Raj Daniels

What are the lies and misconceptions you have that hold you back?

By the way, before you get your feathers ruffled or get offended, it’s not just you, we all have lies and misconceptions that we believe to be truths.

Lies and misconceptions come with the territory. They’re passed down generationally, often to protect, but sometimes to control behavior. The problem is that they’re really sticky; they become ingrained in you until you begin to believe that they’re your own beliefs and ideas, but they never were.

You’ll hear the lies and misconceptions in your language when you say or even think statements such as ‘this is just who I am,’ ‘it’s too late for me to try,’ and many more. When you say or think this way all you’re doing is reinforcing the lie and misconception.

The reason people live with some degree of self-reinforcing lies and misconceptions is that admitting they could possibly change is scary. It would mean having to abandon a part of them that has allowed them to survive for however long they’ve been alive.

Ridding yourself of lies and misconceptions is not easy and takes a lot of work, and of course, is not necessary. But if you really feel that there are things in life that you want to accomplish and your current set of world views will prevent you from doing so, then doing the work to remove what’s holding you back might just be worth it.

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What are you willing to fight for?

While this might sound a little aggressive, there are times when you need to decide if you’re going to dig your heels in, put your shoulder down and push forward, or if you’re going to give up.

One of the definitions of fight is a violent confrontation or struggle, and neither one of these has to be against another person. In fact, if you’re lucky enough in life, you’ll probably never have a physical confrontation with another person; your biggest, scariest and worst opponent will be your own self.

You might be familiar with the phrase, ‘fight or flight,’ and although you might not realize it, this is what you’re doing every day. Each time you make the decision to pursue something you want, you’re deciding to take up the fight and engage in the struggle, and conversely, when you decide not to pursue, you engage in flight.

So the question now becomes, what are you willing to fight against yourself for?

Now there’s no denying that there will be some external obstacles, including people that might stand between you and what you want, and at times these obstacles might seem undefeatable, but that’s when you’ll need to decide if you’re going to engage in fight or flight.

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Do you plan on making a living or making a life?

What’s the difference between making a living and making a life?

Making living is officially defined as to earn enough income to support oneself and, if applicable, one’s family. While making a living is a noble endeavor and those that are able to do so are extremely fortunate, it also begs the question, what else does life have to offer?

If all you focus on is making a living then you’re only a few notches above survival, and life offers so much more than just survival. One of the best ways to distinguish between making a life and making a living is by asking yourself this question, what can I do and what do I want to do?

If all you focus on are your current set of capabilities then it’s a living you’ll make, but once you start thinking about what you want to do, then the magic begins. You see, when you begin to imagine the things you want to do, you’ll feel the excitement, you’ll be pulled forward and you’ll feel the tug of making a life.

While making a living might satisfy your basic needs, it rarely gives you the fulfillment and satisfaction that is inherent in making a life. So as you go through life ask yourself on a regular basis, if you want to make a life or make a living. There might be times when because of circumstances you’ll have to focus on making a living, but that doesn’t mean that you should give up on the idea of making a life.

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What is an observable truth?

In science, an observable truth is essentially that which can be perceived using the unaided senses. So that which you can see, touch, etc. not what you think is the truth.

Why is this important?

Well, the root of so many disagreements is based on independent views of the truth, better known as perspective. And a perspective is more closely associated with values than evidence or facts. So when you find yourself disagreeing with someone about what you or they think is the truth, you’re probably arguing more about perspective than the truth.

There probably is some truth buried within a disagreement, but it’s more of a blurred line than a solid point. Philosophers and scholars have been studying and discussing truth for centuries and there is still much disagreement as to what truth really is.

So the next time you find yourself disagreeing with someone about what you and they think the truth is, maybe just pause for a moment and reflect on the fact that so much of what you think to be the truth is just your perspective on the matter and not a fact backed by hard evidence. During your reflection, your opponent might seem a little confused at your lack of willingness to continue the argument, and you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you’re probably both wrong.

What are you looking for?

This might sound like a strange question, but stick with me and I’ll explain.

What do you think you’d see if just for today you looked for opportunities to perform good deeds for others?  I would bet a handsome wager that you’d find plenty of opportunities to do so.

What do you think you’d see if you looked for people doing good deeds for you? If you answered that you’d find people acting in ways to benefit you, then you’re correct.

Life has an interesting way of showing you what you’re looking for, it aligns what you see and experience with what you expect to see. Now obviously this is not an all or none game. There will be plenty of times when life doesn’t deliver to you exactly what you’re looking for, but if you practice long enough; more often than not you’ll begin to see more of what you’re looking for.

Is this a real or practical way to go through life?

Well, that’s a question you’ll have to answer for yourself. But let me be clear. I’m not suggesting that you ignore reality, or that there aren’t bad things happening in the world. However, the reality is that there’s very little you can do about almost everything going on in the world. So instead of focusing on things you can’t control, focus on thing you can, your mind. And use your mind to look for the things you want to see.

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Why should you embrace boredom?

Because in many cases, boredom is the key to success.

Now, this might sound a little confusing, so let me explain.

Boredom, repetition, monotony all carry a certain negative stigma, but if you ask anyone that has experienced any kind of success, they will tell you that all of these feelings are an integral part of their journey.

The athlete has to put in the reps, the entrepreneur has to make the calls and the performer has to continuously practice their art. Every professional in their respective field knows that in order to be excellent at what they do, they have to fight through the boredom of repetition in order to achieve a level of greatness. Even those that want strong, long-lasting relationships understand that not every day will be filled with excitement and that a certain amount of monotony comes with the territory.

So how do you embrace boredom?

You maintain a clear vision of what you’re attempting to accomplish. A clear compelling vision will pull you through the sludge of boredom. It will remind you why you’re putting the time and on occasion give you the additional motivation to put in one more rep, make one more call, and practice one more time.

Now I’m not saying that you should stick with something at all costs. What I am suggesting is that you make reasonable, rational decisions about your life, and if after you do so you come to the conclusion that you want to pursue or accomplish something then make your ability to embrace boredom your superpower. Your ability to manage or even leverage boredom will separate you from those that have given up on what they wanted, not because they didn’t have the necessary skills, but because they couldn’t handle the monotony of the journey.

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Are you experiencing boiled frog syndrome?

If you’re not sure what boiled frog syndrome is then here’s a brief explanation to help you understand.

The boiling frog is a fable describing a frog being slowly boiled alive. The premise is that if a frog is put suddenly into boiling water, it will jump out, but if the frog is put in tepid water which is then brought to a boil slowly, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death.

Now you might be thinking that you’re not being cooked to death, so there’s no perceived danger for you. While factually you are correct, the question the boiled frog fable brings to light is, what have you now come to accept or normalize in your life that you once wouldn’t have?

If you’re like most people then you’ll find yourself caught up in the day to day activities of life and not really paying attention to all the small changes taking place in and around you. These changes are the tepid water slowly being brought to a boil. Changes in your career, your health, and your relationships that you might one day come to realize are not what you wanted, but bit by bit you began to accept them and now the waters boiling.

So how do you avoid becoming the boiled frog?

The answer is simple, but not easy. Evaluate the major aspects of your life on a regular basis and implement a continuous action plan to keep you out of boiling water.

Rumor has it that the boiled frog syndrome is a myth and this might be true, but even if it is, it illustrates a good point. If you find yourself in a position where you’ve begun to accept things about yourself and your life that you once wouldn’t have, then now might be a good time to start making changes, otherwise, like the mythical frog, you too might get cooked.

What can you learn about yourself today?

Why is getting to know yourself important?

Learning about yourself does take time. It requires you to ask deep and at times, difficult questions, some that you might not want to ask or answer. But the earlier in life you start asking yourself introspective questions, the better prepared you’ll be for the future.

The majority of people stumble through life, not quite sure of who they really are, and rarely stopping to learn anything about themselves besides their surface-level pleasures and wants.

Discovering who you are, or perhaps uncovering who you are at your core is an exercise that well worth the investment of your time.

One way to begin to learn who you are is to check your vitals. No, not the same vitals that medical professionals check, but by using the acronym VITALS.  The letters stand for: Values, Interests, Temperament, Around-the-Clock (The “around-the-clock” category refers to when you like to do things—your biorhythms), Life Mission and Goals, and Strengths/Skills.

Consider checking your VITALS at least once a year. Think of it as your annual mental checkup and schedule it just like you would do for a yearly physical checkup. Track your answers over time to see if at your core you change or remain consistent. No judgment, just observation.

Is learning about yourself necessary?  Of course not.  

Is learning about yourself worth the time and effort? I’ll leave that up to you to determine.

What do you think of when you hear the word work?

Let me restate the question.

What have you been taught to think of when you hear the word work?

If you’re like most people then you probably think that work is something you do for money. And that’s because it’s what the majority of people have been taught to think.

Here’s the official dictionary definition of the word work- An activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

The words money, pay, remuneration isn’t even mentioned in the definition. However, you do see the words purpose and result.

Why am I pointing this out?

Good question.

Because the majority of people have forgotten that work is about purpose and results, and not about money. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying money isn’t important, but the sooner you can disentangle money from work, the sooner you’ll be satisfied with the work you do.

The quicker you learn to align your life in a way that allows you to perform mental and physical activities that move you to achieve your personal definition of purpose, the less conflicted you’ll feel in life. I agree that defining what your personal purpose is, is easier said than done, but it’s also the difference between waking up every day and performing work that draws you to it and gives you a feeling of fulfillment, or leaves you feeling empty.

So the next time you hear or think of the word work, don’t think of what you or others do for money. Shift your mind to think about purpose instead, and the actions you can take to fulfill yours.

Why am I here?

This is a question that almost everyone asks at some point in their life. If you haven’t asked it yet, then there’s a high probability that you’ll ask it someday.

It’s such a huge question that laypeople and scholars have spent uncountable hours trying to answer this question for themselves and for those seeking answers to the question.

On one hand, the question can be answered simply because the evidence for the why behind existence can be brought directly back to, that’s the way nature works. Or, if you have strong religious faith, then you believe the reason you are here is due to a higher power, deity-like figure. Neither one of these points of view is incorrect, but they can be contentious at times.

Now I’m not here to tell you why you’re here, but I can perhaps offer some advice if you ever find yourself struggling to answer the question. Instead of asking why am I here in the abstract bounds of life, consider bringing it back to the more relatable, why am I here today, or even right now.  Turn the macro question that encompasses all moments of your life into a micro question that allows you to focus on the present. And then tie a mental knot between the present moment to something meaningful to you.

While tying present moments to things that are meaningful to you might not help you answer the big why am I here question all at once, it will help you look back at all the knots you’ve tied and perhaps give you some clues or insight into why you’re here. And if you find yourself asking the question again, you can use your insight to remind you why you’re here.

What’s your hidden talent?

What are you good at that you’re holding back from the world?

Are you an artist, a singer, an inventor, a writer, or do you have some other talent within you that you’re keeping bottled up?

Each one of us is born with a set of inherent talents and it’s up to us whether or not to develop those talents or let them languish over time. One of the reasons most choose not to focus or work on their talents is that the environment in which they are raised doesn’t value or encourage the development of those talents, and so they fade away. But they never quite disappear.

How do you know that your hidden talent hasn’t disappeared?

You’ll know because you’ll have a gnawing feeling inside you. You’ll carry a persistent feeling that rears its head on occasion and says to you, ‘I can do that.’ That’s your talent speaking to you. Of course, how you respond is up to you.

If you have a hidden talent that’s been speaking to you for a while then maybe it’s time you give yourself permission to explore it. If you don’t at least give your talent an opportunity, then you’re not only wasting a natural gift, but you’re missing out because the world is always looking for and in need of talented people. And, if after using your talent for a while you no longer enjoy it, then you can always push it back into the recess of your mind and let it mumble away while you try to ignore it.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us…”

If you’re familiar with the work of Charles Dickens then you’ll recognize the preceding paragraph as the opening lines from his book, A Tale of Two Cities.

As you read through the paragraph you notice that each sentence contradicts itself. How can it be both the best of times and yet, be the worst of times?

There will be times in your life when you’ll think that you are experiencing the best or worst of times, but it’s very difficult to have a clear perspective when you’re actually in the midst of any strong emotional experience. The reason for this is that your emotions are clouding your judgment in the moment. Rarely is any experience really the best or the worst, and as time passes you’ll gain distance from your experience which allows you to look back with greater clarity.

The human experience is comprised of nothing more than perspective and if you were to poll the general public on any given day you’d find the world to be full of paradoxes.

So was it, or is it really the best or worst of times?

Unfortunately, I can’t answer that for you. But hopefully, with the passing of time and the benefit of retrospect, you’ll be able to answer that question for yourself.

How do you know if you’ve made a decision?

You might think it’s obvious that you’ve made a decision, but there’s a very subtle difference between thinking and making a decision.

Thinking can be along the lines of, I’d like to do that, or even I’m going to, both are thoughts but neither one is a decision. You see, a decision is always followed by action. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If there’s no action then it’s only a thought, not a decision. While thinking is very important, it’s the deciding that moves you forward.

Why is it important to know the difference between a thought and a decision? Because so often people think they’ve made a decision, when all they’ve done is thought about what they want to do.

So how do you know that you’ve made a decision?

You see or experience a result from taking an action.

Decision making can be scary because it forces you to commit to an uncertain future, while thinking is an exercise you can do in the safety of your own mind. But, if it’s results you want, then eventually you’re going to have to move from thinking to deciding.

So the next time you’re thinking about doing something, convince yourself to take action, no matter how small, and do so as soon as possible. The more you get used to taking action right after you make a decision, the less time you’ll spend just thinking about doing, and actually doing.

Are you ready to say goodbye?

To whom you ask?

To the person you currently are.

If you’re attempting to change your life in any way then you’re going to have to say goodbye to the person you are in order to become the person you want to be.

Now you do have a choice between a long drawn out goodbye, or a quick it was nice knowing you, but you have to choose one and then commit to it.  

This might sound a little harsh at first, but the truth is that if you’re not willing to change or leave certain personal character traits and habits behind then you will never move on to become the person you want to be.

Saying goodbye to a part of who are will never be easy, in fact, it’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do and that’s why so many people fail at doing so.

One technique that might help you say goodbye is maintaining a clear vision of the person you want to become and revisiting that vision on a regular basis. Having a vision will help you when you inevitably ask yourself, why am I doing this?

I would be remiss to not address the collateral damage of you deciding to say goodbye to the person you currently are. As you begin to change you’ll hear some form of the following phrase from those that are closest to you, ‘you’ve changed.’  When you hear those words you’re going to have to decide if you’ll allow them to lure you back to be the person they’re most comfortable with, or if you’re going continue to move forward and be the person you want to be.

If you’re happy with you who you are and where you are in life then none of this applies to you. But if you have dreams or aspirations of doing something different with your life then you’re going to have to say goodbye to a part of who you currently are.

What value are you adding?

In the world of business, products and services are designed to add value to the end consumer. It’s the only way that prices can be justified. The value can be tangible or intangible, but if there was no value added then there would be no demand for the product or service.

As you go through life, you will have to decide what and how much value you will add not only to your own life, but also those you interact with. Yes, for sure you’re employer, but also your relationships.

The opportunities to add value to your own life and the lives of others are abundant once you begin to look for them. Adding value doesn’t have to involve enormous amounts of time or labor; in fact, sometimes the smallest acts can be the most effective.

Adding value is more of a mindset and a perspective than anything else. It’s asking yourself on a regular basis, ‘what can I do to add value? And then you act on the opportunities when they present themselves.

It’s not complicated and there are no secrets to adding value, however, you’ll be surprised by the results. Maybe not at first, but over time you’ll become known as the person that not only spends time adding value to your own life, but perhaps even more important, you’ll be known as the person that adds value to the lives of others.

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Do you view life as a gift or a burden?

Do you feel as though your day is full of tasks and obligations or opportunities?

Is the day ahead of you something you dread or embrace?

Your internal perspective of your life will have more to do with how you experience life than any other external event or force ever will.

Now you might argue that I have no idea about your life and the things you’re going through and you’re absolutely correct. But you still have a choice about how you view your experiences.

I’m not saying that changing your perspective will eliminate challenges, struggles, and difficult situations because that would not be truthful on my behalf.  What I am saying is that when it comes to dealing with life, it’s not what happens to you, but how you view and respond to it that matters most.

I’m well aware that changing a perspective is not as easy as flipping a switch, but it’s not impossible either. It requires patience, time and most of all a willingness to do so.

Changing your perspective of life might take a while especially if you’ve endured challenges early in life that have left you with some emotional and or physical scars, but hopefully you can realize that your history doesn’t have to dictate your future.

When you give yourself permission to you view your life as a gift you allow yourself to enjoy it more. You’ll find opportunities to appreciate the moments just a little more. You’ll begin to shed the burden of carrying life and on occasion, you might even experience life carrying you.

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What are the top 5 regrets of dying people?

Now at first glance, this might sound like a morbid question, but it’s actually an opportunity to learn.  Especially if there’s a common theme amongst people that are close to the end of their life because for them every minute of their remaining days brings with it a sharp focus on what’s really important in life.

Fortunately for you and me, we don’t have to wait until the end of our lives because there is a study done by a hospice nurse over the course of her career that documented the last weeks dying people in a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Here’s a list of regrets that she found to be most common.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not attempted to pursue even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.  When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that was asked. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.

Now it’s said that a wise person learns from his mistakes and a wiser one learns from others’ mistakes. And although you might not categorize the regrets of others as mistakes, there’s still an opportunity to learn from those that have lived before you.

So if you choose too then you can use these regrets, or lessons learned from others to structure your life in a way that you too don’t have the same regrets when it’s your time to go.

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What are you trading your days for?

Are you letting each one of your days slip away without seeking specific returns?

It’s very easy to get into the habit not accounting for you days because each one doesn’t seem to have an intrinsic value placed upon in. For example, when you spend or give a dollar you expect something in return. Sometimes the value you receive is greater than the dollar you gave and other times it’s not, but you still get a return. Even dollars donated give you an intangible return of personal satisfaction.  But days often get lost and used without being accounted for.

What if you started accounting for your days by expecting certain returns just as you would from any other investment?

I’m not suggesting that you have to expect only monetary returns from your day because there will times in your life when that might not be the most important thing to you. In fact, let me go out on a limb here and say that I hope money is never the most important thing in your life. What I am saying is that you consider allocating time in your day towards building a full, well-rounded life for yourself. You consciously invest time in your mental and physical well-being, and you invest time in your relationships.

The sooner you start accounting for the days you’re trading the more value you’ll begin to expect from them. And don’t forget, money is an infinite resource but the days you have to trade are not.

So as you set off to trade your day today, focus on what you’re trading it for. And if the returns you’re receiving are not fulfilling the priorities you want for your life, then it might be time to re-evaluate where and how you’ll trade the remaining days you have.

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