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I Quit

After 3 months of writing every Monday, Wednesday and Friday I have decided to shut down this blog. I want to thank all of you that have supported me but I just can’t do it anymore.

Here are some of the reasons I have decided to quit.

Thinking of things to write about is really hard.

Worrying about what people are saying or thinking about my writing is a lot of pressure.

I get scared every time I hit publish button.

Not enough people like or follow me.

I think that I have terrible grammar.

I think that my ideas are not special so why should I share them.

As you can see, so many fears and concerns that I have written about in the past are the same concerns that I too have on regular basis. So as I shut down this part of my brain the last thing I ask you to do is check your calendar. Did I get you? I’m not quitting! I’m just getting started. Your feedback and support has been overwhelming. I love all of you for following, sharing and commenting. Thank you again and I’ll see you on Monday.

Intentionally,

Raj

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Your Health

If you don’t take care of your body then where are you going to live?

Someone asked me this question many years ago and today I ask you. A commitment to staying healthy should be high priority because if it’s not then all the other areas of your life will eventually pay the price.

Being healthy doesn’t have to be a daunting task but you do have to be consistent. Small changes in the way to go about your day can give you great results over time.

Food is the obvious big driver when it comes to health and thinking about what you are eating is the key to this. Next time you sit down to eat ask yourself if the producer of the food has your best interest in mind or theirs? Did they spend billions of dollars to entice you? Did they create a process where they could provide you with the lowest quality food at a price that would be attractive to you? Why are you eating that particular food and if it’s not beneficial to you what else could you be eating?

Exercise is the other half of the equation. Here you’ve been led to believe that you must be sweating on a treadmill or lifting huge amount of weights in order for it to be considered exercise. And if you’re going to compete in athletics or be a bodybuilder then perhaps it’s true. But for most some simple movements can do wonders. Your body is designed for movement and the more you move it the better you will feel. The Okinawa Centenarian (age over 100) Study showed that “exercise in the form of dance, soft martial arts, walking and gardening” were key health drivers. Keeping exercise simple will help you stick with it over time.

You can start improving your health today by being mindful of what you are eating and how much you are moving. When you decide to eat today, try not to be distracted with electronics or conversations and think about if you are really hungry or are you eating because it’s time to eat? Think about how much time you spend today sitting or standing in one place. Take a break to stretch or walk around for a few minutes. The additional blood flow to your brain will also give you the added benefit of being able to think clearer too.

Taking care of health should not be something you have to obsess over, but it should be something you pay attention to on a daily basis.

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Not What You Imagined

Reality is almost never how you imagined it would be.

You probably have this idea in your head about how your life should be. A version of life that is stitched together with highlight reels of your dreams and thoughts, a version of how things ought to be.

The thing is that your brain is wired to propel you to a better future. Regardless of if you openly admit to it or not you are an eternal optimist, and that’s a good thing. You see it’s this vision of a better future that keeps you moving forward. It’s your brains survival method.

The challenge is how do you reconcile what you imagined and what actually is. How do you maintain a sense of peace knowing that there will always be the parallel existence of what you imagined and what really is? Take solace in knowing that there is no perfect version of life. There will be times when you will be in awe of how great your life is and also times when you will have to be content with how things are.

Don’t stop using your imagination to drive your life forward and create in your mind the world you want to live in. It might not turn out exactly as you imagined, but just imagine if it turned out better.

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Be Creative

Do something creative every day.

As humans we’re all wired to be creative but you may have decided that creativity is not something you’re good at so you neglect this core part of who you are. You may associate creativity with something you once made or did that didn’t turn out the way you expected it to. Or you may look at creativity as an activity for children or artists but not something you want to indulge in. The fact is that creativity can be applied in all areas of life.

One of the easiest ways to be creative is to doodle, yes doodle. Just put a pen to paper and let your mind go with it. The key here is not to seek an outcome but just draw or write the first thing that comes to your mind. Not judging what you’re doing is very important because the minute you do your brain will tell you that it’s not good or you’re wasting your time.

Being creative doesn’t have to take a lot of time. You can take a five minute break from almost any activity and just let your mind wander. Eliminating distractions is very important to creativity so, if you’re on a computer close the browser and open paint or a similar program and just scribble and color. Putting pen to paper is even better because the physical act of drawing stimulates different areas of your brain.

Regardless of your profession realize that everything you see and use in your daily life started out as a creative endeavor. So spend a few minutes today allowing your creativity to flow and see where your mind takes you. Who knows what you’ll create.

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Be Kind

Be kind. I could just stop here but then I wouldn’t hit my minimum of 100 words commitment so please stay with me as I complete my goal.

According to the dictionary some of the words used to describe the opposite of kind are cold, cruel, thoughtless and uncaring. I’m sure that you probably would not use any of these words to describe yourself, but what if this is how the world sees you?

Being kind and saying kind words can sometimes be a challenging task, but it is possible. Right when you’re at that moment of anger, frustration or just taking for granted the person in front of you, stop and be kind.

The practice of conscious kindness will take some time to develop and you will be tested daily, however, over time it will begin to be your first response.

Take time today to:

Be kind to strangers, you never know their struggles. Make an attempt to not be transactional with them. A few kind words to the person behind the counter or anyone else you encounter could be the best thing that happens to them all day.

Be kind to your co-workers. Saying something nice to them will not change the pressures of work, but it might improve their day.

Be kind to your family and friends. Memories tend to be selective so give those closest to you the warmth of knowing that time spent with you will be filled with kindness.

Most important of all, be kind to yourself. Practice saying words of kindness and affection in your mind. Give yourself the gift of kind thoughts throughout the day.

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Friends

Do you feel energized or drained after you spend time with your friends? Do your friends challenge you and encourage you to grow? Do they support you on your journey or do they hold you back and say things like, you’re not the same anymore, and you’ve changed.

Do your friends spend their time gossiping about other people or discussing ideas and possibilities? Do they have things they too want to accomplish or are they too busy tearing down other people’s ideas? Are they producers or consumers?

If, when you are around your friends to you find yourself concealing your thoughts or compromising your values in order to fit in or not to hurt feelings then you might want to re-evaluate your friendships.

Remember the friends you spend time with will strongly influence how you see the world and will also be strong predictor of the results in all areas of your life, so choose them wisely.

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Feeling Alive

When was the last time you felt alive? I believe there is a big difference in being alive and feeling alive. Being alive is what you do every day. Sitting in the same chairs, going to the same places, talking to the same people, driving the same route,  eating the same food and on and on until eventually a layer of rust forms over your senses creating nothing but a dull existence, essentially being alive.

Feeling alive on the other hand is that feeling of butterflies you had when you first held hands with a person of the opposite sex. The fear you felt on the top of a roller coaster. The nervousness you felt when you were asked to speak in front of a group. Feeling alive comes from not knowing what will happen next, it’s at this point that all of your senses are activated because biologically they have to be in order to keep you alive.

Try one of these activities this week to stimulate your senses and feelings you once experienced.

Attend a Meetup or an event where you don’t know anyone.

Take a class in something you’re interested in.

Talk or flirt with strangers.

Go to store you wouldn’t normally go to.

Do something creative and then show people.

Ask the server in a restaurant what their favorite item is and try it.

Go to an amusement park.

For the more adventurous souls, try bungee jumping, rollers skating, fencing, dancing or something else physical that you haven’t done before. Physical activities are fantastic for feeling alive because they stimulate both mind and body.

You’re here to experience life, so go out and do it while you still have the opportunity. Don’t just be alive, feel alive!

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Excuses

Think of an excuse for not doing something you know you should. We usually make excuses because we don’t want to do something, we are rationalizing why we are not doing what we want to do, or we don’t want to feel at fault. Now, like me some of you might say how is an excuse different from a reason? So, I did your homework for you : ) Apparently a reason is based on fact and underlying evidence whereas an excuse is an attempt to lessen blame.

What are your excuses for not doing something or acting in way that you know you should? I’ll help you by sharing some that I’ve used in the past:

I’m too busy

I’m too tired

I’m not sure if it’s a good idea.

I don’t know how to start.

I don’t do things like that.

Now is not the right time.

I’m not good at…

It’s nothing they haven’t heard before.

Some of these might resonate with you and that’s great because now you know you’re not alone. The thing is that most excuses are just poor justifications for not moving us forward to be the person we really can and want to be.

Today, think about something you really want to do and write down all the excuses that you’ve made for not taking action. Then say them out loud so you can hear yourself. This might sound silly and that’s my point. Hopefully hearing them out loud will make you realize how ridiculous the excuses are and how you can begin to take steps to overcome them.

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Pause for a Moment

Pause for a moment, take a deep breath, the kind where your tummy expands just a little and hold it for 5 seconds. Now exhale for 5 seconds. Do it right now. What are you thinking about? Did you really pause or were you in too much of a hurry to continue reading?  Did you say to yourself, I’ll read to the end and then do it? Are you really that busy? Or are you like most that just read and continue to move on without taking action? Will you really stop ‘sometime’ later today to make time for a breathing exercise?

Pausing for a moment and consciously taking a few deep breaths has been shown to calm the nervous system, release tension and increase focus. Taking deep breathes also helps to alleviate stress.

Taking time to breathe deeply can transform your life. It’s one of those activities that provide a huge return on a small investment.

Make today the day you commit to pausing to breathe. It doesn’t take very long, just a few minutes throughout the day, and hopefully you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the results.

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Sharing

As a kid and up until my twenties I didn’t realize the power of sharing. In fact I’d go so far as to say that I would take every opportunity not to share. I didn’t realize that the reason I wouldn’t share is because I had a scarcity mindset, to me sharing meant that I would have less. What I’ve learned since is that sharing is powerful. Sharing is saying, sure go ahead and take some of mine because I know that I can always get more.

Now some of you might say that logically if you give away a piece of something you have then technically you will have less and technically you are right. However, that piece that you give away can be considered your investment in humanity. Also, there are many different ways that you can share of yourself that might not make you feel as though you now have less.

You can share your time by volunteering or joining a non-profit.

You can share your knowledge, thoughts and ideas by teaching or mentoring.

You can share food by donating to charity.

You can make things and give them a way.

You can donate blood.

There are so many aspects of your life that you can choose to share from. Find one the works for you and try it. I can almost guarantee that you’ll feel happier after you do.

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Imagination

Your imagination can change your world if you let it. Your imagination is so powerful that you can conjure up worlds or events that have never existed. It has the ability to make you feel on sensory level things that have never happened to you. It is also a tool that you can use to move you and create change in your life.

When we think about imaginary worlds or friends we often think about children playing games, but what should realize is that what the children are actually doing is seeing endless possibilities. They’re losing themselves in their minds. As grownups we’ve forgotten the pleasure of letting our imagination run wild. We’ve forgotten about the possibilities.

Today I challenge you to take some time and use your imagination. Imagine thoughts that will make you smile. Imagine events that give you feelings of joy. Your imagination sits outside of your five senses yet studies have shown that imagining an event can stimulate all of your senses. So why not use the magic of your imagination to make yourself feel good.

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Happier?

What if I told you that regardless of what you do you, there is a high probability that you will not be happier? I know this sounds a little depressing but let me explain.

The concept is called the hedonic treadmill also known as a hedonic set point. In a nutshell the theory states that the majority of people will return to a base line of happiness after experiencing a brief increase due to an external event.

So what does this mean in everyday life?

Losing weight will make you healthier but not happier.

Making more money will make you wealthier but not happier.

Nicer cars, bigger houses, designer clothing, might make you fit in with certain groups or more popular but not happier.

Having children…this one is really interesting. Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert’s book “Stumbling on Happiness“ looked at several studies and found that children give adults many things, but an “increase in daily happiness is probably not among them.”

So what do we do now? Do we stop pursuing, chasing, working towards accomplishments? I don’t think so. However, maybe we take pause and ask ourselves why we want what we want? Is it just to make us happier or do we have deeper motivations.

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Control

You can only control what goes in not what comes out. This applies to almost everything.

A person may not react how you expected them to when you do or say something.

A recipe may not turn out the way you expected even though you followed the instructions.

A party you planned may turn out different than you expected.

A project you started doesn’t work out how you thought it would.

Even though deep down we know this to be true about so many things we still expect certain outcomes and are disappointed when they don’t happen. Continuing to staying attached to outcomes will only cause you to be stressed, anxious and less happy.

Not wanting an outcome is not the right answer, because as humans we are wired to seek outcomes. However recognizing the desire to want to control all outcomes is a great first step.

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Gateway Habits

Gateway habits are similar to the gateway drug concept. For example In the past studies showed that individuals that tried cigarettes would be more likely to try stronger drugs. However, a gateway habit can also be leveraged to eliminate bad habits.

A gateway habit is a small almost insignificant action you take in any area of life.

Cutting back on sugar could be as small as starting with having just a little less sugar in your coffee eventually leading to no sugar.

Starting an exercise program could be as small as wearing sneakers around the house.

Learning a new language you could begin by learning the words for the utensils you use everyday.

Improving  relationships with loved ones and friends could be one small compliment or kind word.

Waking up earlier could be moving the alarm back by a minute.

Of course there are many other examples where you can apply small actions to change.

Taking these small actions over an extended period of time is the key to changing them. Allowing your body and mind to rewire its self to the new normal is the hardest part. So many people expect habit changes to happen quickly because they’ve heard it takes 21 days to change a habit so they give up on day 22 if they haven’t done so.  Some give up because they miss a day or two and punish themselves by going back to their old ways.

The 21 days theory has been debunked several times and research shows that as individuals we are all wired differently so for some it might only take month but for others it might take six months. Having patience and not comparing your changes to others is  also a habit in itself.

Trying to change too many habits at one time is also very hard to do. Start by changing one habit that you don’t like and then use the discipline gained to build your confidence in changing the next one.

Go ahead and start to change one today.

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Making a Difference

I recently had a conversation with a close family member about making a difference in the life of one person. During our exchange I shared the following story with her.

A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.

She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”

The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied, “Well, I made a difference to that one!” (The Star Thrower” by Loren Eiseley)

This story has had a profound impact on my life because at one I time I too was a starfish that someone took the time to pick up.

Sometimes when I’m thinking about how daunting some of the world’s biggest challenges are and what I can do to help, I remind myself that if I can just help one person then I too can make a difference.

What if we all committed to helping one person?

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Your Last Words

What will be the last thing you say today to your children as you drop them off to school, your spouse as you leave for work, your friends, your co-workers? Will they be words of love, kindness, appreciation?

Very often we get so caught up in the small things in life that we forget to convey just how much those that are closest to us really mean to us. However we’ve become experts at conveying our negative emotions, almost automatic.

What if you really tried today to not get mad, angry, or upset? What if you knew today was your last opportunity to share your last words with the people in your life. What would suddenly become less important?

What would your last words be?

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What If?

What if I’m late?

What if they think it’s a stupid question?

What if she/he leaves me?

What if they don’t love me anymore?

What if I lose my job?

What if I don’t lose the weight?

What if I miss my flight?

What if it rains?

What if I can’t afford it?

What if it breaks?

What if I fail?

What if I don’t make more money?

What if they don’t invite me to their parties?

What if my house isn’t clean enough?

What if my car breaks down?

What if they don’t like my writing?

How many of these will you think about today? And which ones do you think about most often? We all have our own list of  ‘what if’s’ and spend so much of our time wondering and thinking about what could go wrong.

Spend some time today thinking about some of your past situations where things did go wrong and how they eventually turned out. Hopefully you’ll realize that the outcomes were not as bad as you had imagined them to be.  This exercise should give you some confidence that things will work out fine the next time you have a negative ‘what if’ moment.

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Silence

Embrace your quiet time. Being constantly ‘on’ doesn’t give you the opportunity to really think and connect with your true self. Many people fear silence because it allows their minds to wander and their fears begin to percolate. Some feel unproductive, lazy and even lonely when they are in silence.

Actively scheduling time for silence and using the time for introspection, meditation, prayer and thinking allows you to consciously cultivate your mind. I recently heard a CEO of a fortune 1000 company share how he schedules two days a week of thinking time on this calendar. He said that inevitably due to urgent matters in the business one of his two days gets taken but at least he is left with one day to think about how he wants to guide his company.

Spend some quiet time with yourself this week and let your thoughts guide you. Keep a pen and paper handy during your silent time and write down some of the things you think about. You might be surprised to see what your mind is thinking about when you pay attention.

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One Small Win

Those of you that have been following my blog know that earlier this week I had written about the passing of a family member. Both the funeral and the wake were yesterday and my day didn’t end until about 11:30pm last night. As I was falling asleep I thought to myself, you can sleep in tomorrow and put off writing your blog for the day. There it was! in my moment of weakness an excuse reared its ugly head.

It’s when we are tired, frustrated, hungry, sad or any other moment of weakness that the excuses appear to lead us astray.

Skip writing today

Have one more drink

Sleep in a little longer

It’s too cold to go to the gym

The best excuses are ones that nobody else can hold you accountable for. But they’re also the worst because you know that you didn’t live to your own commitment. Over time these small excuses chip away at your own psyche and eventually you begin to lose faith in your own ability to commit.

So this morning even though I am tired I will have my one small win and I hope you find a way to have your small win for the day too.

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Think About Your Future

A local Dallas venture capitalist recently shared a story of an exercise he conducts with his portfolio companies. They have an offsite event and during this event they are only allowed to talk about the future and not the past.

I’ve heard it said that you must look or focus on where you want to go because you can’t control anything that has happened in the past and I believe this to be true. Changing your focus away from the past allows you to create a vision that you can drive your life towards. It allows you to create a compelling future.

I’m not suggesting that you forget what has happened in the past because that’s where you can learn from, but if you dwell in the past then you will be inclined to repeat it since that is where your mind will be focusing.

So take a few moments today to practice thinking about and living in the future you would like to have for yourself and see how it feels.