Raj Daniels

What do think about making today an easy day for you?

Hopefully, you like the idea. So here’s how you do it, do only what you can and not an ounce more. That’s it, that’s all you have to do.

If that sounds too simple and that there might be a catch, then your correct because if you’re like most people then you really don’t know how much you can really do. Where’s the line, the limit to what you can get done in a day? Yes, there are obvious markers of time and physical exhaustion that might prevent you from doing more, but besides those, there really is no telling how much you can get done.

There is a clear distinction between the things you can do and the things that need to be done. And there will be times when you can’t or will not be able to do everything that needs to be done, and that’s okay, as long as you know you did as much you could.

Keep in mind that doing what you can do is not about quantity, it’s about progress, it’s about moving the needle forward on projects and tasks that are important to you. Once you adopt the mindset of doing all that you can do, then you’ll begin to reap the benefits of compounded effort over time. So set off on your day today and do what you can, and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that today you did all that you could.

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What does integrity mean to you?

The most common definition of integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching. It’s a great definition and can serve you well in life, but what about self-integrity?

Self-integrity is not based on external commitments to those around you, but to yourself. It’s centered on the question, how well do I keep the commitments I make to myself?

Commitments that you make to yourself are just as important, if not more important than those you make to others. While breaking commitments to others will break their level of trust in you, breaking commitments with yourself erodes trust in yourself, which also leads to a decline in self-confidence.

It’s easy to break commitments you’ve made to yourself, especially if you haven’t shared those commitments with anyone else because essentially you’re performing in private and not in public. And when no one is watching it’s easy to give yourself an ‘out.’ But the ‘outs’ add up and make for a slippery slope.

Self-integrity is all about doing what you’ve told yourself you’re going to do. It’s about commitment and holding yourself accountable. And once you get in the habit of keeping your commitments to yourself you’ll experience and feel your confidence grow.

So the next time you make a commitment to yourself, stick to it. And yes, there are always exceptions and of course, if it’s not working for you then you’re allowed to change your mind, but make it the exception and not the norm. Remember, keeping your commitments to others is great, because they’ll think well of you, but keeping commitments to yourself is even more important, because what and how you think about yourself will determine how you live the rest of your life.

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How much space do you create for yourself during your day?

If you’re like most people then you’re probably hopping from task to task, from the time you wake up until your head hits your pillow. And when you’re not engaged in a task, you’re probably trying to fill your time with some other activity. This constant filling of space can often lead to the feeling of not having enough time and can, if continued for a long period of time, lead you to feel stressed and overwhelmed.

Actively creating space, or buffers for yourself throughout your day is a great way to relieve some of the tension of daily life. Instead of constantly moving between your to-do’s give yourself a break. Take time to recalibrate and allow your mind to digest the prior activity and to settle a little before putting it to work on the next task. And just to be clear, taking a break doesn’t mean seek out some other form of entertainment or distraction, it means for a few minutes do as close to nothing as possible.

At first, the idea of creating space for yourself might seem farfetched or if you’re a type-A personality, then it might even sound irresponsible, but very often and if done correctly you’ll find that you can actually do more by doing less. Pushing yourself from task to task eventually leads to diminishing returns on your energy, but if you give yourself some time to rest and recuperate then you’ll find an increase in return on your energy investment.

So create some space in your schedule today. Build in a buffer between tasks and do as little as possible during that time. Let’s see how much tension you can relieve from your day.

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How much time do you spend dwelling on events from your past?

Yes, I’m sure there are memories of events that serve you well, but what about the ones that are no longer of use to you, the ones that bring you pain or even hold you back?

Here’s a beautiful short tale of two monks and a woman that is a well-known Buddhist parable about living in the present and leaving the past behind.

The story goes that two monks were traveling together, a senior and a junior. They came to a river with a strong current where a young woman was waiting, unable to cross alone. She asks the monks if they would help her across the river. Without a word and in spite of the sacred vow he’d taken not to touch women, the older monk picks her up, crosses, and sets her down on the other side.

The younger monk joins them across the river and is aghast that the older monk has broken his vow but doesn’t say anything. An hour passes as they travel on. Then two hours. Then three. Finally, the now quite agitated younger monk can stand it no longer: “Why did you carry that women when we took a vow as monks not to touch women?”

The older monk replies, “I set her down hours ago by the side of the river. Why are you still carrying her?”

The story is a wonderful reminder of how you can leave what happened in the past in the past and not dwell on it.

Memories from past events can and will affect how you behave today, it’s just normal, but the choice of whether or not to ruminate on certain events that no longer serve you is yours. I understand that what I’m suggesting is easier said than done, but if freeing yourself from past events allows you to be more present today and can improve your future, then, just maybe it’s worth the effort to do so.

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What will you do with the rest of your life?

Maybe that’s too big of a question, so let me make it a little easier.

What if you viewed today as the first day of the rest of your life?

This is it. Today is the day that will determine how you live the rest of your life. Today is your pivot point, your opportunity to minimize regrets and maximize achievements. Today is the day you’ll look back upon and say, I’m glad I made those changes and committed to my pursuits.

Today is the day you’ll tell stories about. You’ll say how you woke up one morning and had a realization that no longer would you succumb to the temptations of the easy and trivial, nor would you give your time to the things that didn’t matter, and how you turned your attention and focus on what you would do for the rest of your life.

If you decide not to take control of the rest of your life today, then that’s okay, hopefully, you have many more days ahead of you to do so. However, you know what they say about time, while it gives you opportunities; it also takes your life.

Sooner or later you’re going to have to decide how you’re going to live the rest of your life. Now you might be thinking that you don’t have to decide, but you know that’s a decision too. So better to take control of the reigns today, while you still have the energy and time, and intentionally live out the rest of your life.

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As people, what’s our connection?

If you’re familiar with the six degrees of separation idea then you know that all people are six, or fewer, social connections away from each other. And if it’s true, then we really are all connected in this life experience together.

What I’ve discovered is that almost everyone is looking for a way to feel connected. Even though they may not outwardly express it, once you spend some time with a person and really listen, you’ll hear it in their voice and words.

As people we almost all want the feeling of being seen and heard, however, in today’s go go world it’s often difficult to connect with ourselves let alone others. This constant going and lack of connection gives us all a feeling of emptiness, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

Creating space in your life for connection with others is probably one of the most important things you can do for yourself and for those around you. Real connection has the power to help and heal, to create a bond that can endure for a lifetime.

Ultimately, if we really are all connected then it serves our own best interest to ensure that the ecosystem we’re a part of is as healthy as possible, if for nothing else than our own survival.

So invest some time today in deepening your connection with those around you, and if the opportunity presents itself, make some new connections today. Do it for them, and do it for you too. Let’s all work together to fill the void within us.

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What will you do today?

I know that it’s a broad and vague question and that you’ll do many things today. So let me be a little more specific, what will you commit to doing today? And perhaps even more important what will you commit to not doing today? If these questions still seem a little difficult to answer then let me lead you with some suggestions.

Today I will commit to only focusing on that which I can control.

Today I will commit to re-enforcing my love for those that are important to me.

Today I will commit to my health and vitality.

Today I will commit to forgiving myself and others for any and all transgressions.

Today I will commit to revisiting my dreams.

Today I will commit to asking myself what is important to me?

Today I will commit to showing grace to all that I interact with.

Today I will commit to…now add your own commitments.

Remember for every commitment you make, you’re committing to not doing the inverse. So for example, if you commit to health and vitality, then doubling down on dessert is out of the question.

Now make a list of your own commitments and live by them as best as you can just for today. Yes, there is a chance you’ll be tested and might even stray a little, but that’s okay, just remind yourself to come back to them when you do. Committing to a list of commitments might seem a little daunting at first, but think of it this way; it’s only for one day. And if you find it doesn’t work for you, you can always go back to doing the opposite tomorrow.

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How’s your heckler doing?

You know the one that lives in your head. The one whose job it is to derail you when you think about launching a new endeavor or pursuing a new goal. The one whose job it is to remind you how you failed the last time around by highlighting your inadequacies. The one that points out how others that are supposedly better than you have tried and failed asks you why you think you’re special and can succeed?

The heckler is a sneaky little bugger that spends most of its time sleeping, but with one eye open. As long as you remain on a slow dull predictable track, it’ll mostly mind its own business. But the moment you even think about doing something slightly outside of your comfort zone it snaps to attention to ask you, who do you think you are?

Your heckler might even be the type to every once in a while, and just for the fun of it, point out how everyone else is doing so well, but the moment you get inspired or motivated to change your own life it’ll do all it can to prevent you from doing so.

The heckler that lives in your head is your own personal bully and you’re going to have to decide whether or not you’re going to stand up to it or not. As you’ve probably heard and perhaps even experienced, when you stand up to a bully, it often backs down because it preys on fear. Your heckler is very similar. The more fear you display the more energy you give its voice.

So you’re going to have to decide whether to fuel your heckler by being afraid of it, or being courageous and drowning it out. By the way, just a quick word of caution, no matter how much courage you muster, your heckler will never quite disappear, and will be lying in wait for the next opportunity to raise its voice and ask you, just who do you think you are?

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How does it feel to be a label maker?

Don’t worry, it’s not just you, we all do it. We’re all quick to apply labels to people; it’s just the way our brains are wired to work. It’s easy, quick and requires very little energy to label a person or even in some cases an event. Unfortunately what labeling does is that it reduces a person or event to one word and that word is loaded with biases and prejudices. And once a person or event is reduced to a label, it’s extremely difficult to see past the label that only represents a tiny sliver of the entire person or event.

Labeling is a form of all-or-nothing thinking. Yes, labeling can be considered efficient but it’s also lazy thinking. You see, most of the labels you use to define people and events have been adopted by you from the people and environment that you were surrounded by during your formative years, and the labels you learned have left a deep imprint on your mind. By the way, this also includes the labels that were placed upon you as a child. You use the same labeling techniques to judge yourself as you do with others.

Labels prevent you from really seeing others and to some extent even more important, they prevent you from really seeing yourself.

So how do you stop labeling yourself and others?

Well, it takes some work, but if you’re willing to put in the time you’ll find that it’s well worth it.

When you find yourself quick to label or judge, you have to ask yourself, how much do I really know about this person or event? And you have to answer the question with as much honesty as you can muster. It’s only then can you begin to see people and events for who and what they really are, and if you answer the question honestly you’ll soon come to realize that you rarely know as much about the person or event as you thought you did.

By the way, this applies to you too. If there are labels that were placed on you by those around you or self-imposed that have reduced your idea of yourself to a handful of words, then perhaps it’s time for you to look past your own labels and discover who you really are.

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What did you think about this morning?

Did you set aside a few minutes for intentional thought or did you just start paying attention to every thought that appeared in your mind?

Thoughts are like fire and your attention is the oxygen they need to survive. At first, a thought begins as a small spark and the more attention you give it, the larger it grows, and the next thing you know, the thought becomes all-consuming.

Getting a hold of your thoughts at the beginning of your day even for a brief period of time can give you a sense of calm and control before the deluge of the day’s events start to demand your attention.

Now what I’m suggesting might sound a little like a meditation practice and in all honesty, there are some similarities. However, what I’m suggesting doesn’t require any formal lessons or practice, and the reality is that you’re already starting your day with thinking, so what’s the harm in taking control of your thoughts for a moment or two?

There’s a lot of uncertainty right now and you like almost everyone else is struggling with plenty of unanswered questions. And these questions simmer on low heat in the background of your mind just waiting to be fed with the oxygen from your attention. But instead of feeding them with your attention, practice depriving them of your attention for a few minutes each day and give your mind the opportunity to turn off the heat and to cool down for a bit.

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Is a thought a thing?

At first glance, this might sound like an odd question because thoughts are usually considered ephemeral, intangible and invisible, not a thing you can see or touch. So let me ask you another question.

Would you agree that almost everything you can touch and see around you, nature excluded, was once a thought in a person’s mind?

If you agree then let me ask you this, how do thoughts go from being ephemeral, intangible and invisible, confined within the dark recesses of a person’s mind, to real, tangible and visible objects?

What is the magic process that allows thoughts to become things?

I know that you probably have an answer or two for the question, but I’m going to share my answer with you too. The magic process that allows a thought to become a thing is focus and action. It’s magical yet dangerously simple. You see, I didn’t say deliberate action and the reason is that you’re always taking actions guided by your thoughts, but you’re not always thinking about the action you’re taking. So there are times when you might find yourself doing things that are not in your best interest because you’re acting on thoughts that are also not in your best interest. Essentially self-sabotage.

So how do you leverage your thoughts to work for you and not against you?

If you guessed focus then you’re correct. You have to spend more time and energy focusing your thoughts on what you want out of life. I agree that in the daily hubbub of life it’s not always easy keeping your focus on what you want, but if you don’t take the time to do so then you might just end up with a life full of things that you never really wanted.

How much can you learn from hindsight?

The old proverb of hindsight is 20/20 means it is easy to understand something after it has already happened. However, it’s only easy to understand what happened if you put in the time to do so.

There’s very little benefit in hindsight if you don’t take time to evaluate your prior experience and then learn from it. Just looking back and thinking ‘ok that happened’ is of very little use to you.

Now I agree that life is not linear and what happened before might not occur again, but there are clues hidden within all of your experiences that you can use to avoid making choices and or decisions that were detrimental to you the first time around.  Obviously you don’t need to or shouldn’t evaluate all of your experiences, but the big ones, the ones that you know or think that you could have or should have done differently require at least a little contemplation.

Hindsight is not about living in the past, but learning from it. It’s about looking back at what already happened to see how matters can be improved the next time around. And since you can’t see into the future doesn’t it just make sense to at least use the experience and information you already have as a starting point for future major decisions?

I’m by no means recommending that you develop an obsession for hindsight to the point where you’re stuck in analysis paralysis. What I am suggesting is that since you’ve already lived through experiences that have changed your life for the better or worse, why not leverage hindsight to experience more of former and less of the latter?

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What role does fear play in your life?

If you allow fear to play a starring role in your life, you’ll never express your full potential. You’ll continuously second guess your decisions and live as though you’re trapped within a tiny invisible cell. And after years of self-incarceration, you’ll no longer be able to differentiate between your real or perceived limitations.

One of the worst things about fear is that it doesn’t discriminate. It lurks in the background of almost everyone’s mind, just waiting for an opportunity to take center stage.

No matter how accomplished or successful you are, unless you intentionally focus your mind on things you want to achieve, fear will continue to raise its head and create just enough self-doubt in you so that you don’t pursue the things you want.

Before I go on let me clarify that there is a difference between fear and concern. Concern is a feeling which affects one’s welfare or happiness, and there’s nothing wrong with being concerned. But the danger lies in letting your concerns slip into paralyzing fear.

Somewhere in most people’s lives, they have an experience or two that implants fear in their mind and convinces them that they can only do so much and no more. It’s due to these experiences that they begin to adjust their expectations of themselves and allow fear to guide them for the rest of their lives.

Don’t be one of those people that let fear guide their entire life. Yes, have concern for your welfare, but don’t allow fear to keep you in a cell of your own making and prevent you from living up to your full potential.

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What are the stories behind your scars?

There’s a great scene in the movie Jaws where three men are sitting around late at night on the boat comparing scars and the story each scar represents, and eventually, one of the men points to his chest and says, broken heart.

While the scene in the movie is funny, it does beg the question, why do emotional wounds take longer to heal than physical ones? My best guess is that a physical wound carries a simpler perhaps more factual story, while an emotional wound is much more complicated.

Your body is a magnificent machine and will go to work immediately to heal a physical wound, but your mind, on the other hand might decide to keep an emotional wound open as long as you are benefiting from it. I use the word benefit intentionally because as long as you can use the story about the emotional wound to justify your behavior, you will.

But what happens once an emotional wound no longer serves you? Do you let it heal and carry on with an emotional scar, or do you keep picking at the scab to ensure the wound stays open?

Although it might sound difficult or almost impossible, it is possible to let emotional wounds heal themselves, and of course, the time it takes to heal will vary with each one. But you must want to let them heal.

If you’ve really lived then the chances of you getting through life without any emotional or physical wounds are very slim, but hopefully, you’ll let them both heal and use your scars to tell your story.

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Is it working for you or against you?

Whether you realize it or not this is how you view everything.

Although the idea might sound overly simplistic, it’s true. It all boils down to the primitive nature of survival, of viewing the world through the lens of am I going to eat it, or will it eat me?

You see, even though humans have evolved, there’s still a deep reliance on some of the ingrained traits that have kept them alive for all these years. And this can be beneficial in certain situations, but it can also be detrimental if feelings are misinterpreted.

Fortunately, in this day and age, very few things are out to eat you and you can go about your day in relative safety, but you still view situations through your primitive brain. So when you feel afraid of a situation that’s not an obvious physical threat, it’s you manifesting your fear sensation into a thought and then creating an entire narrative around that thought.

It’s in creating the narrative or stories around the sensation of fear where problems begin to occur. Your stories are rarely based on any verifiable facts, but they feel as though they are and so you set them as beliefs that ultimately shape your view of the world.

If you were to go back through your past and conduct an honest evaluation of how many times you were mistaken about people and situations that you at the time thought were bad for you or against you, you’d find that you misjudged quite a bit. Don’t worry, you’re not alone, everyone does this. The question is, do you continue?

Adopting an attitude of things working for you rather than against you might seem unreasonable at first, but said another way; you can either choose to act and feel like the victim of fate, or the master. The choice is yours.

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What are your assumptions about the lives of others?

What if I told you that your assumptions about the lives of others are directly connected to how you see yourself?

Your assumptions about the lives of others are often based on a few interactions or even worse, what you hear or read about them, and then you use the limited information you’ve gathered and use it to build a story about them and then compare that story to your own life.

The problem with your assumptions is once you’ve made them you begin to interpret them as the truth and then that truth becomes ingrained in your belief system.

The truth is that many people you think have it all together, are falling apart at the seams. Many you think to be lucky have worked tirelessly to accomplish all they have. Many that seem to be dragging through life are carrying scars that will never be visible to you.

What’s unfortunate is that it’s all too easy to make assumptions about others, and once you fall into the habit of doing so, you begin to generalize and categorize.

Look, I understand that making assumptions is part of human nature, and humans do this to conserve energy and to shortcut thinking, after all, it’s easier for you to assume you know rather than having to think about it. But assumptions become damaging to your psyche and emotional well-being when you begin to use them to position yourself better than some, and less than others.

So the next time you find yourself making assumptions about a person stop and ask yourself this question, how do I know this to be true? This simple question will save you from jumping to conclusions not only about them, but perhaps even more important, how you see yourself compared to them.

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What’s wrong with you?

Maybe the preceding question is not the best way to start a conversation, so I’ll try something a little different.

What’s wrong with me?

Over the course of my life, there’s been so much wrong with me.

Here’s a list of a few questions and thoughts that come to mind.

I get scared.

I’m concerned about what other people think of me.

I feel stuck.

Will they still love me?

I don’t know if I’ll ever live up to my own expectations.

I’m uncertain of my relationships.

I ask myself if I’ll ever ‘make it.’

I worry about being alone.

I feel like an imposter.

Will my business succeed?

Am I a good boss?

Am I a good employee?

Am I a good parent?

Am I a good child?

Can I handle what’s next?

What if I fail?

I have so much anxiety.

I don’t know what to do next.

If any of the previous statements or questions resonate with you then you know that you’re not alone. In fact, I’m pretty sure that most people have themselves asked similar questions and have had similar thoughts.

You see, what’s wrong with you is what’s wrong with almost everyone. It’s the human condition. So, I’m here to tell you that what’s wrong with you is also what’s right with you.

The next time you find yourself asking or thinking what’s wrong with me, give yourself some grace and try to remember that while the situation might be unique to you, almost everyone has asked themselves the same question too.

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What can you really control?

Devices? Sure.

People? Maybe for a short amount of time.

Situations and outcomes? At times maybe.

Yourself?

If analyzed really well and with honesty, you’ll soon realize that the number of things out of your control are exponentially greater than the things within your control. Yet, on a daily basis, how many things do you think you can or at least attempt to control?

I hate to break it to you, but even the majority of your own actions and thoughts have been relegated to habits and routines and are mostly out of your control until you really think about them. Don’t worry; this is not unique to you. If people had to consciously think about every action they took or thought they had, they would be exhausted by breakfast.

But there are a few things you can control, and maybe not on a regular basis but with a little effort, at least on a case by case basis.

You can, with some effort control the words that come out of your mouth and use them to be kind, to uplift the people you interact with.

You can forgive, when it might not be easy to do so.

You can think about the food you put in your body.

You can for a short amount of time, release your autopilot thinking and focus on deep intentional thinking.

You can stop and take the occasional deep breath and be grateful that you don’t have to think about breathing all the time and that nature did her work and automated it for you.

Hopefully, as you go through this list you’ll realize that you actually have control of some of the most important things in your life. And with some practice, you’ll feel the confidence and security of knowing that even though you’d like to be able to control so much more, you have control of the things that count the most.

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How often do you venture into your discomfort zone?

When was the last time you pushed yourself to do something that would help you change or grow?

If it’s been a while then you’re not alone since the majority of people live well within their comfort zone. Your comfort zone is like a padded cell, it’s designed by you to keep you safe, but it’s still a cell that keeps you confined to who you are.

The unfortunate truth about discomfort is that if you’re not willing to endure it then you’ll never pursue or complete anything new you set out to do. While this might sound a little harsh, it’s the truth. If you’re looking for evidence then just go back through your life and find your unfinished projects or dreams you didn’t pursue, sure there were ones where you changed your mind, but what about the ones you gave up on because they required you to leave your comfort zone?

If your seeking any permanent change in your life then your discomfort zone is a hurdle you must be willing to cross and tolerate, if you don’t then the gravity of your current self will force you back to who you currently are.

Learning to live with discomfort when you know it will benefit you, in the long run, is a superpower. It’s a skill that will allow you to accomplish more than you think is possible. The least you can do is dip your toe into your discomfort zone for a while and see what happens, if you find it doesn’t work for you then no worries, your padded comfort zone will always be there waiting for you.

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Why do you want what you want?

How often do you really stop to ask yourself this question?

Given the opportunity, self-inquiry can lead to immense clarity, but you must want clarity. 

Spending time conducting self-inquiry can prevent you from pursuing things that you never desired, it can also clarify for you the reasons you want the things you do. 

Self-inquiry doesn’t need to take hours of searching for answers, it can take as little as a few minutes each day. It can be a brief conversation with yourself at the beginning of your day consisting of a few ‘why’ questions that reveal your true motivations. 

One of the best techniques for self-inquiry is the Five Whys method. The Five Whys is an iterative interrogative technique that has been used in the business world for years to get to the root cause of a problem.

For example, if you’re pursuing good health then the conversation might look something like this.

Why am I going to the gym? Because I want to work out.

Why do I work out? Because I want good health. 

Why am I pursuing good health? Because I want to feel better.

Why do I want to feel better? So that I can be healthy for my family. 

Why do I want to be healthy for my family? Because I love them. 

This might sound like an overly simple exercise, but the more frequently you can remind yourself about your personal ‘whys’ the more likely you are to pursue things that are important to you and not to others. 

So why not use it to give yourself a little friendly interrogation? You never know what some additional clarity in your life might do for you.