Raj Daniels

How much time do you spend thinking about the past, the present, and the future?

Do you spend an equal amount of time on each one?

If you’re like most people then you probably spend more time thinking about the past or the future. Which if you really think about it, and are open to admitting it, then you’ll agree that neither one of them exists.

The time that passed has already disappeared like a wisp of smoke into the ether, and the future is just an idea in your head that may or may not materialize.

Straddling the present to spend time in fictional time zones is an interesting practice, and according to research to date, humans are the only animals capable of doing so.

So why do you spend so much time thinking about time that either no longer or might never exist?

Some say that living in the past or future is a sense of escapism, essentially not wanting to deal with what is in the present. I’m not sure that I completely agree with this, but can see how for some this might be true.

Taking some time to think about how you think about time is very likely a worthwhile investment. Deciding which time zone you want to be in at any moment can also be a fun experiment.  You can actually practice thinking about moving from the past to the present and then on the future. Since you’re already probably really good at thinking about the past and the future, participating in this practice will actually strengthen your ability to ground yourself in the present.

Look, ultimately which time zone you spend time thinking about is up to you, and I’m not suggesting you even attempt to spend an equal amount of time in each one. What I am saying is that as enjoyable as thinking about the past and future might be; don’t skip over and miss the beauty that the present has to offer.

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What is the success equation?

Success = ?

The answer depends upon the following questions.

What does success mean to you?

What is your definition of success?

In today’s world success is all too quickly equated with fame or fortune. There are hundreds of books, magazines, and websites dedicated to showing you how to be successful and all so often their primary indicator of success is rooted in financial wealth.

As you move through the various stages of life the idea of success will take on different meanings for you. For example, if you ask a senior citizen their idea of success, they might say making it through another day, while a teenager might say doing well in school. As you can see the success equation doesn’t have just one correct answer.

It’s hard not to get your ideas of success caught up in other people’s ideas of success, especially when you’re constantly bombarded with messages of what success should look like. You’re exposed on a daily basis to visual images that tell you what your life should look like if you want to be successful. The irony is that if you were to ask any one of those individuals that are responsible for the messages you’re seeing, what success means to them, the answers would vary from person to person.

So what’s the solution to the success equation?

Well, unfortunately, it’s the non-committal answer of, it depends. It depends on what is important to you as an individual.

However, I can give you a clue that might be helpful. If you want to be successful, then look within yourself. Find what piques your curiosity and identify the things that are important to you, then vigorously pursue those things.

While I can’t guarantee that you’ll be successful at the things you pursue, I can tell you that you’ll have less regret in life, which can also be viewed as a measure of success.

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There are two types of actions you can take to change your life.

Your actions can be massive or incremental, also known as drastic or moderate.

Both have pros and cons.

But more important than the pros and cons is the context in which action you take. For example, if you’re in a life-threatening situation then massive action might be the answer so that you can avoid immediate danger.

The type of action you take to make changes in your life also depends on your personality. If you know that you’re a strong-willed or disciplined person then perhaps you can work with incremental change because you have the discipline to keep going. If on the other hand, you struggle with change then perhaps massive action is better for you because you only need to make the decision once. Think of it like ripping off a band-aid quickly rather than peeling it off slowly.

Making drastic changes will obviously give you results in less time, so if you’re the kind of person that needs immediate or quick results then this might be the action for you. But don’t forget that nothing happens in a vacuum, so massive action might cause upheaval in other areas of your life. Whereas incremental change might take longer but will allow for other areas of your life to adjust with time.

As you can see, neither is a one size fits all solution and in many cases, they will be personality and situationally driven. However, you can learn to experiment with them to see which one suits your personality the best. Once you learn how they work for you, you can use them as tools to make changes you need to make throughout your life.

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What’s the most important work you’ll ever do?

I’ll give you a clue.

It will not be the work you do in school, nor will it be the work you do for your employer.

If you guessed the work you do on yourself, then congratulations, you’re correct.

As you progress through life you’ll realize that there are some things that to some extent you’re required to do. Working is one of those things, at least if you’re looking to earn an income.

However, the problem with working is that many fall into the trap that because they have a job, they no longer need to work on themselves, after all, they’re already getting paid for who they are. This kind of attitude is a trap. Especially in this day and age with the rapidly changing technology landscape, it’s very easy to get left behind.

If you don’t invest the energy and time to continuously update and upgrade your skills you’ll soon find yourself stuck with limited options. Or even worse you’ll find your skills obsolete.

Certainly, if you consider yourself to be your highest priority then the idea of working to improve yourself should be something you look forward too. And just to be clear, you don’t work on yourself to be better than anyone else; you do it for the self-satisfaction of personal growth and improvement.

Working on yourself doesn’t have to be a monumental task that consumes huge chunks of your time. In fact with just a little time committed on a regular basis, you can leverage the power of compounding to your advantage and keep ahead of the skill curve.

Never forget that the most important work you’ll ever do is the work you do on yourself. Unfortunately, you have a choice of whether to do it or not. I hope you think you’re worth it and choose wisely.

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Imagine for a moment that you’re a farmer.

In spring you plant seeds in the hope that in autumn you’ll have an abundant harvest. Enough crops to feed your family and sell on to the market for profit.

You work long hard hours using all the tools and technology available to you and do everything that’s within your control to ensure your labors come to fruition.

You are the ultimate optimist.

You have a faith in nature that the little, in some cases almost invisible seeds you plant in the ground will deliver to you the rewards of your work.

You know deep down you and nature are partners, and that if you do your part, barring any outlier events,  nature will work to do her part too.

Life’s rhythm is very similar to nature, after all, we too are born from nature. So why not adopt the farmer’s mentality?

Plant the seeds of the crops that you wish to harvest and then work diligently towards your harvest.

Yes, there is an undeniable difference between crops, plants and the goals or aspirations you have, but the method to get there is similar. And, just like in nature, different crops have different growth patterns and timelines, so will the goals you wish to accomplish.

However, the one thing you must have is the underlying optimism, the faith that your work will deliver results.

Just think for a moment how ridiculous it would be for the farmer to plant seeds with no hope of them bearing the fruit of her labor.

Why would she bother to do so?

So go sow the seeds of your dreams and tend to them with all the resources available to you. Be patient, have faith and maintain optimism. Nature is on your side and doing her part. Give her time, don’t give up.

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You gotta want it!

That’s what you’ll hear people say.

And while they mean well, they’re only slightly correct.

More important than wanting whatever ‘it’ is for you, you have to learn to be it.

You have to learn to be the person, to embody the person that already is the ‘it’ you’re seeking.

You have to learn to separate yourself from who you are right now and start being the person you want to be.

And this can be a painful process.

Honestly, I want to write that it will be a painful process, but I don’t’ want to scare or deter you.

The commitment required to change who you currently are to a new version of you will not be easy. In fact, it will probably be one of the most difficult things you will ever do.

It will be difficult physically because you will have to learn new behaviors, but more important, it will be difficult emotionally. There’s a high probability that once you begin to take on the new behaviors required for you to be the person you want to be, you will begin to jeopardize many of your current relationships.

Why does this happen?

Because the people you’re currently surrounded by are used to and comfortable with the current version of you. Once you begin to change, they will behave differently towards you, and you will have to decide if you’re going to let the gravitational pull of their behavior keep you as you are and where you are. Or are you going to put in the work that will be required for you to break free?

You will have to decide if you’re willing to endure the challenge of the metamorphosis of leaving the person you currently are to the person you want to be.

Will it be difficult?

Yes.

Is it worth it?

Well.

How’s who you currently are been working for you so far?

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How often do you make time to zoom out and take a broader view of your life?

If you’re like most people then you’re probably so caught up in your daily activities that you’re unaware you’re experiencing a myopic view of life.

The problem with being so zoomed in on your day to day activities is that it’s easy to lose track of the bigger picture of your life. And as time goes by you run the risk of one day realizing your life is nothing like you thought it would be.

Making time to step back and identify things that you want to accomplish might seem like a waste of time, but if you don’t get in the habit of doing so, you’ll never fully experience all the opportunities available to you.

Just as a photographer changes the aperture on their cameras to zoom in and out on the photos they take, and map makers provide both high level and detailed maps, you too should do the same for your life.

Think of zooming out on your life as high-level strategic planning. Imagine how you want your life to look a few years from today and mark out a few waypoints that you think will let you know whether you’re on track or not. This exercise shouldn’t take much time at all. And once you’re done, you can zoom back into your daily activities.

Now, this is when you’ll begin to experience the magic if zooming out.

In the back of your mind, you’ll begin to very quietly question your daily activities. And if they’re not aligned with the waypoints you’ve set for yourself you’ll begin to experience discomfort, because you’re daily actions and long term goals will be misaligned.

The choice to pursue your goals is up to you. I’m just giving you a tool should you decide to do so.

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You have an extremely limited perspective of life.

I don’t tell you this to offend you.

I and everyone else also have a very limited perspective of life. However, rarely do we admit this to be true. We dig in our heels and cling to our views convinced that our perspectives are the only way to see life and are indeed correct.

Here’s a wonderful parable that is rumored to have been shared by the Buddha that illustrates just how limited our perspectives can be.

A group of blind men heard that a strange animal, called an elephant, had been brought to the town, but none of them were aware of its shape and form. Out of curiosity, they said: “We must inspect and know it by touch, of which we are capable”. So, they sought it out, and when they found it they groped about it. In the case of the first person, whose hand landed on the trunk, said “This being is like a thick snake”. For another one whose hand reached its ear, it seemed like a kind of fan. As for another person, whose hand was upon its leg, said, the elephant is a pillar like a tree-trunk. The blind man who placed his hand upon its side said the elephant, “is a wall”. Another who felt its tail, described it as a rope. The last felt its tusk, stating the elephant is that which is hard, smooth and like a spear.

In some versions, the blind men then discover their disagreements, suspect the others to be not telling the truth and come to blows.

How many times have you disagreed with someone else’s perspective so strongly that you’ve almost come close to blows?

Hopefully, you realized that you’re just standing at different ends of the elephant.

It can be very difficult to see someone else’s perspective, let alone agree with it, but you can at least allow for it. If all you do is dispute then you’re not really any better off than the blind men.

It can be challenging to make room for someone else’s perspective and point of view because you feel threatened. You feel as though it undermines your perspective, but it doesn’t. In fact, it broadens your perspective and gives you a wider view of life.

So the next time you find yourself on opposite ends of the elephant with someone, instead of disagreeing, ask them to describe what they’re feeling and seeing, and see what you can learn from their perspective.

Just imagine what the world could look like if we were all just a little more open to other people’s perspectives.

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If you’d like to have some fun with yourself, then identify a belief that you have and ask yourself this question.

How do I know this is true?

If you’re intellectually honest with yourself then you’ll find yourself going down a mental rabbit hole only to find that rarely do you really know what is true or not.

You’ll soon find that the evidence or information you’ve accumulated that supports your belief has actually been hearsay all along. But because you received the information from sources that represented authority, you believed them to be true and did not question them.

I mentioned fun earlier, but asking yourself if what you believe is really true can actually be both dangerous and liberating.

It can be dangerous because once you ask the question and journey down the hole to find the answers; you might find that your beliefs have been perched upon wobbly stilts instead of a firm foundation that you trusted in. And as you dig deeper the stilts begin to evaporate and now you have to decide whether or not you continue to hold on to your belief or you release your grasp and let it slip away. And this is when it can be liberating.

If you’ve been holding on to a belief that’s been holding you back in any way, then here’s the opportunity to let it go. Since you’ve now traveled down the hole and cannot find answers that justify or support your belief, you can now let it go.

Changing your beliefs can be a risky proposition because they are tied intricately to your identity, so removing one can be painful and feel like a physical wound. But over time the wound will heal. And freeing yourself from any beliefs that have been holding you back or have been detrimental to your growth might just be worth the pain.

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Go Ahead.

Judge Me.

Tell me what you think you know about me.

I can take it.

In fact not only can I take, what you say doesn’t matter to me.

I’m still going to continue being me.

I won’t let what I think you’re thinking of me prevent me from doing what I want to do. Because, once I fall into the trap of worrying what you think of me, then I’ll have to worry about what the other seven billion people in line behind you think about me too.

So, I’m drawing a line in the sand starting with you.

I know that your judging of me says more about you then it says about me.

That’s why I’m going to double down on being me. And I’m fine with the fact that I’m either going to pay the consequences, or reap the rewards for doing so.

Sound a little harsh?

Well, I’m okay with it.

Because deep down, I believe you don’t want me judging you either.

So why don’t we make an agreement?

You don’t judge me and I won’t judge you.

In fact not only will we encourage each other to be as true to ourselves as possible, but well also agree to respect our differences.

Deal?

I’m so glad we did this.

Now we can go find other people and see if they’ll make the same agreement with us, and then encourage them to do the same. And hopefully, slowly but surely we’ll start a small movement where more and more people are encouraged to no longer hide, be ashamed or embarrassed about who they really are.

Just imagine what that kind of world would look like.

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There are some four-letter words that you should try to remove from your vocabulary.

Which four-letter words?

Well, I’m pretty sure the words I’m writing about are probably not the ones you’re thinking of.

The four-letter words that you should attempt to use less frequently, if ever at all, are – can’t, fear, fail, and the most insidious and in my opinion dangerous, is the word busy.

Instead of can’t, learn to say that you choose not to. Since choosing not to is more about you making a decision, whereas can’t defines more of your ability to do something.

Fear can be a challenging one since you might indeed be predisposed to certain fears, but still, don’t let fear rule you. Eliminating, or limiting the use of the word fear will allow you to access more opportunities.

As you go through life you’ll come to realize that the word fail is actually not real. Yes, you can fail tests and other ways that people or institutions attempt to judge your ability, but the reality is that you, as an individual will always learn from failing.

The last word busy is what I believe to be the most insidious. It begins to creep into your vocabulary at a young age because you begin to hear adults around you using it. And because you’re young, you’re too inexperienced or naïve to really know whether they are busy or not.

As you get older, the word busy becomes your crutch. You begin to think you’re busy all the time and so you can no longer find time for yourself and ultimately all the dreams and hopes you once had for yourself. And yet you see others around you accomplishing things that you once had your eyes set on, but in your mind, you’re now too busy to do so.

It’s time for you to stop being busy, and start being intentional about your actions.

I can with strong conviction guarantee that eliminating or at least reducing the use of these four-letter words will change your life forever.

Give it a try.

What do you have to lose?

Oh, and those other four-letter words you thought of earlier. You can keep using those, just not too often or out loud.

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You can’t believe they did that?

But they did.

You wish it hadn’t happened.

But it did.

You want the present to be different.

But it’s not.

There’s only so much in life that you can control, the sooner you realize this, the better off you’ll be. This may not be what you want to hear, and you might have a hard time accepting it, but it’s true.

Here’s a wonderful little tool that will perhaps help you in some of the moments when you find yourself and the reality of what’s going around you in disagreement.

“God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.”

Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr

If you don’t believe in a God or higher power, that’s fine. You can substitute the word God for whatever you do believe in.

The line in the prayer “and the wisdom to know the difference,” is the key, or better yet, the filter through which you can begin to view the world.  Once you can identify the events, people and things that you can and cannot control, you will begin to experience clarity in your life. You can use the clarity to better understand when to, or even more important, when not to apply your energy.

Learning what in life you can and cannot change is huge advantage, and the sooner you learn this lesson, the better your life will be.

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How many rules have you set for your life?

The idea or thought of setting rules for yourself might feel constricting at first, and to a certain extent it is, but they also allow you to create a structure for your life.

Setting rules for yourself allows you to automate certain areas of your life, therefore, reducing some of the decisions you have to make. Rules are often easier than self-discipline because they require less thinking.

Rules can be temporary or permanent. You can use the structure of rules as a scaffolding to help you accomplish goals that you’re attempting to reach and then implement new rules for new goals.

One of the best things about creating rules for your life is that you can change or eliminate them when you feel that they’re not working for you. This doesn’t mean you break or change them because you’re not enjoying them, since the idea of rules is to keep you on track, and at times staying on track means saying no to things that might be tempting in the moment.

If you decide to set new rules for yourself then start small and with one rule at a time. Setting too many at once, like goal setting, will overwhelm you and there’s a high chance that you’ll end up breaking them.

Find a few simple rules that you can use to unload some of your mental load, to free up some thinking space and see what you can do with the additional time and mental bandwidth rule-setting gives you.

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These are the words I want you to read.

Now read them again.

Are these all the words in the English language?

Of course not, they’re just the words I want you to read.

Why am I being repetitive?

Because I’m attempting to make a very important point.

I asked that you read the first sentence which contained only nine words. According to Merriam-Webster, there are roughly 1 million words in the English language, yet I presented you with only nine to read.

This little exercise is to illustrate the concept of Choice Architecture.

Here’s the definition of Choice Architecture -Choice architecture is the design of different ways in which choices can be presented to consumers, and the impact of that presentation on consumer decision-making.

This will probably be one of the most important things you will learn in life.

Why is it so important?

Because you should know that all the choices you’re presented with, are not all the choices that exist.

Let that last statement sink in for a moment.

The majority of the choices in life that you’re presented with are limited for several reasons. First and foremost, it’s almost impossible to know all the possible combinations of choices that exist. Second, the person or organization presenting the choices to you has their and not your best interest in mind, so they present you with limited choices, essentially the ones that benefit them. And lastly, probably the hardest to come to terms with is your personal demographic i.e., your age, race, sex and income level will all determine the choices you’re presented with.

I really can’t emphasize enough how important it is that you really grasp the concept of Choice Architecture. After all, when you’re young, many of the choices in life are made for you, but once you pass your teenage years, then the rest of your life depends on the choices you’re presented with and the choices you make.

I hope you remember that for every choice you’re presented with, there’s an entire universe of choices you don’t see. And of course, some choices will be much more important than others. My hope is that after learning about Choice Architecture, you’re able to apply your personal filters to make better choices for yourself and ultimately for your life.

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What if you started right now?

I can hear your mind pondering the question. “Started what?”

Whatever it is you’ve been putting off.

Is there really a better time than now?

Even if you’re not quite ready, now is the best time.

You don’t need more time to think or prepare because you’ve thought enough and you’ll never be prepared enough.

If you think you need special equipment or tools for whatever it is you want to do, then write a list of what you need, but do it right now, not later today.

Don’t wait for that magic moment of inspiration.

Take action now and leverage the power of momentum.

Getting started on any new endeavor or project is always the hardest part because you’re battling inertia, aka, the status quo, and deep down you know that any new action you’re about to take will disrupt your current normal routine.

There’s a combination of reasons most people don’t attempt or start anything different or new. There’s the fear of the unknown or doing something different combined with the discomfort of change that holds them back. What they don’t understand is that these reasons, and the feelings they generate almost never go away. If anything is to be accomplished then action must be taken in spite of these feelings.

So that’s why you must start right now. If you wait then you’ll give additional oxygen to your doubts, and fears and your reasons will burn your dreams to the ground before you even get out of the gate.

Don’t wait any longer to launch your dreams.

Start right now.

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The home run in baseball.

The ace in tennis.

The hail mary in football.

The hole in one in golf.

The knockout punch in boxing.

Almost all sports have their version of the perfect play. The one play that allows the player/s to score points with seemingly very little effort, however, these plays are few and far between. The majority of games are won by gutting it through, play by play, fighting for every point.

Whether you’re a sports fan or not, you’ve heard the stories of athletes that fail to give up. They fight through the losses; they keep playing their best, even when they’re losing. They seem to be relentless. And when asked why they keep doing it, why they push so hard, you’ll often hear some version of, ‘for the love of the game.’

Yes, professional athletes have the talent and are paid to play, but you’ll also find many average Janes and Joes, out on weekends playing sports and giving it their all. They all want to win, but even when they don’t, they walk off the fields, or out of the ring, with the satisfaction that they gave it their all, they did their best. All for the love of the game.

While sports might not be exactly the same as everyday life, there are similarities. And although in life, the game is unique to each individual, it’s still possible to take an athlete’s approach towards it.

I’m not suggesting you keep score because to do so, you’ll have to compare your life to others. What I am suggesting is that you adopt a few characteristics of athletes into your own life. You can apply the traits of relentless pursuit to be your best, grit, and one of the most important, the ability to bounce back from losses in your own life.

Viewing life through the lens of a game can give you a new perspective on your daily activities and challenges. Some day’s you’ll win and others you’ll learn from. Some day’s you’ll hit home runs and other days, you’ll be clawing for inches. Keep the athlete’s mentality, be strong and stay in the game as long as you can. Not for credit, not for the scores, but for the love of the game of life.

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What if just for today you decide that everyone you interact with knows more than you do?

What if just for today you decide that everyone you meet has your best interest in mind?

How would your day look?

Does just the idea of being non-confrontational bother you?

If just the idea of being letting others be right or being non-confrontational bothers you, then what does that say about you?

It’s easy to be so attached to your own ways of thinking that you’ve decided that you’re ideas and thoughts are right before even hearing what someone else has to say. However, doing so not only makes you less approachable but also limits your perspective.

One of the ways to widen your perspective is to remind yourself that your beliefs and thoughts are rooted in your own personal experience of life, which by definition is unique to you.

Being more open to new ideas and thoughts doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to surrender your current beliefs, it does mean that you have to temporarily suspend your beliefs in order to evaluate new information.

Allowing the ideas of others to test your personal beliefs requires a level of confidence and self-awareness because it challenges you to your core and it’s hard not become self-defensive. But while it is difficult, it’s definitely doable.

Going through life surrounding yourself with people that think and act just like you might sound like an easier path to take, but rarely allows for true personal growth. Allowing your assumptions and thoughts to be challenged can be advantageous because new perspectives broaden the lens through which you view the world.

Intellectual humility is what philosophers call the willingness to be challenged by new ideas. Essentially it means being open to change while also knowing when not to. Try it for yourself and see if it helps you widen your perspective.

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