Raj Daniels

How do you handle the ambiguity of life?

The times when the answers are along the lines of sometimes this will happen and at other times something else will occur.

Even the best, highest paid and brightest amongst us don’t know how things will turn out for sure.

What they can provide is their best educated guess in the moment. If you listen carefully you can hear them hedging their sentences with a sometimes this will happen and this is what we’re hoping for.

They use the word ‘sometimes’ sparingly knowing that you don’t want to hear them say it because you might lose confidence in them, but in their hearts they know that very little of what they do has any guarantees.

Life is all about ambiguity and although feeling sure about an outcome feels good; your feeling is only a mirage.

Learn to live and be comfortable not knowing what will happen next. After all, one aspect of life’s beauty is its ability to continuously surprise you.

Is there a limit to amount of food you can consume in a day before you get sick?

How do you know when you’ve eaten too much?

For most people their stomach sends a message to their brain saying there’s no more room in here, I need a break, and then it works on digesting the food.

What about your brain?

When it’s full where does it send a message saying that it needs a break and time to digest all the information it’s being fed?

Your brain might seem like a vessel with endless capacity, but it too needs time to collect itself and process all the information it’s fed.

Now you might say that your brain will process while you’re sleeping, and that’s true but why not give it some breaks throughout the day too.

Take breaks for your brain the same way you take breaks between meals.

You don’t have sit around for hours between activities but just a few minutes of focused breathing can be a wonderful reset for your brain between tasks.

Your brain breaks can also lead you to have new ideas and perspectives because you’re giving yourself time to digest all the information you’ve consumed.

Practice treating your brain the way you treat your stomach, and give it the breaks it deserves and needs.

Would you like a magic key to help you achieve your future goals?

Then memorize this question.

In fact say it out loud.

If I can do this then what else can I do?

Maybe it’s not quite a magical key but it will help build your inner confidence, and building your confidence to pursue new goals is half the battle.

The next time you come up against a challenge, obstacle or have a new goal, think about something you’ve succeeded in doing in your past. And don’t worry about the how big or small the goal was because if you begin to diminish the goal then by default you will diminish your confidence.

Remember how you approached your previous challenge and focus on how it felt once you had accomplished it.

The exercise of going back in to your memory enables you to shine a light on your natural talents and strengths which you can then re-apply on towards your new goals.

Use the key of building on your past wins and learn to leverage them to help you accomplish your future goals.

When does suffering come easy?

The idea of suffering being easy is probably not something you’re used to thinking about but yet it’s true for so many.

You see, suffering can sometimes be easy because change is hard.

So many suffer in poor health, bad relationships, spiritual emptiness and so many other areas of life because it’s easier than doing the work required to create change in their lives.

Suffering can be easier because there are endless external factors than can be blamed for the suffering. If the decision is made to change then the responsibility shifts from things that can’t be controlled to things that can, and this can be a huge burden.

If there’s something you’re suffering through just because it’s become easier to do so, then perhaps now’s a good time to re-evaluate.

The idea of change might seem daunting at first but you don’t have to go all in at once, you can ease in to it at your own pace. And if you decide at some point that you don’t like the change then you can always go back to the ease of suffering.

What’s holding you back?

If you can read and understand this blog post.

If you can perform simple arithmetic.

If you can get out of bed.

You’re already half way there.

There are high school dropouts running billion dollar companies.

There are illiterate individuals create amazing works of art.

There are individuals with physical limitations accomplishing amazing feats, such as a blind person climbing Mount Everest.

These people don’t focus on their limitations; they focus on what’s possible.

If I asked you to play the drums, even without any official training you know what the basic moves are. You’d probably take the drumsticks and start beating the drums and that’s the first 50% of playing the drums.

If I asked you to start a business, you’ve been in and around enough businesses to know the basic premise, now you just have to learn the details.

So learn to remove your internal limitations and view yourself in a new light.

Almost anything you want to do, you’re already half way there and have an understanding of the basic concepts, now all you need to do is fine tune and learn the other half.

What is Systems Engineering?

Well the official definition is “an interdisciplinary field of engineering and engineering management that focuses on how to design and manage complex systems over their life cycles.”

Now that’s a fancy definition.

All business organizations at their core are the same, they are all in business to make a profit. And they share many similar basic systems and functions but then they use systems engineering to customize and optimize to best suit their own organization.

People are also the same from DNA and functional perspective but then there’s customization when they find what works best for the individual.

So how does this apply to you?

Well, you’re a complex system and you need to learn to manage yourself over your own life cycle.

If you want to accomplish anything you need a system to do so. Now you can get things done in an ad-hoc, loose format but even that is a system.

An effective system is one that works for you.

STOP. Read the previous statement again.

Now you can adopt some elements of other people systems but there’s always going to be degree of customization based your own individual personality.

As your own system engineer you need to be able to identify your weaknesses so that you can best accommodate for them and your strengths so that you can leverage them quickly.

So awaken your inner engineer and start engineering systems that you can use to design a life customized just for you.

Shhhhhh.

Can you hear that?

It’s your mind.

What’s it saying?

What is that little voice in your head up to?

Is it on your side or against you?

Is it telling you all the things you can do, or is saying ‘you can‘t do that?’

Does it whisper ‘they’re watching you,’ so you better not mess up, or does it say ‘they’re always going to watch you so go ahead and give it your best shot?’

The little chatterbox in your head will never go away. Sometimes it might seem as though it’s gone quiet but it’s just waiting for the right opportunity to speak up. And you already know when that is, right when you’re about to ‘step out of line.’

So how do you handle the voice in your head?

You recognize it, appreciate it for its input and then decide what you want to do.

If what it’s saying moves you towards the kind of person you want to be and the life you want to live then great, but if not, then remind it that you’re the one in control.

Do you have a role model?

Is there someone that you look up to or try to emulate?

When you’re looking at someone as a role model it’s more than likely you’re admiring the results they’ve created for themselves.

If you ask people about role models many will rattle of names of famous people yet the majority of the best role models will be everyday people that no one has heard of.

Having a role model can be wonderful but it can also be tricky. Once you see someone in a particular light you tend to focus on their one or two outstanding traits that you admire. However, if they falter in other areas of their life it can be disheartening for you.

Modeling another person’s behavior is also extremely complicated and almost impossible because their individual genetic makeup is unique to them. However you can find ways to create similar results in your life by watching them and then leveraging your unique traits to do so.

Choose your role models carefully and don’t forget their journeys are always different than yours. And keep in mind that you too someday might have the responsibility of being a role model for someone else.

Have you ever seen a tree grow?

You see trees all around you and you know they grow but you never see them do so.

How much time would you give a tree to grow to its full height and width, until all the branches fill out to their full potential?

What about you?

How much time to reach your full potential?

When do you think you stop growing, not physically but mentally?

When do the branches of your mind stop being able to learn or generate new ideas?

Science has proven that barring any medical condition you can continue to grow new brain cells even in old age.

Your potential to learn is only limited by you.

Yes, it might take you longer than someone else to learn but that’s okay. If you’re committed and can reconcile that learning is an individual skill not and should not viewed as a race then you can learn anything you want to.

Don’t worry about how old you are or who’s ahead of you or behind you. If you want to learn something then step and go for it. Every time you put your head down to study the branches in your brain are growing, and just like the tree you just can’t see them doing so.

How did we get here?

No, not just me and you, I mean all of us.

We walked.

That’s right. From the earliest days of evolution through current civilization, we humans got here by walking.

Now I could go in to the numerous health benefits of walking, but you’ve probably heard them all before, or if you haven’t then you can research them on your own. What I’m talking about is the emotional and mental benefits.

Walking has been recommended and praised by many great people as one of their keys to success. It’s been shown to promote creative thinking and provide emotional benefits too.

Many great ideas have been credited to taking a walk.  And I’m guessing it’s because taking a walk to think removes from your current environment, provides your brain with often much needed fresh air and gives you an opportunity to change your perspective.

Another wonderful yet obvious fact about walking is that almost anyone can do it. You don’t need special equipment or clothing and can do it anywhere.

So the next time you find yourself stuck on a problem or perhaps in a swirl of emotions that are draining your brain, don’t just sit there and stew in your mind. Get up, get out and take a walk.

Are you an emotional vending machine?

Do people know exactly which one of your buttons to push in order to get you to react?

It doesn’t need to be this way.

In fact you can surprise them by changing your emotions in the same way vending machines can be re-stocked with different merchandise.

Your emotional responses are something you’ve adapted over time. At some point in your life you decided that if A happened then you would respond with B. And maybe this kind of behavior served you well at one point in life. Maybe it allowed you to protect yourself or get ahead.

But what if it’s no longer beneficial?

What if your emotional reactions are now eroding your relationships?

If you’re tired of people pushing your buttons, or if your emotional reactions are no longer serving you well then perhaps it’s time for you change your emotional inventory.

Try it for a few days and see what happens. If you don’t like it you can always re-stock your old emotional responses.

Have you ever experienced this moment in time before?

Will you ever experience it again?

Any challenge or problems that you’re currently experiencing is unique to your set of circumstances and the moment in which you are experiencing them. And this applies to everyone.

Everyone is figuring it out as they move along their own journeys.

At times it might look as though other people have it all figured out but they don’t.

New solutions to problems that never existed and new ideas are continuously being generated to cope and attempt to keep up with new challenges. This is just how life is.

Some might tell you that they have the answers your problems but what they have is the answers to the problems that they were able to solve in their past.

This is not to say that seeking advice is bad, it’s just that you can’t expect it to always work for you.

Your situation is always unique regardless of what you might hear or think.

So take comfort in knowing you’re not the only one stumbling through life and making it up as you go along. No one really has life figured out, and that’s what makes it interesting.

What are you being sold and told can be perfect?

Your body?

Your mind?

Your relationships?

Your career?

What does perfect look like, and according to whom?

The ideas of perfection change with time. Things that might be considered perfect today in one society can very well be shunned very soon by another.

If you continue to chase someone else’s view of perfection then all you will see is the imperfections in your own life. And the reality is that they aren’t imperfections, they are just part of life.

If you really feel the need to be perfect in one area of life then I suggest you choose to be perfectly kind. There’s very little downfall and people might begin to think you’re perfect.

Who do you think you’d like to be more like?

Who would you like your spouse or kids to emulate?

Who are your ‘heroes’?

Perhaps you admire someone that has made a lot of money, is a champion athlete, great business person or a great performer. The problem is that when you see that individual’s success you only see one small glimpse of who they are.

How often do you hear about a celebrity or someone you admire that’s fallen from grace and you’re surprised or even disappointed?

Wishing or wanting to be like someone else is a tricky proposition because your judgments are based what you think they’re like and not in their reality.

Focusing on only one sliver of an individual distorts your view of the entire picture. It’s like the old adage that if you stand really close to an elephant, you wouldn’t know it’s an elephant because you’d be too close to see the entire animal.

It’s great to admire talented individuals but then turn your attention back on yourself. Develop your own character by working on yourself. Learn to be the hero of your own story.

How far do you go to seek the approval of others?

What aspects of your own personality to do sacrifice in order to be accepted by others?

You do an injustice to yourself and the world every time you silence who you are in order for approval.

You are a unique individual and a large part of your uniqueness is how you express yourself. So don’t suffocate your own personality just to fit in.

It can be difficult at times being yourself but eventually you will find that doing so gives you a sense of power that you won’t find if you’re always trying to be the kind of person you think other people want you to be.

Seeking approval is deep in your DNA and goes back to the days when individuals were ostracized from tribes if they didn’t behave a certain way. And being unaccepted back then meant almost certain death. But today it doesn’t.

The fact is that it is easier than ever to find people that will accept you for you who are. They will be drawn to you because you have the courage to stand up and say this is who I am.

So don’t diminish who you are because you want the approval others. Be more of you and learn to approve of yourself.

Are you afraid to focus?

I know this sounds a little ridiculous at first but think about it for a moment.

When was the last time you were able to shut out the world and focus for an hour or two?

Now if your job requires you to be on-call then obviously being unreachable is unacceptable while on duty, but what about off duty?

Stepping away from the world for a short period of time requires a degree of strength because there are two questions that your brain is constantly asking.

What’s happening in the world and what if someone needs me?

And either one of these questions can cause you to have level of underlying anxiety.

The truth is that you will never always know what’s happening in the world. And the good thing is that you don’t need to know all that’s happening.

And fortunately if someone needs you urgently enough in today’s world it’s easy for them to find a way to get a hold of you.

Learning to shut out distractions and honing your ability to focus on the task at hand will increase your productivity, ultimately allowing you more time for other things in your life.

So stop being afraid to focus. Someone will be sure to tell you if the worlds about to end.

What make of car do you drive?

Why?

What brand of clothes do you wear?

Why?

What college did you go to?

Why?

What kind of work do you do?

Why?

What religion are you?

Why?

What race are you?

Why?

What do your answers say about you?

Your answers to these questions may seem like they say a lot about you but they’re only a thin veneer of you who you really are.

There are brilliant, tightly knit stories wrapped around each one of your answers and these stories have gained momentum over time until eventually no one even knows or asks where did the story start, or even if they’re true.

The bigger question is what do you want your answers to these questions say about you?

Do they define who you are or is there something deeper?

That’s a story I’ll leave for you to explore and tell.

Have you heard the phrase ‘Think Different?

It was popularized by Apple Inc. in the late 90’s for an advertising campaign and was a great success for the company.

Think different makes for a great slogan and can make you successful in business and life, but how do you think differently?

If all you do day in and day out is socialize with the same people, repeatedly consume the same popular media and never get out of your environment then how is thinking differently ever going to happen?

Truth is that it probably won’t.

Thinking differently requires two specific things.

First you have to expose yourself to different environments and information which will help you spark new ideas.

And the second one is also right there in the phrase. You need to spend time thinking.

Now I know you’re super busy and have a million things going on, and that’s fine, but if you really want to have different thoughts and ideas then carving out time to think has to be a priority.

But wait!

How do you think?

Were you ever taught how to think or were you just told to do so?

I had to learn for myself so let me share what works for me and maybe it’ll work for you too.

A quiet environment with no distractions, a blank sheet of paper with two columns with the headings work and non-work, and then I just jot down every thought that comes to my mind and see where they lead.

I know it’s not very scientific but it seems to work.

Give it a try.

Set aside some time this week to practice thinking. Who knows you might start thinking differently too.

How much do you weigh?

I weigh 172 on my scale at home and 180 on the scale at the doctor’s office.

According to the experts at 5’9’’ and 175 I’m overweight and my BMI is too high.

What size shoes do you wear?

I wear 10.5 in sneakers and a 10 or 11 in dress shoes depending on the brand.

What size jeans do you wear?

I wear a 32 in the Lucky brand and 33 in the Gap brand and 34 in dress pants.

I consume between 1000 and 2000 calories per day depending on what the packages say.

How about you?

I have a confession to make.

I really don’t know what any of these numbers really mean.

Do you?

What other arbitrary numbers do you use to measure yourself against?

Friends?

Followers?

Grades?

Likes?

Income?

Square footage?

0-60mph?

Etc…

Measurements of who you are and how you should be begin to enter your life ever so subtly until you’re using them to guide your life without ever asking why.

If you’re going to measure yourself against numbers then at least be curious about the numbers. Just in case you get to end of your life only to realize that the numbers were all made up and measuring up meant nothing at all.

Do you remember the last time you felt truly care free?

The last time you woke up and didn’t think about passing grades, fulfilling financial commitments or navigating complicated relationships?

When the morning came and you didn’t even know what day or time it was?

Waking up and falling into the day not knowing or thinking about what would happen next?

The feeling of just being, without a care in the world.

The challenges of everyday life are ever present and always will be, but you don’t have to continuously indulge yourself in a never ending spiral of caring and concerns.

The handful of years where naiveté and innocence, not caring about the ‘real world’ seem to be reserved for only the very young amongst us, but it’s not.

It’s available for everyone.

Even if just for a few brief moments you can re- experience the feeling and the freedom of not having a care in the world.

But you have to learn to be present in a moment.

You have to dedicate a little time to cultivating a practice of not living in the past or future.

To find your care free moments you can choose deep focused breathing, moments of gratitude, meditation or prayer, it’s up to you. Once you find what works for you, relish your moments of bliss, without a care in the world.