Raj Daniels

Are you ready to say goodbye?

To whom you ask?

To the person you currently are.

If you’re attempting to change your life in any way then you’re going to have to say goodbye to the person you are in order to become the person you want to be.

Now you do have a choice between a long drawn out goodbye, or a quick it was nice knowing you, but you have to choose one and then commit to it.  

This might sound a little harsh at first, but the truth is that if you’re not willing to change or leave certain personal character traits and habits behind then you will never move on to become the person you want to be.

Saying goodbye to a part of who are will never be easy, in fact, it’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever do and that’s why so many people fail at doing so.

One technique that might help you say goodbye is maintaining a clear vision of the person you want to become and revisiting that vision on a regular basis. Having a vision will help you when you inevitably ask yourself, why am I doing this?

I would be remiss to not address the collateral damage of you deciding to say goodbye to the person you currently are. As you begin to change you’ll hear some form of the following phrase from those that are closest to you, ‘you’ve changed.’  When you hear those words you’re going to have to decide if you’ll allow them to lure you back to be the person they’re most comfortable with, or if you’re going continue to move forward and be the person you want to be.

If you’re happy with you who you are and where you are in life then none of this applies to you. But if you have dreams or aspirations of doing something different with your life then you’re going to have to say goodbye to a part of who you currently are.

What value are you adding?

In the world of business, products and services are designed to add value to the end consumer. It’s the only way that prices can be justified. The value can be tangible or intangible, but if there was no value added then there would be no demand for the product or service.

As you go through life, you will have to decide what and how much value you will add not only to your own life, but also those you interact with. Yes, for sure you’re employer, but also your relationships.

The opportunities to add value to your own life and the lives of others are abundant once you begin to look for them. Adding value doesn’t have to involve enormous amounts of time or labor; in fact, sometimes the smallest acts can be the most effective.

Adding value is more of a mindset and a perspective than anything else. It’s asking yourself on a regular basis, ‘what can I do to add value? And then you act on the opportunities when they present themselves.

It’s not complicated and there are no secrets to adding value, however, you’ll be surprised by the results. Maybe not at first, but over time you’ll become known as the person that not only spends time adding value to your own life, but perhaps even more important, you’ll be known as the person that adds value to the lives of others.

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Do you view life as a gift or a burden?

Do you feel as though your day is full of tasks and obligations or opportunities?

Is the day ahead of you something you dread or embrace?

Your internal perspective of your life will have more to do with how you experience life than any other external event or force ever will.

Now you might argue that I have no idea about your life and the things you’re going through and you’re absolutely correct. But you still have a choice about how you view your experiences.

I’m not saying that changing your perspective will eliminate challenges, struggles, and difficult situations because that would not be truthful on my behalf.  What I am saying is that when it comes to dealing with life, it’s not what happens to you, but how you view and respond to it that matters most.

I’m well aware that changing a perspective is not as easy as flipping a switch, but it’s not impossible either. It requires patience, time and most of all a willingness to do so.

Changing your perspective of life might take a while especially if you’ve endured challenges early in life that have left you with some emotional and or physical scars, but hopefully you can realize that your history doesn’t have to dictate your future.

When you give yourself permission to you view your life as a gift you allow yourself to enjoy it more. You’ll find opportunities to appreciate the moments just a little more. You’ll begin to shed the burden of carrying life and on occasion, you might even experience life carrying you.

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What are the top 5 regrets of dying people?

Now at first glance, this might sound like a morbid question, but it’s actually an opportunity to learn.  Especially if there’s a common theme amongst people that are close to the end of their life because for them every minute of their remaining days brings with it a sharp focus on what’s really important in life.

Fortunately for you and me, we don’t have to wait until the end of our lives because there is a study done by a hospice nurse over the course of her career that documented the last weeks dying people in a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Here’s a list of regrets that she found to be most common.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not attempted to pursue even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.  When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that was asked. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.

Now it’s said that a wise person learns from his mistakes and a wiser one learns from others’ mistakes. And although you might not categorize the regrets of others as mistakes, there’s still an opportunity to learn from those that have lived before you.

So if you choose too then you can use these regrets, or lessons learned from others to structure your life in a way that you too don’t have the same regrets when it’s your time to go.

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What are you trading your days for?

Are you letting each one of your days slip away without seeking specific returns?

It’s very easy to get into the habit not accounting for you days because each one doesn’t seem to have an intrinsic value placed upon in. For example, when you spend or give a dollar you expect something in return. Sometimes the value you receive is greater than the dollar you gave and other times it’s not, but you still get a return. Even dollars donated give you an intangible return of personal satisfaction.  But days often get lost and used without being accounted for.

What if you started accounting for your days by expecting certain returns just as you would from any other investment?

I’m not suggesting that you have to expect only monetary returns from your day because there will times in your life when that might not be the most important thing to you. In fact, let me go out on a limb here and say that I hope money is never the most important thing in your life. What I am saying is that you consider allocating time in your day towards building a full, well-rounded life for yourself. You consciously invest time in your mental and physical well-being, and you invest time in your relationships.

The sooner you start accounting for the days you’re trading the more value you’ll begin to expect from them. And don’t forget, money is an infinite resource but the days you have to trade are not.

So as you set off to trade your day today, focus on what you’re trading it for. And if the returns you’re receiving are not fulfilling the priorities you want for your life, then it might be time to re-evaluate where and how you’ll trade the remaining days you have.

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When was the last time you chose your own adventure?

Do you know that there’s a segment of the population that chooses their own adventure on a regular basis in the form of role-playing games aka rpg?

One of the reasons that chose your own adventure role-playing games have gained popularity is that for a short amount of time, players can adopt the personas and powers of the characters in the game. Participating in chose your adventure games also allows players to briefly shed their own personalities and even some of their tightly held beliefs and inhibitions. Recent research has even shown that playing rpg games can help improve creativity and problem-solving abilities.

You might not be a fan of such games, or perhaps your current schedule doesn’t allow you time to participate in what some might consider frivolous game playing. But what if I told you that there’s a way for you to reap some of the advantages and benefits of rpg games without playing the games or investing too much of your time.

Now I’m not encouraging escapism or ignoring reality, what I am suggesting is that on occasion you put reality on hold and step out of your normal day to day character. You imagine yourself in different roles, let your creativity loose and briefly adopt alternate thinking patterns. You allow your mind to drop its limitations and allow it to run free. You can do all of this in just a few minutes a day.

If you’re really against the idea of participating in your own rpg then that’s your prerogative. But if you do decide to indulge yourself then you’ll begin to experience some of the benefits that choosing your adventures can bring to your life.

What do you do when you encounter a new challenge or problem?

Do you shy away and back down, or do you face it head-on?

If you face challenges head-on then good for you, you can stop reading right here. But, if you find that you tend to avoid challenging situations or problems, then keep reading.

One of the best mental tools you can develop for yourself is an attitude of FIO aka figure it out. The attitude of knowing that you can and will figure things out increases your level of self-confidence in the face of new challenges. Having a FIO attitude is almost like a superpower.

Now FIO doesn’t guarantee that you’ll always come up with the right answer or solution to a challenge, but it does mean that you’ll back down less often. And if you’re at all familiar with history then you’re well aware that rarely did any one person that accomplished something great or wonderful have the right answer before they encountered a new challenge.

Arming yourself with an attitude of FIO doesn’t guarantee success, but it does guarantee progress. Progress perhaps not always in the form of forward movement, but a progression of your mind. A FIO attitude opens you up to adventure, to explore, to challenge yourself and your status quo.

So as you go through life and bump up against some of its challenges, bolster your confidence by knowing that you have a FIO attitude, and that whether you’re right or not, you’ll at least give the challenge your best shot.

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How often do you experience FOMO?

If you spent any time during the 2010’s then you’re probably familiar with the acronym FOMO, and just in case you missed it, here’s what it stands for, Fear of Missing Out.

FOMO, when used in its normal context means that you’re concerned or afraid that you’ll miss out on something exciting and or interesting that’s going to somewhere where you’re not.

So what do you do?

You gather your energy and head off to participate in whatever activity you were afraid that you’d miss. But doing so comes with an opportunity cost. Oh, and if you’re not familiar with opportunity cost, it essentially means that if you’re doing one thing then you can’t do another simultaneously, so you lose the opportunity to so.

So what’s the opportunity cost of pursuing FOMO?

Well, if you dedicate your energy and time towards relieving or in many cases trying to mitigate your FOMO then ultimately that’s less time for you to pursue your own goals. Now if you don’t have any personal goals or things that you want to achieve then, by all means spend your energy as you wish. But, if there are things that you want to accomplish, then perhaps the idea that you can’t or won’t fulfill your own dreams is where the real FOMO should exist.  You should have the fear of missing out on your own dreams.

Now this might sound a little harsh, but the truth is that every second that you don’t dedicate towards fulfilling your own desires is lost forever, so whatever you trade that time for better be worth the opportunity cost.

When you read about or speak to people that are intensely focused on their goals you’ll find that a common theme amongst them is their ability to say no to almost everything that doesn’t lead them closer to the life they want to achieve.

So the next time you’re feeling FOMO creeping up on you perhaps stop and evaluate the sensation for a moment. Reverse the FOMO and ask yourself if the time and energy you’re thinking of spending will move you closer or further away from the life you want.

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What’s your reason for getting out of bed every morning?

If the only reason for you to get out of bed is that you have to, then sooner or later you’re not going to want to. However, if there’s a reason, a mission, something exciting you’re working towards, then there’s a high probability that you’ll look forward to waking up and getting out of bed because you’ll be pulled by the allure of working towards it.

Now you might argue that you don’t have a job or project that involves some kind of grand world-changing opportunity that can pull you out of bed, but that’s okay, not everyone does. But many times it boils down to perspective.

Here’s a wonderful illustration of perspective.

One day in 1671, Christopher Wren observed three bricklayers on a scaffold, one crouched, one half-standing and one standing tall, working very hard and fast. To the first bricklayer, Christopher Wren asked the question, “What are you doing?” to which the bricklayer replied, “I’m a bricklayer. I’m working hard laying bricks to feed my family.” The second bricklayer, responded, “I’m a builder. I’m building a wall.” But the third brick layer, the most productive of the three and the future leader of the group, when asked the question, “What are you doing?” replied with a gleam in his eye, “I’m a cathedral builder. I’m building a great cathedral to The Almighty.”

Not to knock bricklayers, but if a bricklayer can have that kind of perspective then I’m sure there’s a way for you find greater meaning in whatever you do.

Yes, at times you’ll have to get creative to see the bigger effects of the work you do, but it is possible.

So the next time you’re lying in bed not quite feeling like facing the day, see if you can shift your mind from being task-oriented to mission-oriented. Re-envision your day so that you’re pulled towards the bigger picture and then go build your cathedral.

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What do I want?

Stop and ask yourself the question.

Let it roll around in your mind for a moment.

What a beautiful and powerful question.

It’s beautiful because it gives you the opportunity to dream, to imagine the life you want. And the power lies in the questions ability to direct and drive your life.

Now some might argue that the question is selfish, and I would agree with them. But what’s wrong with being selfish? I’m sure if you were to ask Mother Teresa or Martin Luther King what they wanted, they could quite clearly articulate their answers to the question. In fact, their messages about what they wanted were so powerful that we remember them until this day.

I refer to it as a landmark question because you can use it to check in with yourself throughout your day. You can use it to see if your actions at any time are aligned with what you want, or if you’re wandering off track. You can use it to evaluate whether you’re pursuing your wants, or the wants of someone else.

Now I understand that the idea of ‘want’ is broad and can be applied to material and immaterial things, but I’m not here to pass judgment on your wants. What you want is up to you. I’m just recommending that you take the time to ask yourself the question on a regular basis.

So if you didn’t ask yourself the question earlier, do it now. And if you have the opportunity, make a list of your answers. Review the list often, add and edit at will.

Look, you don’t have to take my advice about asking yourself this landmark question, but the last thought I want to leave you with is this. If you don’t ask yourself what you want, then there’s a high probability that all you’ll get is what’s left.

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What shouldn’t you do?

Sometimes thinking about what you shouldn’t doing in order to live the life you want is much easier than thinking about what you should do.

Educators have said that for young children, the concept of subtraction is easier to learn than addition. The idea of addition or visualizing more is apparently more difficult than the visceral feeling of having something taken away. Maybe this is true for adults too.

Perhaps instead of thinking about what you can add to your daily habits and routines to improve your life, think about what you can remove.

For example, if health or wellness is important to you then instead of adding exercise you first work on eliminating junk food or sugar. Or if healthy relationships are high on your priority list, then you decide to cut back on other activities so you have more time to spend with people.

One of the best ways to decide on what you shouldn’t do is to first evaluate your values and your goals, essentially the things that are most important for you. Next, keep a loose track of your daily activities for a couple of weeks. If you already maintain a schedule then tracking your activities should be a relatively easy thing to do. Once you have a few weeks of information you can start reviewing and eliminating.

Think of what you shouldn’t do as your not do list. Simplify your life by using it as a tool to bring a sharper focus on what you deem to be important for you.

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