Are you a lifesaver?

No.

Not the fruity candy with a hole in the middle.

But more like the circular flotation device you find hanging on boats and at pools.

I think you’re a lifesaver. You just aren’t aware of it.

Yes, you have the power to save a life.

Okay. Let’s get the obvious ones out of the way. Both calling 911 in the event of an emergency and performing CPR are lifesaving activities you can do with relative ease.

But what about the simple acts you can perform on a daily basis where the outcome might not be as obvious?

You can acknowledge a server at a restaurant or a customer service person at a store and let them know they are appreciated.

Reach out to a friend or someone you haven’t spoken to in a while to remind them that someone is thinking of them.

Send a thank you note to someone who positively impacted your life.

These acts might seem trivial by themselves, but little acts of kindness make the most significant impact over time.

There have been many stories of individuals whose lives were dramatically changed just because someone cared enough to ask them how they were doing.

Lastly, like the lifesaver, you have arms that can make a perfect ring. The power of a good hug is a miracle in itself.

For a split second, you feel another person’s heartbeat and realize it feels and sounds like your own. What’s keeping them alive is keeping you alive, too. 

Ultimately, recognize that we all can be lifesavers for each other.

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What is your personal reward system?

What do you do – or say to yourself when you catch yourself doing things well?

How do you reinforce your own good behavior?

Positive reinforcement works just as well with people as it does with animals.

Most people are good at beating themselves up when they make a mistake, but they don’t make an effort or take the time to reward themselves for good actions or behaviors.

I’m not saying throw an all-out celebration every time you do something well, although you can if that’s what you want. What I am suggesting is you take a moment to recognize and reward yourself with some positive self-talk,  a virtual pat on your back.

It’s very easy only to notice your faults because they stand out as reminders that no matter how hard you might try, you’re not perfect. Whereas praising yourself for small accomplishments and wins might seem childish, or inconsequential because you expect yourself to get things right.

There is also a deeper underlying reason why many people don’t praise themselves, which comes down to their own self-worth. They don’t feel worthy of praise for unexplored or unknown reasons, and this can be very difficult, although not impossible, to overcome.

Your self-reward system doesn’t have to be super indulgent. It can be something as simple as a few kind words to yourself, just as a reminder that you did something well. For example, when you see athletes perform a fist pump, that’s a reward to remind them of a positive moment.

A self-reward system doesn’t only serve to continue current good behavior; it can also be an effective way to create behavior change and implement new habits into your life.

Start rewarding yourself when you feel you’ve done something well or right, and you’ll find yourself doing it more often. You have the ability to create positive, upward behavior cycles just as easily as negative ones. If you get into the habit of catching and rewarding yourself for being good, then over time, you might be able to forget or eliminate being bad.

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How do you handle your self-doubt?

If you constantly wonder if you’re doing the right thing, don’t worry—you’re not alone.

Self-doubt is as common as breathing. Even the most seasoned individuals and experts in their fields still experience self-doubt.

Self-doubt will, at some point, show up in your life. Whether in education, relationships, career choices, parenting, or even something as simple as what you should wear, self-doubt will appear.

In fact, as I’m writing this, I can feel self-doubt peering over my shoulder, shaking its head side to side, and asking me if this is really what I should be writing about. And I have to give it my honest answer; I don’t know, but I’m going to do it anyway.

Self-doubt has the power to stop people dead in their tracks. It’s what you witness when you see a person walk up to the edge of a diving board and decide not to jump. And when self-doubt shows up, it doesn’t come alone; it brings its friend, fear. Together, they team up against you.

Self-doubt never really goes away; it’s insidious, just waiting quietly in the wings waiting to make its next appearance. And every time it does, you must decide how long to let it perform before sending it off stage.

You have to choose how much control you’ll give your self-doubt and how much of your life you’ll let it drive. If you let it, it will control every decision you make, and your entire life will be on its terms. And that’s no way to live.

A key step in coping with self-doubt is learning to accept it as part of life. Once you accept it, you can develop tools and strategies to manage it.

Remember, self-doubt is an emotion as old as time and was designed to keep you safe and alive. But now that you’re safe and alive don’t let it dictate who you will be, and don’t hide in its shadow. We want to see you take center stage and perform, not your self-doubt.

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Do you know what you’ll have after today?

After today, you’ll have one day less.

You’ll have one day less to pursue your dreams and goals.

You’ll have one day less to spend time with the people you love.

You’ll have one day less to tell them that you love them.

You’ll have one day less to remind yourself just how lucky you were to be here.

You’ll have one day less to be you.

Life is one big subtracting machine, and each day that goes by gives you one day less. Although your age increases, you can’t add days to your life; you can, however, add life to your days.

As the old cliché goes, ‘Today is a gift, and that’s why it’s called the present.’ And like many clichés, there’s some truth to it. However, the gift you’re given each day cannot be collected or stored; it must actually it will be spent whether you want to or not.

So what will you do with your gift of today?

What will you do to add life to your days?

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Heads, I win; tails, you lose.

How do you like that deal?

Does it work for you?

It works for me.

I love being right and winning every time.

How about you?

The temptation to always be right is so alluring that the cost associated with it is often forgotten. And you incorrectly think that the other person has lost, but you, too, have incurred a loss. You just haven’t experienced it yet.

Buried deep down in human nature is the need for survival, which is inextricably tied to the desire to defend ourselves. This need can also manifest itself in the need to be right.

But it can come at a cost.

All relationships begin as fragile structures, and if individuals consistently feel like they need to defend themselves, then cracks will begin to form.

Best-selling author Eckhart Tolle describes the need to be right “as a form of violence. At its mildest, it is inflexibility. At its height, it manifests as dominance. The compulsion to inflict our opinions of the world on another originates in fear. Its opposites are humility and compassion.”

Walking away from an argument or conceding to being wrong is extremely difficult to do, but it is possible.

There’s a great question you can ask yourself.

Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?

Obviously, like any other tool, this question will not work every time. But if nothing else, if the question gives you the opportunity to pause for a moment and evaluate the situation at hand – it has done its job.

Heads I win, tails you lose might seem attractive at first glance, but the problem is that the person you’re playing with will eventually catch on and will no longer want to engage in your game.  Learning to occasionally concede in relationships doesn’t make you a loser; it gives you the opportunity to play again.

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What are your thoughts about IFTTT?

I apologize. First, let me explain what IFTTT stands for.

If This, Then That.

In the world of software development, IFTT is a conditional statement, and there are tools that help developers automate conditional actions.

What are your default conditional actions and statements?

We all have a set of automated reactions and responses that guide us through our day because it would be exhausting to make decisions about each situation as it arises.

However, the challenge occurs when your automated responses begin to cause problems. When your internal IFTTT statements no longer provide the outcomes you’re seeking.

When your IFTTT statements have, in fact, become your habits.

The good news is that you, too, can change your IFTTT statements, just like the software developer.

You can choose any of the following statements or even create your own.

If this, then what?

If this, then maybe.

Or even a firm. If this is the case, then no.

The ‘if’ is the trigger that sets your conditional statements.

You have the power to change your IFTTT statements. If you pay attention, you’ll quickly learn that the ‘if’ is your first opportunity to edit how you will respond to external and internal triggers.

Remember, conditional statements are just that, conditional statements. They are only permanent if you want them to be.

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What are our common denominators?

If you remember fractions from your math class, the common denominator was when the number under the numerator (top number) was the same.

Well, as people, we all have common denominators.

We all have things in common that we strive for and work towards.

You can boil them down to a degree of comfort, a desire to feel as though you are loved, friendship, and some semblance of predictability or stability in life.

If you spend enough time with people, you will find that these denominators—and perhaps a few that I’ve missed—are what bind us together as humans. We are all essentially seeking the same things in life; we’re just going about it in different ways.

Once you realize that the person next to you or across from you is just like you, you can begin to have the same empathy for them that you hope people have for you. Although your physical appearance is different from each other, deep down, your desires are the same.

Seeing people as you see yourself can change your perspective on almost every interaction with another person. If you let it, they will feel it. You will begin to exude natural warmth because you’ll start treating other people how you want to be treated.

When you begin to focus on the common denominators, they will become amplified, and you will transition from an individual mindset to a collective mindset. You will begin to behave in a way that’s not just good for you but also good for everyone.

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What does the ideal occupation look like?

What does the ideal person look like?

What does the ideal relationship look like?

The ideal of anything is a fiction created in a moment.

It’s when your mind allows all the best qualities it can imagine to come together and form an ideal of an object, person, or situation. The problem is that your mind cannot distinguish the difference between imagination and reality, so when it conjures up the image of the ideal, it does so in a space where little else exists.

In fact, even one dictionary definition of ideal is “existing only in the imagination; desirable or perfect but not likely to become a reality.”

How often have you tried to pursue an ideal image in an area of your life?

What did you learn?

I’m not attempting to dissuade you from pursuing your dreams or goals, nor am I suggesting a version of an ideal isn’t possible. What I am saying is that there will always be a difference between your imagination and reality, and the degrees of differences will depend on a case-by-case basis.

For instance, if you imagine an ideal inanimate object, the odds of creating it are much higher because you are manipulating molecules to meet certain specifications. But if you try to do the same thing with a person or situation, the likelihood that you will succeed is very slim.

In most cases, pursuing an ideal version of anything can be considered a fool’s errand, especially if you compare your real life to your idealized life.

And imagine if you could create a reality where all your ideals came true. It might sound good for a moment, but do you remember what happened in the fable of King Midas?

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Where are your scars?

If you’ve lived at all, you will accumulate scars. And each scar will have a story.

Scars are the consequences of emotional and physical wounds. 

Some scars, products of accidents and procedures, will be visible and easy to explain.

Other scars will be invisible, caused by emotional experiences and complicated relationships.

Wounds caused by physical encounters will often heal quite rapidly because nature has a wonderful way of doing her work if you let her.

However, emotional wounds will not scar unless you let them.

You might choose to leave them open a little longer so that they remind you of your experience. Maybe you never want to forget the joy or pain you went through, so you let the wound stay open just a little longer before it scars.

And yes, joy can cause emotional scarring, too. Many a broken heart is the result of such intense joy and pleasure that leave a vacuum for pain to fill when they’re gone.

Life is an emotional battlefield, and the likelihood that you will go through it unscathed is very slim. Your scars will serve as emotional braille. Read them to remember your experiences, both good and bad.

Ultimately, your accumulation of emotional and physical scars will be your reminder that you were here and took all that life had to offer.

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How’s your relationship?

With yourself?

Is it good?

Do you enjoy being you?

If not all the time, then at least most of the time?

Are you kind to yourself when you make mistakes?

Do you practice self-forgiveness?

Do you love yourself regardless of what happens in your life?

If you can’t fully accept, forgive, and love who you are, how will you allow others to do so?

Practicing compassion and love for yourself doesn’t mean you stop striving to improve yourself—if that’s important to you—but it does mean accepting the current version in its full form.

Almost everyone has experienced the voice of their inner tormenter just waiting to put them down and taunt them when they make a mistake. For some, the voices are so loud and consistent that it paralyzes them from attempting anything.

Self-love doesn’t eliminate the voice, doubt, fear, or any other such emotion, but it does help you work through them. It provides you with a warm protective blanket, a security that regardless of what happens, you will always love yourself.

Building a strong, loving relationship with yourself is one of the best things you can do for yourself and, ultimately, for those around you. It does take practice, and you might have to remind yourself just how important you are to you. But once you get into the habit of doing so, you will experience a noticeable shift in your life and how you view others, too.

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Do you know that you’re contagious even though you might be feeling fine?

Yes, your energy is contagious.

You can change people’s feelings and moods just by your presence.

Energy is constantly emanating from your body, and people can feel it.

You’ve probably experienced someone asking if you’re okay without you saying anything. That’s because they can feel your energy, also commonly known as your vibe, which is short for vibration.

You can learn to control your energy so that people enjoy being around you. This doesn’t mean you should fake it because people will sense that, too.

Controlling your energy starts with your mind. Your ability to be present in moments without carrying too much baggage from the past and not living too far into the future allows you to create calm energy in the present.

You can then use your calmness as a foundation for admiration, enthusiasm, love, or any other emotion you want to feel in that moment. That’s the energy and vibration that people will experience and feel.

So remember that you’re always radiating energy, and since you’re going to be contagious, why not be the kind of contagious people enjoy catching?

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What is a word?

A word is nothing by itself.

A word is whatever meaning you give to it.

When you were born, you had no concept of words. You were taught to give meaning to words.

What if you were taught incorrectly?

Words are used to give meaning to things so that we can neatly categorize them in our minds. Take something simple like the word tree. Apparently, there are over 60,000 different kinds of trees, but when you see a tree, you just say or think tree and move on because it’s easier to think this way.

This might be okay for objects, but what about words that evoke emotions?

Take the word fair.

If I say, ‘She’s so fair,’ and if you have no idea who I’m talking about, what thought comes to mind?

Does she have a lighter skin tone or a just disposition?

Your answer will depend on the context. Yes, the context for how I use the phrase is important, but so is how you see the world.

Giving too much or too little weight to people’s words will dictate how you feel about them and yourself.

Ultimately, you get to decide how important words are and how much power you give them. Don’t forget that every word you say and hear was made up by someone at some point in time so they could categorize their own personal situation in their mind.

A word meant nothing until someone said it did.

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When was the last time you gave or received a real, genuine hug?

A real hug can be a magical experience.

It can be a reminder that you are not alone.

It can be a simple gesture of support.

It can convey so much in such a short moment. 

The interesting thing about hugs is that they are a universal symbol of affection.

Unfortunately, there have been studies done where babies who were left alone without human touch suffered severe health consequences.

And, after all, aren’t we all just grown-up babies?

Research has been done showing that hugging can help reduce stress and might actually increase heart health.

Now, this doesn’t give you license to become an out-of-control hugger. There are people who, for whatever reason, don’t enjoy or welcome being hugged, and that’s okay, too.

If you use your judgment, you’ll soon learn who appreciates a good hug and who doesn’t.

You’ve been given this magical power of the hug. Hopefully, you’ll get the opportunity to use it often to improve the lives of others and your own. After all, it’s really hard to give a hug and not get hugged back.

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How does it feel to be almost anonymous?

Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

The vast majority of people that have ever lived have lived in relative anonymity.

Even with all the talk about the internet making the world a much smaller place and the ability to have a global presence, which is all true to a certain extent, most people will live in obscurity.

With an estimated global population of about 8 billion people, you represent 0.0000000125% of the worldwide population. And just so you don’t feel alone, you should know that you and I together represent 0.000000025%. As you can see, that’s a lot of zeros before we’re even close to being a whole number.

So, that means most people in the world will never know that you existed. But there are a handful of people that will, and for some of them, you are their world.

You are, and always will be, the most important person they might ever encounter.

You will be the one, the 100% to them.

Although Shakespeare so eloquently wrote, “All the world’s a stage,And all the men and women merely players;They have their exits and their entrances,And one man in his time plays many parts…etc.” He didn’t define the size of the world or the stage.

Your performance on your world and stage is with those closest to you. The ones you interact with daily. The ones whose lives you’ll be able to change and influence forever. The ones you’ll never be anonymous for.

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How long will it take to get there?

This is a common question when planning travel and even during a trip.

And the answer is usually in the form of, well, under current conditions.

Regardless of how reasonable the estimates of time might be before the trip, they will change based on the trip’s length and the day’s conditions.

A short trip is obviously more predictable because fewer factors are involved, and if you’ve taken the trip before, then prior knowledge can also benefit you.

However, long journeys to unknown places are unpredictable, and that’s when you start relying on estimates of current conditions and hoping they continue.

Life is also a long journey to an unknown place with constantly changing conditions. When you set out to work on a goal, it’s just like taking that long trip. All your estimates will be based on current conditions and what you know; however, the larger the goal, the more unpredictable the conditions will be.

This should not dissuade you from attempting to work towards significant goals. However, when you encounter situations you didn’t or couldn’t predict, remind yourself that you’re stepping out into unfamiliar territory and unknown conditions.

Everyone sets out under current conditions. Some get to where they’re going sooner or later than others. Others give up and turn back.

 If your goal is important and meaningful to you, then you’ll appreciate the current conditions and find a way to work through the guaranteed unknown conditions that lie ahead.

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Have you ever used a change machine?

You know, the kind where you insert a paper dollar bill and get coins back.

Your dollar bill is transformed. It’s still money, but it looks and feels totally different.

This is what change is about.

If you want to change anything about yourself, you must be willing to transform parts of yourself completely.

You have to commit to the irreversible metamorphosis the way a caterpillar becomes a butterfly.

Genuine, successful change doesn’t have a middle ground.

Yes, there’s a midpoint during the transformation, but once you’re committed and cross that point, there’s no going back because if you do go back, then you really haven’t changed.

Change is hard.

Change is probably one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do in your life.

Why?

Because change is new, it’s unknown. You’re unaware of what will happen when you change, so, like many others, you stick with the familiar because it’s easier.

The thing is that you were built for change.

Humans are the ultimate change machines.

They have survived for thousands of years because they were able to change.

Fortunately for you, change doesn’t have to be as dramatic as the dollar-changing machine or the caterpillar.

You can do it slowly, but if you want it to last, you must keep moving through the hard parts.

Look, the reality is, physically, you are in a constant state of change. It’s just that you’re doing it involuntarily.

The miracle of nature is doing it all for you.

The change most people desire is mental, and that takes work. Actually, it takes more commitment than work.

The commitment is the work.

If you’re willing to invest in continued commitment to whatever change you want to make in your life, you will experience conscious transformation. If you’re not willing to commit, you will experience frustration.

Keep in mind that you’re not required to change, and you only have to if want to experience life differently than you are right now.

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What are your blind spots?

Before you take offense, don’t worry; it’s not just you. Everyone has them.

Blind spots are the actions, words, or thoughts others notice or understand about you but remain unseen or unrecognized by yourself.

How do you discover your blind spots?

This is the hard part.

Ask people to tell you what they see as your blind spots, and then be open to listening without being defensive.

Athletes are great at this because their livelihood depends on always getting better, so they are continuously open to coaching that helps them eliminate their blind spots.

The majority of people rarely want to know about their blind spots, and this leaves them open to staying stuck in behavior patterns and repeating mistakes.

If you’re not open to external evaluations, then at least make an effort to be more self-aware. Becoming self-aware can be accomplished by monitoring your own behavior and emotions.

A simple journaling exercise that you can do during your day can be beneficial. Learn to pay attention to your feelings when making decisions or having conversations. Learn to tune into your body language when responding and speaking to others. And then take some quick notes to remind you. Very soon, you’ll be able to see patterns of behavior begin to emerge, and then you take steps to continue or correct your behavior based on the outcomes you’re looking for.

If you decide to investigate your blind spots, you can learn more about them by researching the Johari Window. This technique helps people better understand their relationship with themselves and others.

The funny thing about blind spots is that addressing them is an ongoing process because you will always be a work in progress.

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You can only see this.

You can only read this.

No, you can’t have more.

You can only have what I give you.

You don’t know what you’re missing.

You don’t know what you’ll be getting next.

Sorry, you don’t come here for freedom to choose.

Only I decide what you read and see.

And if I do this long enough, I’ll know exactly what you’re thinking because I’m the one prodding and prompting you to think that way.

Are you okay with this?

These are not some ambiguous statements.

These are the agreements, terms, and services you agree to when you engage with media, especially social media.

Imagine how you would feel if someone came into your house and started dictating what and when you could eat and what you could look at.

How would you respond?

Hopefully, you’ll remove them from your home as soon as possible.

Every picture and word you expose your mind to provokes a thought. Even this sentence is stimulating a thought as you read it.

The technology of the infinite scroll is weaponized against you. And you are being coerced into guzzling at the endless trough of information being poured into your mind, most of which doesn’t affect or benefit your life one way or another.

If you don’t believe me, step away from all media for 48 hours and see if your life falls apart.

I’m sure it won’t but don’t worry. If you begin to feel your life crumble, you can always return to it because it will be waiting for you.

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Can you believe she did that?

Can you believe he said that?

What were they thinking?

Sorry, but what were you thinking?

Oh.

I get it.

It’s because that’s not what you would have done or said.

You would have done or said it differently.

Yes, but they aren’t you; obviously, you are not them.

Then why the shock and surprise?

Were you expecting them to be just like you?

Can you imagine a world where we act and react – just like you?

Nope.

Neither can I.

According to science, at our core DNA level, we are 99.9% the same, but it’s that .1% that makes us different in what seems to be millions of different ways.

It’s our differences that make us unique, and yes, that includes you.

So, although you might sometimes have trouble expressing or masking your disbelief about another person’s actions, remember that someone else probably feels or thinks the same thing about you, too.

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When you take the quickest route?

When you shave a few minutes of a meeting?

When you multitask?

When you’re hyper-efficient?

What do you do with all the time you save?

Do you spend it on others or yourself?

Or do you continue to find other ways to save time?

Being effective and being efficient is not the same.

In fact,  there is a considerable body of recent research showing that much of the anxiety and stress that people are suffering from is because they are attempting to do too much in too little time.

Modern machines and computers give the illusion that everything can be made to go faster and more efficient, but humans aren’t machines.

Humans are nature, and nature has its own rhythm and speed.

In nature, we expect a flower or plant to bloom or produce fruit at its own unique speed.

Like nature, each person is unique and endowed with their own ideal operating speed. While there will be times that call for more intensity or speed, performing full out over a long period of time will eventually break machines and humans alike.

If you find yourself attempting to insert efficiency in every aspect of your life, you won’t find that you’ll get life done quicker than anyone else. And if you’re like most people, the time you save will rarely be spent on something more productive or useful.

So you decide.

Do you want to be effective or efficient?

Do you want to be and live like a human or a machine?

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