Are you keeping score?

I can hear you asking – keeping score of what?

Keeping score of whatever is important to you.

In business, there’s a mantra that ‘what gets measured, gets managed.’ But when it comes to their personal lives, people seem to fly by the seat of their pants.

Why is that so?

Let’s take relationships as an example.

It might seem strange or artificial to measure the number of hugs you give or the number of kind words or terms of endearment that you say to a loved one. Maybe you feel as though these actions should be intuitive and based upon how you feel.

But is that true?

What happens when for whatever reason, you don’t feel like expressing kindness or positive emotions?

Should you let your most important relationships fall by the wayside? Should the people around you be punished for how you’re feeling?

Or should you act in a loving manner regardless of how you feel?

I understand that an argument can be made for both sides, but I’m on the side that action precedes emotion. When you act a certain way, you’ll eventually begin to feel that way.

If you’re keeping a score of the number of times you require yourself to say kind words or behave lovingly, then you’ll act regardless of how you feel.

Acting regardless of how you feel because you’re keeping score forces you to pay attention to what is important to you. And you can use this technique as a superpower that can also apply to other areas of your life.

So, whatever area of life you’re trying to maintain or improve, start keeping score. Write down metrics that, if you know if you’re able to beat or maintain, would move you towards the outcomes in life you’re seeking.

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Where does your time go?

How often do you lose track of time only to realize that an hour, a day, or in some cases another week has slipped away?

While we all have the same amount of time, have you noticed how some people seem to be more productive or have more time than others?

Why do you think that is?

Before I go on, let me clarify that productivity can be measured in many ways and is not a competition.

Now back to our conversation about time.

While I can’t tell you there’s one sure shot recipe that works for everyone, I can tell you from conversations and observations of people that seem to have more time is that they’ve learned to and committed to prioritizing their time.

They have committed to using their version of the Big Rocks technique.

For your convenience and in the interest of not reinventing the wheel, here’s a story that illustrates the technique.

One day, a time management expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget.

As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers, he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.” Then, he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?”

Everyone in the class said, “Yes.”

Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar, causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

Then, he asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time, the class was onto him. “Probably not,” one of them answered.

“Good!” he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?”

“No!” the class shouted. Once again, he said, “Good!” Then, he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then, he looked up at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!”

“No,” the speaker replied, “that’s not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.”

What are the ‘big rocks’ in your life?

A project that YOU want to accomplish?

Time with your loved ones? Your faith, your education, your finances? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others?

Remember to put the BIG ROCKS in first or you’ll never get them in at all.

So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the ‘big rocks’ in my life or business? Then put those in your jar first.

Hopefully, you enjoyed this short story, and reading it will prompt you to search for the big rocks in your life, and you’ll no longer feel as though your time has slipped away.

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Whose life would you trade places with and why?

Is it because they’re famous, wealthy, or seem to have it all together and somehow magically figured out life?

While someone’s life might seem glamourous to you, or they seem to have figured out life, trust me when I tell you that everyone has their own problems they are dealing with.

The magnitude and the frequency of problems vary significantly from individual to individual, but no human escapes problems.

The dastardly personality of problems is reminiscent of the pop quiz given in school. They have a habit of appearing when you’re not quite ready for them, catching you off guard and unprepared. And so, like the quiz, you fumble your way through them, hoping to get the answers correct.  However, the biggest difference between the pop quiz and the problem is that rarely is there one right way to solve a problem.

Are there some problems that are beyond your capacity to solve? Absolutely, but fortunately, in most cases, those are few and far apart.

So, if everyone has problems and you can’t avoid them, then what should you do?

Do the best you can.

I know my answer might seem flippant or an easy out, but what other choice do you have?

And, just in case you don’t realize it, everyone else is also doing the best they can.

Of course, over time, experience helps. The better you get at solving, handling, or recognizing problems, the less rattled you’ll be when you encounter them.

So, the next time you find yourself wishing to trade places with someone who you think has fewer problems than you, remind yourself that just because you can’t see their problems doesn’t mean that they don’t have them. And in some cases, when you find out what their problems are, you’ll quickly realize that you’d rather have your problems and not theirs.

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How do you respond when a person doesn’t meet your expectations?

Do you meet them where they are, or do you reject them for not being the person you want them to be?

How often do you show grace and let them be the person they are?

Showing grace to others even when you think they don’t deserve it is one of the most amazing things you can do.

I agree that it’s easy to get annoyed or irritated with people when you feel slighted or wronged by them, but don’t forget, the narrative about being mistreated is about you and not them. It’s about your desire about how you think they should act that’s causing you discomfort.

If we turn the tables for a moment, then don’t you hope that you might be accorded a degree of grace when you ultimately fail to meet the expectations that someone else has for you?

Showing grace is not always easy. What’s easy is falling into behavior patterns that are deeply embedded in your personality. To show grace when you’re angry or frustrated takes a degree of self-awareness and deliberate action because you are intentionally creating a new behavior pattern.

Of course, you’re not required to show grace. You can continue through life as you are, expecting people to live up to your expectations and getting annoyed when they don’t. But that’s going to be a bumpy journey for you and those around you – if they continue to stick around.

Ultimately, showing grace is a choice you get to make. Through your actions and words, you can choose to make people you interact with feel accepted as they are or rejected for who they are. And while you might feel justified in the way you treat them, hopefully, they’ll show grace for the person you are.

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Will you choose to be bitter or better?

When you’re being treated poorly?

When events and situations don’t go as you expected or wanted?

When you fail or lose?

It’s easy and, in some cases, even justifiable to fall into a pattern of feeling bitter towards situations and people that don’t comply with how you believe the world should be. But the same events can also be an opportunity for you.

Feeling annoyed, hurt, and upset are natural emotions, but if you’re going through and feel the pain of these emotions, then why not use them to improve your life?

Being bitter or better is a choice you get to make.

I agree that the idea of being bitter or better might not seem like a choice during the heat of a moment where your idea of how things should be versus the reality you find yourself in, but the option is always available.

Choosing to be bitter or better is all about breaking or escaping your learned pattern of behavior. The problem is that once you’re stuck in a pattern, you begin to believe that it’s unbreakable, and that’s just how you are, and so you react to situations the same way over and over again.

But you don’t have to behave this way.

Yes, it’s not easy to do so, and at first, you will feel out of character and at times even feel as though you’re being taken advantage of, but these feelings are natural as you transition from being bitter to better.

By the way, let me clarify that being better is not about being better than other people. It’s about being better for yourself. It’s about being able to let go of emotions and feelings that disempower you and drag you down.

So, the next time you find yourself faced with a situation that tests your patience or challenges your ego, remind yourself that this is an opportunity, and you do have a choice, to be bitter or better.

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What are your small dreams?

Why am I asking about small dreams?

Good question.

I’m asking because all too often, people get asked about their big dreams, their ‘what if you had a magic wand’ dreams. And while I understand the power of big dreams and their ability to pull you towards them, the idea of big dreams can also be intimidating.

There are also people who don’t have big dreams or, said another way, might seem trivial compared to other people’s dreams. For example, one person’s big dream might be to have a good stable job and raise a healthy family, while another person might want to conquer space. Both are valid dreams, but in the eyes of some, the first dream might seem insignificant compared to the latter.

I understand that it’s impossible to compare dreams because it’s like comparing apples and orangutans. You were probably expecting me to say oranges, and I was going to, but it’s early in the morning, and I’m in a playful mood, so orangutans it is.

Back to comparing dreams.

I know I titled this piece small dreams, but I don’t really believe there are small dreams. In my mind, saying a person has small dreams is akin to saying they have small feet. As long as their feet work for them, then they’re just the right size. And whatever dreams you have are the appropriate size for you.

So, about your small dreams.

In a world that almost forces you ‘think and act big,’ you might feel hesitant to reveal or pursue small dreams, but I implore you not to feel that way. If you learn to string together a constant stream of small dreams, you might eventually end up with what will look like one big dream. So, ignore the pressure to dream big and give your small dreams the life they’re seeking.

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What does it feel like to be remote-controlled?

If you’re confused, then let me clarify for you.

You’re probably familiar with a TV remote that, via the marvel of engineering, can change the status of a TV from off to on and then go on to change channels with a simple push of a button.

Now I ask you.

Who or what can remotely control you?

What events or people have the ability to change your status, mood, and emotions?

What if I told you that the only way an event or person can change your mood is if you let them?

Would you believe me?

Or are you already arguing the idea that your emotions are within your control?

If your feathers are already ruffled at the notion that you can control your emotions, then please don’t read any further because you’re only going to get more irritated. Or, said another way, it’s almost as if I have access to a remote control to your emotions.

Look, I know what I’m suggesting isn’t easy, and I truly empathize with you because I, too, struggle with being remote-controlled. Still, I can tell you that if you choose to, then with practice, you can significantly reduce the number of events and people that stimulate your emotions.

Let me make one thing clear. I’m not suggesting or recommending you become numb to life and cut off your emotions. I am saying that if you choose to, you don’t have to react and emote every time your buttons are pushed. You can choose not to give attention or energy to any emotion you don’t want to feel.

Of course, it’s ultimately your choice. If you’re okay with being remote-controlled, then continue on, but don’t blame others for how you feel. However, if you’re ready to stop being remote-controlled, then welcome to the world where you’re now responsible for your own emotions.

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What if you viewed your weaknesses as features, not bugs?

First, let me give you a quick clarification of bugs and features. Usually, in software development, a bug is viewed negatively as a problem or weakness. In contrast, a feature is viewed as a positive or a good attribute to have.

All too often, the systems we exist in force us to conform to a set of norms that make it easier for not us but the system to exist. And even though much lip service is given to the idea of being unique and creative, there’s an underlying implication that a person should keep their uniqueness and creativity within the system’s boundaries. And so, you’re taught at a young age that any attitudes or behaviors you have that don’t comply with the system are weaknesses and equivalent to bugs.

But what if your quirks, the so-called weaknesses that you’ve kept muted or have struggled to control, are actually your greatest features?

What if your bugs are what the world needs?

Back in 1997, Steve Jobs had a great quote that illustrated my point. “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. Still, the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do. “

What if your weakness, your inability to comply, is the civil disobedience that’s needed to push and promote change?

Now I understand that there’s risk associated with non-compliance, and it’s much easier to go through life hiding or going along to get along, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with doing so. But if you do, you’ll lead a limited life, and by doing so, how will you ever know just what you were capable of doing?

So, the next time you find yourself focusing on or ruminating about what you consider to be or have been told is a weakness of yours, try to reframe your thinking. Take what you or others might consider a bug and transform it into one of your most powerful features.

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How do you know what’s best for you?

You’re constantly inundated with information and opinions about what you should and could be doing for yourself, so how can you tell what’s best for you?

You can often reveal what is best for you by turning inward.

Whether you realize it or not, you have an inner compass that’s constantly feeding you information in the form of feelings. When you pay attention to your inner feelings, you’ll learn when you’re being drawn to or repelled from ideas, people, and situations.

You’ve probably experienced your inner compass communicating with you in the past but might have decided to ignore it because of social pressures or other reasons.

If you’ve ever walked into a room and had an uneasy feeling or met a person that you didn’t feel comfortable being around, then you’ve experienced your inner compass talking to you.

Before I go on, let me be clear that your inner compass is not judging whether a place or person is good or bad, it’s just telling you that it doesn’t suit you.

So how do you tune into your inner compass?

One way, is to every so often throughout your day, pay attention to the feelings you’re having in association with the tasks you’re doing, the people you’re around, and the environment you’re in. This practice takes time, so the goal is to start slowly and just notice, not judge. Use this time for awareness, not action.

As you get better at noticing the signals from your inner compass, you’ll find yourself, when possible, moving away from situations that don’t suit you and moving towards ones that do. This will take time, and there’s no need to rush the process.

So, the next time you’re thinking about what’s best for you, turn inward and pay attention to your inner compass. While at first, following your inner compass might seem like a selfish thing to do, over the long run, you’ll have more capacity and energy for others because you’ll be better aligned with yourself.

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Imagine for a moment two people in a great relationship?

What would it look like?

Do you see them prioritizing time with each other?

How would they speak to one another?

Would they express kind words and even words of encouragement for each other?

Would they, on occasion, buy gifts for each other?

Would they celebrate each other’s victories and be there to console in times of loss?

If you’re nodding your head in agreement, then you have a good idea of what a good relationship would look like.

So, let me ask you this.

How often do you behave this way with yourself?

Confused?

Well, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. And how you feel about and behave towards yourself will determine how you behave with others.

Think of your relationship with yourself this way. You can’t grow a good healthy plant in poor soil. So, if your relationship with yourself isn’t healthy, it’s going to be difficult for you to have a good relationship with anyone else.

Now you might disagree, and that’s okay. But you know, deep down, when you’re struggling to have a good relationship with yourself, it eventually seeps into your interactions with others.

So, how do you have or improve your relationship with yourself?

You prioritize it.

You put in the work, just as you would with any other relationship that’s important to you.

I don’t need to give you step-by-step instructions on how to have a good relationship because you already know what it takes to do so. However, if you need a few tips, refer to the top of this blog post for ideas of where to start.

So, if you haven’t already, then start working on your relationship with yourself today. Treat yourself just as you would any other relationship you value, and over time, you’ll begin to experience the beauty and pleasure of your most important relationship.

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What kind of failure will you choose?

I know it might sound like a strange question because most people don’t actively seek out failure. They avoid it at all costs.

But when it comes to failure, you have two choices. You can fail by trying but also by not trying.

Which one will you choose?

The bad news about failure is that it is unavoidable. But the good news is that it’s not permanent. When it happens to you, it might seem permanent in the moment, but with time, you’ll come to realize failure is only an impediment on the path you’re on, and there are many other paths.

Yes, there are obvious concerns that are inherent to failure by trying. There are financial risks; at times, there might even be physical risks, and of course, the one that prevents most people from trying is the reputational risk.

What will people think of me if I fail?

Of course, what’s more, important is what you think of yourself if, or more likely, when you fail.

While all the risks I mentioned are valid, there is, in my opinion, even greater risk in not trying. And that is regret.

Regret isn’t a feeling that you grasp until much later in life. And it’s because of its elusive nature that you don’t realize its weight on your psyche and soul until it’s too late.

If you spend time speaking with individuals that are in the twilight years of their lives, you’ll often hear them listing regrets about things they wished they had done. And among the regrets they have, taking more risks is regularly at the top of the list, but they were afraid they would fail. And so, they chose not to try.

So, as you go through your life, you’ll hopefully take a bias towards failure by trying. And the more you do so, the more you’ll become immune to the failures you’ll experience as you mature. And when you’re in your twilight years, you won’t be burdened by regret because you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you chose to try.

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When will you choose to break free from the curse of the familiar?

What’s the curse of the familiar?

It’s what keeps you keeps you stuck where you are?

Now, not all things familiar to you are bad or should be left behind, but on occasion, and if you want to progress or create change in your life, you must be willing to leave the familiar behind.

One of the problems with the familiar is that you have sunk costs associated with it. You’ve already invested time and, in some cases, money, so you feel obligated to stay. But staying will not allow you to recoup the time and occasionally not even the money you’ve invested.

Familiarity also breeds complacency. You begin to lose the appreciation for what you have because you get used to or become numb to your current surrounding and situation.

Familiarity does have its upsides. You know what to do, where to go, and almost always, what to expect. You can let your guard down and relax because you know you’re in a safe space. But life isn’t just about existing in a safe space.

Life is about growth, exploration, and depending on your tolerance, even adventure. And you can’t experience any one of these if you’re not willing to step out of the familiar.

Look, I know leaving the familiar can be scary and sometimes even have real risks associated with it, but it’s what you were designed to do. It’s in your DNA.

So, while surrounding yourself with the familiar might bring you comfort, it will not allow you to grow. For change or growth, you’ll have to break free from the curse of the familiar and step into the realm of the unknown. But don’t worry, once you’ve spent enough time in the unknown, even that will become familiar to you. And then you’ll get to decide all over again.

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What will you learn today?

Or, said differently. What will you intentionally learn today?

It’s easy to go through a day or week and learn things by accident, but intentional learning requires a plan.

Why is it essential to have a plan of continuous learning?

Continuous learning is crucial because you are not going to get very far in life based on what you already know. Sooner or later, you’re going to come to the end of your competence, and then you’ll be stuck where you are.

There’s a difference between getting older and advancing in life. Getting older doesn’t require you to learn anything new. Nature will take care of aging for you. However, advancing yourself takes effort on your behalf. It requires you to take an active role in investing time and energy in learning.

If the idea of daily learning isn’t for you or other obligations constrain you, then weekly, or worse case, even learning on a monthly cadence can do wonders for your life.

Just don’t leave learning to chance. Think of learning by chance, like finding food in a dumpster. Yes, that’s one way to survive, but not ideal.

Fortunately for you, there are now endless resources for learning, unlike just a few decades ago when most of the world’s information was trapped in books. And if you didn’t have access to the books, then your opportunity to learn was limited.

So, commit today to become a lifelong learner. And not a learner that leaves learning to chance. But a learner that has a plan that suits the cadence of your life. Don’t just become an older version of your current self. Use your ability and capacity to learn to become a wiser, more knowledgeable, and informed version of yourself.

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How often do you ask yourself, why is this important?

It’s a great question, especially if you find yourself overwhelmed with choices, tasks, or things to do.

Often what you think is important is based on a story that you’ve created in your mind. Deadlines and other types of commitments might be important, but even then, they might be more about how you feel about yourself versus the actual task.

Evaluating why you think tasks or things are important to you allows you to create your life and spend your energy in ways that are beneficial for you. It also allows you to drop or deprioritize the unimportant.

Deciding what’s important to you can sometimes be painful for you and, at times, for other people in your life. It can be painful for you because you might have to let go of things that you’ve been spending energy on only to realize that you were never really committed to them, or changing your mind might seem like a personal failure.

When it comes to others, well, no one wants to be or likes to be deprioritized, so there’s a chance you’ll deal with some emotional blowback as you prioritize your own life.

The wonderful thing about the question is that the answers can change. As you go through life, the level of importance you give to ideas or tasks can wax and wane. So, you’re continuously adjusting your sails to suit the winds of change.

Ultimately, asking yourself why certain things are important to you to is the most effective way for you to stay on top of your priorities. And the best reason to stick to your priorities is so that you can create the life you want to live.

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What’s the problem with certainty?

While being sure of something might sound good in the moment because you feel confident about a belief or idea, it can also be limiting.

The problem of always being certain is that it limits the room for growth or further understanding. This applies not only to ideas about circumstances or situations but also to other people. If being certain is beginning to sound like a fixed mindset, it’s because it is.

Why does being certain feel good?

Because it removes ambiguity and doubt.

It gives you the feeling of footing on solid ground. But sometimes, that solid ground might be a mirage, and you could just be mired in quicksand.

One way to avoid the trap of certainty is by allowing yourself to view an idea from multiple perspectives. This, of course, requires you to have a degree of openness to different or new beliefs. Doing so can be difficult, especially if you’re so rooted in your identity that you’ve left no room for change.

You see, to adopt a new belief or idea, you must admit you might have been mistaken and leave behind a part of you as you adopt a new point of view. This can be a painful process. But it can also be liberating.

Now, to be clear. I’m not suggesting you never be certain and continuously waver between beliefs and ideas. What I am recommending is that you be open to changing your mind. Perhaps the economist John Maynard Keynes said most succinctly, “When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do?”

So, the next time you find yourself challenged with a new belief or idea that threatens your certainty, take a step back and introspect on why you’re so sure of your position. Open yourself up to the possibility your thinking might be mistaken or outdated. Step away from the confines of your certainty and allow yourself to grow.

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What do you intend to do today?

What will you do?

Where’s the gap?

You’ve probably heard the idiom -the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and while hell in this context might not be a fiery destination ruled by demon, it represents a place aka, the gap, where your dreams go to die.

There’s a significant difference between thinking about doing the right things and doing the right things.

Before I continue, let me clarify that I’m not passing judgment on what the right things are, that’s entirely up to your own discretion.

Staying in alignment with what you want to do, the right things for you, versus what you do, can be challenging, especially in this day of infinite distractions. Culling or avoiding the constant tug on your time and attention is crucial if you want to accomplish the things you set out to do.

But how do you avoid the distractions? By drawing hard and fast boundaries around your intentions. And by being realistic in with your intentions.

Do not burden yourself by overcommitting to what you want to achieve, especially if you know that you’ll have other obligations that will suffer or compete for your time. Because if you do, then very quickly you’ll begin to slip on your commitments, and then you’ll be on the road to, well, you know where.

Identify one or two intentions for your day that you know if executed well or pursued long enough will move the needle for your life in a significant way and then give them relentless focus. Make a habit of doing this, and soon enough, you’ll begin to witness your intentions becoming your reality.

So, crystalize in your mind what you intend to do today. Protect yourself from distractions and pursue your intentions. Avoid the road to hell and keep your dreams alive by staying on track and doing the right things.

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What are your natural gifts and talents?

If you’ve never considered or thought about your natural gifts or talents, then now might be a good time to do so.

While there are many skills you can learn, some will come easier to you than others. This is because due to your unique genetic makeup, you have innate strengths and weaknesses.

One of the keys to living a good life is your ability to tap into your strengths early on in life. This will be challenging at first because the industrialized education system and, to some degree, the social system sets an expectation that you should excel in every subject. And unfortunately, for some time, you will have to endure the discomfort of not being able to only focus on your strengths and will have to work on your weaknesses.

If you’re fortunate, then you’ll discover your natural gifts and talents at a young age, or someone will see them in you and point you in a direction that builds upon them. But, if you haven’t been so lucky, then not to worry, it’s not too late.

If you’re unsure what your gifts or talents might be, then one way to discover them is to think about things that you’re naturally good at or come easily to you. Not easy in the sense of no effort, but in a way, you don’t mind putting in the effort. For example, a musician might be naturally gifted but willing to spend hours practicing because she enjoys the work.

The good news is that everyone has specific gifts and talents, and while yours might seem similar to others, they can still be unique in the way you wield them.

So, spend some time today thinking about your unique gifts and talents. Look back through your life and begin to connect the dots between activities that energized you and where you excelled versus those when you didn’t.  Tap into and build on your natural gifts and talents to become the best version of you.

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How often do you find yourself trying to control every aspect of your life?

Even though at an intellectual level, you probably know that so much of what you encounter daily is out of your control. From inbound requests for your time and attention to unexpected illnesses and interruptions, all beyond your direct influence.

However, through the barrage of incoming, you still attempt to control as much as possible because if you don’t, you begin to feel irresponsible or neglectful. And when things begin to fall through the cracks, and you lose control, you experience anxiety and frustration.

It’s easy to let the feelings of anxiety and frustration overwhelm you because you feel as though only you’re responsible for all that happens in your life. But you don’t have to feel that way.

You can choose to let things go.

Letting go is not about abdicating responsibility or ignoring issues. It’s about trust. It’s about knowing that you’ll make the best decisions and take the appropriate actions as often as possible, but you don’t always have the ability to control the outcomes.

If letting go sounds like surrender, it is, but it’s an active, not passive surrender.

Letting go is about taking control of how you feel about what happens to you.

Letting go is about being a peace with yourself.

So, the next time you find yourself grappling with every aspect of your life and struggling to stay in control, try letting go instead. It might be hard at first but shift your thinking from attempting to control your external environment to control your inner self. Experience the sensation of peace and freedom of letting go.

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How does it feel to live with your harshest critic?

You know the one I’m talking about.

It’s the one that lives in your head, your inner voice.

The little voice in your head makes you feel as though you’re not good enough or don’t have the ability or talent to attempt the things you’re thinking about doing.

Entirely escaping your harshest critic is nearly impossible because it’ll always be there to remind you about that one time you tried and failed or that you’ll never be as good as so and so. Then there’s also the who do you think you are question that it uses as an ace in the hole when no other tactics are working.

But what could you accomplish if you could free yourself from your harshest critic?

Quieting or going against the voice in your head is no easy task but is almost a requirement if you want to achieve anything worthwhile in your life. And yes, I understand and agree that the idea of worthwhile is a subjective point of view.

How do you quiet or ignore your harshest critic?

This is a difficult question to answer because, on the one hand, you feel as though you’re going against your better judgment; you’re taking a risk and putting yourself potentially in harm’s way. And this might be true in certain circumstances. But what are the risks, and can they be mitigated, or can you live with them?

When it comes specifically to risk, you should evaluate what would happen if and how you would feel if you didn’t move forward. Oh, and just to let you know, your inner critic will always only show you the dark side of what would happen if.

So, the next time you’re thinking about attempting something new or different, and you hear your harshest critic telling you all the reasons you shouldn’t, hear it out. Once it’s done talking, then it’s your job to decide whether you’re going to hold yourself back because you believe everything it said or move forward and pursue the things you want to accomplish.

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How can you avoid being judged by others?

It’s a trick question. You can’t.

There’s no avoiding being judged by other people. It’s what people do. If you’re honest with yourself, then you’ll admit that you do it too.

Some people will express their judgment of you openly, while others will be more subtle about it. Occasionally people will judge you with malice, and even from a competitive viewpoint, and at other times, they will judge you with curiosity.

The judgment stems from humans constantly sizing up and comparing themselves to each other.

Since you can’t avoid being judged by others, then the next question is, how will you let the judgment of others determine how you live your life?

Now it would be easy for me to suggest you ignore the judgment of others and just move on, but that’s easier said than done.

So, let me ask you this instead.

How often do you think people are judging you? What I mean by this is, are people actively voicing their judgement of you, or are you interpreting their looks and language as judgement?

I ask because quite often, we, yes, we, are experts at judging ourselves. And we’re also very good at making up stories about other people’s views of us. So, while they might not be judging us, we think they are. In this case, instead of assuming that you’re being judged, wait until a comment or question validates your assumption.

When someone does vocalize their judgment of you, you have a choice. You don’t have to accept it as the truth. It is, after all, their point of view about you. You can always choose to ignore it or think about it and then decide whether their judgment is valid.

So, now that you know that people will always judge you, you have a decision to make. You can live in the shadow of judgment from others, or you can step out into the light and live your life because you know you’ll be judged if you don’t or judged if you do. So, you might as well do.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.