Raj Daniels

When was the last time you checked your ego at the door?

While you can’t physically check or leave your ego at the door, you can on occasion intentionally disarm your ego.

At your core, your ego is how you view yourself. It’s your identity. And what happens when someone attacks or implies that a part of your identity is mistaken or just outright wrong? Well, if you’re like most people then it hurts your feelings and you move into a defensive and protective mode. And this mode can be a number of things, all the way from shutting down emotionally to physically lashing out.

Detaching yourself or dropping your ego is by no means an easy thing to do, but it’s almost a necessary ingredient for personal growth. In order to receive feedback or improve in any area of your life, you have to be open to the idea that you’re either doing something incorrectly or that there’s room for improvement. You have to be open to changing how you see yourself, which is, of course, easier said than done.

You have to decide if your goal in life is to get better or be right. While being right in the moment might feel good, it doesn’t move you forward. Holding on to your ego all costs will limit your life experiences and ultimately your life because you will remain tied to one identity of yourself. But once you decide to check your ego your at the door you’ll free yourself from your self-identified constraints and experience a fuller and richer life.

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Invest in your future.

Invest in your education.

Invest in your health.

Invest in your relationships.

Invest, invest, and invest.

What does it mean to invest?

Here’s one definition, devote (one’s time, effort, or energy) to a particular undertaking with the expectation of a worthwhile result. And while’s there no mention of money in this definition, money is or will be to some extent a result of how you spend your time, effort and energy. Oh, and before you say or think it, I know and agree that time and money are not the same.

So, if you’re going to spend so much of your life investing, how much time should you spend evaluating your investments? And what would you deem to be a worthwhile return?

If you were asked to invest a significant amount of money into a financial endeavor or into the stock market, how much analysis would you do? How many experts would you speak to? Whose advice would you seek?

Adopting an investor mindset doesn’t mean that you have to over-analyze each and every action and interaction you have, but it does mean that you should consider being more diligent and prudent in the choices you make in the ‘big’ or more important areas of your life. Take relationships for example. Whether the relationship is platonic or romantic, there is information and tools out there that can help you improve the quality of your relationships, but you have to spend the time and energy to do so.

I’m not suggesting you remove all spontaneity from life and only make decisions based on analysis. What I am recommending is that since you’re going to invest your life in certain activities, learn from those that have lived before you. Spend time evaluating the major areas of your life and spend some time thinking like an investor. Remember, if investing is about getting worthwhile results then wouldn’t the best result be living a life that’s worth your while?

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How can you be indefatigable?

It’s true that you can’t be indefatigable physically or mentally, because they rely on a different kind of fuel and rest cycle, but your spirit for life doesn’t need to succumb to fatigue.

If you’ve been open to life then you’ve seen and read stories about people that have struggled tirelessly to accomplish their goals and missions. You’re familiar with the tales of Earhart, Gandhi, Mandela, and many more, some paying the ultimate price with their lives in order to pursue life work.

How did they do it?

Sure there were occasions when they tired physically and mentally, we all do, but their spirits stayed true and aligned because they were driven by a purpose bigger than themselves.

Having an indefatigable spirit doesn’t mean that you will not have difficult days or that things will be any easier for you, it does mean that when you do eventually bump up against hard times, knowing your purpose will energize your spirit and pull you through.

You might have heard some form of the quote “find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life,” and while this might be partially true, it often misinterpreted as work should or will be easy, which is rarely the case. The reason it’s called work is that it requires effort and expending effort is tiring. Even when you’re fortunate enough to find work that you enjoy, it’ll be your untiring spirit that will continue to bring you back to it.

Once you find your purpose, and identify your personal why, you’ll begin to experience buoyancy in your spirit that will carry you through your difficult days. You’ll find that even though there will be days when you’re mentally and physically exhausted, your spirit will remain strong, unfatigued, and will keep you on your path.

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Why wouldn’t you at least try?

Try for what?

Whatever it is you want to do.

Sound too risky?

Maybe, but how will you ever really know how risky it is until you give it a shot?

It doesn’t have to be a ‘big’ try, or a public try, just a small attempt, dipping your toe in the pool if you will.

What’s the worst that can happen?

You decide it’s not for you and you stop.

Fantastic!

At least you tried.

The try, the attempt, the first move you make towards what you want or want to do will always be the most intimidating. The space between you and your first move is known as the dream killer. It’s where ideas, desires, and wants have died before they even had the chance to see the light of day.

Trying something new is filled with uncertainty, and if given the opportunity the ‘what ifs’ will paralyze you and prevent you from moving forward. So you’ll need to learn to beat, bury, and ignore them when they arise, if not, you’ll never even begin to try.

If there’s something you’ve been thinking about doing, then there’s no better time than now to give it a try. Take the smallest action as soon as you can and experience the excitement of going from wanting to do, to doing.

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How generous can you be today?

Generous with your feelings, your belongings, your financial resources, perhaps even with your time?

The act of being generous with what you have and own is absolutely a reflection of the kind of person you are and while your generosity might help another person, there’s actually a greater reward in it for you.

Studies have shown that generous individuals live a happier and more fulfilled life because the act of giving makes people feel better about themselves. So if you’re still on the fence about being generous then you can begin by doing it for selfish reasons.

The sheer act of giving lets you know that you have enough and subtly also tells you that you have hope that there’s more out there for you. Being generous and giving transitions you from a mindset of scarcity to one of abundance. So while being generous helps others, it actually is even more beneficial for you.

Another benefit of being generous is that when you give to others it shifts your focus from you them and reminds you that we’re all connected.

So start today with a mindset of generosity and look for ways to give to others. You might be surprised to see how far a little generosity can go towards improving their lives and ultimately your own.

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What do you think about the idea of assuming another person’s identity?

Wait, before we go any further, let me clarify.

I’m not recommending or suggesting you assume someone else’s identity in a nefarious, criminal sort of way. Okay, now that I have that disclaimer in place lets continue.

An individual’s identity is constructed from a combination of character traits and qualities, some inherent, and others that are learned over time. Identity is also developed consciously and subconsciously. There are behaviors and traits that you internalized because you wanted to be similar to those that were around you during your formative years so that you would be liked and loved. But some of those early learned behaviors might no longer be serving you well.

So what to do now?

Here’s how assuming aspects of another person’s identity can be helpful. Let me be clear in saying that I’m not asking you to lose yourself or forget who you are. What I am recommending is that if there’s a person or people that have certain qualities you admire then adopt those qualities for yourself.

As a child, you didn’t have the intellectual wherewithal to ask or introspect into who you are and so the majority of your identity formed essentially by accident, or better said, in relation to the circumstances in which you grew up. But it doesn’t have to remain that way.

Changing how you identify with yourself is not easy. Not only is the behavior change difficult but in some cases, you’ll feel as though you’re being fake and betraying who you really are, but that’s not true. Remember, your identity formed as a child as a response to your environment. And if that childhood built identity is holding you back then now might be a good time assume some new qualities and change your identity.

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What do think about making today an easy day for you?

Hopefully, you like the idea. So here’s how you do it, do only what you can and not an ounce more. That’s it, that’s all you have to do.

If that sounds too simple and that there might be a catch, then your correct because if you’re like most people then you really don’t know how much you can really do. Where’s the line, the limit to what you can get done in a day? Yes, there are obvious markers of time and physical exhaustion that might prevent you from doing more, but besides those, there really is no telling how much you can get done.

There is a clear distinction between the things you can do and the things that need to be done. And there will be times when you can’t or will not be able to do everything that needs to be done, and that’s okay, as long as you know you did as much you could.

Keep in mind that doing what you can do is not about quantity, it’s about progress, it’s about moving the needle forward on projects and tasks that are important to you. Once you adopt the mindset of doing all that you can do, then you’ll begin to reap the benefits of compounded effort over time. So set off on your day today and do what you can, and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that today you did all that you could.

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What does integrity mean to you?

The most common definition of integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching. It’s a great definition and can serve you well in life, but what about self-integrity?

Self-integrity is not based on external commitments to those around you, but to yourself. It’s centered on the question, how well do I keep the commitments I make to myself?

Commitments that you make to yourself are just as important, if not more important than those you make to others. While breaking commitments to others will break their level of trust in you, breaking commitments with yourself erodes trust in yourself, which also leads to a decline in self-confidence.

It’s easy to break commitments you’ve made to yourself, especially if you haven’t shared those commitments with anyone else because essentially you’re performing in private and not in public. And when no one is watching it’s easy to give yourself an ‘out.’ But the ‘outs’ add up and make for a slippery slope.

Self-integrity is all about doing what you’ve told yourself you’re going to do. It’s about commitment and holding yourself accountable. And once you get in the habit of keeping your commitments to yourself you’ll experience and feel your confidence grow.

So the next time you make a commitment to yourself, stick to it. And yes, there are always exceptions and of course, if it’s not working for you then you’re allowed to change your mind, but make it the exception and not the norm. Remember, keeping your commitments to others is great, because they’ll think well of you, but keeping commitments to yourself is even more important, because what and how you think about yourself will determine how you live the rest of your life.

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How much space do you create for yourself during your day?

If you’re like most people then you’re probably hopping from task to task, from the time you wake up until your head hits your pillow. And when you’re not engaged in a task, you’re probably trying to fill your time with some other activity. This constant filling of space can often lead to the feeling of not having enough time and can, if continued for a long period of time, lead you to feel stressed and overwhelmed.

Actively creating space, or buffers for yourself throughout your day is a great way to relieve some of the tension of daily life. Instead of constantly moving between your to-do’s give yourself a break. Take time to recalibrate and allow your mind to digest the prior activity and to settle a little before putting it to work on the next task. And just to be clear, taking a break doesn’t mean seek out some other form of entertainment or distraction, it means for a few minutes do as close to nothing as possible.

At first, the idea of creating space for yourself might seem farfetched or if you’re a type-A personality, then it might even sound irresponsible, but very often and if done correctly you’ll find that you can actually do more by doing less. Pushing yourself from task to task eventually leads to diminishing returns on your energy, but if you give yourself some time to rest and recuperate then you’ll find an increase in return on your energy investment.

So create some space in your schedule today. Build in a buffer between tasks and do as little as possible during that time. Let’s see how much tension you can relieve from your day.

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How much time do you spend dwelling on events from your past?

Yes, I’m sure there are memories of events that serve you well, but what about the ones that are no longer of use to you, the ones that bring you pain or even hold you back?

Here’s a beautiful short tale of two monks and a woman that is a well-known Buddhist parable about living in the present and leaving the past behind.

The story goes that two monks were traveling together, a senior and a junior. They came to a river with a strong current where a young woman was waiting, unable to cross alone. She asks the monks if they would help her across the river. Without a word and in spite of the sacred vow he’d taken not to touch women, the older monk picks her up, crosses, and sets her down on the other side.

The younger monk joins them across the river and is aghast that the older monk has broken his vow but doesn’t say anything. An hour passes as they travel on. Then two hours. Then three. Finally, the now quite agitated younger monk can stand it no longer: “Why did you carry that women when we took a vow as monks not to touch women?”

The older monk replies, “I set her down hours ago by the side of the river. Why are you still carrying her?”

The story is a wonderful reminder of how you can leave what happened in the past in the past and not dwell on it.

Memories from past events can and will affect how you behave today, it’s just normal, but the choice of whether or not to ruminate on certain events that no longer serve you is yours. I understand that what I’m suggesting is easier said than done, but if freeing yourself from past events allows you to be more present today and can improve your future, then, just maybe it’s worth the effort to do so.

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What will you do with the rest of your life?

Maybe that’s too big of a question, so let me make it a little easier.

What if you viewed today as the first day of the rest of your life?

This is it. Today is the day that will determine how you live the rest of your life. Today is your pivot point, your opportunity to minimize regrets and maximize achievements. Today is the day you’ll look back upon and say, I’m glad I made those changes and committed to my pursuits.

Today is the day you’ll tell stories about. You’ll say how you woke up one morning and had a realization that no longer would you succumb to the temptations of the easy and trivial, nor would you give your time to the things that didn’t matter, and how you turned your attention and focus on what you would do for the rest of your life.

If you decide not to take control of the rest of your life today, then that’s okay, hopefully, you have many more days ahead of you to do so. However, you know what they say about time, while it gives you opportunities; it also takes your life.

Sooner or later you’re going to have to decide how you’re going to live the rest of your life. Now you might be thinking that you don’t have to decide, but you know that’s a decision too. So better to take control of the reigns today, while you still have the energy and time, and intentionally live out the rest of your life.

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As people, what’s our connection?

If you’re familiar with the six degrees of separation idea then you know that all people are six, or fewer, social connections away from each other. And if it’s true, then we really are all connected in this life experience together.

What I’ve discovered is that almost everyone is looking for a way to feel connected. Even though they may not outwardly express it, once you spend some time with a person and really listen, you’ll hear it in their voice and words.

As people we almost all want the feeling of being seen and heard, however, in today’s go go world it’s often difficult to connect with ourselves let alone others. This constant going and lack of connection gives us all a feeling of emptiness, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

Creating space in your life for connection with others is probably one of the most important things you can do for yourself and for those around you. Real connection has the power to help and heal, to create a bond that can endure for a lifetime.

Ultimately, if we really are all connected then it serves our own best interest to ensure that the ecosystem we’re a part of is as healthy as possible, if for nothing else than our own survival.

So invest some time today in deepening your connection with those around you, and if the opportunity presents itself, make some new connections today. Do it for them, and do it for you too. Let’s all work together to fill the void within us.

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What will you do today?

I know that it’s a broad and vague question and that you’ll do many things today. So let me be a little more specific, what will you commit to doing today? And perhaps even more important what will you commit to not doing today? If these questions still seem a little difficult to answer then let me lead you with some suggestions.

Today I will commit to only focusing on that which I can control.

Today I will commit to re-enforcing my love for those that are important to me.

Today I will commit to my health and vitality.

Today I will commit to forgiving myself and others for any and all transgressions.

Today I will commit to revisiting my dreams.

Today I will commit to asking myself what is important to me?

Today I will commit to showing grace to all that I interact with.

Today I will commit to…now add your own commitments.

Remember for every commitment you make, you’re committing to not doing the inverse. So for example, if you commit to health and vitality, then doubling down on dessert is out of the question.

Now make a list of your own commitments and live by them as best as you can just for today. Yes, there is a chance you’ll be tested and might even stray a little, but that’s okay, just remind yourself to come back to them when you do. Committing to a list of commitments might seem a little daunting at first, but think of it this way; it’s only for one day. And if you find it doesn’t work for you, you can always go back to doing the opposite tomorrow.

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How’s your heckler doing?

You know the one that lives in your head. The one whose job it is to derail you when you think about launching a new endeavor or pursuing a new goal. The one whose job it is to remind you how you failed the last time around by highlighting your inadequacies. The one that points out how others that are supposedly better than you have tried and failed asks you why you think you’re special and can succeed?

The heckler is a sneaky little bugger that spends most of its time sleeping, but with one eye open. As long as you remain on a slow dull predictable track, it’ll mostly mind its own business. But the moment you even think about doing something slightly outside of your comfort zone it snaps to attention to ask you, who do you think you are?

Your heckler might even be the type to every once in a while, and just for the fun of it, point out how everyone else is doing so well, but the moment you get inspired or motivated to change your own life it’ll do all it can to prevent you from doing so.

The heckler that lives in your head is your own personal bully and you’re going to have to decide whether or not you’re going to stand up to it or not. As you’ve probably heard and perhaps even experienced, when you stand up to a bully, it often backs down because it preys on fear. Your heckler is very similar. The more fear you display the more energy you give its voice.

So you’re going to have to decide whether to fuel your heckler by being afraid of it, or being courageous and drowning it out. By the way, just a quick word of caution, no matter how much courage you muster, your heckler will never quite disappear, and will be lying in wait for the next opportunity to raise its voice and ask you, just who do you think you are?

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How does it feel to be a label maker?

Don’t worry, it’s not just you, we all do it. We’re all quick to apply labels to people; it’s just the way our brains are wired to work. It’s easy, quick and requires very little energy to label a person or even in some cases an event. Unfortunately what labeling does is that it reduces a person or event to one word and that word is loaded with biases and prejudices. And once a person or event is reduced to a label, it’s extremely difficult to see past the label that only represents a tiny sliver of the entire person or event.

Labeling is a form of all-or-nothing thinking. Yes, labeling can be considered efficient but it’s also lazy thinking. You see, most of the labels you use to define people and events have been adopted by you from the people and environment that you were surrounded by during your formative years, and the labels you learned have left a deep imprint on your mind. By the way, this also includes the labels that were placed upon you as a child. You use the same labeling techniques to judge yourself as you do with others.

Labels prevent you from really seeing others and to some extent even more important, they prevent you from really seeing yourself.

So how do you stop labeling yourself and others?

Well, it takes some work, but if you’re willing to put in the time you’ll find that it’s well worth it.

When you find yourself quick to label or judge, you have to ask yourself, how much do I really know about this person or event? And you have to answer the question with as much honesty as you can muster. It’s only then can you begin to see people and events for who and what they really are, and if you answer the question honestly you’ll soon come to realize that you rarely know as much about the person or event as you thought you did.

By the way, this applies to you too. If there are labels that were placed on you by those around you or self-imposed that have reduced your idea of yourself to a handful of words, then perhaps it’s time for you to look past your own labels and discover who you really are.

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What did you think about this morning?

Did you set aside a few minutes for intentional thought or did you just start paying attention to every thought that appeared in your mind?

Thoughts are like fire and your attention is the oxygen they need to survive. At first, a thought begins as a small spark and the more attention you give it, the larger it grows, and the next thing you know, the thought becomes all-consuming.

Getting a hold of your thoughts at the beginning of your day even for a brief period of time can give you a sense of calm and control before the deluge of the day’s events start to demand your attention.

Now what I’m suggesting might sound a little like a meditation practice and in all honesty, there are some similarities. However, what I’m suggesting doesn’t require any formal lessons or practice, and the reality is that you’re already starting your day with thinking, so what’s the harm in taking control of your thoughts for a moment or two?

There’s a lot of uncertainty right now and you like almost everyone else is struggling with plenty of unanswered questions. And these questions simmer on low heat in the background of your mind just waiting to be fed with the oxygen from your attention. But instead of feeding them with your attention, practice depriving them of your attention for a few minutes each day and give your mind the opportunity to turn off the heat and to cool down for a bit.

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Is a thought a thing?

At first glance, this might sound like an odd question because thoughts are usually considered ephemeral, intangible and invisible, not a thing you can see or touch. So let me ask you another question.

Would you agree that almost everything you can touch and see around you, nature excluded, was once a thought in a person’s mind?

If you agree then let me ask you this, how do thoughts go from being ephemeral, intangible and invisible, confined within the dark recesses of a person’s mind, to real, tangible and visible objects?

What is the magic process that allows thoughts to become things?

I know that you probably have an answer or two for the question, but I’m going to share my answer with you too. The magic process that allows a thought to become a thing is focus and action. It’s magical yet dangerously simple. You see, I didn’t say deliberate action and the reason is that you’re always taking actions guided by your thoughts, but you’re not always thinking about the action you’re taking. So there are times when you might find yourself doing things that are not in your best interest because you’re acting on thoughts that are also not in your best interest. Essentially self-sabotage.

So how do you leverage your thoughts to work for you and not against you?

If you guessed focus then you’re correct. You have to spend more time and energy focusing your thoughts on what you want out of life. I agree that in the daily hubbub of life it’s not always easy keeping your focus on what you want, but if you don’t take the time to do so then you might just end up with a life full of things that you never really wanted.

How much can you learn from hindsight?

The old proverb of hindsight is 20/20 means it is easy to understand something after it has already happened. However, it’s only easy to understand what happened if you put in the time to do so.

There’s very little benefit in hindsight if you don’t take time to evaluate your prior experience and then learn from it. Just looking back and thinking ‘ok that happened’ is of very little use to you.

Now I agree that life is not linear and what happened before might not occur again, but there are clues hidden within all of your experiences that you can use to avoid making choices and or decisions that were detrimental to you the first time around.  Obviously you don’t need to or shouldn’t evaluate all of your experiences, but the big ones, the ones that you know or think that you could have or should have done differently require at least a little contemplation.

Hindsight is not about living in the past, but learning from it. It’s about looking back at what already happened to see how matters can be improved the next time around. And since you can’t see into the future doesn’t it just make sense to at least use the experience and information you already have as a starting point for future major decisions?

I’m by no means recommending that you develop an obsession for hindsight to the point where you’re stuck in analysis paralysis. What I am suggesting is that since you’ve already lived through experiences that have changed your life for the better or worse, why not leverage hindsight to experience more of former and less of the latter?

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What role does fear play in your life?

If you allow fear to play a starring role in your life, you’ll never express your full potential. You’ll continuously second guess your decisions and live as though you’re trapped within a tiny invisible cell. And after years of self-incarceration, you’ll no longer be able to differentiate between your real or perceived limitations.

One of the worst things about fear is that it doesn’t discriminate. It lurks in the background of almost everyone’s mind, just waiting for an opportunity to take center stage.

No matter how accomplished or successful you are, unless you intentionally focus your mind on things you want to achieve, fear will continue to raise its head and create just enough self-doubt in you so that you don’t pursue the things you want.

Before I go on let me clarify that there is a difference between fear and concern. Concern is a feeling which affects one’s welfare or happiness, and there’s nothing wrong with being concerned. But the danger lies in letting your concerns slip into paralyzing fear.

Somewhere in most people’s lives, they have an experience or two that implants fear in their mind and convinces them that they can only do so much and no more. It’s due to these experiences that they begin to adjust their expectations of themselves and allow fear to guide them for the rest of their lives.

Don’t be one of those people that let fear guide their entire life. Yes, have concern for your welfare, but don’t allow fear to keep you in a cell of your own making and prevent you from living up to your full potential.

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What are the stories behind your scars?

There’s a great scene in the movie Jaws where three men are sitting around late at night on the boat comparing scars and the story each scar represents, and eventually, one of the men points to his chest and says, broken heart.

While the scene in the movie is funny, it does beg the question, why do emotional wounds take longer to heal than physical ones? My best guess is that a physical wound carries a simpler perhaps more factual story, while an emotional wound is much more complicated.

Your body is a magnificent machine and will go to work immediately to heal a physical wound, but your mind, on the other hand might decide to keep an emotional wound open as long as you are benefiting from it. I use the word benefit intentionally because as long as you can use the story about the emotional wound to justify your behavior, you will.

But what happens once an emotional wound no longer serves you? Do you let it heal and carry on with an emotional scar, or do you keep picking at the scab to ensure the wound stays open?

Although it might sound difficult or almost impossible, it is possible to let emotional wounds heal themselves, and of course, the time it takes to heal will vary with each one. But you must want to let them heal.

If you’ve really lived then the chances of you getting through life without any emotional or physical wounds are very slim, but hopefully, you’ll let them both heal and use your scars to tell your story.

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