Raj Daniels

Why do you expect them to understand you?

They don’t see what you see.

They don’t hear what you hear.

They don’t think what you think.

They don’t feel what you feel.

Your experiences are unique to you.

You will never be exactly aligned with anyone you know.

The sooner you realize this the freer you will be.

This doesn’t mean your life will be without challenges, but it does mean that you’ll find solutions that’ll be uniquely suited to your personality.

The best thing about living true to yourself is that you will begin to attract people that accept, appreciate and enjoy who you are.

And again, they might not always understand you, but that’s okay because you probably won’t understand them either.

If you’ve spent any time with computers or smartphones then you’ve seen a message that says something similar to ‘New Update Available.’

The manufacturer of the product you’re using is constantly updating the hardware and software of your device to provide you with optimum performance; this is especially true about the Operating System or OS of your device.

The OS is the computers version of a foundation. If the OS has problems then it doesn’t matter how great any of the software you install is, it will not perform to the best of its ability.

The same applies to you.

It will not matter how much education you acquire, books you read, information you gather, if you’re not constantly updating your own OS.

Your health and your mind are your OS and if you don’t take the time to work on them then you will be unable to perform to the best of your ability.

Take steps to work on yourself because you will not receive any messages about new updates being available, but you will begin to experience poor performance.

Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Create a minimum care plan for yourself, things that you can do for yourself on a regular basis. Think of the plan as new updates for your own OS.

Unlike your device your health and mind are the only ones you’ll have, so keep them as healthy as possible.

The first wealth is health. Ralph Waldo Emerson

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How do you get out of a rut?

How do you stop doing what you always do?

You start by stopping.

If you’ve ever had the wheels of your car stuck in mud then you know that the best thing to do is not to keep spinning your wheels.  The best things to do is stop and assess the situation and perhaps rock the car back and forth or put something under your tires to give you traction.

You can use similar tactics to get unstuck in life.

Rocking a car back and forth requires help from others and you probably wouldn’t hesitate to ask for help, then why hesitate when it comes to your life?

Reaching out for professional help in any area of your life is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of maturity and strength.

There are unlimited resources that can help you free yourself from whatever rut you’re stuck in. So, the sooner you stop spinning your wheels and get help, the sooner you’ll be unstuck and on your way again.

Are you ready for the unpredictable?

Ok, you can unfurrow your brows now.

Obviously you can’t be ready for the unpredictable because you don’t know what’s going to happen next.

Or can you?

What if there was a way to always be prepared for the unpredictable?

What if you could find a way to remain steady in the face of unpredictability?

There’s always a gap in time or space between an unpredictable event and your response, and you can learn to manage that space.

The key is to make the moments between the event and your response work to your advantage. And it starts with a decision.

Although at times it might not seem as though you don’t have time to decide how you’re going to respond, the reality is that you do. It’s just that in most cases you default to how you’ve always responded.

Practice not responding. Literally when you see or hear something, don’t respond.  Or respond in the opposite to how you would normally do so.

Quick caveat, you don’t have to tell anyone you’re doing this. This is just practice for you.

The more you practice the better you’ll become at handling unpredictable situations because you’ll learn that almost always it’s your response to the event rather than the event itself.

Also keep in mind that you’re already great at handling the unpredictable, it’s just the size of the unpredictable events that throws most people off.

How do you handle the ambiguity of life?

The times when the answers are along the lines of sometimes this will happen and at other times something else will occur.

Even the best, highest paid and brightest amongst us don’t know how things will turn out for sure.

What they can provide is their best educated guess in the moment. If you listen carefully you can hear them hedging their sentences with a sometimes this will happen and this is what we’re hoping for.

They use the word ‘sometimes’ sparingly knowing that you don’t want to hear them say it because you might lose confidence in them, but in their hearts they know that very little of what they do has any guarantees.

Life is all about ambiguity and although feeling sure about an outcome feels good; your feeling is only a mirage.

Learn to live and be comfortable not knowing what will happen next. After all, one aspect of life’s beauty is its ability to continuously surprise you.

Is there a limit to amount of food you can consume in a day before you get sick?

How do you know when you’ve eaten too much?

For most people their stomach sends a message to their brain saying there’s no more room in here, I need a break, and then it works on digesting the food.

What about your brain?

When it’s full where does it send a message saying that it needs a break and time to digest all the information it’s being fed?

Your brain might seem like a vessel with endless capacity, but it too needs time to collect itself and process all the information it’s fed.

Now you might say that your brain will process while you’re sleeping, and that’s true but why not give it some breaks throughout the day too.

Take breaks for your brain the same way you take breaks between meals.

You don’t have sit around for hours between activities but just a few minutes of focused breathing can be a wonderful reset for your brain between tasks.

Your brain breaks can also lead you to have new ideas and perspectives because you’re giving yourself time to digest all the information you’ve consumed.

Practice treating your brain the way you treat your stomach, and give it the breaks it deserves and needs.

Would you like a magic key to help you achieve your future goals?

Then memorize this question.

In fact say it out loud.

If I can do this then what else can I do?

Maybe it’s not quite a magical key but it will help build your inner confidence, and building your confidence to pursue new goals is half the battle.

The next time you come up against a challenge, obstacle or have a new goal, think about something you’ve succeeded in doing in your past. And don’t worry about the how big or small the goal was because if you begin to diminish the goal then by default you will diminish your confidence.

Remember how you approached your previous challenge and focus on how it felt once you had accomplished it.

The exercise of going back in to your memory enables you to shine a light on your natural talents and strengths which you can then re-apply on towards your new goals.

Use the key of building on your past wins and learn to leverage them to help you accomplish your future goals.

When does suffering come easy?

The idea of suffering being easy is probably not something you’re used to thinking about but yet it’s true for so many.

You see, suffering can sometimes be easy because change is hard.

So many suffer in poor health, bad relationships, spiritual emptiness and so many other areas of life because it’s easier than doing the work required to create change in their lives.

Suffering can be easier because there are endless external factors than can be blamed for the suffering. If the decision is made to change then the responsibility shifts from things that can’t be controlled to things that can, and this can be a huge burden.

If there’s something you’re suffering through just because it’s become easier to do so, then perhaps now’s a good time to re-evaluate.

The idea of change might seem daunting at first but you don’t have to go all in at once, you can ease in to it at your own pace. And if you decide at some point that you don’t like the change then you can always go back to the ease of suffering.

What’s holding you back?

If you can read and understand this blog post.

If you can perform simple arithmetic.

If you can get out of bed.

You’re already half way there.

There are high school dropouts running billion dollar companies.

There are illiterate individuals create amazing works of art.

There are individuals with physical limitations accomplishing amazing feats, such as a blind person climbing Mount Everest.

These people don’t focus on their limitations; they focus on what’s possible.

If I asked you to play the drums, even without any official training you know what the basic moves are. You’d probably take the drumsticks and start beating the drums and that’s the first 50% of playing the drums.

If I asked you to start a business, you’ve been in and around enough businesses to know the basic premise, now you just have to learn the details.

So learn to remove your internal limitations and view yourself in a new light.

Almost anything you want to do, you’re already half way there and have an understanding of the basic concepts, now all you need to do is fine tune and learn the other half.

What is Systems Engineering?

Well the official definition is “an interdisciplinary field of engineering and engineering management that focuses on how to design and manage complex systems over their life cycles.”

Now that’s a fancy definition.

All business organizations at their core are the same, they are all in business to make a profit. And they share many similar basic systems and functions but then they use systems engineering to customize and optimize to best suit their own organization.

People are also the same from DNA and functional perspective but then there’s customization when they find what works best for the individual.

So how does this apply to you?

Well, you’re a complex system and you need to learn to manage yourself over your own life cycle.

If you want to accomplish anything you need a system to do so. Now you can get things done in an ad-hoc, loose format but even that is a system.

An effective system is one that works for you.

STOP. Read the previous statement again.

Now you can adopt some elements of other people systems but there’s always going to be degree of customization based your own individual personality.

As your own system engineer you need to be able to identify your weaknesses so that you can best accommodate for them and your strengths so that you can leverage them quickly.

So awaken your inner engineer and start engineering systems that you can use to design a life customized just for you.

Shhhhhh.

Can you hear that?

It’s your mind.

What’s it saying?

What is that little voice in your head up to?

Is it on your side or against you?

Is it telling you all the things you can do, or is saying ‘you can‘t do that?’

Does it whisper ‘they’re watching you,’ so you better not mess up, or does it say ‘they’re always going to watch you so go ahead and give it your best shot?’

The little chatterbox in your head will never go away. Sometimes it might seem as though it’s gone quiet but it’s just waiting for the right opportunity to speak up. And you already know when that is, right when you’re about to ‘step out of line.’

So how do you handle the voice in your head?

You recognize it, appreciate it for its input and then decide what you want to do.

If what it’s saying moves you towards the kind of person you want to be and the life you want to live then great, but if not, then remind it that you’re the one in control.

Do you have a role model?

Is there someone that you look up to or try to emulate?

When you’re looking at someone as a role model it’s more than likely you’re admiring the results they’ve created for themselves.

If you ask people about role models many will rattle of names of famous people yet the majority of the best role models will be everyday people that no one has heard of.

Having a role model can be wonderful but it can also be tricky. Once you see someone in a particular light you tend to focus on their one or two outstanding traits that you admire. However, if they falter in other areas of their life it can be disheartening for you.

Modeling another person’s behavior is also extremely complicated and almost impossible because their individual genetic makeup is unique to them. However you can find ways to create similar results in your life by watching them and then leveraging your unique traits to do so.

Choose your role models carefully and don’t forget their journeys are always different than yours. And keep in mind that you too someday might have the responsibility of being a role model for someone else.

Have you ever seen a tree grow?

You see trees all around you and you know they grow but you never see them do so.

How much time would you give a tree to grow to its full height and width, until all the branches fill out to their full potential?

What about you?

How much time to reach your full potential?

When do you think you stop growing, not physically but mentally?

When do the branches of your mind stop being able to learn or generate new ideas?

Science has proven that barring any medical condition you can continue to grow new brain cells even in old age.

Your potential to learn is only limited by you.

Yes, it might take you longer than someone else to learn but that’s okay. If you’re committed and can reconcile that learning is an individual skill not and should not viewed as a race then you can learn anything you want to.

Don’t worry about how old you are or who’s ahead of you or behind you. If you want to learn something then step and go for it. Every time you put your head down to study the branches in your brain are growing, and just like the tree you just can’t see them doing so.

How did we get here?

No, not just me and you, I mean all of us.

We walked.

That’s right. From the earliest days of evolution through current civilization, we humans got here by walking.

Now I could go in to the numerous health benefits of walking, but you’ve probably heard them all before, or if you haven’t then you can research them on your own. What I’m talking about is the emotional and mental benefits.

Walking has been recommended and praised by many great people as one of their keys to success. It’s been shown to promote creative thinking and provide emotional benefits too.

Many great ideas have been credited to taking a walk.  And I’m guessing it’s because taking a walk to think removes from your current environment, provides your brain with often much needed fresh air and gives you an opportunity to change your perspective.

Another wonderful yet obvious fact about walking is that almost anyone can do it. You don’t need special equipment or clothing and can do it anywhere.

So the next time you find yourself stuck on a problem or perhaps in a swirl of emotions that are draining your brain, don’t just sit there and stew in your mind. Get up, get out and take a walk.

Are you an emotional vending machine?

Do people know exactly which one of your buttons to push in order to get you to react?

It doesn’t need to be this way.

In fact you can surprise them by changing your emotions in the same way vending machines can be re-stocked with different merchandise.

Your emotional responses are something you’ve adapted over time. At some point in your life you decided that if A happened then you would respond with B. And maybe this kind of behavior served you well at one point in life. Maybe it allowed you to protect yourself or get ahead.

But what if it’s no longer beneficial?

What if your emotional reactions are now eroding your relationships?

If you’re tired of people pushing your buttons, or if your emotional reactions are no longer serving you well then perhaps it’s time for you change your emotional inventory.

Try it for a few days and see what happens. If you don’t like it you can always re-stock your old emotional responses.

Have you ever experienced this moment in time before?

Will you ever experience it again?

Any challenge or problems that you’re currently experiencing is unique to your set of circumstances and the moment in which you are experiencing them. And this applies to everyone.

Everyone is figuring it out as they move along their own journeys.

At times it might look as though other people have it all figured out but they don’t.

New solutions to problems that never existed and new ideas are continuously being generated to cope and attempt to keep up with new challenges. This is just how life is.

Some might tell you that they have the answers your problems but what they have is the answers to the problems that they were able to solve in their past.

This is not to say that seeking advice is bad, it’s just that you can’t expect it to always work for you.

Your situation is always unique regardless of what you might hear or think.

So take comfort in knowing you’re not the only one stumbling through life and making it up as you go along. No one really has life figured out, and that’s what makes it interesting.

What are you being sold and told can be perfect?

Your body?

Your mind?

Your relationships?

Your career?

What does perfect look like, and according to whom?

The ideas of perfection change with time. Things that might be considered perfect today in one society can very well be shunned very soon by another.

If you continue to chase someone else’s view of perfection then all you will see is the imperfections in your own life. And the reality is that they aren’t imperfections, they are just part of life.

If you really feel the need to be perfect in one area of life then I suggest you choose to be perfectly kind. There’s very little downfall and people might begin to think you’re perfect.

Who do you think you’d like to be more like?

Who would you like your spouse or kids to emulate?

Who are your ‘heroes’?

Perhaps you admire someone that has made a lot of money, is a champion athlete, great business person or a great performer. The problem is that when you see that individual’s success you only see one small glimpse of who they are.

How often do you hear about a celebrity or someone you admire that’s fallen from grace and you’re surprised or even disappointed?

Wishing or wanting to be like someone else is a tricky proposition because your judgments are based what you think they’re like and not in their reality.

Focusing on only one sliver of an individual distorts your view of the entire picture. It’s like the old adage that if you stand really close to an elephant, you wouldn’t know it’s an elephant because you’d be too close to see the entire animal.

It’s great to admire talented individuals but then turn your attention back on yourself. Develop your own character by working on yourself. Learn to be the hero of your own story.

How far do you go to seek the approval of others?

What aspects of your own personality to do sacrifice in order to be accepted by others?

You do an injustice to yourself and the world every time you silence who you are in order for approval.

You are a unique individual and a large part of your uniqueness is how you express yourself. So don’t suffocate your own personality just to fit in.

It can be difficult at times being yourself but eventually you will find that doing so gives you a sense of power that you won’t find if you’re always trying to be the kind of person you think other people want you to be.

Seeking approval is deep in your DNA and goes back to the days when individuals were ostracized from tribes if they didn’t behave a certain way. And being unaccepted back then meant almost certain death. But today it doesn’t.

The fact is that it is easier than ever to find people that will accept you for you who are. They will be drawn to you because you have the courage to stand up and say this is who I am.

So don’t diminish who you are because you want the approval others. Be more of you and learn to approve of yourself.