you can think of can actually help you get through difficult times.

You see, the act of expressing gratitude allows you to shift your focus from all the things you want and don’t have to all the things and people that are already in your life.

So, let’s collude and pretend today and every day is Thanksgiving. And yes, you can still make a big deal about it in November, but secretly you and I will know that for us, every day is a day for thanksgiving.

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How often do you think about me?

You can be honest; I won’t be offended.

The truth is, I don’t think about you that often either because I’m too busy thinking about myself. And, like me, most everyone else are also self-absorbed in their own lives to be thinking about you.

Now while this might not sound like a good thing, it actually is. You see, all those times you were questioning, what will they think about me? They weren’t. They were too busy thinking about themselves. Sure, on occasion they might have looked up from their own lives to see what you were doing, or comment on your behavior, but then they put their heads back down to think about themselves.

Now that you know not as many people are thinking about you or watching what you’re doing, what will you do with the knowledge? Will you leverage the freedom to your advantage, or will you continue to live as though you’re constrained by the opinions of others?

Let me help you out. Take a small step in liberating yourself from being held back by the views and opinions of others. Do something that’s out of character for you and see what happens. Those closest to you might notice and ask a question or two, but the rest of the world probably won’t even notice. And if after you’ve acted out of character you feel that you can’t handle the additional scrutiny, then you can always go back to the constraints of your imagination where you think everyone is thinking about you.

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What do you accept?

What do you accept to be normal?

What do you accept to be true?

Why do you accept the things you do?

When will you stop accepting and begin to question?

Change begins when you stop accepting and begin to question. While I don’t recommend you question every thought or idea you come across, because that would be exhausting and in some cases an incapacitating way to live, I do recommend you question or even challenge some of the norms you’ve accepted your entire life.

If you imagine for a moment a life where everyone just blindly accepted all the ideas and thoughts that came before them, then there would be no change, no innovation, everything will essentially remain the same. It’s only when individuals do not accept the status quo that change takes place. And this applies to you too.

Whenever you’re seeking change in your life, you must agree to stop accepting what already is. You must be defiant and, in some cases, even revolutionary. While the idea of being a revolutionary might seem too strong and conjure up images of war and violence, it is the mental position you’ll have to adopt if you really want to conduct change. You’ll have to draw a line in the sand and say, no more. I no longer accept.

So, take inventory of the things in your life that you want to change and commit to no longer accepting things the way they are. Take a stand, question why, and then begin to eradicate all the boundaries you’ve accepted that have kept you between the person you are and the person you want to be.

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Who can I help today?

What if you started every day with this question?

Just imagine what life would look like if all seven billion of us started our day with this question. And not only started our day but were able to act on the question and help just one other person.

The key to our collective survival is collaboration, also known as the ability to work together towards a common goal, and while collaboration is a wonderful concept, all too often it means I’ll work with you only if you work with me. So, it’s tainted with a drop of selfishness. And while I’m the first to agree that you need a little bit of selfishness in life and should prioritize yourself, I also believe that there’s an opportunity for the selfless helping of others.

The interesting thing about helping others is that it’s not totally selfless. Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh in the US have found that providing support to others activates a neural pathway in the brain that boosts our wellbeing. What this means is that when you help someone, you feel good yourself. Which sounds like a win-win to me.

So, begin your day by asking yourself, who can I help today? And while you might not find someone to help today, the more often you ask yourself the question, the more you increase your probability of finding someone to help. And remember, when you help them, you’ll also be helping yourself.

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When was the last time you went trick or treating?

If you grew up in America, then you’re probably familiar with the tradition of trick or treating on Halloween. And what a strange tradition it is? Knocking on the doors of strangers while in many cases dressed in costumes, in the hope that the stranger will open their door and give you candy.

Most children stop participating in trick or treating in their teenage years because now they’re too cool to do so, and you’ll often hear them say, trick or treating is for little kids, and to some extent they are correct. But what they fail to realize is that carrying the trick or treating mindset can be beneficial to them throughout their entire lives.

What is the trick or treating mindset?

I’m glad you asked.

The trick or treating mindset is one where you’re still willing to metaphorically speaking, knock on the doors of strangers in the hope of getting something you want. It’s the willingness to ask without certainty that you’ll get what you ask for.

You see, asking is the bridge to everything want. Yes, you have the ask the right questions and, in some cases, the right people, but before you do so, you must first build your asking muscle. Back to kids for a moment. Children have the uncanny ability to ask all kinds of questions to anyone and everyone, sometimes to the embarrassment of their parents. But somewhere along the journey towards adulthood, for any number of reasons, their asking muscle begins to atrophy because they stop using it.

Your asking muscle might have atrophied too. Depending on how you were raised and your life experiences there might have come a time in your life when you decided to stop asking for what you want from life. But it’s not too late to rebuild your asking muscle.

You can begin building back your willingness to ask by channeling your inner child. Adopt the trick or treating attitude and begin to ask for you what you want. Start small if you want but get in the habit of asking. Ask strangers, colleagues, family members, just begin to ask, and don’t worry about whether you get what you ask for, just start asking. Keep in mind you might not get everything you ask for, but by asking you give yourself even more opportunities to get what you want out of life.

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When was the last time you sought out an activity or project that challenged you mentally or physically?

If it’s been a while, then ask yourself why?

What are you avoiding?

It’s the challenges in life that force you to grow, to evolve into a stronger, more adaptable version of yourself. It’s challenges that require to you really pay attention and make you feel alive.

A challenge doesn’t have to be a huge monumental task that takes days or years to complete, it can be something simple as pushing yourself physically beyond your normal capacity even it’s only for a minute or two. And if physical challenges aren’t your thing then something as simple as speed-reading or writing an essay.

I agree that life itself can be challenging and at times even overwhelming and exhausting, but that’s the price of being alive. Seeking challenges outside the realm of everyday life is about taking an active approach to not only improving yourself, but also towards building resilience. And the resilience you build can also help you navigate the challenges of daily life.

So, find yourself a new challenge this week and give it all the energy you can muster. Enjoy the experience of exhausting yourself either mentally or physically. And remember, you’re not doing this to win any prizes, you’re doing this to best and better yourself, and that’s the best reward of all.

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When is it going to be your time?

Now.

This is your time.

That’s right, you were made for this time. So, forget about whatever other time you might be waiting for and make the most of this time right now.

Don’t let this time slip away while you prepare and plan for some time in the future when you think you’ll be or feel more prepared. That day will never come because preparation never ends.

The days and months on your calendar are all just illusions luring you into believing they exist, but they don’t. And that’s why you should treat them as reminders, not of what’s to come, but that you only have today.

If you need to plan, then plan. If you need to think, then think. But once you’re done planning and thinking then act right now.

Remember, the word tomorrow is just a placeholder for a time that doesn’t exist. So, if there are things you want to do or words you want to say, start doing them or saying them today. Because while there’s no certainty in tomorrow, right now is guaranteed.

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When was the last time you were involved in a negotiation?

You might not consider yourself to be an active negotiator unless of course you’re an active dealmaker or your job requires you to negotiate on a regular basis. But I suggest you reconsider because the reality is that you’re always negotiating, you’re just not aware that you’re doing so.

Negotiation is part of life. In fact, one of the definitions of negotiation is to find a way over or through an obstacle or difficult path. And as you well know, life is full of obstacles. Before I go on let me clarify something. The world obstacle should not be misconstrued as negative, they are as natural as any other component of nature.

Relationships are full of negotiations especially the most important relationship you have, which is the one you have with yourself. You are negotiating with yourself daily, you might just not view it as a negotiation. If you’ve ever hit a snooze button, strayed of a diet, or even donated to charity, then you’ve negotiated with yourself into doing so. Now you might argue that these are all just decisions, and you’re right, but negotiating for a positive outcome is integral to decision making.

So why am I going on about negotiation? That’s a good question. The answer is that if you ever really want to make any lasting change in your life then you’re going to have to learn to categorize some things in your life as non-negotiable. You’re no longer going to spend any energy deciding whether or not you’re going to do something, it’s no longer open to negotiation, you’re going commit, that’s it, period. This might sound a little harsh at first, but it’s the only way to really experience any lasting change.  

Making certain areas of your life non-negotiable, or of limits to decision making sounds difficult, but in the long run, it’s the easiest thing you can do for yourself. Essentially it allows you to remove all other options and stay focused on the path you’ve decided to take. So the next time you find yourself considering a commitment that will help you improve your life, once you’ve made the decision to do so, put that activity in the non-negotiable category of your life. And remember, it’ll be hard at first, but so much easier down the road.

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Who disagrees with you?

How often do find your views clashing with those of another person?

When was the last time you disappointed someone?

If you haven’t experienced any disagreements or opposition from anyone recently then you’ve lost yourself. You’ve become compliant and are only living for the approval of others.

Now I’m not recommending you actively create enemies or foes for yourself, but if you’re going through life and everyone agrees with your thoughts and actions then I seriously doubt that you’re standing up for your own unique beliefs. Or you’re hiding what you really think in order to get along with them. And while there’s nothing wrong with getting along with others, there is if it costs you being who you really are.

There is always a risk that when you act in certain ways or share your thoughts and ideas, those that you interact with will not always agree with you and you will ruffle some feathers, but that risk is the price you pay for being you. History books are filled with stories about individuals that have paid the ultimate price with their lives because they dared to speak their minds. Fortunately for you, in most cases, you will rarely jeopardize your life or even any physical harm when you say what’s on your mind.

Before I go any further, I want to make sure that you understand I’m not condoning hurting the feelings of others just for the sake of doing so. There are ways to stand up for who you are and what you think and still maintain a degree of politeness.

So, while being disagreeable is not the goal, learning to say what you think is. Behaving or expressing yourself in ways that are congruent with your personal beliefs might not win you popularity points, but that’s okay because life isn’t a popularity contest where you do all you can to seek the approval of others and then pay the ultimate price of losing yourself.

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Did you hear about the following people?

The lawyer that became a doctor.

The doctor that became an artist.

The teacher that became a computer programmer.

The pilot that became a nurse.

The engineer that became a musician.

The actor that became an adventurer.

Do you know what all these people have in common?

They had the courage to know that they wanted to do something different with their lives and took the steps to do so. Some had invested years of their lives to earn degrees that allowed them to practice in their chosen careers, but they didn’t let that hold them back. They were able to overcome the trap of the ‘sunk cost effect/fallacy.’

“The sunk cost effect is the general tendency for people to continue an endeavor, or continue consuming or pursuing an option, if they’ve invested time or money or some resource in it,” says Christopher Olivola, an assistant professor of marketing at Carnegie Mellon’s Tepper School of Business.

Avoiding the sunk cost effect can be a very difficult thing to do because you continue to justify your current actions based on all the time and in some cases money that you’ve previously invested. But that time and money is gone. It no longer exists. The only thing that exists is now.  

There is a lot of guilt associated with the sunk cost fallacy because you feel as though you wasted all that time and money you’ve invested in becoming who you currently are. There’s also the shame of admitting to yourself and others that you no longer want to do the work you’re currently doing. So, you’re caught between the vice of guilt and shame and it forces you to continue to live a life that you no longer want to.

What should you do?

Unfortunately, I can’t help you with that decision. What I can tell you is that memories are short, and people are busy. Soon enough everyone either forgets or is gone. Ultimately you only need to answer to yourself and perhaps those that are closest to you. What matters most is what you think about yourself and the life you want to live. So, don’t let the trap of sunk costs hold you back. Leave what you’ve done in your past and begin to carve out a new future.

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There’s a question that dictates the lives of so many people. It drives them to the point where they lose all sense of who they are.

This is the question.

What do you think of me?

They become addicted to the question and spend their entire lives in its shadow. I say shadow because they’re too afraid to come out and be who they really are. The question holds them back. It restrains them from living.

The unfortunate thing about the question is that as people age, they begin to realize just how much they let the opinions of others dictate their lives. That’s why you’ll see people of a certain age will no longer care what they say or how they behave because as the idea of death gets closer, they understand that they no longer need to fear the consequences of being who they really are.

But why wait until death is closer?

What if you could escape the shadow of the question earlier in life?

The good news is that you can, the bad news is that there is a price to pay. What’s the price? I don’t know because it’s different for everyone.

Is the price worth it? I can’t tell you that either. That’s something you’re going to have to decide for yourself. What I can tell you is that if you live your entire life thinking about what other people think about you then you will not live a full life. Your life will be stunted by your anxiety and worrying about the opinions of others.

It’s not easy to escape the thought of what people think about you. In fact, I’m thinking about it right now as I write this, because I know you’ll read it. But I’m writing it anyway because I think it’s more important to share than what you think. So, I’m willing to take the risk and let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully, as you go through life you too will make the decision to be who you are and pay the price regardless of what people think of you.

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What’s the most difficult thing you’ll choose to do today?

You might be asking, why would I choose to do something difficult? And it’s a good question.

Choosing to do tasks that test you emotionally, intellectually and at times even physically probably sounds counterintuitive, but that’s because most people are seeking the easy path. And while the easy path is tempting, rarely if ever is it as rewarding as choosing a difficult path.

When you make the decision to do a difficult task, you’re asking yourself to show up. You’re demanding more of and from yourself. You’re not allowing yourself to just get by. You’re putting yourself to a test and when you’re testing yourself you feel alive.  

While choosing to do difficult tasks might not seem attractive at the time, they will be the ones that make the most difference in your life. You see, if all you choose to do is what’s easy, then there’s very little opportunity for personal growth.

So, as you set out on your day, absolutely appreciate all the easy tasks you do today, but then, choose a difficult one and give yourself to it. Feel the struggle as you work to complete it and realize that you’ll be a different person on the other side of the task than you were when you started it.

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