Raj Daniels

How much faith do you have in yourself?

Do you have a degree of faith, or do you fully believe that you can accomplish the things you set your mind to?

Is it possible to have faith and doubt yourself at the same time?

Doubt will cause you to have trepidation and soon enough it will manifest itself into fear. And if you’re not careful, your fear will paralyze you and prevent you from moving forward.

Just imagine if a tightrope walker had doubt, even for just one moment? Think about how much faith and self-belief they have to apply in every step they take.

Can you apply the same amount of faith in every step you take?

Now don’t confuse taking a step with getting things right. Many a tightrope walker has experienced a fall even with all the belief in the world.

Having faith does not prevent you from making a mistake or getting things wrong. But it does allow you to move forward with a degree of confidence. And that confidence can help still your mind and your hand as you take on any new endeavor.

So how do you build faith in yourself?

One of the simplest ways is to think about your past accomplishments. Remember that those too were once hurdles you had to overcome, and you were able to do so. You can begin to stack your accomplishments to build your self-confidence and ultimately strengthen your faith in yourself.

Having faith doesn’t eliminate doubt, it will always be lurking, just looking for an opportunity to show itself. Having faith just quiets doubt long enough for you to take the next step. Both doubt and faith are rooted in your thoughts which then become feelings. Ultimately you have to choose which one you give life to.

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Mozart was competent on the keyboard by the age of 5

Anne Frank wrote her diary at the age of 12

Pele was a soccer superstar by the age of 17

Elvis was a superstar by the age of 19

Beethoven was a piano virtuoso by the age of 23

Einstein wrote the theory of relativity at the age of 26

Alexander the Great had built one of the largest empires in the world by the age of 29

J.K. Rowling finished the first manuscript for Harry Potter at the age of 30

Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean at 31

The Wright brothers, Orville and Wilbur were 32 and 36 when the built the world’s first successful airplane

Edmund Hillary became the first man to climb Mount Everest at the age of 33

Neil Armstrong was 38 when he became the first man to set foot on the moon

Mark Twain wrote The Adventures of Tom Sawyer at the age of 40

John F. Kennedy became president of the United States at the age of 43

Henry Ford was 45 when the Model T came out

Charles Darwin was 50 when he published The Origin of Species

Leonardo Da Vinci was 51 when he painted the Mona Lisa

Dr. Seuss was 54 when he wrote The Cat in the Hat

Colonel Harland Sanders was 61 when he started the KFC franchise

Ronald Reagan was 69 when he became president of the United States

Nelson Mandela was 76 when he became president of South Africa

These are just a few examples of individuals that have left a permanent mark in history. Now you might not be inclined to pursue what might be considered a grand endeavor, and that’s okay. But if you do have a dream or idea you’d like to pursue, then don’t let your age hold you back.

Yes, there might be certain activities that require a level of agility or fitness that will prevent you from participating professionally, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do them at a leisure or novice level.

Perhaps a good or at least entertaining question to ask yourself is, if you didn’t know how old you are, how old would you be? Not quite as deep as a Buddhist Koan, but interesting nonetheless.

Do your best to avoid getting to the point where you wish you’d have started 10 years ago. And if you are at that point right now, then start today. There’s no point letting another 10 years go by again.

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Are you ready to admit it?

Right now you either thinking, how does he know? Or, admit to what?

Let’s address these questions one at a time.

First, don’t worry. I don’t have access to your mind yet, so any deep dark secrets you have hidden are still safe for now.

Now to address your question about admit to what.

Well, if there’s something in your life that you want to change, then the first thing you have to do is admit it. Admitting shines a bright light on the issue, it brings it out of the dark recesses of your mind and put’s right there on the table in front of you for all to see. If you’re familiar with any of the famous addiction programs, then you know that admitting is the first step to recovery.

Now you might not need recovery in the traditional sense, but if you’re working on changing something about yourself, then to some extent you’re trying to improve. And although recovery and self-improvement aren’t identical, they share similar paths.

Admission is recognition, and you can’t change or solve what you can’t recognize, because only after you recognize can you describe. And once you can describe something then it’s no longer ethereal, it becomes tangible.

So take the first step and admit. Do it out loud if you have too. If you’re brave enough then share it with someone you trust and let them bear witness to your first step towards change. It’s only after you admit can you commit to change.

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Say hello first.

Smile first.

Be grateful first.

Be kind first.

Be respectful first.

Be attentive first.

Listen first.

Be patient first.

Be forgiving first.

The wonderful thing about going first is that you present the other person with an opportunity. It’s almost as though you open a magic door and allow them, or at least give them a safe space to reciprocate.

But what if you go first and the other person doesn’t reciprocate?

So what?

You don’t go first to get.

You go first because that’s the kind of person you are, or at least would like to be.

Going first does take some courage because it can make you feel vulnerable. And the truth is that there are some out there that will take advantage of your vulnerability. But the reality is that those individuals are few and far between.

The best thing about all the actions I suggested you take in the list above is that you have an infinite supply of all of those things.  So no one can really take them from you.

We as a society have created an environment where so many are competing to be the first at something, even at times to the detriment of their fellow humans. And there are times when competition can be healthy. However, if we spend just a little more energy going first, rather than being first, maybe we can make life a little better for all.

So why don’t you go first?

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Today try something different.

During your conversations instead of saying but or no, play the Yes And game.

Here’s the key. Don’t tell the person you’re speaking with that you’re playing the game. Just see where the conversation leads you.

‘Yes And’ is a popular tool used by actors during improv. Yes, And is very simple. In an improv situation, actors are required to accept their fellow actors’ ideas and build on them.

Yes And allows for creative cooperation. It moves you to receive another person’s idea and add to it rather and rejecting it. Very often during conversations you’ll find the instinctive ‘but’ or ‘no’ will shut down a person’s willingness to share their feelings or opinions, and this often prevents true connection with the individual.

Yes And, can also help you personally be more creative not only during conversations but also in life. One of the biggest struggles individuals face is that they disagree with their current reality. They fight against what is, which, if you really think about it, doesn’t make any sense.

If you find yourself disagreeing with reality, then perhaps you should try Yes And. The thought process goes like this. ‘Yes,’ this is how things are up to this point, ‘And’ this is how it could be different from this point on. The ‘And’ allows you to explore opportunities for change.

So whether it’s during conversations with other people or how you’re looking at your own life, keep the ‘Yes And’ in your personal toolbox. Use it to move conversations forward for deeper connection, and to discover possibilities for yourself.

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Which one is better, a rose bush or a tomato plant?

On the surface this might look like an odd comparison, but technically they are both plants. Each one serves a different purpose, although I really don’t know enough about roses and what purpose they serve except beauty, but I digress.

Back to the question of which one is better, and I guess the answer is, it depends on your need. If you’re hungry then the tomato plant is of greater use to you than the rose bush, but if you’re looking to spruce up your living room then roses it is.

Now unless you’re allergic to tomatoes or roses you would have to agree that both are wonderful because of their unique qualities, and that comparing the two is really not a fair comparison.

Secretly I wonder if a rose bush sits in a corner of a garden enviously watching tomatoes ripen and being picked on a regular basis. Sound a little ridiculous? I agree. But so is comparing yourself to others as they bring their unique talents to the world while you frown upon and disregard your own.

Whether you recognize it or not, you have a unique set of gifts and talents which, if you let them, will enable you to fulfill your own needs and serve others. The sooner you realize this, the less time you’ll spend comparing yourself to others and appreciating yourself.

So the next time you find yourself on the slippery slope of wishing you were like someone else, think of the tomato and rose, both bringing their own unique essence and beauty to the world. And you work on doing the same for you too.

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What kind of reminders have you set for yourself in your calendar or planner?

Anniversaries?

Appointments?

Birthdays?

Meetings?

What if you could use your calendar to remind you how to feel?

If you’re the kind of person that plows through the day without stopping, only to wake up the next day to do it all over again then setting reminders in your calendar is an ideal way for you find moments to reset.

You might think that setting reminders to tell you how to feel sounds a little manufactured and that emotions should be experienced naturally, and to some extent you’re correct. But what if you’re in an emotional rut?

What if your emotional status has become more of a habit than a natural feeling?

If you have an exercise routine or hobby, you’ve probably scheduled time on your calendar for these activities. And why do you schedule time? The easy answer is because you want to ensure you don’t miss the activity.

But what’s the deeper answer?

You’re engaging in the activity because you hope that in doing so you will either change or improve upon the person you currently are.

The same can work for emotional reminders.

You can set reminders to practice a moment of gratitude, think about a loved one, smile, or something as simple as taking a deep breath. All of these have been proven to improve emotional states.

Look, I know this might seem like a strange idea, or you feel as though you don’t need a reminder to tell you how to feel. And if you’re the kind of person that’s tuned in to your emotions and are consciously using them to benefit you, then you’re correct.

But if you’re the kind of person that tends to fall victim to your own emotions, then what’s the harm in setting a reminder to smile? Best case scenario is that you experienced a positive emotion, worst case, you smiled. Sounds like a win win to me.

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What’s the most exciting thing you’re going to do today?

Do you have something you’re looking forward to doing, or are you just putting in the time?

What are you doing to add life to your life?

Adding a little life to your life doesn’t have to be something elaborate. I’m not suggesting you take a daily skydive or swim with the sharks, unless of course that’s what you want to do. What I am recommending is that you do something that takes your breath away, just for a moment. That you do something that brings a smile to your face and your heart beat just a little faster.

There’s nothing wrong with the ho-hum monotony of everyday life; it’s something almost everyone willing participates in. And yes, I say willingly, because there a few amongst us that refuse to do so. We usually refer to them as the misfits, or crazy ones.

But who really are the crazy ones?

The one’s that seek out excitement at every turn, pushing their lives to the limit and squeezing every last ounce of energy from their bodies to do so, or the ones that hoard all the energy life has given them just to live out another monotonous day.

Look, having an exciting moment or two during your day will not make you any less responsible, nor will it derail any grand life plans or goals that you’ve set for yourself. In fact, I can almost guarantee that at the end of your day and even at the end of your life, it’s going to be the moments that made the butterflies in your tummy come alive and your heart flutter just a little faster that will be the memories you’ll savor the most.

Noble Prize winner Nicolas Murray Butler once said “Many peoples’ tombstones should read ‘Died at 30, buried at 60.” As you go through your day today, be mindful of his statement and create opportunities to add life to your life.

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Hi.

How are you today?

I hope you’re doing well.

I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.

I promise nothing too personal.

Okay, here we go.

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? If yes, then in what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

I hope you’re still playing along.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? Can you sing a little for me, right now?
6. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
7. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
8. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Only two more to go.

9. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
10. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I hope you took the time to answer the questions.

Some of the questions are obviously lighter in nature than others. I designed them that way so you’d experience emotions on both ends of the spectrum.

If you really did take the time to answer all the questions then you should be proud of yourself. The majority of people spend little to no time getting to know themselves, and they plow through life without stopping to think about who they really are and what they want out of life.

Carving out a little time for introspection on a regular basis will allow you to focus on what you want to get out of your life. Yes, the irony is that it’s your life and yet you, like most, probably don’t take your own time to think about it.

The questions I asked you were just a few to get you thinking. Feel free to explore other questions that might help you get to know yourself better. I can guarantee that it’ll be well worth the effort.

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What are your default settings?

Manufacturers of products almost always recommend changing the default settings to meet the needs of the environment that the product is being used in. Default settings are used to ensure the product works and can be shipped.

At the core, a default setting is a selection automatically used by a program in the absence of a choice made by the user.

‘The absence of choice by the user.’

What an interesting statement.

I hope it’s obvious that in your case, you are the program and the user.

So when do you really have an absence of choice?

Think about it before answering.

Hopefully, you were honest with yourself and answered ‘never.’

You always have a choice, although you might not always like or agree with your options.

Your default settings are a combination of all the lessons you were taught as a child with your family and the experiences you had with your environment. And your settings may have served you well for a while, but what about now?

If they are serving you well, then carry on.

But if not, then refer back to the absence of choice.

You don’t have an absence of choice.

The sooner you can come to terms with the fact that you always have a choice, even though you might not like the consequences, the more liberated you will begin to feel. Because just the thought of not having choices is stifling to your mind, you feel trapped.

Look, they are your default settings and you can keep, discard or change them as much as you want.

Does it take work?

Absolutely.

Is it worth the effort?

Well, what are your default settings saying to you right now?

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Every a few years you’ll see individual proudly displaying I Voted stickers on their lapels. They’re excited to show that they’ve performed their civic duties by casting their vote for an individual that they deem worthy enough to represent their best interests, an individual that’s closely aligned to their way of thinking.

As you might already know, voting doesn’t only happen at the local, state and federal levels. It also occurs in organizations, schools and, just in case you haven’t realized, it also happens at a personal level.

Now you might be thinking, personal level?

Yes, at a personal level.

You see, when you vote for someone, by pulling a lever, pushing a button, or filling out a ballot, you’re taking an action with the hope that somehow, your life will improve. If this was not the case, then not only you, but no one would vote.

Think about that for a moment?

How does this apply to you at a personal level?

Well, I’m glad you asked.

You see, you’re voting every day. Through your thoughts and actions, you’re voting for the kind of person you want to represent you.

Yes, you’re voting for yourself.

You’re voting for yourself with the hope that you will improve your own life. But at times you forget this is true, and just like in an election, you kind of hope someone else will do it for you. Unfortunately, that rarely happens.

You’ve already been elected to represent yourself. How you choose to think and act are the votes you’ll cast on a consistent basis that will ultimately determine how you govern yourself. Vote wisely.

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You’re almost there.

Where? You might ask.

Well, I’m really not sure.

But I’m sure of one thing.

You’re almost ready to take your next breath.

If you pay attention you can feel it coming on.

You can feel the sweet cold air flowing through your nose and into your lungs, and then the ever so gentle lowering of your ribcage as you exhale.

I can almost feel it with you.

What a beautiful sensation.

How lucky you are to have made it to your next breath

Lucky?

Well, what would have been the other option?

The seemingly simple act of you breathing in and exhaling out is what’s allowing you to experience life. And although each breath should be appreciated and even celebrated, they’re almost all taken for granted.

So why not stop for a moment and just appreciate the next one coming along?

Here, I’ll do it with you.

.

.

.

How did that feel?

Now if you can find a few brief moments during your day to appreciate your breath you’ll find that it’s almost like hitting pause on your day. You can slow down whatever it is that you’re doing just by focusing on your breathing. Another added benefit is that you’ll also experience a sense of calm and centering. This can be especially helpful if you’re experiencing a stressful situation or emotional tumult because with every breath you’ll experience a passing moment, and whatever it is you’re going through will eventually end, and you’ll know that you’re almost there.

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Step aside please; I’m trying to get through.

That’s not me talking; it’s a little voice in your head.

It’s the version of you that’s trying to breakthrough.

At times you’ll find yourself to be your own worst enemy. You’ll find that you sabotage yourself from accomplishing the things you want to, or know you can.

But why do you do this?

Because you’re afraid.

Of what?

Well, it depends.

You might fear that you’ll leave behind the people you love. Or you fear the unknown of the different or new you.

So what do you do?

You stand in your own way.

And then you make excuses to others and to yourself about why you can’t pursue what you want to.

Imagine for a moment what your life could look like if you unlocked your total potential. If you mustered enough courage to pursue at least a few of the things you’re interested in.

Oh, and before you ask. No, I’m not suggesting you abandon your responsibilities and pursue every passion on a whim.

Look, I understand if you’re not ready to totally step aside and get out of your own way because I know that the idea of doing so can be daunting. But at least occasionally give it a try. No one has to know but you, especially if you step aside a little at a time. And eventually you’ll get used to the new you, and so will those around you.

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Every emotion you feel is energy.

It’s energy that starts in your mind and if you pay really close attention you can actually feel it move through your body.

Studies have shown that an emotion only has a life span of about 30 to 90 seconds. That’s probably as long as most adults can hold their breath.

So then why does an emotion seem to last longer?

Because you feed it.

You send energy to the emotion, giving it additional life. And in many cases, just as it begins to subside, you feed it again.

Why do you do this?

Well, I can’t answer that for you, but I can speculate.

You do this because you feel justified in doing so.

Because at some level you’re benefitting from the reward the emotion is giving you.

There’s an old Cherokee parable that illustrates my point beautifully.

An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life…

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

“One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.

“The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

“This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,

“Which wolf will win?”

The old chief simply replied,

“The one you feed.”

So which emotions are you going to feed, and for how long?

Fortunately for you, that’s a choice you get to make throughout your day.

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What did you mean when you said…?

May I please have some clarification?

Or, I can just jump to my own conclusion, which may or may not be correct.

When left to one’s own interpretation, the waters of understanding can get murky very quickly.

You see, very often there’s a distinct difference in what’s being said and what you hear. Just to be clear, this is not your fault. It’s just that because of your compounded experiences you’re prone to hear certain things over others, which in turn also leads you to be more sensitive to some words and phrases.

Although good communication should be considered a shared responsibility, rarely is much attention paid to how we communicate. Very few people actually study communication and just assume that they are communicating clearly, and the things they say will be understood or even worse, should be understood by everyone.

But time and time again there’s evidence to the contrary.

That’s why you’ll so often hear, ‘that’s not what I said,’ and ‘that’s not what I meant.’

So how do you weave your way through this minefield of miscommunication?

You suspend your thinking. Or, even better, you hold back your judgement. You assume that the majority of people talking to you have good intentions and are not out to harm or hurt you emotionally.

Sound difficult?

That’s because it is.

But if you think about it long enough you’ll realize that it’s to your benefit to do so. Because when someone says something that hurts you or that you don’t like, it’s you feeling the pain, not them.

So the next time you find yourself in the middle of a misunderstanding over something someone said to you, try not to judge and with all honesty, seek clarification before assuming mal intent. And hopefully, they’ll learn to do the same for you too.

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