Raj Daniels

When is it going to be your time?

Now.

This is your time.

That’s right, you were made for this time. So, forget about whatever other time you might be waiting for and make the most of this time right now.

Don’t let this time slip away while you prepare and plan for some time in the future when you think you’ll be or feel more prepared. That day will never come because preparation never ends.

The days and months on your calendar are all just illusions luring you into believing they exist, but they don’t. And that’s why you should treat them as reminders, not of what’s to come, but that you only have today.

If you need to plan, then plan. If you need to think, then think. But once you’re done planning and thinking then act right now.

Remember, the word tomorrow is just a placeholder for a time that doesn’t exist. So, if there are things you want to do or words you want to say, start doing them or saying them today. Because while there’s no certainty in tomorrow, right now is guaranteed.

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When was the last time you were involved in a negotiation?

You might not consider yourself to be an active negotiator unless of course you’re an active dealmaker or your job requires you to negotiate on a regular basis. But I suggest you reconsider because the reality is that you’re always negotiating, you’re just not aware that you’re doing so.

Negotiation is part of life. In fact, one of the definitions of negotiation is to find a way over or through an obstacle or difficult path. And as you well know, life is full of obstacles. Before I go on let me clarify something. The world obstacle should not be misconstrued as negative, they are as natural as any other component of nature.

Relationships are full of negotiations especially the most important relationship you have, which is the one you have with yourself. You are negotiating with yourself daily, you might just not view it as a negotiation. If you’ve ever hit a snooze button, strayed of a diet, or even donated to charity, then you’ve negotiated with yourself into doing so. Now you might argue that these are all just decisions, and you’re right, but negotiating for a positive outcome is integral to decision making.

So why am I going on about negotiation? That’s a good question. The answer is that if you ever really want to make any lasting change in your life then you’re going to have to learn to categorize some things in your life as non-negotiable. You’re no longer going to spend any energy deciding whether or not you’re going to do something, it’s no longer open to negotiation, you’re going commit, that’s it, period. This might sound a little harsh at first, but it’s the only way to really experience any lasting change.  

Making certain areas of your life non-negotiable, or of limits to decision making sounds difficult, but in the long run, it’s the easiest thing you can do for yourself. Essentially it allows you to remove all other options and stay focused on the path you’ve decided to take. So the next time you find yourself considering a commitment that will help you improve your life, once you’ve made the decision to do so, put that activity in the non-negotiable category of your life. And remember, it’ll be hard at first, but so much easier down the road.

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Who disagrees with you?

How often do find your views clashing with those of another person?

When was the last time you disappointed someone?

If you haven’t experienced any disagreements or opposition from anyone recently then you’ve lost yourself. You’ve become compliant and are only living for the approval of others.

Now I’m not recommending you actively create enemies or foes for yourself, but if you’re going through life and everyone agrees with your thoughts and actions then I seriously doubt that you’re standing up for your own unique beliefs. Or you’re hiding what you really think in order to get along with them. And while there’s nothing wrong with getting along with others, there is if it costs you being who you really are.

There is always a risk that when you act in certain ways or share your thoughts and ideas, those that you interact with will not always agree with you and you will ruffle some feathers, but that risk is the price you pay for being you. History books are filled with stories about individuals that have paid the ultimate price with their lives because they dared to speak their minds. Fortunately for you, in most cases, you will rarely jeopardize your life or even any physical harm when you say what’s on your mind.

Before I go any further, I want to make sure that you understand I’m not condoning hurting the feelings of others just for the sake of doing so. There are ways to stand up for who you are and what you think and still maintain a degree of politeness.

So, while being disagreeable is not the goal, learning to say what you think is. Behaving or expressing yourself in ways that are congruent with your personal beliefs might not win you popularity points, but that’s okay because life isn’t a popularity contest where you do all you can to seek the approval of others and then pay the ultimate price of losing yourself.

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Did you hear about the following people?

The lawyer that became a doctor.

The doctor that became an artist.

The teacher that became a computer programmer.

The pilot that became a nurse.

The engineer that became a musician.

The actor that became an adventurer.

Do you know what all these people have in common?

They had the courage to know that they wanted to do something different with their lives and took the steps to do so. Some had invested years of their lives to earn degrees that allowed them to practice in their chosen careers, but they didn’t let that hold them back. They were able to overcome the trap of the ‘sunk cost effect/fallacy.’

“The sunk cost effect is the general tendency for people to continue an endeavor, or continue consuming or pursuing an option, if they’ve invested time or money or some resource in it,” says Christopher Olivola, an assistant professor of marketing at Carnegie Mellon’s Tepper School of Business.

Avoiding the sunk cost effect can be a very difficult thing to do because you continue to justify your current actions based on all the time and in some cases money that you’ve previously invested. But that time and money is gone. It no longer exists. The only thing that exists is now.  

There is a lot of guilt associated with the sunk cost fallacy because you feel as though you wasted all that time and money you’ve invested in becoming who you currently are. There’s also the shame of admitting to yourself and others that you no longer want to do the work you’re currently doing. So, you’re caught between the vice of guilt and shame and it forces you to continue to live a life that you no longer want to.

What should you do?

Unfortunately, I can’t help you with that decision. What I can tell you is that memories are short, and people are busy. Soon enough everyone either forgets or is gone. Ultimately you only need to answer to yourself and perhaps those that are closest to you. What matters most is what you think about yourself and the life you want to live. So, don’t let the trap of sunk costs hold you back. Leave what you’ve done in your past and begin to carve out a new future.

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There’s a question that dictates the lives of so many people. It drives them to the point where they lose all sense of who they are.

This is the question.

What do you think of me?

They become addicted to the question and spend their entire lives in its shadow. I say shadow because they’re too afraid to come out and be who they really are. The question holds them back. It restrains them from living.

The unfortunate thing about the question is that as people age, they begin to realize just how much they let the opinions of others dictate their lives. That’s why you’ll see people of a certain age will no longer care what they say or how they behave because as the idea of death gets closer, they understand that they no longer need to fear the consequences of being who they really are.

But why wait until death is closer?

What if you could escape the shadow of the question earlier in life?

The good news is that you can, the bad news is that there is a price to pay. What’s the price? I don’t know because it’s different for everyone.

Is the price worth it? I can’t tell you that either. That’s something you’re going to have to decide for yourself. What I can tell you is that if you live your entire life thinking about what other people think about you then you will not live a full life. Your life will be stunted by your anxiety and worrying about the opinions of others.

It’s not easy to escape the thought of what people think about you. In fact, I’m thinking about it right now as I write this, because I know you’ll read it. But I’m writing it anyway because I think it’s more important to share than what you think. So, I’m willing to take the risk and let the chips fall where they may. Hopefully, as you go through life you too will make the decision to be who you are and pay the price regardless of what people think of you.

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What’s the most difficult thing you’ll choose to do today?

You might be asking, why would I choose to do something difficult? And it’s a good question.

Choosing to do tasks that test you emotionally, intellectually and at times even physically probably sounds counterintuitive, but that’s because most people are seeking the easy path. And while the easy path is tempting, rarely if ever is it as rewarding as choosing a difficult path.

When you make the decision to do a difficult task, you’re asking yourself to show up. You’re demanding more of and from yourself. You’re not allowing yourself to just get by. You’re putting yourself to a test and when you’re testing yourself you feel alive.  

While choosing to do difficult tasks might not seem attractive at the time, they will be the ones that make the most difference in your life. You see, if all you choose to do is what’s easy, then there’s very little opportunity for personal growth.

So, as you set out on your day, absolutely appreciate all the easy tasks you do today, but then, choose a difficult one and give yourself to it. Feel the struggle as you work to complete it and realize that you’ll be a different person on the other side of the task than you were when you started it.

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What if just for today, you expected nothing out of your day?

No results, no outcomes, no reciprocations, nothing at all.

Instead, you just focus all your energy on your actions.

While acting in this manner might seem a little strange at first, the reality is that all you can really control is your actions, outcomes are mirages in the future. It’s how you’d like things to turn out, not a guarantee that they will.

I’m not suggesting that outcomes and results are not important but thinking about or over-focusing on them can create anxiety and unnecessary stress and tension. And the additional tension can become burdensome over time, especially if the result you’re seeking to accomplish is of great significance to you.

Now to detach yourself from outcomes you’re going to have to assure yourself that you’re not ignoring your goals, but instead, are shifting your energy. The irony is, the more important your goal is to you, the easier this is to do because if the goal is important to you, then hopefully you’re already committed to doing all you can to accomplish it.

So just for today, detach yourself from all outcomes and expect no results. Remind yourself that detachment is not quitting. You’re just putting down the additional baggage of carrying outcomes and clearing your mind so you can focus on the task at hand which will ultimately move you towards the results you want.

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How much time is in a day?

This might sound like a strange question and yes, I know technically there are twenty-four hours in a day, so let me ask the question with a slightly different twist.

How much time do you feel like you have in a day?

If you’re like so many others, then you might feel like there’s not enough time in a day to do the things you want to or need to do. The interesting thing is that the one thing we all have in common is that we have the same amount of time in a day. So why do some people seem to be able to accomplish so much in the given time, while others feel there’s not enough time?

Research shows that those that are most productive with their time take intentional steps that allow them to be productive. The two most common steps are chunking or identifying time on their schedules to work on certain projects and then fiercely guarding that time.

Now while your life is unique to your own situation, you too can learn to rope of time for yourself. And while this might not be easy at first, once you get in the habit of doing so, you’ll find your productivity will increase. And when I say productivity, I’m not just talking about getting more work done. You can use your guarded time for self-development, leisure activities, hobbies, or whatever else you want to do.

So, if want to find more time in your day, learn to implement the habits of identifying time and then protecting that time at almost all costs. When you learn to do this well it’s like a miracle, because you’ll find more time in the same place where you once thought there wasn’t enough.

How much progress can there be without change?

Let me help you with the answer.

None.

That’s right, no progress without change.

The word progress means to move forward, to advance, so baked into the definition is the concept of change. Even if you only think about moving forward in a physical sense then you understand that basically you are changing locations.

Progress is the natural state of nature. Think of if it as evolution. The following is a  quote that is generally attributed to Charles Darwin “it is not the most intellectual of the species that survives; it is not the strongest that survives; but the species that survives is the one that is able best to adapt and adjust to the changing environment in which it finds itself.” Now I’m not here to argue whether Darwin said this or not, because it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that the underlying principle is true. If you want to survive then you must learn to change.

So, if you really want to progress in life then don’t shy away from or fear change. Alter your perspective of change, learn to embrace it, and use it to your advantage. The sooner you do, the more progress you’ll make.

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How many reps and sets will you do today?

If you’ve ever lifted weights, then you’ll recognize the idea of reps and sets. Reps is short for repetitions and sets account for a set number of reps. For example, there could be ten repetitions of an exercise in one set. The reps and sets method is an easy and effective accounting method for the amount of work/exercise a person does.

So why am I sharing this explanation of reps and sets?

Because if a person wants to increase muscle strength then accounting for and increasing the amount of work overtime will in most cases experience the results they are seeking. It will occur naturally, as the muscles are fatigued, they will grow and adapt the additional stress they encounter.

The reps and sets method do not only work for lifting weights, it can be applied in other areas of your life too. You can apply a similar technique to any area of life you’re trying to improve. While sets might not be as important of a concept in other areas of life, reps will absolutely count. Reps might be masked as practice in writing or music, or they maybe the number of displays of emotion towards loved ones, whatever area of life you’re want to strengthen, you’ll need to put in the reps.

If you think accounting for the effort you put into certain areas of life does not need to be measured or might seem odd at first, you’re not alone, and I agree. It does seem like the removal of spontaneity; however, you’re actually learning to instill discipline in the areas you believe are important to you.

So, think about the areas of your life that you want to improve and start accounting for and putting in your reps today. It’s the only way to maintain or strengthen what you believe is important to you.

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What teachable moments will you experience today?

Teachable moments are usually unplanned opportunities that arise in classrooms where a teacher has a chance to offer insight to his or her students. Teachable moments are not something that are planned for; rather, they are fleeting opportunities that must be sensed and seized by the teacher.

Whether you’re in a formal educational setting or just going through life, you too have the benefit and or opportunity to learn from unplanned teachable moments. And teachable moments come in all kinds of shapes and sizes, for most of us they come in the form of a mistake.

It’s been said that life is all about learning from your mistakes, or if you’re fortunate or smart enough, then learning from the mistakes of others. But you’ve only really learned a lesson from a mistake if you’ve taken the time to make it a teachable moment and don’t make the same mistake again.

You’ll find that the number of teachable moments or mistakes you make might correlate to the number of new and or interesting things you attempt to do. For example, although I’m not an expert in rocks, I doubt rocks have many teachable moments. But if you study or watch animals then you’ll see that they experience adversity, and within the adversity are teachable moments. And all we are, are slightly more evolved animals.

So, as you go through your day today, I hope you take the perspective of seeing your mistakes as teachable moments and learn from the adversity you encounter. And if you go through your day and find that you didn’t make any mistakes, or face any adversity, you might just want to look in the mirror to make sure that you haven’t turned in to a rock.

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How long will it take?

For what, you might ask.

Well, it depends on what you’re trying to do. If you’re trying to bake a cake, walk a mile, or even take a flight to a particular destination, I can give you an estimate of how long it will take, and the estimate will be pretty close to the time it will take. I say close because even when you’re doing something that’s been done before there can be unforeseen circumstances that can cause the amount of time to change.

We are all living lives that encounter unforeseen circumstances daily, yet we attempt to manage our days like we’ve been here before. We get lulled into the trap of basing today on the knowledge of yesterday with the hope that we’ll have some semblance of control. Yet each day we encounter something new, something different, and are surprised or even disappointed when we do.

Almost your entire life will be filled with unforeseen circumstances and events and the sooner you accept and get used to the idea of not being sure what will happen next, the more resilient you’ll become. And resilient is what you need to be if you want to achieve anything of great importance or consequential to you.

So as you move through our days and your life keep in mind that it’s all going to be new to you, especially if you’re going to attempt to pursue activities and goals that are outside of the realm of everyday survival. Learn to embrace every unanticipated circumstance and event as an opportunity to learn, grow, and keep moving forward. The resilience you build today will be your superpower against the unforeseen events of tomorrow.

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What do you care about?

This is an important question to ask yourself?

Why?

Because it’s when you really care about something that you’ll invest the extra energy and time to improve it. This is true for your relationships, your career/work, and even your own health and general well-being. Now you might argue that of course, you care about all things I mentioned, but I would argue back that there’s a difference between thinking something is important or being fond of it,  and really caring about it.

You see when you really care about something you naturally want to see it thrive, you want to see it in the best condition it can be in, and so you behave accordingly. Basically, when you care, you act.

Caring consists of two parts, checking in to see what’s happening and then acting on the information. Learn to care. So when you say or think that you really care about something then you’ll start acting to improve it and nurture it to its full potential.

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How will you respond today?

To what, you might ask.

To everything.

While some of your responses today can be chalked up to your reflexes, there will be plenty of opportunities for you to decide how you’ll respond. And if you’re already recoiling and thinking, not possible, well, that’s a response that has become a reflex.

Your days will present you with numerous opportunities to respond and not react reflexively, you just have to make the very conscious decision to act on the opportunity.

Too difficult?

Not enough time?

Yes and yes. But also responses.

While making a conscious response to everything might be unrealistic, you can prioritize the opportunities you will consciously respond to. Maybe you decide to consciously respond to the people you love, the food you eat, or dare I say, your own internal thoughts. Yes, even your own thoughts can benefit from conscious responses rather than reacting to each one that comes along.

Ultimately you have a lot more control over how you respond than you might think you do. Allow yourself time to cultivate responses that benefit you rather than continuously relying on reactions or reflexive behavior. And while this might seem challenging at first, eventually you’ll begin to enjoy the feeling of self-control as you learn to respond to life, rather than just reacting to it.

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What if just for today you forget about all of your goals?

Forget all of your grand vision and outcomes.

Ok, perhaps I’m exaggerating a little. Don’t forget them, just don’t focus on them. Today just focus on advancing and not finishing.

Today, just focus on the next step.

You’ve probably heard the Lao Tzu quote “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” and it’s so true. But like so many quotes and sayings, this one too seems to be overly simplistic. And when you hear the quote your brain rebels with an ‘it can’t be that easy.’ Yet nowhere in the quote does it say how easy or hard the journey will be.

So just for today, put aside the end, the grand finale, the fireworks that will go off when you reach your goals, spoiler alert, there are rarely any fireworks, and only focus on advancing your mission. That’s it. Just do something to move you forward.

Let me be very clear. I’m not suggesting your forget your goals or the grand vision for your life, it’s just that if you have big goals, which I hope you do, they can seem daunting, and depending on your personality, they can at times even feel de-motivating because of their sheer size. So just for today, focus on the task or step that’s directly in front of you. Only work on moving forward, for today it doesn’t matter how far you go, just think about advancing and not finishing.

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When was the last time you tested your courage?

Humans are endowed with courage for a reason, but the majority fail to or forget to test their courage, especially as they mature into adults. They seek safety and security yet admire the courage of others.

You’ll find people all over the world lined up to watch their favorite actors and athletes perform acts of courage. And books and novels about courageous individuals can often be found on bestseller lists, as the readers live vicariously through the characters while sitting in the safety of their own lives.

Testing your courage doesn’t require you to put your life or physical safety on the line, although some activities do require a certain amount of risk of bodily injury. However, in most cases, testing your courage is about moving past your fears, it’s about doing what you’re afraid to do.

You’ll know when your courage is being tested because you’ll feel the butterflies in the pit of your stomach, or the adrenaline begin to pump through your body. When you act with courage every nerve in your body stands at attention ready for action and you feel alive which is very different from just being alive.

Get in the habit of testing your courage on a regular basis by getting out of your comfort zone. Build your courage muscle by choosing action over fear and push past your limitations. Remember, you were endowed with courage for a reason, now go use it to build your life.

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Who should you be grateful for today?

What if you started every day by asking yourself that question?

So, who is it going to be for you today?

Will it be a family member, teammate, co-worker, friend, or perhaps the ‘random’ people you interact with today?

Expressing gratitude daily for and to the people in your life serves several purposes. First, you’ll have the pleasure and good feeling of knowing that you’re not going through life alone and that you have a support system, although, at times, it might not always be visible. Second, telling people that you’re grateful for their support or the service they provide makes them feel better about themselves. And lastly, the more gratitude you express, the more opportunities you’ll find to be grateful.

Your expression of gratitude doesn’t have to be any kind of big production or overt gesture. Just stopping for a moment to deliver simple, direct, meaningful thank you will suffice in most cases. And when you don’t have the opportunity to see or interact with the person you’re grateful for, you can say a thank you to them in your mind.

So set yourself on a path today to express gratitude to and for the people in your life. Once you get in the habit of doing so, you’ll begin to experience the magic of a grateful mindset. You see, once you have a grateful mindset, you’ll start to see opportunities to express gratitude appear all around you and will realize just how much you have to be thankful for.

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What big change or large project do you want to accomplish?

If there’s something you really want to do, then put it on your calendar or schedule. And then, here’s the most important part, make that time slot on your schedule as non-negotiable as possible.

Why non-negotiable? Because unless you’re like the small percentage of people that have unbreakable discipline, you will begin to look for excuses or reasons for why you shouldn’t stick to your commitment.

You see, there will be days when you will not want to stick to your commitment to change or work on your project, especially during the challenging times. And yes, every major change or big project will have challenging times, but when it’s on your schedule and you think of it as non-negotiable as you would an appointment with another person, then you’ll work on it even if you do so begrudgingly. However, it’s working on commitments even when you don’t want to that forges your discipline.

Before I go on, let me clarify that I’m not suggesting you force yourself to stick with changes or projects that you no longer want to accomplish. This idea of scheduling is a tool to get you to accomplish the things you want to do.

So, learn to use your calendar as a secret weapon to work your way to your goals. Stick to the appointments you make with yourself and experience how your schedule transforms your life.

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How long will you wait for something else to come along?

While patience is a virtue, it must be backed by action. Sitting and waiting for opportunities to show up at your doorstep is a valid strategy because sure enough, every once in while ideas and opportunities will come to you, but your life will be limited.

If you want to expand the number of chances and choices you can experience then you’re going to have to learn to forage, to hunt, to not wait for something else to come along, but actively explore and pursue opportunities.

You can absolutely take a passive approach to life and in many cases get through life just fine by waiting for all the something else’s to come along, but by doing so you miss so much that life has to offer. Now I’m not suggesting you never focus and chase every new shiny opportunity, but I am recommending you take an active approach to life. Or perhaps said differently, you take ownership of your life and decide what you want to pursue rather than just wait and see what shows up. Because something else always shows up, and if you’re always experiencing only what shows up, you’ll never move beyond that to see what else is out there.

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