What’s your number one rule?

Or, perhaps said differently, what’s your number one value?

For example, most medical school graduates commit to an oath of ‘do no harm.’ Essentially promising to use their judgment to do what’s best for their patients.

I understand that physicians commit to this oath in a professional capacity, but what if you had to commit to your own personal oath? An oath, value, or rule that you had to always abide by.

What would be your oath?

Now I get that life is complicated, and it might be difficult or, in some cases, almost impossible to abide by or commit to one rule or oath, but what if you could get close? What if it was your fallback position?

Let’s use the example of a quote by Dalai Lama. He says, “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”

Is it always possible?

I don’t know. I guess it depends on how self-actualized you are or your level of self-control. But even if it’s not always possible, how would life look if it were mostly possible?

Being kind is just one example of a personal commitment or oath. But there are many you could choose from. You could commit to telling no lies, always be helpful, or you could even choose to do no harm.

Committing to an oath or rule will not make you a perfect human being. No one is perfect, and even the Dalai Lama has been known to get angry occasionally. No, committing to a rule is about bringing you back; it’s about centering and reminding yourself of the person you want to be.

So, put some thought into the kind of person you want to be and commit to your own personal oath. Do this so when life or people begin to test you, and you’re not sure how to respond, you can always fall back on your number one rule.

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What will you do with your imagination today?

Your imagination is one of the most beautiful and powerful faculties you have. Your imagination can transport you to worlds of your choosing. It can create endless amounts of beauty, but it can also cause you pain and suffering.

Actively using your imagination to create, build, and envision a beautiful future is something you can do right now sitting where you are.

But imagination is also a double-edged sword.

You can also use your imagination to think about problems that don’t yet exist or wonder what people may or may not be saying about you. Essentially using your own imagination to torture yourself emotionally.

Almost everything you see around you in the built environment was once a part of a person’s imagination. They saw it in their mind’s eye and brought it to life. And if you believe in a higher power, you could even go so far as to say that even the natural world is the product of that power’s imagination.

Your imagination is an infinite power and is only limited by the boundaries you define. And only you can choose to stifle it or let it run wild. It’s your own personal superpower.

So, harness the power of your imagination today, and instead of letting it drift towards disempowering thoughts, drive it towards beautiful and creative ideas. Use your superpower to create a world in your mind in which one day you might reside.

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How do you manage your personal energy?

You have a finite amount of physical and mental energy, and each day you must decide how you’ll use it.

While you might not deplete the entire amount of energy you have on a daily basis, there are times during the day when you’ll feel as though you have more energy than at other times.

The majority of people have the most energy after a good night of sleep since the body and brain have the opportunity to rest and recover. However, there are some individuals that do function better in the latter half of the day.

It’s important to recognize that managing your energy is more important than how you manage your time. What’s the use of having time to perform a task if you don’t have the energy to do so? And if you force yourself to perform in a low energy state, it might take you twice as long, or more, to perform the same task, so then your time management goes out the window.

Learning your own personal energy cycles takes some time but pays off handsomely in the long run. You see, since you can’t control time, knowing how or when to make the best use of the time is more beneficial. Essentially aligning your prime energy cycles with the time you have will give you the best results.

Now I know that you will not always be able to align your personal energy cycles with what’s going in your life because of external obligations and other events beyond your control. But that shouldn’t prevent you from learning your peak energy cycles to know how to use them best when you have access to time.

So, take some time to learn your energy cycles. And then use your energy to create, to produce, and to grow. Manage your energy to make the most of time and ultimately the life you have.

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When will you give yourself permission to change?

If you’re seeking change in your life, then there will come the point when you have to give yourself permission to do so.

Why do you need permission to change?

Because when you attempt to change any part of your life, you’re leaving a previous version of you behind. And this can be unsettling if not daunting.

You see, you are very attached to who you are. After all, the person you currently are has helped you navigate life up to this point, and since you’re still alive, it’s done so with a degree of success. But now you want some aspects of your life to be different, and to do so; you’ll need to leave behind or refuse to identify with parts of the old you.

The problem with trying to leave or change parts of your life is that their gravitational pull is powerful. Since they’ve been with you for so long, they’re continuously working to pull you back to them. And these are the parts of you that you need to ask permission to change.

Asking for permission to change begins with acknowledging and being grateful for the parts of your life that you want to leave behind. After all, they served you well by keeping you alive. But now you want something different, and you must give yourself permission to move on.

Giving yourself permission to change will help eliminate your internal conflict between the person you are and the person you want to be.

So, if you’re seeking to change parts of your life, then give yourself permission to do so. Become the person you want to be, but start by thanking the person you are, the one that got you to the place you are today.

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How often do you ask yourself; how do I get there?

Or, what’s my next step?

If you’re not asking yourself some version of these questions regularly, then it might indicate that you’re going through life without any specific direction in mind. And while having direction is not a requirement of life, it does make it more interesting.

Not having direction in your life might also mean that you’re lost, which is fine if that’s how you want to go through life, but if it’s not, then now might be a good time to stop and ask for directions.

But who would you ask?

Well, before you ask, you need to know where you’re going.

As Lewis Carrol wrote in the exchange between Alice and the Cheshire Cat in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland:

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.

“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.

“—so long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added as an explanation.

“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

Somewhere is the place you’ll end up if you don’t begin to get specific about your destinations in life. And yes, I used the plural of destination because you might have different goals for the various stages of your life.

Once you’ve decided on a destination, then you can begin to map out your journey. You can also begin to ask others for help, and who knows, you might even enlist a few fellow travelers that will support you on your way.

So, spend some time thinking about where you want your life to go and start asking yourself, how do I get there? The more frequently you ask, the more answers you’ll get. And think of each answer as a stepping stone that will lead you closer to the destination you’re seeking.

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When was the last time you had a new experience?

If you’re like many adults, then you’re probably caught up in the humdrum routine of everyday life. And while routines can be helpful, they can eventually lead to a numbness towards life.

Why should you explore new experiences?

Well, there are a few reasons.

New experiences stimulate your brain, and they almost force your brain to grow and to adapt to the experience’s novelty. A new experience can also change your perspective on life and stimulate new ideas.

Researchers have tied the desire to have new experiences as a predictor of longevity. The term they’ve coined for this behavior is neophilia.

How you feel about the idea of a new experience depends on your personality. If you’re risk-averse or shy, then maybe the idea of experiencing something new isn’t as appealing to you. And I understand, and for you, I recommend baby steps. If you’re the gregarious, living life to the extreme kind of person, then this blog post is probably irrelevant for you.

Injecting your life with new experiences doesn’t need to be overly time-consuming or break your budget, but it does require deliberate action. You must seek them out because they rarely show up in your life.

So, open your calendar today and schedule in time for a new experience. It could be something as extravagant as a trip to a place you’ve never been before or something as simple as trying new cuisine. Think of new experiences as opportunities and then leverage them to lead a fuller, more exciting life.

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How does language shape your experience?

The language you use to define your experiences is and will be how you remember your experience, and you create expectations based on your previous experiences.

While you navigate your surroundings physically, it’s the language or, more specifically, the words you use that define your interactions. This also applies to your interactions with the people you interact with.

The words that come out of your mouth, or even more important, the words you say to yourself shape not only your current reality but also your future expectations. And the constant narration in your head directly influences how you feel about yourself and other people.

The language you use literally shapes your thinking. How you describe people, places and situations will be how you experience them.

Think about this for a moment. Your brain exists in a dark box, and while your senses feed it information, your brain can only understand the sensations once they are interpreted via language.

So why am I harping on about language and experiences?

Good question.

Because, if you believe or if I’ve managed to convince you that language is what shapes your experience, then you now have the power to shape your experiences.

When you find yourself in situations, whether you’re interacting with the physical world or with people, you have the ability, through the language you use, to change your perception of the situation.

Now I’m not suggesting you ever jeopardize your well-being by ignoring potentially harmful threats, but as long as you’re in a relatively safe and secure environment, you can tweak your perception of reality on command.

So, the next time you find yourself narrating an experience with a person or situation, think about the language you’re using. And realize that you have the power to change how you experience and ultimately feel about the situation and or the person by changing the language you use to describe it.

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When you win, is there someone you can help win?

In this context, winning doesn’t necessarily mean winning a competitive event; it means succeeding in any area of life.

So, when you succeed in an area of your life, what can you do to help one other person succeed in their life?

Imagine for a moment a world in which everyone adopted a win and help win attitude. A world in which every individual is committed to sharing knowledge, skills, and resources with one other person.

While we don’t live in a utopic world, at least not for now, nothing is stopping you from adopting a win and help win way of life.

Now you might be thinking that life is competitive, and you need to beat others to win, and I understand your feelings, but in the long run, collaboration beats competition. Even professional athletes who get paid to win have been known to train with competitors to help and learn from each other.

Albert Einstein was once asked in a letter by a lady, “why are we alive?” To which he responded, “The question “Why” in the human sphere is easy to answer: to create satisfaction for ourselves and for other people.” Which I interpret to be, to win, and help win.

So, as you go through your day today, adopt a win and help win attitude. Ask yourself what knowledge, skills, and resources you can share with one other person. And let’s all win together.

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What’s your crazy idea?

I know you have one, if not many.

Go ahead, you can tell me. No one’s listening.

We all have crazy ideas. It’s what humans do.

Look around you. Your life is filled with other people’s crazy ideas. In fact, you’re reading this on a crazy idea.

If you’re reading this text on a screen, then you might even be aware that this text doesn’t exist as text but a series of ones and zeros.

Your crazy ideas stem from your experiences and the unique way in which you view the world. While others might have similar ideas, none will have the same idea as you.

If you look back in history, you’ll find that people were thinking about and attempting to build pyramids to flying machines that suited their unique cultures. The results might seem similar, but the way they got there was very different.

Even today, you’ll find variations of crazy ideas. From automobiles, clothing, computers, medicine, and everything in between, you can see people expressing their crazy ideas.

Crazy ideas do not always have to be tied to financial gains. Many of the crazy ideas that have made huge financial gains didn’t start that way. They began as an individual’s desire to see their crazy idea come to life.

So instead of dismissing your crazy ideas, write them down, talk about them, and don’t worry if people reject them as crazy. Always remember that it’s because of crazy ideas that humans have survived and thrived so far. And if we want to continue to do so, then we’ll need many more crazy ideas.

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What is your view of work?

Do you think of work as a necessary evil or something you get to, or want to do?

Your work can be one of the most personally satisfying and fulfilling areas of your life, especially if you can find that is meaningful for you.

Now there’s a chance that not every job you have on your career trajectory will seem meaningful at the time, but those times when you’re feeling dissatisfied are opportunities for you to think about the kind of work you’d like to do.

Finding meaningful work is one of the best things you can do for your life. But doing so is not always easy. You might choose a job or career early in life-based on your current personality and interests to find that the work is not what you thought it would be. Many careers seem interesting or glamourous from the outside looking in, but once you’re in them, they can very quickly lose their luster and become mundane.

If you find yourself in a job or career you’re no longer enjoying, then instead of being annoyed or frustrated, use the opportunity to learn.

Recent statistics show that people change jobs an average of twelve times during their working life, and most adults work for about thirty to forty years. As you can tell, your career journey will ebb and flow.

So, what will be your view of work on your career journey?

The sooner you find work that aligns with your interests and values, the more meaningful your career will be. So, rather than chase every job opportunity that’s presented to you, take time to evaluate, especially if you have the luxury of time to do so. Choosing your work carefully might be the difference between you having a career that’s meaningless or meaningful to you.

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How good are your interpretation skills?

While you might not consider yourself to be an interpreter, you are.

As you read this, your brain is scrambling to make meaning, to interpret the words you’re reading.

Fortunately for you and me, the words I’ve written so far are fairly straightforward and leave very little room for misinterpretation.

But that’s not always the case.

What do you think of when you read the following words?

Tolerate.

Manipulate.

Love.

Hate.

These are just a few words that by themselves carry no weight, but when put into context, they can elicit strong emotions.

But whose context?

For example, let’s take the word manipulate.

What did you think of when you read it?

I’m almost certain it wasn’t the following definition.

To treat or operate with or as if with the hands or by mechanical means especially in a skillful manner.

This is the first definition of the word manipulate in the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

One of the major causes of miscommunication is misinterpretation. A person hears someone say something, and they contextualize it based on their personal experience and background. And instead of seeking clarification, they respond based on what they think the person is saying.

Now there’s really no way to avoid the initial misinterpretation because your brain is lazy, just like everyone else’s, so to conserve energy, it finds the definition that it most commonly uses. But, if you want to eliminate or reduce misinterpretation, then it’s your job to override your brain and seek clarification.

So, the next time you find yourself in a situation where you hear someone say, ‘that’s not what I meant.’ Pause for a moment and ask them to restate or clarify what they said. Not only might this lead to less conflict in your life, but the next time you’re misinterpreted, they might do the same for you too.

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How do you deal with an irreversible decision?

Fait accompli, what’s done is done.

You can’t change it.

Will there be repercussions?

Absolutely.

For how long?

It depends on the decision you made.

A trivial decision will result in a small, sometimes negligible, repercussion. And then there are those big decisions that can be life-altering.

But again, neither can be undone.

You can, however, learn from decisions you’ve made and wish you could change.

A vital life lesson is not to repeat mistakes or said another way, the poor decisions you’ve made.

So how do you avoid making poor decisions?

Great question.

There’s no perfect answer, but for a start, you can learn from your past, and second, when it comes to big decisions, gather as much information as you can. Both require time. The first requires time to introspect and periodically evaluate your life, and the second requires time to think about how your decision will affect your future. And while you can’t exactly predict your future. After you gather information, you can think probabilistically about how your decisions will play out over your lifetime.

Yes, there will be exceptions to these answers. Treat the exceptions as exceptions and not the rule.

So, if you’ve made bad or poor decisions in the past, then leave them there and look to the future. Life is nothing but decisions made from an endless buffet of choices. And it’s your job to make the best decisions you can, to enable you to live the life you want.

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What is your idea of an ideal life?

Where does your idea of an ideal life come from?

In these modern times, most ideal life scenarios are sold to you via popular media and social media. Most people don’t realize that the job of media and social media is to keep reminding you of all the things you don’t have in your life.

Imagine for a moment that you were born to a family living in a time where there was no access to any media. No knowledge of anything except what you and your immediate family and neighbors experienced.

What then would be your idea of an ideal life?

I’m going to guess that it would be very straightforward. Food, good health, shelter, relationships, and the safety of family and friends would probably be the only priorities you’d focus on. Your ideal life would look so different, perhaps even simple.

Now I know that this is an unrealistic way to view an ideal life in these modern times and that we are spoiled for choice and lured by all the choices that are available to us, but every once in a while, it’s good to remind ourselves that we are the ones that complicate life.

If you’re fortunate enough to have access to food, good health, shelter, relationships, and the safety of family and friends, then maybe you are leading an ideal life, and the rest is just noise?

Let me be clear. I’m not suggesting that you don’t strive to improve your life in any way you see fit. I’m just recommending you don’t go through life idealizing what you don’t have and forget or neglect everything you already possess.

So, the next time you’re thinking about what your ideal life might look like, take stock of all that you already have. Consider for a moment where your ideas of an ideal life stem from. And who knows, you might realize that you already have all that really matters.

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How much time do you spend in the service of others?

Research shows that helping or serving others not only benefits the recipients of the service, but the giver also benefits.

Studies also show that one to alleviate anxiety is to spend time serving others. In many cases, anxiety is caused by an over-focus on the self and worrying about your future. Helping others shifts your focus, at least temporarily, away from your future and to the wellbeing of others.

Committing to serving others doesn’t require you to sacrifice your own health and welfare. You can indeed do good for others and still take care of yourself. In fact, if you don’t take care of yourself, then you will have a hard time finding the energy or resources to help anyone because you’ll be the one in need.

Imagine for a moment what the world would look like if we all committed to the service of each other. The sheer power and energy of billions of people actively looking out for one another would be nothing short of miraculous.

So, make a conscious commitment or practice of serving others regularly. Start where you are today. You don’t have to wait; you can begin where you are by donating resources or time, whatever suits you best. Once you begin to incorporate serving others as part of your life that you’ll find that there will be two beneficiaries, the person you served and you.

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What are your limitations?

While you might have physical limitations that prevent you from excelling in certain activities, you are mostly limited by what you know and by what you do about it.

I know this might sound ridiculously simple, and I’m not trying to trivialize any limitations you believe you have; I’m just sharing what I learned.

Let me ask you this, when did you begin to believe in your limitations?

You see, so many limitations are learned, or should I say adopted before they are even attempted. You’ll often hear them in the phrase, oh, I could never do that, or something similar. And the more honest truth of the matter is a person has a feeling or belief that they can’t do or attempt a particular activity or task.

The interesting thing about limitations is that they’re mostly viewed in a moment and not overtime. Earlier I wrote that you’re limited by what you know and what you do about it. The second half of the preceding sentence is where the magic begins. Yes, you might be correct about your limitations at any given moment, but now what are you going to do about it?

When you bump up against a limitation that you believe you have, you also have choices. You can accept your limitation and live with it, or you can find ways to overcome and breakthrough your limitation. And while it’s easy for me to write the words, breakthrough and overcome, I know and understand that it’s easier said than done.

But what have you got to lose?

It might take time and effort to shed any limitations you think you have, but that’s what growth is about. There’s only one time in life that we all have in common when growth is no longer possible, and it’s at the end.

So, the next time you find yourself being held back by your limitations, remember you do have a choice. You can choose to hold on to them and use them as a reason or excuse not to move forward or pursue what you want, or you can decide to act and do something about them. Hopefully, you’ll choose the latter and become the person that’s waiting for you on the other side of your limitations.

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How does entrainment effect your life?

In case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t misspell entertainment.

One definition of the word entrainment is the process whereby two interacting oscillating systems assume the same period. An example of this is if you mount two clock pendulums side by side on the wall, they will gradually begin to swing together. They synchronize each other by picking up tiny vibrations they each transmit through the wall.

They synchronized by picking up tiny vibrations they each transmit through the wall. I find that fascinating.

Author Ursula Le Guin described this beautifully when she wrote, “any two things that oscillate at about the same interval, if they’re physically near each other, will gradually tend to lock in and pulse at exactly the same interval. Things are lazy. It takes less energy to pulse cooperatively than to pulse in opposition. Physicists call this beautiful, economical laziness mutual phase locking, or entrainment.”

Why am I sharing this with you?

If you’ve heard the phrases, birds of a feather flock together, or, you are the sum of the five closest people to you, then this is entrainment at work in your life. But I’d like to expand on the previous phrases and tell you that you’re also the sum of the ideas you spend time with.

As Le Guin said, it takes less energy to pulse cooperatively than to pulse in the opposition. You don’t have the energy to continuously fight against or disagree with the people or ideas you spend time with, so eventually, you have few choices. Succumb, cooperate, fall in step, or change the people and ideas you surround yourself with.

It’s not easy leaving the people or ideas you’re comfortable with, but if you ever really want to change your life, it will require you to do so. And if you can’t do so physically, then at least mentally via whatever resources or medium is available to you.

So, if you find yourself seeking change in your life, you need to spend as much time as you can immersing yourself in the people and ideas that have already accomplished what you’re seeking to do. At first, this will feel daunting, but with enough time, you’ll find yourself in entrainment or in sync with your new environment.

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What do you think when you hear the words, overnight success?

The idea of an overnight success is ridiculous because it doesn’t exist. This might sound like a strong statement, but it’s true.

When you hear or read about a person that seems to be an overnight success, it’s because you’re not aware of the years that person toiled in anonymity before they became an overnight success. And the reason is, toiling in anonymity isn’t attractive or sexy and doesn’t garner the same attention as the phenomena of an overnight success.

Look at these two statements.

Person works hard for years and then becomes successful in their chosen endeavor or craft.

Person becomes a success overnight.

Which one makes you ask how?

If you’re like most people, then it’s the second statement that will intrigue you, and understandably so. I mean, who would want to work for years to become successful when it can be achieved overnight?

If you want to be successful in any area of your life, you must invest time. How much time is going to depend on the endeavor you’re pursuing. And in some cases, you won’t know for a long time if you’ve been successful.

You see, success can mean different things to different people. For some, it might be something as simple and tangible as accruing dollars or winning games. And for others, it might be as nebulous as great relationships or being a great parent. Both are very hard to measure. The one thing all successful ventures have in common is that they don’t happen overnight.

So, the next time your attention is captured, or you’re intrigued by someone you think has achieved overnight success, remind yourself that what you’re seeing is a snapshot in time, a finished product. You and most other people will have no idea how much time and effort they invested in becoming an overnight success. And if you desire to become an overnight success, you too will have to invest an unknown amount of time in becoming one.

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How are you enjoying your wonder years?

What are wonder years?

Wonder years are years of your life filled with curiosity and wonder that leave you in awe and feeling grateful that you have the opportunity to experience life.

I’ll be the first to agree with you that due to the ups and downs of life, it can be difficult to maintain a sense of curiosity or wonder on a daily basis. However, when you do take the time to lift your head from your daily minutiae, take a moment to reawaken your childhood curiosity.

Taking time to view the world through the lens of curiosity and wonder will open doors for your imagination to explore possibilities beyond your current realm of thinking. And this can be helpful if you’re stuck in a problem you’re facing right now because, as you might know, and it is rumored that Einstein said, “problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.”

Curiosity and wonder are two free and readily available tools to you whenever you call on them. Don’t let age, lack of resources, or circumstances prevent you from tapping into them whenever you need or want to.

So, from now on, hopefully, you’ll make the time to use curiosity and wonder as your magical muses to make every year you’re alive a wonder year and leave you in awe of your life.

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Are you extrinsically or intrinsically motivated?

Take a moment, or a day or two to think about the question.

I know, who has a day or two to ponder a question. But it’s a very important question and deserves a fair amount of thinking time.

If you’re not quite sure about the definitions, then let me help you. Extrinsic motivation is when you receive external rewards that can be psychological or tangible, such as fame, money, or trophies. In contrast, the intrinsic reward is doing something for self-satisfaction or self-fulfillment.

While both motivators are valid, if you’re only or mostly extrinsically motivated, then you’re constantly at the mercy of the whims and wishes of other people. You’re motivated to act in ways that might not be self-fulfilling because what you’re seeking requires you to seek external approval.

On the other hand, if you’re intrinsically motivated, then you’ll take actions that align with your internal compass, actions that satisfy your own self-fulfillment. You’ll behave in a manner that’s closer to who you really are.

Both extrinsic and intrinsic motivation have pros and cons, and with attention and practice, you can learn to use them as tools throughout your life.

There will be situations and times in your life when you might have to succumb to the constructs of society and play the game of extrinsic motivation, and that’s okay. Just realize you’re doing so and work to use the opportunity to your advantage. However, for the long game, learn to rely on your intrinsic motivation because it will allow you to express your true personality.

So, now might be a good time to review the question I asked at the beginning. Use the question as a tool by asking yourself regularly if you’re extrinsically or intrinsically motivated. And then use your answers to shed light on your actions and help guide you through your life.

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Do you view the world you exist in as mostly good or bad?

Why am I asking?

Because how you view the world will determine your actions.

If you view the world as a negative place, one where people are out to get each other and take advantage of each other, you will behave accordingly. You will limit your interactions with others because you’ll be skeptical of their motives. And more than likely, you will live from a position of scarcity, spending your time and energy holding on to and protecting what you have because of your lack of trust in others.

On the other hand, if you view the world as being mostly a good safe place, you’ll be more willing to trust other people. This, of course, leads to opportunities to collaborate and help one another accomplish dreams and goals together. You’ll live from a place of abundance, not concerned that people will take advantage of you or take what you have.

Now I agree that there is and should be a healthy place for pessimism when required. You should be careful and conduct some due diligence before committing to relationships, whether they be personal or professional. But, except for the rare exception, giving people the benefit of the doubt and thinking of them as good increases your positive view of the world.

While there’s no doubt that there are people in the world that do bad things, most people are trying to their lives like everyone else. They are working to do well for themselves and their families. So, if you begin to view them and the world as being a good place, then they might view you as being good too. And who knows what you, we, can all accomplish with a positive world view.

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