Raj Daniels

Happy Thanksgiving

Yes, I know it’s August 28^th 2020, but so what?

I understand that in the U.S. we’ve allocated the last Thursday in November as the official day to give thanks, but what about the remaining days of the year? And while I’m all about celebrating with friends and family and openly sharing reasons to be thankful, I also believe that gratitude should be expressed or at least acknowledged on a daily basis.

I know that life can be difficult and trying and some days are just harder than others, but finding a moment in your day to be thankful for whatever reason you can think of can actually help you get through difficult times.

You see, the act of expressing gratitude allows you to shift your focus from all the things you want and don’t have to all the things and people that are already in your life.

So, let’s collude and pretend today and every day is Thanksgiving. And yes, you can still make a big deal about it in November, but secretly you and I will know that for us, every day is a day for thanksgiving.

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How often do you think about me?

You can be honest; I won’t be offended.

The truth is, I don’t think about you that often either because I’m too busy thinking about myself. And, like me, most everyone else are also self-absorbed in their own lives to be thinking about you.

Now while this might not sound like a good thing, it actually is. You see, all those times you were questioning, what will they think about me? They weren’t. They were too busy thinking about themselves. Sure, on occasion they might have looked up from their own lives to see what you were doing, or comment on your behavior, but then they put their heads back down to think about themselves.

Now that you know not as many people are thinking about you or watching what you’re doing, what will you do with the knowledge? Will you leverage the freedom to your advantage, or will you continue to live as though you’re constrained by the opinions of others?

Let me help you out. Take a small step in liberating yourself from being held back by the views and opinions of others. Do something that’s out of character for you and see what happens. Those closest to you might notice and ask a question or two, but the rest of the world probably won’t even notice. And if after you’ve acted out of character you feel that you can’t handle the additional scrutiny, then you can always go back to the constraints of your imagination where you think everyone is thinking about you.

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What do you accept?

What do you accept to be normal?

What do you accept to be true?

Why do you accept the things you do?

When will you stop accepting and begin to question?

Change begins when you stop accepting and begin to question. While I don’t recommend you question every thought or idea you come across, because that would be exhausting and in some cases an incapacitating way to live, I do recommend you question or even challenge some of the norms you’ve accepted your entire life.

If you imagine for a moment a life where everyone just blindly accepted all the ideas and thoughts that came before them, then there would be no change, no innovation, everything will essentially remain the same. It’s only when individuals do not accept the status quo that change takes place. And this applies to you too.

Whenever you’re seeking change in your life, you must agree to stop accepting what already is. You must be defiant and, in some cases, even revolutionary. While the idea of being a revolutionary might seem too strong and conjure up images of war and violence, it is the mental position you’ll have to adopt if you really want to conduct change. You’ll have to draw a line in the sand and say, no more. I no longer accept.

So, take inventory of the things in your life that you want to change and commit to no longer accepting things the way they are. Take a stand, question why, and then begin to eradicate all the boundaries you’ve accepted that have kept you between the person you are and the person you want to be.

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Who can I help today?

What if you started every day with this question?

Just imagine what life would look like if all seven billion of us started our day with this question. And not only started our day but were able to act on the question and help just one other person.

The key to our collective survival is collaboration, also known as the ability to work together towards a common goal, and while collaboration is a wonderful concept, all too often it means I’ll work with you only if you work with me. So, it’s tainted with a drop of selfishness. And while I’m the first to agree that you need a little bit of selfishness in life and should prioritize yourself, I also believe that there’s an opportunity for the selfless helping of others.

The interesting thing about helping others is that it’s not totally selfless. Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh in the US have found that providing support to others activates a neural pathway in the brain that boosts our wellbeing. What this means is that when you help someone, you feel good yourself. Which sounds like a win-win to me.

So, begin your day by asking yourself, who can I help today? And while you might not find someone to help today, the more often you ask yourself the question, the more you increase your probability of finding someone to help. And remember, when you help them, you’ll also be helping yourself.

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When was the last time you went trick or treating?

If you grew up in America, then you’re probably familiar with the tradition of trick or treating on Halloween. And what a strange tradition it is? Knocking on the doors of strangers while in many cases dressed in costumes, in the hope that the stranger will open their door and give you candy.

Most children stop participating in trick or treating in their teenage years because now they’re too cool to do so, and you’ll often hear them say, trick or treating is for little kids, and to some extent they are correct. But what they fail to realize is that carrying the trick or treating mindset can be beneficial to them throughout their entire lives.

What is the trick or treating mindset?

I’m glad you asked.

The trick or treating mindset is one where you’re still willing to metaphorically speaking, knock on the doors of strangers in the hope of getting something you want. It’s the willingness to ask without certainty that you’ll get what you ask for.

You see, asking is the bridge to everything want. Yes, you have the ask the right questions and, in some cases, the right people, but before you do so, you must first build your asking muscle. Back to kids for a moment. Children have the uncanny ability to ask all kinds of questions to anyone and everyone, sometimes to the embarrassment of their parents. But somewhere along the journey towards adulthood, for any number of reasons, their asking muscle begins to atrophy because they stop using it.

Your asking muscle might have atrophied too. Depending on how you were raised and your life experiences there might have come a time in your life when you decided to stop asking for what you want from life. But it’s not too late to rebuild your asking muscle.

You can begin building back your willingness to ask by channeling your inner child. Adopt the trick or treating attitude and begin to ask for you what you want. Start small if you want but get in the habit of asking. Ask strangers, colleagues, family members, just begin to ask, and don’t worry about whether you get what you ask for, just start asking. Keep in mind you might not get everything you ask for, but by asking you give yourself even more opportunities to get what you want out of life.

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When was the last time you sought out an activity or project that challenged you mentally or physically?

If it’s been a while, then ask yourself why?

What are you avoiding?

It’s the challenges in life that force you to grow, to evolve into a stronger, more adaptable version of yourself. It’s challenges that require to you really pay attention and make you feel alive.

A challenge doesn’t have to be a huge monumental task that takes days or years to complete, it can be something simple as pushing yourself physically beyond your normal capacity even it’s only for a minute or two. And if physical challenges aren’t your thing then something as simple as speed-reading or writing an essay.

I agree that life itself can be challenging and at times even overwhelming and exhausting, but that’s the price of being alive. Seeking challenges outside the realm of everyday life is about taking an active approach to not only improving yourself, but also towards building resilience. And the resilience you build can also help you navigate the challenges of daily life.

So, find yourself a new challenge this week and give it all the energy you can muster. Enjoy the experience of exhausting yourself either mentally or physically. And remember, you’re not doing this to win any prizes, you’re doing this to best and better yourself, and that’s the best reward of all.

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When is it going to be your time?

Now.

This is your time.

That’s right, you were made for this time. So, forget about whatever other time you might be waiting for and make the most of this time right now.

Don’t let this time slip away while you prepare and plan for some time in the future when you think you’ll be or feel more prepared. That day will never come because preparation never ends.

The days and months on your calendar are all just illusions luring you into believing they exist, but they don’t. And that’s why you should treat them as reminders, not of what’s to come, but that you only have today.

If you need to plan, then plan. If you need to think, then think. But once you’re done planning and thinking then act right now.

Remember, the word tomorrow is just a placeholder for a time that doesn’t exist. So, if there are things you want to do or words you want to say, start doing them or saying them today. Because while there’s no certainty in tomorrow, right now is guaranteed.

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When was the last time you were involved in a negotiation?

You might not consider yourself to be an active negotiator unless of course you’re an active dealmaker or your job requires you to negotiate on a regular basis. But I suggest you reconsider because the reality is that you’re always negotiating, you’re just not aware that you’re doing so.

Negotiation is part of life. In fact, one of the definitions of negotiation is to find a way over or through an obstacle or difficult path. And as you well know, life is full of obstacles. Before I go on let me clarify something. The world obstacle should not be misconstrued as negative, they are as natural as any other component of nature.

Relationships are full of negotiations especially the most important relationship you have, which is the one you have with yourself. You are negotiating with yourself daily, you might just not view it as a negotiation. If you’ve ever hit a snooze button, strayed of a diet, or even donated to charity, then you’ve negotiated with yourself into doing so. Now you might argue that these are all just decisions, and you’re right, but negotiating for a positive outcome is integral to decision making.

So why am I going on about negotiation? That’s a good question. The answer is that if you ever really want to make any lasting change in your life then you’re going to have to learn to categorize some things in your life as non-negotiable. You’re no longer going to spend any energy deciding whether or not you’re going to do something, it’s no longer open to negotiation, you’re going commit, that’s it, period. This might sound a little harsh at first, but it’s the only way to really experience any lasting change.  

Making certain areas of your life non-negotiable, or of limits to decision making sounds difficult, but in the long run, it’s the easiest thing you can do for yourself. Essentially it allows you to remove all other options and stay focused on the path you’ve decided to take. So the next time you find yourself considering a commitment that will help you improve your life, once you’ve made the decision to do so, put that activity in the non-negotiable category of your life. And remember, it’ll be hard at first, but so much easier down the road.

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Who disagrees with you?

How often do find your views clashing with those of another person?

When was the last time you disappointed someone?

If you haven’t experienced any disagreements or opposition from anyone recently then you’ve lost yourself. You’ve become compliant and are only living for the approval of others.

Now I’m not recommending you actively create enemies or foes for yourself, but if you’re going through life and everyone agrees with your thoughts and actions then I seriously doubt that you’re standing up for your own unique beliefs. Or you’re hiding what you really think in order to get along with them. And while there’s nothing wrong with getting along with others, there is if it costs you being who you really are.

There is always a risk that when you act in certain ways or share your thoughts and ideas, those that you interact with will not always agree with you and you will ruffle some feathers, but that risk is the price you pay for being you. History books are filled with stories about individuals that have paid the ultimate price with their lives because they dared to speak their minds. Fortunately for you, in most cases, you will rarely jeopardize your life or even any physical harm when you say what’s on your mind.

Before I go any further, I want to make sure that you understand I’m not condoning hurting the feelings of others just for the sake of doing so. There are ways to stand up for who you are and what you think and still maintain a degree of politeness.

So, while being disagreeable is not the goal, learning to say what you think is. Behaving or expressing yourself in ways that are congruent with your personal beliefs might not win you popularity points, but that’s okay because life isn’t a popularity contest where you do all you can to seek the approval of others and then pay the ultimate price of losing yourself.

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Did you hear about the following people?

The lawyer that became a doctor.

The doctor that became an artist.

The teacher that became a computer programmer.

The pilot that became a nurse.

The engineer that became a musician.

The actor that became an adventurer.

Do you know what all these people have in common?

They had the courage to know that they wanted to do something different with their lives and took the steps to do so. Some had invested years of their lives to earn degrees that allowed them to practice in their chosen careers, but they didn’t let that hold them back. They were able to overcome the trap of the ‘sunk cost effect/fallacy.’

“The sunk cost effect is the general tendency for people to continue an endeavor, or continue consuming or pursuing an option, if they’ve invested time or money or some resource in it,” says Christopher Olivola, an assistant professor of marketing at Carnegie Mellon’s Tepper School of Business.

Avoiding the sunk cost effect can be a very difficult thing to do because you continue to justify your current actions based on all the time and in some cases money that you’ve previously invested. But that time and money is gone. It no longer exists. The only thing that exists is now.  

There is a lot of guilt associated with the sunk cost fallacy because you feel as though you wasted all that time and money you’ve invested in becoming who you currently are. There’s also the shame of admitting to yourself and others that you no longer want to do the work you’re currently doing. So, you’re caught between the vice of guilt and shame and it forces you to continue to live a life that you no longer want to.

What should you do?

Unfortunately, I can’t help you with that decision. What I can tell you is that memories are short, and people are busy. Soon enough everyone either forgets or is gone. Ultimately you only need to answer to yourself and perhaps those that are closest to you. What matters most is what you think about yourself and the life you want to live. So, don’t let the trap of sunk costs hold you back. Leave what you’ve done in your past and begin to carve out a new future.

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There’s a question that dictates the lives of so many people. It drives them to the point where they lose all sense of who they are.

This is the question.

What do you think of me?

They become addicted to the question and spend their entire lives in its shadow. I say shadow because they’re too afraid to come out and be who they really are. The question holds them back. It restrains them from living.

The unfortunate thing about the question is that as people age, they begin to realize just how much they let the opinions of others dictate their lives. That’s why you’ll see people of a certain age will no longer care what they say or how they behave because as the idea of death gets closer, they understand that they no longer need to fear the consequences of being who they really are.

But why wait until death is closer?

What if you could escape the shadow of the question earlier in life?

The good news is that you can, the bad news is that there is a price to pay. What’s the price? I don’t know because it’s different for everyone.

Is the price worth it? I can’t tell you that either. That’s something you’re going to have to decide for yourself. What I can tell you is that if you live your entire life thinking about what other people think about you then you will not live a full life. Your life will be stunted by your anxiety and worrying about the opinions of others.

It’s not easy to escape the thought of what people think about you. In fact, I’m thinking about it right now as I write this, because I know you’ll read it. But I’m writing it anyway because I think it’s more important to share than what you think. So, I’m willing to take the risk and let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully, as you go through life you too will make the decision to be who you are and pay the price regardless of what people think of you.

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What’s the most difficult thing you’ll choose to do today?

You might be asking, why would I choose to do something difficult? And it’s a good question.

Choosing to do tasks that test you emotionally, intellectually and at times even physically probably sounds counterintuitive, but that’s because most people are seeking the easy path. And while the easy path is tempting, rarely if ever is it as rewarding as choosing a difficult path.

When you make the decision to do a difficult task, you’re asking yourself to show up. You’re demanding more of and from yourself. You’re not allowing yourself to just get by. You’re putting yourself to a test and when you’re testing yourself you feel alive.  

While choosing to do difficult tasks might not seem attractive at the time, they will be the ones that make the most difference in your life. You see, if all you choose to do is what’s easy, then there’s very little opportunity for personal growth.

So, as you set out on your day, absolutely appreciate all the easy tasks you do today, but then, choose a difficult one and give yourself to it. Feel the struggle as you work to complete it and realize that you’ll be a different person on the other side of the task than you were when you started it.

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What if just for today, you expected nothing out of your day?

No results, no outcomes, no reciprocations, nothing at all.

Instead, you just focus all your energy on your actions.

While acting in this manner might seem a little strange at first, the reality is that all you can really control is your actions, outcomes are mirages in the future. It’s how you’d like things to turn out, not a guarantee that they will.

I’m not suggesting that outcomes and results are not important but thinking about or over-focusing on them can create anxiety and unnecessary stress and tension. And the additional tension can become burdensome over time, especially if the result you’re seeking to accomplish is of great significance to you.

Now to detach yourself from outcomes you’re going to have to assure yourself that you’re not ignoring your goals, but instead, are shifting your energy. The irony is, the more important your goal is to you, the easier this is to do because if the goal is important to you, then hopefully you’re already committed to doing all you can to accomplish it.

So just for today, detach yourself from all outcomes and expect no results. Remind yourself that detachment is not quitting. You’re just putting down the additional baggage of carrying outcomes and clearing your mind so you can focus on the task at hand which will ultimately move you towards the results you want.

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How much time is in a day?

This might sound like a strange question and yes, I know technically there are twenty-four hours in a day, so let me ask the question with a slightly different twist.

How much time do you feel like you have in a day?

If you’re like so many others, then you might feel like there’s not enough time in a day to do the things you want to or need to do. The interesting thing is that the one thing we all have in common is that we have the same amount of time in a day. So why do some people seem to be able to accomplish so much in the given time, while others feel there’s not enough time?

Research shows that those that are most productive with their time take intentional steps that allow them to be productive. The two most common steps are chunking or identifying time on their schedules to work on certain projects and then fiercely guarding that time.

Now while your life is unique to your own situation, you too can learn to rope of time for yourself. And while this might not be easy at first, once you get in the habit of doing so, you’ll find your productivity will increase. And when I say productivity, I’m not just talking about getting more work done. You can use your guarded time for self-development, leisure activities, hobbies, or whatever else you want to do.

So, if want to find more time in your day, learn to implement the habits of identifying time and then protecting that time at almost all costs. When you learn to do this well it’s like a miracle, because you’ll find more time in the same place where you once thought there wasn’t enough.

How much progress can there be without change?

Let me help you with the answer.

None.

That’s right, no progress without change.

The word progress means to move forward, to advance, so baked into the definition is the concept of change. Even if you only think about moving forward in a physical sense then you understand that basically you are changing locations.

Progress is the natural state of nature. Think of if it as evolution. The following is a  quote that is generally attributed to Charles Darwin “it is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself.” Now I’m not here to argue whether Darwin said this or not, because it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that the underlying principle is true. If you want to survive then you must learn to change.

So, if you really want to progress in life then don’t shy away from or fear change. Alter your perspective of change, learn to embrace it, and use it to your advantage. The sooner you do, the more progress you’ll make.

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How many reps and sets will you do today?

If you’ve ever lifted weights, then you’ll recognize the idea of reps and sets. Reps is short for repetitions and sets account for a set number of reps. For example, there could be ten repetitions of an exercise in one set. The reps and sets method is an easy and effective accounting method for the amount of work/exercise a person does.

So why am I sharing this explanation of reps and sets?

Because if a person wants to increase muscle strength then accounting for and increasing the amount of work overtime will in most cases experience the results they are seeking. It will occur naturally, as the muscles are fatigued, they will grow and adapt the additional stress they encounter.

The reps and sets method do not only work for lifting weights, it can be applied in other areas of your life too. You can apply a similar technique to any area of life you’re trying to improve. While sets might not be as important of a concept in other areas of life, reps will absolutely count. Reps might be masked as practice in writing or music, or they maybe the number of displays of emotion towards loved ones, whatever area of life you’re want to strengthen, you’ll need to put in the reps.

If you think accounting for the effort you put into certain areas of life does not need to be measured or might seem odd at first, you’re not alone, and I agree. It does seem like the removal of spontaneity; however, you’re actually learning to instill discipline in the areas you believe are important to you.

So, think about the areas of your life that you want to improve and start accounting for and putting in your reps today. It’s the only way to maintain or strengthen what you believe is important to you.

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What teachable moments will you experience today?

Teachable moments are usually unplanned opportunities that arise in classrooms where a teacher has a chance to offer insight to his or her students. Teachable moments are not something that are planned for; rather, they are fleeting opportunities that must be sensed and seized by the teacher.

Whether you’re in a formal educational setting or just going through life, you too have the benefit and or opportunity to learn from unplanned teachable moments. And teachable moments come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, for most of us they come in the form of a mistake.

It’s been said that life is all about learning from your mistakes, or if you’re fortunate or smart enough, then learning from the mistakes of others. But you’ve only really learned a lesson from a mistake if you’ve taken the time to make it a teachable moment and don’t make the same mistake again.

You’ll find that the number of teachable moments or mistakes you make might correlate to the number of new and or interesting things you attempt to do. For example, although I’m not an expert in rocks, I doubt rocks have many teachable moments. But if you study or watch animals then you’ll see that they experience adversity, and within the adversity are teachable moments. And all we are, are slightly more evolved animals.

So, as you go through your day today, I hope you take the perspective of seeing your mistakes as teachable moments and learn from the adversity you encounter. And if you go through your day and find that you didn’t make any mistakes, or face any adversity, you might just want to look in the mirror to make sure that you haven’t turned in to a rock.

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How long will it take?

For what, you might ask.

Well, it depends on what you’re trying to do. If you’re trying to bake a cake, walk a mile, or even take a flight to a particular destination, I can give you an estimate of how long it will take, and the estimate will be pretty close to the time it will take. I say close because even when you’re doing something that’s been done before there can be unforeseen circumstances that can cause the amount of time to change.

We are all living lives that encounter unforeseen circumstances daily, yet we attempt to manage our days like we’ve been here before. We get lulled into the trap of basing today on the knowledge of yesterday with the hope that we’ll have some semblance of control. Yet each day we encounter something new, something different, and are surprised or even disappointed when we do.

Almost your entire life will be filled with unforeseen circumstances and events and the sooner you accept and get used to the idea of not being sure what will happen next, the more resilient you’ll become. And resilient is what you need to be if you want to achieve anything of great importance or consequential to you.

So as you move through our days and your life keep in mind that it’s all going to be new to you, especially if you’re going to attempt to pursue activities and goals that are outside of the realm of everyday survival. Learn to embrace every unanticipated circumstance and event as an opportunity to learn, grow, and keep moving forward. The resilience you build today will be your superpower against the unforeseen events of tomorrow.

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What do you care about?

This is an important question to ask yourself?

Why?

Because it’s when you really care about something that you’ll invest the extra energy and time to improve it. This is true for your relationships, your career/work, and even your own health and general well-being. Now you might argue that of course, you care about all things I mentioned, but I would argue back that there’s a difference between thinking something is important or being fond of it,  and really caring about it.

You see when you really care about something you naturally want to see it thrive, you want to see it in the best condition it can be in, and so you behave accordingly. Basically, when you care, you act.

Caring consists of two parts, checking in to see what’s happening and then acting on the information. Learn to care. So when you say or think that you really care about something then you’ll start acting to improve it and nurture it to its full potential.

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