Raj Daniels

When was the last time you painted by numbers?

Remember how the instructions clearly stated which color matched a number so you knew the correct color to be used on every part of the picture until, voila! You had a perfect piece of art.

What would have happened if the picture was incorrectly labeled?

You would still end up with a finished product, but it wouldn’t look like you expected it to.

Well, life is kind of like that.

You have an image in your mind about how life should be.

And you think you have all the colors.

But at times, the numbers are elusive.

Sometimes, you see them; at other times, they won’t appear until after you’ve painted.

And no one really knows which numbers and colors are matched together.

Your colors and numbers are unique to you.

Looking at your neighbor’s life is of little help to you since their colors and numbers differ from yours.

The beauty is that it’s your life, and you are painting your own original work of art, and although at times it might feel as though your life is similar to others, it’s still very different.

Your colors are your experiences, perspectives, skills, and talents.

So, use them all to create your own masterpiece.

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How’s that for a controversial title?

What do you think?

Is my statement incorrect?

Is your brain racing to search for examples of people from history or someone you know that you believe was wrong for sure?

I’ll help you out by taking some of the pressure of your brain.

Nobody ‘thinks’ they are wrong.

Is that better?

I hope we’re friends again.

What I’m attempting to convey is that nobody can ever really see the entire picture.

Everyone has their own perspective on what they believe to be real and true. And that makes is almost impossible to say if someone is really wrong.

I’m not making moral judgements on behavior here because even those are loaded with personal and cultural biases.

Your view on what is right and wrong is based upon the accumulation of your own experiences which are unique to you and only you.

So the next time you begin to judge someone as being wrong, try to pause for a moment just to remind yourself that you probably have no idea why they’re behaving the way they are.

And if after you pause you still feel that they’re wrong then feel free to let them have a piece of your mind.

But be prepared.

They might think you’re wrong for doing so.

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Cookie cutter.

Flawless.

Made to specifications.

Mass-produced.

Life is none of the above.

It’s different.

It can be messy.

There are no instructions that work all the time.

There are no guarantees.

Nothing is promised.

Not for you or anyone else.

And that’s the beauty of it.

That’s what provides you with the variety of emotions you experience.

Without sadness, you wouldn’t know what happiness feels like.

If you don’t experience anger, then you wouldn’t know the beauty that is calmness.

If you don’t know hate, you won’t recognize love.

Because of all your different experiences, you can really learn to appreciate the full range of emotions you have.

So don’t shy away from your emotions.

They’re not wrong; they are giving you a perspective. They add color to your life.

And remember, whatever emotion it is that you’re feeling, there’s always another one waiting for you at the other end of your experience.

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What would happen if you built a birdhouse and birds didn’t appreciate it?

Would you chastise the birds?

Sound a little ridiculous?

Well.

In your life, who do you do things for?

What happens if they don’t appreciate what you do?

Getting caught up in the outcome of your actions is a slippery road to travel, especially when you feel you are doing something for someone else. Because the reality is that even when you do something for someone, you do it to feel good about yourself.

Doing things for others helps you solidify your identity as a good person. It reinforces that you’re the kind of person that does things for others.

Who am I really doing this for is an excellent question to ask yourself.

If you can find a way to derive pleasure and satisfaction from the act of doing and not from the outcome, you can possibly alleviate a lot of heartache.

The next time you build a metaphoric birdhouse, try to enjoy the process. Take pride in your work and the fact that you build beautiful birdhouses, even if the birds never appreciate it.

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How many imperfect decisions do you make every day?

If you’re like most people, I would guess you make many of them. But you don’t realize that they’re imperfect because they seem trivial.

The breakfast you eat.

The car you drive.

The clothes you wear.

The kind of shampoo you use.

And many more, just like these, are all imperfect decisions.

But you’re okay with these decisions because, in your mind, they are, to some extent, easily correctable.

The people you see and perhaps even admire doing great things in their lives are also making imperfect decisions.

They’re just willing to make them on a grander scale.

You might see them change careers, experiment with big ideas, or relocate thousands of miles from their homes, all based on imperfect information.

They have learned to get used to making imperfect decisions because they realize they rarely have all the information needed to make a perfect decision.

You, too, will rarely have all the information you need to make a perfect decision, and the interesting thing about information is that it can also change with circumstances and time.

So, if you find yourself stuck in an area of life that you want to change, don’t wait for more or better information.

Start making imperfect decisions.

And remember, everything you see around you was made by people who knew they had to start with imperfect decisions.

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What is your definition of independence?

Is there any such thing as real independence?

The dictionary definition of independence is -freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like of others.

In my opinion, if you agree with the definition, then there really is no such thing as independence.

Perhaps there is some truth to freedom from control, but the control doesn’t often disappear; it just moves from one controlling entity to another.

And as far as influence and support, well, we’re all being influenced and supported to some degree by our environment.

Maybe we should pronounce the word differently, perhaps a little slower.

How about in-dependence?

The reality is that we are all in dependence of something.

So, instead of feeling as though we as individuals can survive without all that is around us because we feel that we are independent – we learn to love and respect all because we understand that we are, in fact, in dependence on everything and everyone around us.

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How long would it take you to watch an unedited version of a movie?

Well, it would depend on the movie.

I was surprised to learn that sometimes it can run as high as a 240 to 1 ratio.

What does this mean?

Well, I’m glad you asked.

In one example, it means that there were 480 hours of raw footage time that were shot to produce a viewing time of 2 hours.

In essence, it would take you 20 days to watch the unedited version of the movie.

So, how does this apply to you?

As you go through your day looking at and interacting with people around you, all you see is the edited versions of their lives.

You don’t see or experience the raw footage.

And you make assumptions about them based only on what you briefly see.

Then, you look at the raw version of your life and make comparisons based on that thinly sliced picture of their life.

The edited version of someone’s life is always cleanly cut and stitched together to provide you with a pleasurable viewing experience. And in many cases, if they’re not doing the editing, then your brain is doing it for you.

It’s difficult not to draw conclusions from what you see because your brain is wired to do so. But you’ll be much more content in your life if you can teach yourself not to draw comparisons between the unedited version of your life versus the edited version of theirs.

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How many types of bread can you think of?

Your answer is probably not even close to the number of different kinds of bread that exist.

There are countless recipes to make bread, and cultures worldwide make some form of bread based on the ingredients available to them.

And the equipment used to make the bread also varies from state-of-the-art ovens to open fireplaces.

Well, your life is like a different and unique bread recipe.

You might be advised about paths to take and what to do, but the people advising you don’t have the same equipment or ingredients you have access to.

In essence, each life is a different recipe.

Now, like bread, there are some similarities, but even a slight variation in ingredients and temperature will result in a very different product.

And the same applies to you.

If you find yourself confused or frustrated because you feel as though you’ve got the right ingredients and have taken all the ‘correct’ steps but haven’t seen the same results as others, then realize that no matter what you do, your results in life will be unique to your equipment and ingredients.

So, instead of fighting your uniqueness, leverage it and be the best bread you can be.

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What will you regret later in life?

This is a hard question to answer since it falls in the ‘you don’t know what you don’t know’ category.

But what if there was a way to know?

Perhaps not 100%, but close enough to make a difference.

Well, there might be.

In the past few years, I’ve been extremely fortunate to have spent some time with individuals who are in their 70s, 80s, and even a few in their 90s, and I’ve seen some common themes of regret among them.

The one most mentioned is not spending enough time with family, especially those with children. They say that those first few years with their children slipped away much quicker than they thought they would, and they were rarely able to recover their relationships.

A close second is they wished they dared to be more vocal with their opinions. This should come as no surprise if you’ve spent any time around the elderly. They tend to say what’s on their mind and don’t seem to care what others think about them. This might be because they know their time is limited and realize the repercussions no longer matter. 

The last one I’ll share is many of them wish they had taken more chances, said yes to more opportunities during their life, and prioritized some of their dreams and interests.

There are many more, but I’m only sharing the ones I’ve heard most often.

I share these with you not with any guarantee you won’t have any regrets, but at least make you aware and maybe prevent you from having similar regrets later in your life.

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What is your self-worth tied to?

Is it tied to your effort or outcomes?

Do you put your self-worth in the hands of others?

Your self-worth is a very delicate thing to manage because no matter how hard you try, you’ll almost always be comparing yourself to those around you.

You can feel comfortable knowing that it’s very rare to find an individual that doesn’t experience doubts about their self-worth no matter how confident they might seem to be.

A constant comparison to those around you is a killer of your self-worth because you’re tying your worth to their lives.

The interesting thing about self-worth is that the better you feel about yourself, the better you’ll show up in the world.

Building a sense of inner confidence, security and a feeling of worthiness about who you are will give you a richer, fuller life experience.

A strong self-worth will permit you to attempt to do more things in life because you won’t judge yourself as ‘less than’ if you don’t always succeed.

Working on building your self-worth is a worthy mission.

When you learn respect and regard your self-worth as something you value then you’ll begin to notice that those around you will begin to value you too.

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Are you a finisher?

Do you have to complete everything you start?

Does the idea of something being unfinished cause you anxiety?

The compulsion to bring everything to a conclusion might be holding you back, especially when it comes to creative endeavors.

If you speak to any creative, whether they are an artist, musician, or writer, they’ll all tell you that they have many unfinished projects.

Yes, there are always exceptions that see every project through to completion, but the majority, if given the opportunity to confess truly, will show you vast amounts of unfinished work.

So why do they have so much unfinished work?

Because they’re not afraid to start.

When they feel inspiration strike, they act, without a clear path ahead.  Often uncertain of what will happen next, they put pen to paper, brush to canvas, and start.

But they know a secret that many don’t.

Each additional action they take leads them closer to more finished work.

They know that all the dabbling and scribbling, the trying and the failing strengthens their resolve to try some more.

So if you’re the kind of person who has to bring every project to conclusion, then good for you.

But every once in a while, see if you can quash the need to have everything wrapped up with a nice little bow and try a few different things, even if eventually you’ll leave them unfinished.

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One brush.

One color.

One pen.

One sheet of paper.

What can you produce with just your mind and a limited set of tools?

Art – Da Vinci’s famous Vitruvian man created with a limited set of tools.

Books – The Bible, Gita, Quran, and Torah have influenced billions of people, and all were created with a limited set of tools.

Buildings – The Pyramids and the Taj Mahal have stood the test of time and were created with a limited set of tools.

Better tools or more tools are very often not the answer.

In fact, the idea that you need better tools is usually either a form of procrastination or an excuse for not starting.

And, once you begin with what you have you will eventually learn what more you might need, but very rarely will more sophisticated tools help you get started.

So get started with as little as possible and remember your imagination is unlimited so don’t let a limited amount of tools hold you back.

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Have you ever been around a hot mic?

If you have, then you know the potential of being overheard.

If you’re wondering what a hot mic is, then let me help you out.

A hot mic is a microphone that’s on and is ready to broadcast or record.

So, how would you behave if you knew there was always a hot mic nearby?

Would it change what you said out loud?

How would you talk about people if you knew there might be a chance they’d find out what you said about them?

If you’re willing to say out loud what’s on your mind and are not concerned about the consequences, then you have nothing to fear from hot mics.

But if not, then be aware.

Technology is currently on a path where you can expect there to always be a hot mic nearby. And there’s no guarantee that what you discuss and say in private, will remain private.

So, if you’re already in the habit of speaking about things you wouldn’t mind being heard, then good for you. But if not, then now might be a good time to start.

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There’s a great way to failure-proof your life.

It takes years to perfect but if you work really hard at it you’ll soon become an expert.

So, are you ready to become an expert in failure proofing?

Are you willing to put in the time?

Are you ready to follow every instruction?

Are you ready to sacrifice your life in order to become failure-proof?

Are you ready to commit?

Don’t read on until you’re really ready to do so.

Ready.

Set.

Stop.

That’s right.

Stop.

Don’t move.

Not even a muscle.

Just stay right where you are.

I guarantee you’ll never fail.

Unless of course, you fall over, because then you’ve failed at being still.

Look, the reality is that if you’re human then failure is inevitable. However, the stories you create around failure are up to you.

Tripping and falling while walking is technically failing at walking, but you’d get back up and continue walking and probably wouldn’t think twice about it. That’s because, in your mind, the story you tell yourself about tripping while walking is that it’s just part of the process.

Well, so is failure in other parts of your life.

It’s just part of the process.

So don’t work on failure proofing.

Work on resilience.

Change your perspective of failure and see it as learning, as experience, and not as something that prevents you from trying.

Realize that attempting to failure proof your life is a fool’s errand, and is ultimately impossible.

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Look around you.

They’re all just like you.

Yes, colors, shapes, sizes, and even genders might differ, but deep down, they’re just like you.

Their concerns and fears.

Their needs and wants.

Their desires and discomforts.

Their insecurities.

Almost all are similar to yours.

Even the ones you put on a pedestal.

The ones you think are better than you.

The ones you disdain.

The ones you think you’re better than.

They’re just like you.

And just like you, none of them escape the emotions and feelings involved in being a human.

At times you might feel as though it’s only you experiencing a certain set of feelings, but know that many of those around you have probably also experienced similar emotions.

So as you go about your day undulating between waves of highs and lows, have grace and patience with all who are around you, because just like you, they’re in the same boat too.

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Have you discovered your calling?

If yes, then fantastic!

Know that there are very few people that find their calling early in life and if you’re one of them then appreciate the fact that you’re in a very distinct minority.

However, if you’re still on a journey of discovery then keep reading.

Keep in mind that a calling is not something you’re obligated to pursue, and many don’t due to their circumstances or because it’s not a priority for them.

You’ll know when you’ve found your calling because you’ll feel enthusiastic and alive when you’re doing it.

Money, recognition, nor time will be of importance to you because you’re operating in full alignment.

Finding your calling does require work, but not necessarily physical labor. It requires the work of attention and recognition.

You need to work at paying attention to subtle signals inside of you that will tell you when you’re close to your calling.

If you listen, you’ll find that your life will keep giving you clues to your calling, such as interests or ideas that keep showing up, or even dreams.

You’ll need to make space in your life if you really want to find your calling, but you’ll find that if you do, discovering your calling will be well worth the effort.

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Have you ever witnessed the power of incremental change?

Incremental change is a wonderful phenomenon; however, you must be vigilant because incremental change can work both for you and against you.

Incremental change requires your attention and patience.

A plane that is slightly off course will never reach its destination. But, one that’s constantly correcting by making small changes will eventually arrive at the desired location.

The challenge with incremental change is that you and those closest to you won’t see it happening since most people only tend to believe what they see. And this is when you need patience.

Incremental change is like the power of compound interest. If you work on yourself and have faith, one morning you’ll wake up and realize just how much you’ve changed.

Don’t undervalue the power of incremental change. Leverage it with intention to achieve the big goals in your life.

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What does it feel like to run an obstacle course?

Well, if you’re reading this, then you are a participant in the greatest obstacle course ever made.

It’s called life.

Many of the obstacles you encounter will be unique to you. Some will be real, and others will be manufactured by your own psychology.

And as long as you’re alive, the obstacles will never stop.

They will come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.

Some you will be able to manage with ease, and others will take more practice and time.

Occasionally, it might look as though your fellow participants have easier obstacles than you do, but that’s rarely true.

Unfortunately, there’s no real way to avoid obstacles, and you’ll find that if you try, there’ll be another waiting for you around the corner.

The faster you learn to face and deal with your obstacles head-on, the more skilled you’ll become at handling new obstacles in the future.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, keep in mind that life is going to provide you with plenty of obstacles to deal with, so there’s no need to burden yourself further by making up your own obstacles in your mind.

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Have you heard the phrase, looking at the world through rose-colored glasses?

Apparently, the origin of this phrase began during the Civil War when wounded soldiers battling depression were given rose-colored glasses as treatment in order to see things in a more positive light.

But this doesn’t just work on vision.

It can also work for your mind.

What you listen to, read, and watch all have an impact on how you see the world.

How would your days and nights be different if you intentionally book-ended them with good, positive, uplifting information, practices, and thoughts?

You can choose to do this not as an escape from reality, but as a decision to frame your own reality.

And who’s to say that the information you currently consume isn’t just someone else’s version of reality that you accept without validation?

Practice creating a rose-colored glasses regiment for your mind, and enjoy seeing your world through a more positive light.

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Have you ever played a game without rules?

A game where you make up the rules as you go along?

If you watch children play, you’ll see that they make up rules for games all the time. And very often they’ll change or make new ones as they go along.

But the most interesting thing is that when they do change the rules it’s usually in their favor.

You can do the same for yourself.

You don’t have to abide by all the rules that are presented to you.

You do have choices.

Learn to challenge rules, if not physically then at least in your head. Ask yourself why this rule exists.

Rules are often made to create some form of order, but they are at times also created to benefit one group over another.

Breaking rules can have consequences, but you’ll find that at times the consequences will actually be in your favor. Often if you push hard enough, you’ll learn about exceptions to the rules, so why not be that exception?

Your life is your game to play.

Learn to make your own rules when you can, because at least then you’ll know the rules will be in your best interest.

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