Raj Daniels

Do you ever spend any time remembering who you were as a child?

Somewhere deep inside you are the traces of the kid that believed anything was possible. There are traits that you have suppressed because you were told you had become an adult. You had to fit the mold that others designed for you.

Some of the traits that you have suppressed are your natural given abilities and you never allowed them to ever come to fruition. Because for whatever reason, whether external or internal you decided that those traits would not be accepted or would not be beneficial in adulthood.

The unfortunate thing is that at your core those traits, like weeds will always be trying to surface and you will spend your entire life fighting them. So why not embrace them?

What were those things that you enjoyed doing so much as a child that the world could have stopped and you wouldn’t have noticed?

The desire to do those activities are still somewhere inside you. Make a list today of all the things you used to enjoy doing, you’ll see that it probably isn’t a very long list. Choose one of the activities and find a way to incorporate it back into your life. I guarantee that when you do you’ll find yourself grinning from ear to ear just like you used to as a kid.

Do you actively build relationships with people or do you wait for them to happen by chance?

Over the years the word networking has taken on a negative connotation, but that’s because most approach it in a transactional, ‘what’s in it for me?’ mentality. In reality, networking is about building relationships.

Relationships with people are really everything we have and connecting with people is what we are naturally driven to do. However, in today’s digital age so many have a better relationship with their screens than they do with the people around them. They’ve come to believe that the virtual interactions are a replacement for real ones.

Actively seeking opportunities to interact in person with people can enhance your personal and professional life. It will add depth to who you are as a person because it will force you to grow as you continuously step out of what you know and are used to.

As with any new behavior, actively seeking out new people to talk to takes some practice and will seem uncomfortable at first. But as you get better at it you’ll realize that majority of people you meet either have or had the same apprehension about new meeting people as you.  Take an active step this week of meeting one new person, and when you do just relax and be yourself.

When was the last time you researched something you were interested in? Or tried to find out just how something worked, even if it wasn’t directly related to your job?

Many have had the habit of being curious trained out of them. The repeated schooling of don’t ask too many questions and don’t be wrong has removed so much of the natural curiosity that humans have. The fear of being wrong has also contributed the decline in curiosity.

Maintaining a healthy amount of curiosity is a great first step to having an open mind and a growth mindset. Reading and learning about things that are unrelated to your everyday life is also a great way to stoke your curiosity. Being curious also has the benefit of moving your mind from a passive state to an active one. One in which you are asking questions.

Take some time out today to be intentionally curious. Try a new food, talk to a stranger or read about something that ordinarily you would have no interest in and ask questions, lots of questions. See what new possibilities you can discover behind your curiosity.

Do you know that everything you see around you is a form of energy, including you?

And you are nothing but an energy conversion machine.

Your total existence is based on your ability to convert the suns energy. And 99% of the time you have little or no control how the energy is converted. Your body is a fantastic machine and it performs all the energy conversion automatically.

The 1% of energy you do have some input towards is your thoughts, and even then, not all the time. Most of your thoughts are created by your sub-conscious so again you really have control of less than 1%.

So, how are you directing the little energy you do have control over? That little bit of energy that you have control over can move the other 99% of you to do miraculous things. So take full advantage of your current form of energy and use it well while you still have control over it.

When you ask someone, ‘how are you?’ do you really slow down to listen to their answer?

When you’re eating, do you slow down to really enjoy and appreciate the food?

When you’re working, do you slow down to really think about what you’re doing?

Slowing down is an art. It’s a conscious effort than change the way you see and experience the world. Slowing down gives you the opportunity to really observe what’s going on around you and will give you insights that are missed by most.

Slowing down doesn’t mean stop pursuing what you want. In fact, slowing down can often improve your focus.

The never ending allure of the next deal, the next opportunity, the next dollar, the next person, the next website will always be there. So stop rushing towards them.

Try this today. Have a cup of coffee, tea or beverage of your choice in a ceramic mug or glass. Wrap your hands around the beverage and focus on how long it takes for the temperature of the container to warm or cool down to match the temperature of your hands. And during this time, slow down and just observe the world around you.

Have you ever felt like giving up on something you’re working on?

If you haven’t then you’ve probably never tried to do anything new, but if you have then you know the feelings that are associated with it. The feelings of overwhelm, frustration and not being good enough. The feeling of wishing it was easier. Unfortunately these feelings are your mandatory waypoints on the way to your new destination.

The ability to cope with the feeling of constant struggle will serve you well in all your new endeavors in life.

When you encounter one of these feelings take the time to stop for a moment and really examine it. See it for what it is and don’t give up too soon.

The more you experience these feelings the more resourceful you will become. You’ll train yourself to find solutions that you never thought were possible. Until eventually you’ll come to a point where you’ll learn to embrace the struggle and frustration because you know that what you want achieve is on the other side of that emotion.

Do you recognize these vows?

To have and to hold

from this day forward,

for better, for worse,

for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health,

to love and to cherish,

until we are parted by death.

This is my solemn vow.

If you do, then you know that these are a list of the common vows that are said by couples to each other during a wedding ceremony.  They are vows of commitment and of acceptance to another person regardless of the situation.

My question to you is, are you as committed to yourself regardless of the situation?

Can you look yourself in the mirror, say these words to yourself and commit to them?

The ability to commit to accepting yourself is one of the best things you can do for you, and ultimately the world around you.

Where do you live?

Or better yet, where do you exist?

Your first reaction may be to think of the city, country or even your home but in reality you only really live in your mind, technically your brain.

Your total existence is based on electrical and chemical activity inside your head and your body is just a vessel used to take in information and so that your brain can then process it. But what if your brain is misinterpreting the information you are providing it? And this misinterpretation is causing you behave in ways that are not allowing you to express your true potential.

You see, at the core your brain is designed to survive, so it does whatever it takes to prevent you from hurting yourself. It keeps you within safe boundaries because the safer you are the less energy it has to expend to adapt to new inputs.

Now you have a choice. You can choose to stay within the safe boundaries that your brain has erected to keep you safe or you can push beyond and force your brain to adapt to new inputs. I can’t tell you which one to choose but I can tell you that you will always have better stories if you continue to push your boundaries.

At what point in your day do you really feel happy?

Is there a physical trigger or thought that makes you smile even when you’re alone?

If yes, then how long does the feeling last?

Many claim to want happiness yet few can really define what makes them happy. The problem with this is you can’t find something unless you know what that thing is.

For some it might be the embrace or even the thought of an embrace of a loved one or friend. Others might feel happiness at the opportunity to pursue their dreams or goals. And yet for some it might just be a good cup of coffee and reading a book.

So as you go about your day today really think about what makes you smile or makes you feel happy inside. The point of this exercise is that once you understand what makes you happy then you can consciously create more of those experiences in your life.

Have you ever performed a random act of kindness?

If you have, then do you remember how it made you feel? And if you haven’t, then great because today’s your day to do so.

Performing a random act of kindness doesn’t have to cost a lot of time or money. It doesn’t even require much planning, but it does require some intentionality. It does require you to look for or think about situations that allow for the ‘random’ act.

Here are some ideas that might help you.

Send a handwritten note to someone

Pay for the person behind you in a store or restaurant

Over tip a server

Email a friend or acquaintance expressing appreciation

Pay a genuine compliment to someone

There are many more ideas that you can find on the web, or you can be creative and come up with your own. Pick one today and do it. I’m sure you’ll find that the random act of kindness will probably brighten your day more than the person you were kind to.

When you ask for advice what are you really asking for?

Are you asking someone to confirm what you’re already thinking or do you really want an unbiased opinion?

Asking for advice is tricky because no one has seen and experienced what you have, so they can never really see things from your point of view. The best they can do is based on their own experiences. Which can be helpful since it gives you another perspective but may or may not work for you.

When seeking advice try to separate the facts from emotions. Be open to advice that is contrary to your own thoughts. Don’t dismiss advice that doesn’t immediately align with your way of thinking and give yourself time to digest different and new advice. Advice that is different than the way you think has the potential to help you grow if you approach it with an open mind.

How often do you consciously relax?

I don’t mean taking a nap, going to sleep or just lazing on the couch. I mean really relaxing your body.

There’s an art to conscious relaxation that will allow you to feel relaxed after a few minutes of concentration. The technique is simple but can yield great results. You have several large muscles in your body and if you can learn how to contract and release them then you can start a relaxation practice.

Start with the easy ones. Contract your calf muscles, breathe deeply and release them when you exhale. As you get better at this you can then move to your upper legs and slowly progress to your other large muscles. The entire process shouldn’t take more than 10 minutes.

Lastly and one of the most important is your tongue. If you’re like most people reading this then at this moment your tongue is either touching the roof of your mouth or the back of your front teeth. It is in a tensed position. Learn to relax your tongue by letting it fall to the bottom of your mouth. Doing this will allow your jaw to loosen up and will ultimately relax your entire neck and face.

Practice this during the day and especially when you go to bed. Learning to relax your tongue is one of the simplest and most rewarding relaxation techniques you can do.

How much responsibility do you take for your own life?

Do you own it all or do you go down the slippery slope of giving it away by being a victim of circumstance?

It’s hard to take responsibility for everything because sometimes you really do feel as though you’ve been subjected to a situation without your consent. But the reality is that in that moment if you’re able to stop, step back and think then you’ll recognize that you’re only in that situation because of your past choices. And this will allow you to claim back responsibility.

Very often you hear responsibility touted as a negative feeling and that’s why people try to avoid it but their perceptions are incorrect. The ability to own your responsibility for your life is very powerful and freeing. When you step up and claim responsibility for your own life then you are in control of how you respond to events.

Take some time today and look back at one time in your life where you felt you weren’t responsible and now with the advantage of time and hind sight on your side re-evaluate the situation. Perhaps you’ll see that you were more responsible for what happened then you thought you were.

Who do you think should prioritize you and why?

Do you find yourself constantly struggling to get the attention of people in your life? And are you sad when it you don’t’ get it?

No one owes you any attention. This may sound harsh but it’s true. The fact that anyone does pay attention to you is a blessing in itself. However the moment you begin to expect it, then be prepared to feel a loss when it’s taken away.

Human beings are wired for survival so at the very core of every act there is a natural tendency to do what is best for the individual. And sometimes this might mean paying attention to you and at other times not. Whether you admit this to yourself or not, this also applies to how you act.

So when you feel that someone has prioritized you and given you their attention then really appreciate it. Don’t take it for granted, and also don’t come to expect it.

How quickly do you expect to see results for actions you take?

A day, a month, perhaps years?

Well, it could be any one of these depending on your consistency and the result you’re looking for.

Long term meaningful results will take time and they will require a new level of commitment. The reason for this is that when you’re trying to change something significant in your life you’re actually re-wiring your nervous system. You’re erasing old patterns and replacing them with new ones. And this takes time.

The challenge for most is that they don’t give change enough time. And that is inconsistent with how nature works. The results of actions can be broken down in to several stages and each stage requires time to set and once it does set it needs maintenance.

So if there’s something in your life that you want to accomplish, then be prepared to put in the necessary time that it requires. And hopefully you’ll stick with it long enough to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Who do I have to be for them to like me?

Consciously or subconsciously, how much of your life is driven by this question?

How much of yourself do you lose in order to be liked?

Or maybe you no longer know who you are because you’ve spent so much of your life looking for the acceptance of others.

There is a term used in psychology called ‘Status Anxiety’ and it results from a focus on how you are perceived by others.  It essentially stems from the constant comparison between your life and the lives of others. And depending on your views and exposure, sometimes you feel greater than and other times less than.

Both of these feelings can drive you to behave in ways that are not beneficial to you. They create a constant state of anxiety that you are better than some or not as good as others. Learning to live comfortably in your own skin is no easy task because you are constantly bombarded with external information of who you ‘should’ be.

Take a moment today to think about one thing you know in your heart that you do not because you want to but because you want people to see you in certain way. You don’t need to share this with anyone but realize that these behaviors compound over time and if you’re not careful then eventually almost all you do will be for the acceptance of others.

How often do you find yourself saying the phrase – I’ve never done that before?

If you don’t remember the last time you said that then it’s been too long since you’ve done something different. You see, that phrase tells you that you’re about to do or have done something outside of your usual behavior.

Now obviously there can be negative consequences to doing certain things you’ve never done before but hopefully you’ll steer away from the ones that can harm you or others. However, on the other side of the coin there will be adventure, excitement and growth.

Finding opportunities to do things you haven’t done before should be something you look to do on a regular basis. You can choose how big or small you want the experience to be, but get out there and look for the opportunity to say ‘I’ve never done that before.’

Do you ever pay attention to the moment before you act?

It takes a little practice but the next time you respond to someone or something really hone in on the moment and see if you can change your response. Obviously you can’t do this every time but even if you only do it a few times in a day it can lead to some interesting results.

The first step to focusing in on the moment is being present and aware. If you’re on a call then close your eyes to avoid additional stimuli or if you’re speaking to someone in person then really focus in on the persons face or eyes. And please do it in I’m not a sociopath non-creepy way.

Focusing in on the moments before you act can help you change how you react. It can help you process information differently which can then give you new perspectives.

Researchers have found during brain scans that in some cases your brain has actually made a decision to do something 7 seconds before you take action. Imagine that, 7 whole seconds before you finished reading this your brain already decided how you would respond to reading this, and how much you liked it : )