Measuring Up

The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have. Vince Lombardi

How much do you weigh?

I weigh 172 on my scale at home and 180 on the scale at the doctor’s office.

According to the experts, I’m overweight at 5’9″ and 175lbs, and my BMI is too high.

What size shoes do you wear?

Depending on the brand, I wear 10.5 in sneakers and 10 or 11 in dress shoes.

What size jeans do you wear?

I wear a 32 in the Lucky brand and 33 in the Gap brand, and 34 in dress pants.

I consume between 1000 and 2000 calories daily, depending on what the packages say.

How about you?

I have a confession to make.

I really don’t know what any of these numbers really mean.

Do you?

What other arbitrary numbers do you use to measure yourself against?

Friends?

Followers?

Grades?

Likes?

Income?

Square footage?

0-60mph?

Etc…

Measurements of who you are and how you should be, begin to enter your life ever so subtly until you’re using them to guide your life without ever asking why.

If you’re going to measure yourself against numbers, then at least be curious about the numbers. Just in case you get to the end of your life only to realize that the numbers were all made up and that measuring up meant nothing.

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Without a Care in the World

Do you remember the last time you felt genuinely carefree?

The last time you woke up and didn’t think about passing grades, fulfilling financial commitments, or navigating complicated relationships?

When the morning came, and you didn’t even know what day or time it was?

Waking up and falling into the day not knowing or thinking about what would happen next?

The feeling of just being- without a care in the world.

The challenges of everyday life are ever present and always will be, but you don’t have to continuously indulge yourself in a never-ending spiral of caring and concern.

The handful of years where naiveté and innocence, not caring about the ‘real world,’ seems to be reserved for only the very young amongst us, but it’s not.

It’s available for everyone.

Even if just for a few brief moments, you can re-experience the feeling and the freedom of not having a care in the world.

But you have to learn to be present in the moment.

You have to dedicate a little time to cultivating a practice of not living in the past or future.

To find your carefree moments, you can choose deep, focused breathing, moments of gratitude, meditation, or prayer. It’s up to you. Once you find what works for you, relish your moments of bliss without a care in the world.

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Owners Manual

The key is within each of us. No instructions come with it. Raoul Vaneigem

When was the last time you purchased a car?

What about the last cellphone or TV that you purchased?

Do you remember seeing an owners manual?

The manufacturers of these items and so many others provide you with an owners manual so you can learn how to best operate the item.

An important section in an owners manual is the troubleshooting section, essentially a guide about what to do when something goes wrong.

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your perspective, there are no owners manuals for humans.

The great thing is that as an adult, you get to write your own owners manual if you choose to.

You have the fantastic job of telling people how you want them to treat you.

You get to decide what you’re good at and under what conditions you perform best.

You have the privilege of troubleshooting your own problems.

And the best thing about writing your own manual is that it’s specifically made for you, and you get to edit and make changes as you learn more about yourself.

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Debt Management

Wealth is the ability to fully experience life. Henry David Thoreau

What do you think of when you hear the word debt?

Does the word make you think about money and finances?

What about debt in other areas of your life?

What about emotional, physical, and spiritual debt?

How does your life look when you neglect to invest in all areas of your life?

Accruing financial debt is the one area that many people dread and spend most of their time focusing on, but the irony is that for many, it’s the least fulfilling.

What does life look like if all your financial debt is satisfied, but you’re emotionally, physically, and spiritually broke?

It’s cliché to say that at the end of people’s lives, they would trade all they have for one more day of good health or wish they could repair broken relationships, but it’s true.

Just like your financial debts, you will eventually have to pay interest on the other areas of life where you’ve created debt. The difference is that with financial debt, your lenders keep reminding you that you owe them. But the calling of your debt in other areas of life is more subtle until all of a sudden, you find yourself in a deep hole.

Don’t let this happen to you.

Get in the habit of managing your debt by making regular investments in your emotional, physical and spiritual health, and in turn, they will make your financial health all the more worthwhile.

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The Right Choice

When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice. William James

When do you know if you’ve made the right choice?

I’ll wait while you think about it.

(Patiently waiting and whistling a random tune).

If you said, after you make it, then- Congratulations! We have a winner.

You see, there is no right choice.

There is only an outcome that either does or does not align with what you would like to happen.

The interesting thing about choices is that you make them all day long. It’s just that some choices are more critical than others, and the irony is that you can’t avoid making a choice.

One way to navigate the constant stream of choices is to not give them all equal weight. Perhaps you can find a way to automate some of the choices you have or plan for them in advance.

You can also choose to let some situations just unfold without too much mental investment. This way, you can save your mental energy for the bigger, more important choices.

When it comes to important choices, you will never have all the information you need, so eventually, there will come a time when you’ll have to choose to act or not.

Ultimately you have to come to terms with the fact that you and everyone else are making the right choices based on the information and perspectives.

You see, you’ll never know if you’ve made the right choice because, as of now, there is no parallel universe in which you can re-run the identical scenario to see how your other option would have played out.

Coming to terms with the fact that you made the right choice can be difficult, but then that’s a choice too. 

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What’s Your Preference?

Preference is a sentiment, or frame of mind, induced by the erroneous belief that one thing is better than another. Ambrose Bierce

Should the toilet paper hang over or under?

Do you brush your teeth before or after breakfast?

Is it better to shower in the morning or evening?

Is there a correct answer to any of these questions?

In the grand scheme of life, these are trivial questions that lend themselves to individual preferences. But still, people will debate whether there’s a correct way to do any of the activities mentioned above.

How much of your energy is spent fighting for your preferences?

Is your identity tied to your preferences?

Do you feel weak if you don’t stand firm with your preferences?

What if, for one day, you let go of your preferences?

Not compromise, because compromise carries its own baggage, but just let go.

If this sounds ridiculous or even a little scary, that’s even better.

Go ahead and give it a try.

Remember, ultimately, preferences are precisely what they say they are. It’s how you prefer a thing to be, not how it should be.

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Use Your Words

You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life. Zig Ziglar

How many beautiful words do you have in your vocabulary?

Words that you can regularly use to make someone smile, laugh, and feel loved.

What are you doing with these words?

Are you saving them for a special occasion?

Do you know that if you use kind, warm, uplifting words, you won’t run out of them?

Then what are you saving them for?

There’s someone you know that needs to hear something nice today.

There’s a person that’s close to you that is questioning their life.

There’s a person close to you that’s having a hard day.

There’s a person that needs to know that they’re loved.

Tell them today.

You’ve been gifted with the ability to change people’s lives with words. You have a choice to make.

Are you going to use words to tear people down or lift them up?

Use all your beautiful words whenever you can. It might feel strange at first, and people you’re close to might be taken back by your new-found niceness, but deep down, through their suspicion, they’ll appreciate your kindness.

And if you’re struggling with which words to use, here’s a suggestion.

What words would you like to hear someone say to you?

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Undivided Attention

The greatest gift you can give anyone is your undivided attention. Will Schwalbe

What would it look like if during your next conversation you gave the person your undivided attention?

What would it feel like if you focused on every word they said?

Do you think you’re capable of doing so?

The reality is that you can never give 100% of your attention to anything because your brain is wired for survival, so it’s constantly surveying your surroundings.

But what if, even for just a few minutes, you gave them as much attention as you could?

As Stephen Covey said in his 7 Habits book “communication is the most important skill in life.” And the first step to great communication is “first seek to understand.” However, understanding is almost impossible to do if you’re not paying attention.

So give it a try today.

In your interactions and conversations pay attention and see what happens.

Who knows? The person you’re speaking with might give you their undivided attention too.

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The Shadows

When walking through the 'valley of shadows,' remember, a shadow is cast by a Light. Austin O'Malley

What’s the difference between shade and shadow?

You might seek shade on a sunny day and perhaps avoid shadows on a dark night.

Both are caused by the obstruction of light.

What about in your life?

Do you avoid the shadows?

Do the temporary dark moments cause you anxiety and fear?

When you look at an object or painting, it’s the shadows that give it perspective. The shadows provide the depth and richness that is often admired. The same applies to your life too.

It’s difficult to accept or embrace hardship, but without it, life would be flat, and you would be missing the dimension of depth.

Remember, there has to be a source of light for a shadow to exist, and the light can come in various forms. The most potent light will come from inside you. It will be your perspective of how you view the shadows.

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Is Now a Good Time?

Is Now a Good Time?

Is now a good time to go for a walk?

Is now a good time to make ‘the’ call?

Is now a good time to tell them you love them?

Is now a good time to start that new project?

Is now a good time to commit to being healthy?

Is now a good time to say no?

Is now a good time to write that book, letter, or memoir?

Is now a good time for…?

You won’t find now on a calendar or clock, but it’s probably the most critical time in your life.

Now happens in a blink of an eye.

A decision in the now doesn’t have to be huge. It can be as simple as one tiny action or writing something down, whatever it takes to capture your now so you can act on it as soon as possible.

What’s on your now list?

What can you do right now after reading this? Take a minute to write it down.

Now can be the difference between yes, I did, and wish I had.

Is it a coincidence that now spelled backward is won?

Or maybe when you learn to master your now, you’ve won.

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Unbiased Opinions

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. Oscar Wilde

Have you ever shared an unbiased opinion?

Do you believe that you can ever really be impartial?

It’s easy and, at times, reassuring to think that you can, in effect, share an opinion or thought that is void of bias but probably impossible.

You see, your experiences color every opinion you share, and even if you try to prevent your experience from influencing your judgment, it’s already too late.

The ultimate bias lies in self-preservation.

The ultimate flaw in opinions is the need and desire to be or at least appear to be correct, right, or intelligent.

If you really want to express an unbiased opinion, then it’s essential to know and acknowledge that you do indeed have biases. And perhaps even more critical, when you’re seeking advice or the opinion of others, realize that they, too have biases.

The next time you’re swayed by or being influenced by the opinions of others, keep in mind that they’re based on their experiences, not yours. And if you’re ever asked for your unbiased opinion, then be honest and say that you’ll be happy to share your opinion, but it will not be unbiased.

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Residual Odor

What you feed your mind determines your appetite. Zig Ziglar

Do you remember the last time you were in a smoke-filled room or restaurant only to leave with your clothes smelling like the room you were in?

The lingering effect of the odor is called residual impact.

Even though you’re no longer in the environment and couldn’t see what caused the odor, you’re still affected by the experience.

Luckily for you, a good cleaning can quickly remove the odor in your clothes.

But what about your mind?

How many different ‘smoke-filled rooms’ do you take your mind through regularly?

What environments do you expose it to, and how much residual odor are you unknowingly experiencing?

What emotions are being triggered by what you read, see and watch?

Because it’s not readily apparent, it’s very easy to deny the fact that your mind and, ultimately, your emotional state are affected by what you expose it to. And if you really think about it then you know that all media is designed to change your emotional state; otherwise, it wouldn’t exist.

Now the choice is yours.

Which smoke-filled rooms do you want your mind to end up smelling like?

Consider this. You can’t walk through a sewage plant expecting to walk out smelling like roses.

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The Idea Of

Do you like the idea of being happy? Do you like the idea of being healthy or the idea of being wealthy? The idea of being in a relationship or any other endeavor?

I was walking yesterday morning and saw a man walking a large black and white Old English sheepdog. Now, if you’ve ever seen one of these dogs, you know that they are beautiful, and for a quick minute, my mind wandered to the idea of owning such a dog. But very quickly I realized that I liked the idea, but not the work and maintenance that’s required in owning one.

Falling into the trap of liking the idea of something is very easy to do because your mind rushes to the end product, the picture of how your life would look. And there’s nothing wrong with imagining how you want your life to look. In fact, it’s the starting point of all great journeys.

The key is to realize that every end product, every idea, and dream is going to take a lot of work and very often more work than you realized. It will take work to start, continue, and maintain, and just liking the ‘idea of’ will not get you there.

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I’m Back

Since I stopped publishing blog posts back in June, a few readers have very kindly reached out and said they had missed my writing, which is both touching and humbling.

So, I’m back.

Well, I’m not technically back.

What I’ve decided to do, is once a week, on Saturday morning, I will republish posts that I’ve written in the past. Just one post on a Saturday. A tiny morsel for you to chew on as you slip into your weekend.

Of course, on occasion, I might even write a new post. Either way, we’ll once again be companions on this journey.

This is my way of honoring and appreciating those who reached out to me.

Thank you again for your kindness and support in this endeavor.

Intentionally,

Raj

P.S. Since I have an inventory of one thousand posts and am only going to publish once a week, we’re going to be together for…if my math is correct, about nineteen years. So, buckle up.

P.P.S. And of course, do share with one person you think might enjoy or benefit from the blog.

One Thousand

Life is a circle. The end of one journey is the beginning of the next. Joseph M. Marshall III

This is blog post number one thousand. And for now, the end of this writing journey.

I’ve been writing this blog since January of 2016, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and have only missed a couple of entries due to power outages and occasional issues while traveling. My process is simple, I write directly to a Word document and then publish it to my website. The Word document shows that I’ve written 278,236 words and is 1028 pages long.

For those that have been following along, you might know I started this blog because clients and people I’d been advising suggested I share my ideas with a broader audience. Like any other creative knows, I needed to define my audience, so I chose my daughters.

I wanted to leave them small nuggets of advice and ideas that might help them accelerate their learning and prompt them to think differently.

What began as an exercise in sharing advice that I thought would be relevant to them led to a published book and even speaking engagements with book signings.

I’m sharing this not to brag or boast but to illustrate some of the unpredictable results that can occur with consistent effort.

I hope that by reading this blog, I’ve also positively impacted your life and perhaps even inspired you to begin a small project of your own.

So, while this might be goodbye, for now, I will reserve the right to come back if I feel that there are additional thoughts that I’d like to share with you and my girls.

Thanks for reading!

Home

Home sweet home. This is the place to find happiness. If one doesn’t find it here, one doesn’t find it anywhere. M. K. Soni

Where do you go once you’ve reached your goal?

Where do you go once you’ve completed your trip?

Where do you go after winning the game?

I could keep going, but hopefully, you get the message, and I’ll give you the answer in the interest of time. Although, if you read the title, then you know the answer is home.

So, why am I bringing your attention to your home?

Because, as the proverbs say, home is where the heart is. What the proverb means is that your home is the place where you feel most loved and that you should love the most.

I want to add that you should consider your home your sanctuary, a special place where you feel safe. And a place where you can return daily to rest and rejuvenate your body and mind.

Research shows that the environment in which a person lives is connected to their sense of well-being. So, whether you’re single, married, or live in an apartment or a house, learn to treat your home with reverence. Fill it with objects and attributes that positively feed your emotions and brings you joy and peace.

When all is said and done in life, regardless of the wins, losses, accolades, and obstacles, the one place you always return to is your home. So, be intentional about your home. Treat it with care and love, and you might find that it’ll do the same for you too.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.

Self-Motivation

If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.  Napoleon Hill

How do you motivate yourself when you don’t feel like doing what you know you need to do?

In the previous question, notice I didn’t say, do what you must do. I didn’t say you must do because you have to do only a handful of musts. You need little else for basic survival besides eating, sleeping, and bodily functions. And if basic survival is all you’re aiming for, you can stop reading and get back to it.

However, if you’re seeking any kind of personal progress, then you must learn to overcome inertia. You must find ways to motivate yourself, even when you’re not in the mood or feel like doing so.

While there are no hard and fast rules to motivating yourself, I can share a few ideas that might spur you to action.

First, start with the end in mind. If you can vividly picture yourself accomplishing a goal or living a life that’s compelling for you, you can use that as a motivating force to pull you towards it.

Second, learn to negotiate with yourself. When you find yourself in a lackluster mood, as we all do at times, remind yourself of the benefits of sticking to your commitments. Write out or think about the pros and cons of action versus inaction and consider the fact that whichever path you choose has the probability of compounding itself in either direction.

Lastly, think about the kind of person you want to be known as. Not to others, but yourself. Do you want to be the kind of person that you can trust and rely on, or are you willing to lose trust in yourself? Trust in yourself can be a virtuous or vicious cycle. You can either use it to build yourself up or let it erode to the point where you no longer attempt to do anything.

So, the next time you find yourself at the crossroads of knowing what you need to do but aren’t motivated to do so. Hopefully, one of these ideas will spur you towards moving towards what’s best for you.

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Focus on What You Have

it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.” ~Brother David Steindl-Rast

How much time do you spend focusing on what you have versus what you want?

It’s been said that one of the most significant contributors to unhappiness is focusing on what you don’t have instead of what you have. While the previous sentence might seem obvious, the obvious is easily overlooked.

Focusing on what you have doesn’t require you to stop dreaming and pursuing goals. After all, you’re human, and humans are designed to think about the future. But there’s a difference between thinking about the future and being so consumed by it that you neglect the present.

Staying grounded in the present and appreciating your current circumstances requires effort, especially when you’re constantly bombarded with messages from external sources about how your life could and should look. You’re always being sold on the idea that you need more in order to be happy.

The idea that you need more leaves you with a hollow feeling of dissatisfaction with your current life – a bottomless hole you’re always trying to fill. But the only way to plug the hole is to be happy with what you currently have.

I understand that what I’m suggesting is easier said than done and is contrary to many of the messages of popular culture. But popular culture rarely has your best interest at heart. Its job is to prey on your unhappiness and keep you wanting more.

So, the next time you find yourself thinking you’ll be happy when you acquire a particular object or accomplish a specific goal, re-focus on what you already have. Learn to appreciate your current state in life, and perhaps even remind yourself that happiness can be a choice you make, and it doesn’t have to be contingent on what you have or do not have.

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Mentors

A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself.
Oprah Winfrey

Who are your mentors?

Who do you allow to guide and influence you?

Are you actively choosing mentors or passively leaving it to chance?

Whether you realize it or not, you are being mentored. You’re being mentored by the individuals and, in some cases, the organizations you allow to influence your thoughts and, subsequently, your actions. That’s why it’s essential to choose your mentors actively.

How should you choose your mentors?

Fortunately, there’s not a one size fits all answer to this question.

Since the advent of the internet, which in case you don’t realize, has not always existed, you’re no longer limited to finding mentors that you know personally. Although there is an upside to mentors you know personally because there’s a greater opportunity to vet them in person and meet with them face to face. But if you’re judicious enough, you can also find excellent mentors online.

When identifying a mentor, it’s important to find someone who aligns with your values and guides you towards getting what you want out of life. You want a person that challenges your thinking, not because they’re attempting to influence you to think like they do but pushes you to think about why you’re pursuing your chosen path.

So, the next time you’re thinking about an area of your life that you’d like to improve, consider finding a mentor to help you on your journey. Identify a person or people that have your best interest in mind and let them guide you in achieving your goals.

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You’re the Expert

No one can build you the bridge on which you, and only you, must cross the river of life. Nietzsche

Who knows more about you than you do?

No one.

That’s right. When it comes to you, you’re the expert.

No one will ever experience your life the way you will.

Now there might be people that know you well and can guess, with some degree of accuracy, how you might react or respond to specific situations, but that’s because they’re using pattern recognition based on your previous behavior.

So, what does it mean to be the expert on yourself?

It means that since you know yourself the best, you’re also the best-suited person to help yourself through life.

Before I continue, let me clarify. I’m not suggesting or recommending that you try to solve problems or overcome challenges by yourself. By all means, seek help when you need to and use whatever resources you can find to help you navigate life. But keep in mind that regardless of the solutions you find, only you’ll know what works for you.

Being an expert on yourself doesn’t mean you have all the answers to life – it means through trial and error and self-reflection, you’ll begin to learn what’s best for you. And, like any other expert, you’ll need to adopt the mindset of a researcher, constantly looking for answers to questions and embracing ambiguity as you encounter new circumstances.

So, keep in mind that while the idea of being an expert on yourself can sound like a huge burden to carry, it’s also liberating because, deep down, if you listen closely, you will always know what’s best for you.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.