Raj Daniels

How do you feel when people fail to live up to your expectations?

Are you familiar with the phrase ‘familiarity breeds contempt?’ What this means is that once you get to know a person for a while you get to know all their shortcomings and weaknesses. And once you begin to focus on their shortcomings then there’s a danger that’s all you will see.

So the person you once admired or looked up to now becomes, less than. They become an ordinary human.

Contempt is a very dangerous feeling to foster towards any individual and if it’s not controlled it will severely damage any relationship.

You can counter contempt by focusing on the positive traits of an individual and by re-evaluating your expectations. Empathy is also a powerful tool to use against the feeling of contempt.

Lastly, keep in mind that everyone has shortcomings and best amongst us has a ‘shine’ that eventually wears off. And if you’ve been contemptuous towards others they will have a hard time being empathetic towards you.

What is really possible?

No one really knows because this word is only based in the realm of activities that are able to be done with the current set of known capabilities. But people will be quick to tell you what can’t be done because they see the world through what they know and experience.

Impossible things are being done on a daily basis, just read the headlines of a news outlet or checkout Guinness world records and you’ll find a list of what was once considered impossible.

There might be real limitations that are temporary and currently prevent certain activities, but many make the mistake of seeing temporary as permanent.

What is possible will always be in a state of constant change and it’s up to you to keep testing and pushing all your current known boundaries in order to find out what you are really capable of doing.

What is your personal R&D budget?

It’s no coincidence that Google, Samsung, Toyota, and several other companies that are leaders in their industry also have the largest R&D budgets.

What do they know at a company level that you should know on an individual level?

They know that spending a portion of their resources, think time and money, towards researching and developing new ideas and products is a key to their success.

Since you are your own product, do you have a plan on how you will improve yourself or do you leave it to chance?

How much of your time and money do you intentionally spend on improving yourself?

Do you think improvement will happen by accident?

You can rapidly improve your health, relationships or any other area of your life in a relatively short amount of time if you make a concerted effort.

Perhaps you don’t give it the formal term of R&D, but you should seriously consider allocating a portion of your own resources to improving whatever area of life is important to you.

Socrates said “man know thyself.”

Do you think trying to find out who you are is time well spent?

Do you believe that you are worth the investment?

Being selfish is often associated as a negative behavior trait, but that’s not true in all cases. Especially if being selfish and prioritizing time for yourself makes you a better person to those around you.

Investing time to know who you are at your core, knowing your strengths and weakness, your likes and dislikes, what makes you thrive, will make you a better person to be around. It will also enable you contribute at your highest level.

A professional in any field will tell you that one of the keys to their success is identifying their weaknesses as soon as possible. And the only way to this is by taking time for introspection and self-reflection.

Knowing yourself doesn’t have to mean that you go off in to the woods for years, unless you really want to. It does however mean that you take a few minutes out of your day or week to reflect on situations and interactions to understand how you behaved and felt during those times. This will help you learn what you should do more or less of.

Taking time to know who you are is an investment that will compound over time and the sooner you find out, the greater your returns will be, not only for yourself but for others too.

What kind of punctuation are you?

I know this might sound a little confusing but stick with me for a minute.

The period, also known as the full stop. If you’re reading this then the great news is that you’re not a period because you haven’t come to full stop yet.

The comma. We’re all commas at times. We all slow down to rest for moment and catch our breath before we continue.

The ellipses. I realized that this is my favorite after my five year old daughter came home from school last week and shared that she had learned what the three dots meant. She raised her eyebrows, smiled and said “it means, I’m not done yet.”

We’re all on our way to becoming periods, but it’s a nice reminder to hear once in a while that I’m not done yet and neither are you.

What’s a good way to start something new?

I’ll give you three clues.

1. It’s an unscientific method
2. Almost anyone can do it
3. You’ll probably be wrong

Did you get the answer?

Did you take a guess?

Well if you did guess then that’s the answer, a guess.

When you’re not sure about how do to something one of the best places to start is with a guess.

SWAG is a very ‘sophisticated’ term used in many industries. It stands for Silly Wild A** Guess, essentially your best guess with the information you have at hand.

So the next time you’re thinking about starting something new but are not sure what to do first, just ask yourself this question, if I HAD to start now what would I do first, and proceed with your best guess. It will at least get you started.

Do you know that there is a short yet powerful phrase that you can learn which is both liberating and empowering?

It’s a phrase that you’ve probably said before, but with hesitation.

It’s a phrase that when used correctly can be your springboard to learning and opening your mind to new opportunities.

However, this phrase requires you to be confident. It requires you to be humble.

It will be obvious once you see it, but when you do, don’t just read it, say it out loud.

Are you ready?

Wait! First a quick promise between me and you that you will say it out loud.

Okay, here’ goes.

Say, ‘I don’t know’ out loud.

Did you do it?

How did it feel?

Admitting to not knowing is your opportunity to learn.

I know that there are times when you feel like you’re expected to know everything and it’s very easy to pretend that you do, but the reality is that none of us have all the answers.

So the next time you’re asked a question and you don’t have the answer, admit to not knowing and follow it up with, but I can find out. Not only will you find this freeing, you will also find that you will be more open to trying new things.

When was the last time you were lost while driving? And I don’t mean you missed a turn, I mean really and truly didn’t know where you were or which direction to go.

If you own a smartphone then the likelihood that you’ve had to think about directions is probably slim to none. You just enter your destination and off you go on what you believe to be the most efficient route. Dull, boring and predictable.

The problem with having so many answers at your fingertips is that you begin to believe that there should be instructions or directions for everything in life, but there isn’t. Sometimes you will just be lost and that’s okay because that’s what life is about.

There’s actually an element to being lost that’s often overlooked and that is a sense of adventure. It’s that feeling you get when you don’t know what’s going to happen next. It’s the feeling that pushed humans for centuries to explore what might be around the next unfamiliar corner.

The next time you’re feeling a little lost in life recognize that everyone feels the same way at times and how dull, boring and predictable life would be if it came with a GPS.

Have you ever tried getting in shape?

Or, have you ever tried your hand at growing a plant?

At first glance these two activities might not seem to have anything in common, but they do.

You see, the good news is that you can start to get in shape or grow a plant, but the bad news is that you can never stop, because if you stop then it’s over. You will very quickly be out of shape and the plant will die.

Any endeavor you set out on has impermanence built into it. Whether it’s a relationship you’re trying to cultivate or grow a business, both require continuous attention.

There is always a level of excitement that comes with starting something new and never a shortage people encouraging you to do so. However, keep in mind that although many have spoken about the difficulty of starting something, very few share just how much effort is required to keep going.

So the next time you’re thinking about starting a new project remember the good news, bad news equation, because your first step will be followed by a million more.

Are you in tune with your emotions?

Do you spend time listening to your emotions?

Your emotions are like a barometer, thermometer, speedometer and any other kind of ‘meter’ all wrapped up in one instrument. They are designed to guide you and even in some cases to keep you alive.

Your entire day is filled with a variety of emotions and you are constantly riding the waves of how you feel. And those feelings drive your actions.

Tracking your emotions can be an interesting experiment. You might find that you reach for food when you’re upset or make phone calls when you’re happy or a myriad of other behaviors.

The ability to observe your emotions without always immediately reacting to them can be a very powerful skill because it can ultimately change the direction of your entire life.

How much time do you spend thinking about people that lived 100 years ago?

What about family members that lived a couple of generations ago?

Are you aware of anything they did?

We as humans have a tendency to think that what we are doing today is very important but in 100 years it will be forgotten. Yes, there are a handful of people that are studied in history books, but generally speaking almost everyone is eventually forgotten.

There’s a theory that humans are always looking for meaning and the idea of how we will be remembered provides some justification for our existence.

Now I’m not saying that what you do in your life doesn’t matter, but I am suggesting that perhaps we should consider how seriously we should take ourselves while we are here.

You can strive to be remembered like the individuals in the history books but in the grand scheme of time hardly anything you do will matter. So spend less time worrying about what you do and more time enjoying your time here.

When was the last time you engaged in doing nothing?

Yes, I know it sounds awkward to think about engaging in doing nothing, but doing nothing is an activity in itself, so it kind of makes sense.

So, back to the question, when did you last do nothing?

I know, I know.

You’re too busy to do nothing.

You’re too important to do nothing.

You’re too popular to do nothing.

You’re critical to do nothing.

Things just won’t get done without you. Etc.

Well, have you heard the quote, “The graveyards are full of people the world could not do without?”

There are times when doing nothing is not only beneficial but also invigorating. Doing nothing doesn’t mean living a sloth like existence, it just means stopping for a moment or two to breathe or just re-center yourself.

Think of your doing nothing like speed bumps throughout your day. Just a few moments where you intentionally slow down right before you speed up again.

Do you actively practice empathy?

Do you allow yourself to be open enough to see and feel the viewpoint of other?

Being empathetic doesn’t mean that you have to agree with the other person, it just means that you’ve taken the time to understand why they behave the way they do.

Empathy doesn’t come easy and has to be practiced because as humans we are all driven by our egos and are prone to focus only on what’s important to us.

Research is showing that there has actually been a decline in empathy due to the rise of digital communication. Text messages and emails that contain short bursts of information neglect to take into account all the other complexities that are so important to human communication.

In order to be empathetic you have to look for cues in the other person and this can rarely be done via digital communication. You have to pay attention to them physically and mentally to really understand because communication is so much more than just words sent over screens.

If you want to increase your level of empathy, then do as Stephen Covey said “Seek to first to understand, then to be understood.” You might be surprised at how open people are to listen to you once you are open to them.

Do you suffer from discrepancy syndrome?

Wait! You’ve never heard of it?

I’m surprised that you haven’t because it’s so common.

Discrepancy syndrome is when you wish something is different than it really is.

You may have heard of it by its other names, anger and frustration.

Every incident of anger and frustration is caused by wishing that the situation at hand is different than it really is.

The good news about discrepancy syndrome is that there is a cure; the bad news is that you have to cure yourself.

You have to decide how long you will continue to dwell in the moments of discrepancy that are occurring or that have passed.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t experience anger or frustration because they can both be great self-motivators for change.

But for how long?

There’s a great Buddhist saying that the first arrow causes the pain but then we choose to shoot ourselves with a second arrow, and this causes the suffering, which is optional.

So the next time you find yourself angry or frustrated see if you can learn to separate how you feel from what is occurring. Who knows? You might just cure yourself of discrepancy syndrome.

Have you set the bar too high for yourself?

Are you looking to accomplish ‘big things’ but are intimidated in to inaction because the goal seems so far off?

If yes, then consider lowering the bar.

Do you know that when IBM was at its peak they set their salesperson quota lower than what was realistically expected?

The reason for this is that they wanted employees to experience quick wins in order build confidence as they moved towards bigger targets.

There are literally only four areas of life that you’re constantly trying to win at. Call them whatever you want but they will all fall somewhere along the lines of, family/relationships, career/financial, health/physical and religious/spiritual.

Accomplishing small goals in any of these will give you the momentum to continue because it increases your level of self -confidence.

So lower your bar for yourself and get your small wins. Before you know it you’ll be good enough to raise the bar.

Have you ever stared at a blank canvas and wondered what to draw?

Have you spent time staring at a blank sheet of paper as you struggle with what to write?

Perhaps for you it’s the first words of a speech or presentation that have you stumped?

It’s not the question of where to start that paralyzes most people.

It’s the thought of, what if I get it wrong. What if the first line I draw or the first words I write are bad.

It’s the intimidation of working without instructions, aka constraints.

Life would be so much easier if every time you started a new project a magic fairy could just tell you what to do, but then the ideas would be theirs and not yours.

Seeking inspiration from other people’s work is great and can be helpful, but also learn to trust your own intuition and ideas.

Find the courage you had when you were a child, draw your first line and write your first word. Be proud that you’ve started and don’t worry if it’s not ‘good.’ You can always start again.

How much uninterrupted time can you make for yourself today?

Can you step away from the internet for 20 minutes?

Can you put down your phone for 20 minutes?

Can you find a quiet spot to think for 20 minutes?

What can you do to clear 20 minutes for yourself?

Constantly bombarding your mind with input is like standing at a buffet gorging on food without any end in sight. Sounds ridiculous and hopefully you’d never engage in such an activity, so why do it to your mind.

If the idea of stepping away for 20 minutes makes you nervous and you’re already making excuses in your head as to why you can’t, then that should tell you something about your addiction to constant stimulation.

It’s just 20 minutes. That’s less than 2% of your entire day.

Your brain deserves it.

You can do it.

There are three forces that will play a huge part in shaping your life.

They are luck, serendipity and faith.

Seneca the great philosopher apparently said that luck is when preparation meets opportunity. So although the definition to being lucky is that things happen by chance there must be a level of preparedness on your behalf for you to be able to take advantage of the lucky situation.

Serendipity is being at the right place at the right time in order to benefit from events in a that come your way. Your role in being in serendipitous situations is to get out and engage in your environment. You need to put yourself in situations and give serendipity the opportunity to reveal itself.

Faith, yes faith. This one seems to be most challenging because faith doesn’t have a timeline. Faith is often associated with religion but it also plays a huge role in your life because without it you wouldn’t even get out of bed.

So if you want to be lucky then invest in yourself and create a version of you that is prepared for the next opportunity you see. Put yourself out there and experience serendipity. And lastly, have faith that after you prepare and step out, luck and serendipity will both find you.

What is your idea of a good life?

Is it a life where you’re not afraid to follow your dreams?

Is it a life where you help as many people as you can?

Is it a life where you make as much money as you can?

Is it a life where you live as long as you can?

Is it a life where you have the best relationships you can?

For many it’s all of the above and that’s great, but how you prioritize will dictate your actions.

For example, if you prioritize health then that’s time you will not spend building relationships or helping other people.

A good life is not a balanced life. It is a life in which you able to be as true to your real self as possible. It’s a life where you can come to terms with what is important to you. A good life is a life where imperfection is perfection.

Determine for yourself how you define a good life and live in to it as much as you can. In the end some might say you lived a good life but only you will know for sure.

How much time do you spend outdoors enjoying nature?

If you’re like most then you probably take nature for granted and as something you look at through your windows. And in today’s world of knowledge work so much time is spent under artificial light that problems like vitamin D deficiency are actually increasing.

Research shows that spending time in nature has stress reducing and calming effects. Even stepping outside and standing in sunlight just for 10 minutes can improve your mood.

And if you’re too busy to go outside then bring nature indoors and invest in some plants that you can enjoy. And yes, you can talk to them because they will hear you.

If you ever watch children playing outside, digging in dirt without restraint it’s because they know the inherent pleasure of doing so. And they know it’s where we come from.

It’s easy to forget that we are in a dependent relationship with nature and without it we could not exist. So why not step out for a moment, take a deep breath and enjoy and appreciate all that nature has to offer.