Raj Daniels

Go Ahead.

Judge Me.

Tell me what you think you know about me.

I can take it.

In fact not only can I take, what you say doesn’t matter to me.

I’m still going to continue being me.

I won’t let what I think you’re thinking of me prevent me from doing what I want to do. Because, once I fall into the trap of worrying what you think of me, then I’ll have to worry about what the other seven billion people in line behind you think about me too.

So, I’m drawing a line in the sand starting with you.

I know that your judging of me says more about you then it says about me.

That’s why I’m going to double down on being me. And I’m fine with the fact that I’m either going to pay the consequences, or reap the rewards for doing so.

Sound a little harsh?

Well, I’m okay with it.

Because deep down, I believe you don’t want me judging you either.

So why don’t we make an agreement?

You don’t judge me and I won’t judge you.

In fact not only will we encourage each other to be as true to ourselves as possible, but well also agree to respect our differences.

Deal?

I’m so glad we did this.

Now we can go find other people and see if they’ll make the same agreement with us, and then encourage them to do the same. And hopefully, slowly but surely we’ll start a small movement where more and more people are encouraged to no longer hide, be ashamed or embarrassed about who they really are.

Just imagine what that kind of world would look like.

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There are some four-letter words that you should try to remove from your vocabulary.

Which four-letter words?

Well, I’m pretty sure the words I’m writing about are probably not the ones you’re thinking of.

The four-letter words that you should attempt to use less frequently, if ever at all, are – can’t, fear, fail, and the most insidious and in my opinion dangerous, is the word busy.

Instead of can’t, learn to say that you choose not to. Since choosing not to is more about you making a decision, whereas can’t defines more of your ability to do something.

Fear can be a challenging one since you might indeed be predisposed to certain fears, but still, don’t let fear rule you. Eliminating, or limiting the use of the word fear will allow you to access more opportunities.

As you go through life you’ll come to realize that the word fail is actually not real. Yes, you can fail tests and other ways that people or institutions attempt to judge your ability, but the reality is that you, as an individual will always learn from failing.

The last word busy is what I believe to be the most insidious. It begins to creep into your vocabulary at a young age because you begin to hear adults around you using it. And because you’re young, you’re too inexperienced or naïve to really know whether they are busy or not.

As you get older, the word busy becomes your crutch. You begin to think you’re busy all the time and so you can no longer find time for yourself and ultimately all the dreams and hopes you once had for yourself. And yet you see others around you accomplishing things that you once had your eyes set on, but in your mind, you’re now too busy to do so.

It’s time for you to stop being busy, and start being intentional about your actions.

I can with strong conviction guarantee that eliminating or at least reducing the use of these four-letter words will change your life forever.

Give it a try.

What do you have to lose?

Oh, and those other four-letter words you thought of earlier. You can keep using those, just not too often or out loud.

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You can’t believe they did that?

But they did.

You wish it hadn’t happened.

But it did.

You want the present to be different.

But it’s not.

There’s only so much in life that you can control, the sooner you realize this, the better off you’ll be. This may not be what you want to hear, and you might have a hard time accepting it, but it’s true.

Here’s a wonderful little tool that will perhaps help you in some of the moments when you find yourself and the reality of what’s going around you in disagreement.

“God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.”

Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr

If you don’t believe in a God or higher power, that’s fine. You can substitute the word God for whatever you do believe in.

The line in the prayer “and the wisdom to know the difference,” is the key, or better yet, the filter through which you can begin to view the world.  Once you can identify the events, people and things that you can and cannot control, you will begin to experience clarity in your life. You can use the clarity to better understand when to, or even more important, when not to apply your energy.

Learning what in life you can and cannot change is huge advantage, and the sooner you learn this lesson, the better your life will be.

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How many rules have you set for your life?

The idea or thought of setting rules for yourself might feel constricting at first, and to a certain extent it is, but they also allow you to create a structure for your life.

Setting rules for yourself allows you to automate certain areas of your life, therefore, reducing some of the decisions you have to make. Rules are often easier than self-discipline because they require less thinking.

Rules can be temporary or permanent. You can use the structure of rules as a scaffolding to help you accomplish goals that you’re attempting to reach and then implement new rules for new goals.

One of the best things about creating rules for your life is that you can change or eliminate them when you feel that they’re not working for you. This doesn’t mean you break or change them because you’re not enjoying them, since the idea of rules is to keep you on track, and at times staying on track means saying no to things that might be tempting in the moment.

If you decide to set new rules for yourself then start small and with one rule at a time. Setting too many at once, like goal setting, will overwhelm you and there’s a high chance that you’ll end up breaking them.

Find a few simple rules that you can use to unload some of your mental load, to free up some thinking space and see what you can do with the additional time and mental bandwidth rule-setting gives you.

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These are the words I want you to read.

Now read them again.

Are these all the words in the English language?

Of course not, they’re just the words I want you to read.

Why am I being repetitive?

Because I’m attempting to make a very important point.

I asked that you read the first sentence which contained only nine words. According to Merriam-Webster, there are roughly 1 million words in the English language, yet I presented you with only nine to read.

This little exercise is to illustrate the concept of Choice Architecture.

Here’s the definition of Choice Architecture -Choice architecture is the design of different ways in which choices can be presented to consumers, and the impact of that presentation on consumer decision-making.

This will probably be one of the most important things you will learn in life.

Why is it so important?

Because you should know that all the choices you’re presented with, are not all the choices that exist.

Let that last statement sink in for a moment.

The majority of the choices in life that you’re presented with are limited for several reasons. First and foremost, it’s almost impossible to know all the possible combinations of choices that exist. Second, the person or organization presenting the choices to you has their and not your best interest in mind, so they present you with limited choices, essentially the ones that benefit them. And lastly, probably the hardest to come to terms with is your personal demographic i.e., your age, race, sex and income level will all determine the choices you’re presented with.

I really can’t emphasize enough how important it is that you really grasp the concept of Choice Architecture. After all, when you’re young, many of the choices in life are made for you, but once you pass your teenage years, then the rest of your life depends on the choices you’re presented with and the choices you make.

I hope you remember that for every choice you’re presented with, there’s an entire universe of choices you don’t see. And of course, some choices will be much more important than others. My hope is that after learning about Choice Architecture, you’re able to apply your personal filters to make better choices for yourself and ultimately for your life.

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What if you started right now?

I can hear your mind pondering the question. “Started what?”

Whatever it is you’ve been putting off.

Is there really a better time than now?

Even if you’re not quite ready, now is the best time.

You don’t need more time to think or prepare because you’ve thought enough and you’ll never be prepared enough.

If you think you need special equipment or tools for whatever it is you want to do, then write a list of what you need, but do it right now, not later today.

Don’t wait for that magic moment of inspiration.

Take action now and leverage the power of momentum.

Getting started on any new endeavor or project is always the hardest part because you’re battling inertia, aka, the status quo, and deep down you know that any new action you’re about to take will disrupt your current normal routine.

There’s a combination of reasons most people don’t attempt or start anything different or new. There’s the fear of the unknown or doing something different combined with the discomfort of change that holds them back. What they don’t understand is that these reasons, and the feelings they generate almost never go away. If anything is to be accomplished then action must be taken in spite of these feelings.

So that’s why you must start right now. If you wait then you’ll give additional oxygen to your doubts, and fears and your reasons will burn your dreams to the ground before you even get out of the gate.

Don’t wait any longer to launch your dreams.

Start right now.

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The home run in baseball.

The ace in tennis.

The hail mary in football.

The hole in one in golf.

The knockout punch in boxing.

Almost all sports have their version of the perfect play. The one play that allows the player/s to score points with seemingly very little effort, however, these plays are few and far between. The majority of games are won by gutting it through, play by play, fighting for every point.

Whether you’re a sports fan or not, you’ve heard the stories of athletes that fail to give up. They fight through the losses; they keep playing their best, even when they’re losing. They seem to be relentless. And when asked why they keep doing it, why they push so hard, you’ll often hear some version of, ‘for the love of the game.’

Yes, professional athletes have the talent and are paid to play, but you’ll also find many average Janes and Joes, out on weekends playing sports and giving it their all. They all want to win, but even when they don’t, they walk off the fields, or out of the ring, with the satisfaction that they gave it their all, they did their best. All for the love of the game.

While sports might not be exactly the same as everyday life, there are similarities. And although in life, the game is unique to each individual, it’s still possible to take an athlete’s approach towards it.

I’m not suggesting you keep score because to do so, you’ll have to compare your life to others. What I am suggesting is that you adopt a few characteristics of athletes into your own life. You can apply the traits of relentless pursuit to be your best, grit, and one of the most important, the ability to bounce back from losses in your own life.

Viewing life through the lens of a game can give you a new perspective on your daily activities and challenges. Some day’s you’ll win and others you’ll learn from. Some day’s you’ll hit home runs and other days, you’ll be clawing for inches. Keep the athlete’s mentality, be strong and stay in the game as long as you can. Not for credit, not for the scores, but for the love of the game of life.

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What if just for today you decide that everyone you interact with knows more than you do?

What if just for today you decide that everyone you meet has your best interest in mind?

How would your day look?

Does just the idea of being non-confrontational bother you?

If just the idea of being letting others be right or being non-confrontational bothers you, then what does that say about you?

It’s easy to be so attached to your own ways of thinking that you’ve decided that you’re ideas and thoughts are right before even hearing what someone else has to say. However, doing so not only makes you less approachable but also limits your perspective.

One of the ways to widen your perspective is to remind yourself that your beliefs and thoughts are rooted in your own personal experience of life, which by definition is unique to you.

Being more open to new ideas and thoughts doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to surrender your current beliefs, it does mean that you have to temporarily suspend your beliefs in order to evaluate new information.

Allowing the ideas of others to test your personal beliefs requires a level of confidence and self-awareness because it challenges you to your core and it’s hard not become self-defensive. But while it is difficult, it’s definitely doable.

Going through life surrounding yourself with people that think and act just like you might sound like an easier path to take, but rarely allows for true personal growth. Allowing your assumptions and thoughts to be challenged can be advantageous because new perspectives broaden the lens through which you view the world.

Intellectual humility is what philosophers call the willingness to be challenged by new ideas. Essentially it means being open to change while also knowing when not to. Try it for yourself and see if it helps you widen your perspective.

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What if you remained a student for life?

When I say student for life, I’m not suggesting that you stay enrolled in some sort of formal education program. What I am suggesting is that you commit to being a lifelong learner.

Being a student is more of a mindset than a position or role in life. The majority of people equate being a student to a certain time in life, and that’s why once they are done with formal education they stop learning.

Being a student for life allows you to dwell in the sweet spot of the beginners’ mind. The beginners’ mind has the beautiful characteristics of curiosity, openness and is free of preconceptions.

When you think of yourself as a student for life you’re more willing to try new things because you’re always open to learning. And although you might be carrying the stigma of grades from your days in formal education, hopefully, you realize that grades only evaluated how you performed at that moment, and do not dictate how you’ll do in the rest of your life.

If it’s been some time since you learned something new then maybe today’s the day for you to become a student again. You don’t need to enroll in any official class or program, although there’s nothing wrong with that. Just start by spending some time thinking about what interests you and then read an article or book about that particular subject.

Look, by no means is it necessary for you to continue to be a student for life, and I as mentioned earlier, the majority of people stop learning the moment they don’t consider themselves students anymore. And if you want to be part of that majority, then that’s your prerogative. But, if you choose to be a student for life, then your curiosity and desire for learning will allow you to experience a freshness in life that the aforementioned majority will rarely experience.

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You connect with family.

You connect with friends.

You connect with co-workers.

You connect with your devices.

But, how often to do you set aside time to connect with yourself?

How often do you sync up with your own thoughts?

At first, it might seem odd, or you might feel like spending time getting to know yourself is a waste of time. But setting aside time for introspection is probably one of the most important things you can do for yourself.

And if doing something for yourself doesn’t motivate you, then I can almost guarantee you that setting aside time to know yourself will improve with how you connect with others. So they’ll benefit from you spending time with yourself.

Consider a little time spent reconnecting with yourself as an investment in the future you. And like most investments, you don’t see the returns right away. But over time you begin to gain the benefit of compounding.

Also, think about this, if you’re not willing to invest time in yourself, how can you expect others to invest in you?

Look, the reality is that spending time connecting with yourself is not mandatory, and you can go through life just fine without doing so.

But, what if knowing who you really are could give you just a little added advantage in life?

Isn’t that worth exploring?

Ultimately the decision of spending time connecting with yourself is obviously up to you. I hope you think and believe you’re worth the investment.

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I have some news for you.

Well, maybe more of a reminder than news.

Here it is.

You’re going to be wrong.

You’re going to make mistakes.

You’re going to screw up.

At least I hope you do.

Sound a little harsh?

Well, before you jump to a conclusion, hear me out.

I’m not wishing ill upon you.

In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

I sincerely hope that you don’t bubble wrap your life to the point where all you do is routine, mundane and predictable.

I hope that you don’t get to the point in your life where it looks as though you’re living in a padded 8 x8 cell. A point where you’re playing it so safe that you could cruise through life with your eyes closed, because if you are, then you’re missing the point of life.

Don’t get me wrong.

I’m not advocating for you to intentionally make big glaring mistakes and to keep repeating them. What I am saying is don’t fear mistakes or being wrong.

Mistakes and errors in life can be amazing opportunities for growth. They become lessons not only for you, but also teachable moments that you can help others learn from.

The last thing I want to add is that I know there are those that fear being wrong or making mistakes, not because they’re afraid to try, but, because they are concerned about what others might think of them. In fact, I would venture to guess that more people would risk screwing up or making mistakes, if they knew that no one else would find out.

If you’re one of these people, then know that you’re not alone.

Your concern is legitimate.

However, eventually, you’re going to have to make a decision about your life. You have to decide if you’re willing to forgo the things you want to try, and let your dreams and desires wither and die on the vine just because other people might see you be wrong or make mistakes. Or whether you’re going to forge ahead, chalking up every mistake and screw up as scars you collect as you adventure through life.

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Why does life seem to get in the way of life?

If you’re like so many others then you too probably have a list of things you’d love to do. But you’re list is gathering dust, just like the lists of so many others.

Slowly but surely, over time, your list of all the things you wanted to accomplish begins to take a backseat to all the important and urgent tasks in front of you.

Why does this happen?

Well, there are a couple of obvious reasons that apply across the board.

First, there are those things that you think you’d like to do. But you’re probably interested in them because at the time you heard about them, they had a cool factor, and they seemed like something you might want to do. These kinds of things on your list wane with time, and perhaps you realize that you didn’t really want to do them.

But then there are the things on your list that still stir up a part of you that longs for them. These are the ones that make you smile when you think about them. These are the ones that keep drawing you towards them. These are the things that you know you’ll regret if you don’t do them. But you never quite prioritize or commit time for them.

For these things, you must learn to make time.

You must find ways to re-prioritize you’re life so that you can experience what can only be described as your calling.

You don’t have to make daily, weekly, or even monthly commitments for them, but you must schedule time to experience those things that bring sparks of joy to your life.

As you move through life, the number of commitments tends to multiply and before you know it, life begins to get in the way of all the things you wanted to do. But you still have an opportunity, no matter where in life you are to begin to re-prioritize. Re-prioritize so that you can at least experience a little of what you really want to do, and ultimately minimize your regrets.

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You’re working so hard, trying to close the gap, between more and enough.

The problem is.

You’re working in the physical world.

To close a gap.

That doesn’t exist.

Except within you.

You’re wearing down your beautiful gifts.

Your body, your mind.

To achieve more.

When enough is within you.

Filling the gap between more and enough is an impossible task.

Filling the gap between more and enough is a possible task.

True or False?

It’s up to you.

If you start from the place that you’re enough then more is optional.

If you start with you need more to be enough, then more is required.

Just to be clear.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with more.

The problem arises when you think, or even worse, believe you need more to be enough.

The sooner you understand and believe that you’re enough, the further ahead you’ll be.

Further ahead?

Yes.

Don’t mistake further ahead, as further than others.

This is your journey.

So, as you step out into the world today, cloak yourself with the confidence of knowing that you’re already enough. Go out and do your best, not for more, but just for the pure pleasure, the good fortune of having the opportunity, of doing so.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

Today the chances are high that you will disappoint someone.

Why?

Because you’ll be non-compliant.

Because you’ll make a decision for yourself that will be contrary to what someone else wants you to do.

At least I hope you will.

I’m not suggesting or recommending that you set out on a regular basis looking for ways to disappoint people. What I am saying is that if you want to pursue goals and dreams that fulfill and satisfy your wants and needs, you’re going to have to build resilience and tolerance against other people’s disapproval and ultimately, disappointment with you.

There will be some people that will support and love you regardless of what you do, but those individuals are rare gems, and few and far between. You may only encounter a handful during your entire life, cherish them, and give them the same love and support they give you.

Disappointing others, or not seeking their approval is the price you have to pay for finding your own way, it’s the price you pay to becoming yourself.

Are you ready to pay the price?

Keep in mind, you’re not required to.

But if you don’t, there’s a chance that you’ll never really discover who you really are, or what you’re capable of.

If at some point during your life you don’t get used to disappointing people then you will never live your own life. You will always live the life other people want you to live.

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What happens when the thing that makes you happy today, no longer makes you happy tomorrow?

That once you grasp the object you desire, your desire for the object and the happiness it brought you, both disappear.

It’s been said that ‘happiness is fleeting,’ and if your happiness is tied to external factors then it’s almost guaranteed to be short-lived. You’ll begin to experience bubble gum happiness, the moment the flavor is gone, your happiness is over.

When your happiness is dependent on the things and people around you, you’re assuming you’ll be the same person forever. But soon you’ll realize that with time, you change, and that’s why the things and people that once brought you happiness, no longer do so.

So what’s the answer?

Well, you’ve probably heard it many times before, but since I have your attention, I’m going to take the liberty to re-iterate what you probably already know.

Try your best not to attach your happiness to the things you can’t control.

Yes, people and things both fall in the category of things you can’t control. I know this is not as simple as it sounds, but with practice, it’s close to being achievable.

If you choose to no longer attach your happiness to external factors then there’s going to have to be some unlearning on your behalf. You’re going to have to unlearn the messages you’ve been exposed to your entire life, showing and telling you how happy you’ll be if you just meet the right people, get the right job, or acquire the right things. Unfortunately, you’ve been misled.

You can still have all the things and people in your life, but if its happiness you’re after, then again, cliché, but true, ‘happiness is an inside job.’ It’s an emotion that you decide you’re going to experience and feel regardless of what you have or don’t have. Ultimately the choice is yours.

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