Where does reality exist?

I’ll give you a moment to think about it.

If you said it exists within you, then you’re correct.

And if you really believe this to be true, then you should be able to change it.

Reality at its core is your perception of the world.

Are there certain laws of nature that are indisputable? Absolutely. But almost everything else you experience is based on how you perceive it to be.

If you don’t believe me or have doubts then let’s play a game.

Just for today, you’re going to imagine that you’re not who you are. You’re going to adopt a new role. Just like in the video games where you can choose a character, do that for yourself today.  Now I understand that a video game character might be a stretch for you so adopt something simple like a police officer or nurse and go through your day as if you were your chosen character.

If you really play along and adopt the traits of the character you chose, you’ll begin to see the world very differently. For example, if you picked the police officer then you’ll begin to notice traffic violations or suspicious activities and many other things that you wouldn’t have noticed as yourself.

Now, this is just one small example of role-playing and changing your perception of reality. The truth is that there are millions of parallel realities going on right now.

Changing how you see yourself, changes your perception of reality and role- playing or more important role changing is a great tool to help you navigate times and situations that are challenging for you. Always keep in mind that that you’re not bound to your current role, and you have the ability to adopt any role that you think will be beneficial to you in any moment.

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What’s the secret to happiness?

What’s the secret to being healthy?

What’s the secret to being wealthy?

What’s the secret to success?

What is that secret sauce and where can you find it?

Well, there’s good news and bad news.

First the bad news.

There is no secret sauce.

But, wait for it.

There is a secret sauce.

No, I haven’t lost my mind quite yet, although by contradicting myself it might seem that way.

You see, the thing is that if you want to achieve any of the aforementioned states of success then you’re going to have to make your own secret sauce. And although you can dig through articles, books, and stories about other people’s successes, ultimately like any great recipe you’re going to have to go through a lot of trial and error before the recipe is just right for you.  

Yes, you can borrow a dash or pinch of ingredients from studying people that have achieved or accomplished what you want to, but ultimately, it’s going to have to be your own unique recipe.

So just like any great chef, get to work on your own secret sauce.

Dash, dab, and sprinkle in all your unique ingredients then whisk away until you create exactly the secret sauce that works for you.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.  

What time is it?

While this is a useful and perhaps a practical question, a more important question is, whose time is it?

And the answer is, it’s yours.

It’s your time.

If you’re born and raised in what’s known as the developed world where formal schooling has become mandatory then at a very early age you’re taught that your time does not belong to you.

You’re entered into a system of schedules designed by the agendas of others and then before you know it, you move through secondary education where you continue to be programmed by the sound of hourly bells. And as soon as your education is over, you’re taught to transition into the workforce where your time now belongs to those that are paying you to be there.

Rarely on this journey from childhood to adulthood are you taught that your time belongs to you.

And why not?

Because it’s more convenient for you to fit in to the schedule of those around you, or said differently, those who are managing their own time.

Let me be clear. I’m not saying that there is any malice in this system, but what the system does is that it programs you from a very early age to give away ownership of your time. It gets you in the habit of giving away your most important resource.

After all, what is time?

It is your life.

The sooner you realize this, the more important your time will become to you. And hopefully, you’ll begin to use your time to work on and accomplish the things that are important to you.

So the next time you check to see what time it is,  hopefully, you’ll remember to ask yourself the more important question of whose time is it?

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On a scale of one through ten, how would you rate your willpower to get things done?

Take a moment before you answer.

If you’re being honest with yourself then hopefully you’re struggling a little with the answer. In fact, I would be surprised if you’re not whispering to yourself ‘it depends.’

And you’re right. It does depend.

Now if you’re like most people then there are probably things that you’ve wanted to accomplish and for whatever reason, you gave up. And perhaps you justified it by saying something along the lines of ‘I really didn’t want it anymore,’ or, ‘it’s no longer important.’ Both might be true, but there’s also a chance that once you realized how difficult it would be to get what you wanted, you gave up.

And there’s nothing wrong in giving up, sometimes.

But if there’s something you really do want to accomplish and you know that if you don’t, you’ll regret not doing so, you’re going to have to develop an indomitable will.

You have to develop a will that regardless of how much it’s pulled and pushed both by your internal dialogues and external forces, it refuses to give up.

And how do you develop an indomitable will?

Reasons.

Your reasons for accomplishing or acquiring whatever it is that you want must be stronger than your reasons not too. Only once you have strong reasons in place can you activate your will to move forward. Think of your reasons as not only the kindling that sets your will on fire, but also the fuel to keep it burning.

Ultimately for what and where you decide to apply the strength of your will is up to you. But once you commit to doing so, find reasons that give it the power to be indomitable.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

What are you addicted to?

Alcohol?

Drugs?

What about?

Respect?

Approval?

Love?

The latter three might not seem like addictions that can bring you as much harm as alcohol or drugs and to some extent, you’re correct.

Addiction to alcohol and drugs are more obvious to detect. Erratic behavior and odors are telltale signs of addiction to both, but when it comes to emotional addiction, only you really know you’re addicted. And while alcohol and drugs impair your cognitive abilities, emotional addiction stunts your mental growth.

The biggest problem with emotional addiction is that when you’re a child your natural instincts force you to do whatever it takes to stay alive and healthy.  And you learn very early that the more you conform to required behaviors, the more you get rewarded with respect, approval, and love.

So you learn to start playing it safe, not realizing that playing safe will ultimately prevent your own emotional growth. And then you take this behavior into adulthood because by now you’re addicted to the rewards. And eventually, your entire life is molded by your addiction to earning respect, approval, and the love of others.

At first glance, this might seem to okay.

But what happens when they don’t supply you with the fix you need?

Just like any other addict, you’ll start to experience withdrawal symptoms. These symptoms might not manifest themselves physically like the traditional substance addicts, but emotionally, you’ll begin to feel the pain.

So how do you break your addiction?

Well, just like the substance addict, you have two choices. You can either do it slowly over time, weaning yourself off the emotional addiction, or you can go cold turkey. The challenge with cold turkey is that there’s a chance that you’ll damage or at least cause tumult in some of your closest relationships. You see, those that are rewarding you emotionally are also expecting you to behave in certain ways, so your change upsets their world too.

The reality is that you don’t ever have to break your addiction. If you’re fine with the way things are then, by all means, continue on. But if you find yourself exhausted, or even occasionally stifled by the emotional labor you have to perform to get your fix of respect, approval, or love, then it might just be time to break your addiction.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

It’s available right now.

You might disagree.

And that’s okay, because many others will disagree right along with you.

You’re probably wondering, what’s available now?

So I won’t keep you waiting any longer.

The feeling is available now.

Still a little confused?

Then let me add some clarity.

Any emotion or feeling you’re pursuing is available to you right now.

If you spend just a few moments thinking about it, you’ll realize that everything, yes everything you do, leads back to an emotion. And that emotion already resides within you.

Switching between emotions can be as easy as switching channels on a TV if you allow yourself to do so. If you don’t believe me, you can try it for yourself right now.

Just think of something that you think will make you happy or sad, focus on it for a moment and you’ll find the emotion begin to rise within you. Go ahead, try it.

This ability to change your emotions is one of your superpowers, and you can use it to your advantage whenever you want.

Now you might argue that changing or experiencing emotions without taking physical action is cheating, and it takes some of the spontaneity away from actual experiences, and to some extent you are correct. And I’m not suggesting you stay home and ride an emotional rollercoaster without interacting with physical life experiences.

What I am suggesting is that you do have choices over the emotions you experience. And the times you find yourself mired in an emotion that’s discoloring your day, you have access to an entire palette of other emotions that are also available to you in that very moment.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

What if you could use a technique from nature to create change in your own life?

Well, maybe you can.

Nature has many ways of creating change in the environment, one of which is erosion. The amazing thing about erosion is that you rarely actually see it taking place. What you do eventually see are the results.

Whether it’s the wind blowing soil or waves of water gently lapping at the shorelines, it all takes place so slowly that the immediate effect is almost negligible. But over time, erosion can change the entire landscape.

You can mimic nature to create incredible change in your life too. Instead of aiming for huge lofty goals that might intimidate you, or cause too much shock to your system, you can work towards super small incremental change.

I’m not attempting to dissuade you from pursuing big life-changing ideas or goals, what I am suggesting is that once you’ve decided on your big idea, then use micro activities to get you there. Think of these micro activities as small dreams, or tiny habits, that you can use to work your way towards your bigger goal.

If we stick with the theme of nature for a moment you’ll see that whenever nature makes drastic changes to the environment such as earthquakes or tornadoes, it causes a huge shock to the overall system, and the same is true for you too. If you make a change that’s too big all at once then you’re likely to cause a shock to your system too. And unlike nature, you might not be able to handle it, so you’ll revert back to your old safer ways.

The next time you decide to create a big change in your life, instead of going all in and attempting to brute force your way to your goal. Take a page from nature’s playbook. Use tiny, consistent, negligible, incremental steps and like nature be patient. You won’t see results right away, but like erosion, you’ll eventually see the change you’re looking for.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

You Make Me So

You make me so happy.

You make me smile from ear to ear.

You also make me sad.

In fact, you make me feel all sorts of emotions.

How does it feel to be responsible for my emotions?

Do you enjoy carrying the burden of knowing that you can’t be fully you because you have to be responsible for my emotions?

Yes, I know they’re my emotions, but I’ve decided to make you responsible for them.

Why?

Because it makes life easier for me.

Oh, and you do the same to me too. And I’m assuming it’s because it makes life easier for you too.

At some point during our evolutionary journey, we for the most part, collectively decided that we would no longer be responsible for our own emotions, and decided to give control of our emotions to circumstances and people outside of us.

Well, maybe it’s time to claim them back.

Maybe next time, it’s not you make me happy or sad. It’s, I feel a certain way when I see you regardless of what you do. Because now I’m responsible for how I feel about you.

Instead of letting your emotions get constantly tugged around like a loose kite in a storm, begin to take control of them. Realize that every emotion you feel is based on a narrative you’re giving to a situation. When you say, you make me happy, it’s because you’ve told yourself a happy story about a person. That’s why that same person can make you feel sad too.

Just in case you’re still having a hard time believing that it’s not the circumstance or person causing your emotions then let me ask you this. Have you ever looked at a photograph or watched a movie and experienced an emotion? Logically you know that both are inanimate two-dimensional objects. Then what caused you to have an emotion? The story you told yourself about the object.

Look, I’m not suggesting you be unemotional. All I’m saying is that try not to let other people and circumstances control your emotions.

Here, let’s practice.

Instead of saying, you make me so…

Say, I make me so…

Give it a try. If it doesn’t work for you, you can you always go back to giving away control of your emotions to circumstances and people around you.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

What do you have to do today?

What chores, tasks, or work is waiting for you today?

What do you not look forward to doing today?

What if just for today, instead of complaining about or dreading the things you have to do, you consider yourself privileged?

What if you consider yourself lucky, that you get to do the work that’s waiting for you today?

A simple, well maybe not so simple, but definitely doable change of perspective can change the way you see your entire day. All of a sudden all the chores and tasks that lie ahead of you today can seem like opportunities. They begin to beckon you.

The reality is that almost everyone has days that consist of things they really don’t want to do, but have to, so you’re not alone. And complaining about or protesting rarely makes work disappear. Changing your perspective doesn’t make work disappear either, but it might make it more palatable and even, dare I say, enjoyable.

So much of life boils down to perspective and since you have the power to control yours, why not use it to your benefit?

So put a skip in your step today as you get to take out the trash or whistle while you wash the dishes. Add whatever flavor of good spirit you can to all the work you do today. And if you’re having a little trouble doing so then think about this. I can with almost 100% certainty tell you that there’s an uncountable number of people that would switch places with you, just to do, what you get to do.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

How’s that for a controversial title?

What do you think?

Is my statement incorrect?

Is your brain racing to search for examples of people from history or someone you know that you believe was wrong for sure?

I’ll help you out by taking some of the pressure of your brain.

Nobody ‘thinks’ they are wrong.

Is that better?

I hope we’re friends again.

What I’m attempting to convey is that nobody can ever really see the entire picture.

Everyone has their own perspective on what they believe to be real and true. And that makes is almost impossible to say if someone is really wrong.

I’m not making moral judgements on behavior here because even those are loaded with cultural biases.

Your view on what is right and wrong is based upon the accumulation of your own experiences which are unique to you and only you.

So the next time you begin to judge someone as being wrong, try to pause for a moment just to remind yourself that you probably have no idea why they’re behaving the way they are.

And if after you pause you still feel that they’re wrong then feel free to let them have a piece of your mind.

But be prepared.

They might think you’re wrong for doing so.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you think might enjoy reading it.

Have you ever written a love letter?

A letter that describes your true feelings about a partner, a child or a friend.

A letter that brings in to focus how much a person really means to you.

A letter that details the qualities about them that brings you alive.

A love letter is a powerful tool that can strengthen a relationship even if you never share it with the person it’s written for.  In fact, you can hide the letter away and read it to yourself just to remind you how you feel about them.

If a letter is too difficult for you or not your cup of tea, then write a list. Make it as detailed as possible; use words to describe them how you would as if you were head over heels for them.

Remember, the people closest to you will test you the most. Children, friends, parents, partners will all at one time or another have you asking yourself- why?

Use this letter to remind you why.

And by the way.

Let’s hope they have a letter written about you too.

Have you ever worked on a puzzle only to realize that some pieces are missing?

That’s essentially how life is.

When you were born you were given a certain number of pieces like your gender, your parents, where you were born, and perhaps a few others but the rest of the pieces are missing. And it’s now up to you to find or make the rest of the pieces.

It’s up to you to determine what you want the picture your life to look like and then get to work making it a reality.

It’s up to you to find the resources and develop the skills you need to complete the puzzle.

You might wish that you had all the pieces up front but that would mean that everything in your life would have been pre-determined and you wouldn’t have the opportunity to create your own.

The missing pieces of your life are the ones where you get to choose what you want and how you want your life puzzle to look when it’s finished.

P.S. Today is very special to me because my blog just passed 50,000 words. To put that in to perspective the Great Gatsby novel is 50,061 words.

I sincerely appreciate all your kind words and your support as I continue on the is journey.

Intentionally,

Raj

Be sad. That’s right, be sad, embrace your feeling of melancholy and give yourself permission to explore why you’re feeling sad.

With so much focus on being happy, sadness is shunned as a bad emotion. However, as a human you’re designed to feel sadness. The key is how you deal with it.

Any emotion, positive or negative, requires a high level of effort and energy to maintain over a long period of time because you are constantly looking for reasons to justify feeling the emotion, to validate your feelings.

Don’t be afraid of sharing that you’re feeling sad. Those that really care for you will understand and you’ll also give them permission to share when they’re feeling sad too.

While experiencing sadness is part of part of life, you do not need to dwell on it. Experience it, understand it, and then re-focus on the things that do make you happy and that you are grateful for. Allowing yourself to feel the range of emotions that you were made to feel is an integral part of the human experience.

When was the last time you told someone that you’re proud of them?

When was the last time someone told you that they are proud of you?

Well, today I’m telling you that I’m proud of you.

I’m proud of you for showing up and doing your best.

I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself.

I’m proud of you for being such a great friend.

I’m proud of you for working so hard.

I’m proud of you for the way you handle the bad times and for the way you create the good one.

Close your eyes and imagine for a moment that a person you love is whispering in your ear how proud they are of you. How does it feel to hear those words being said to you? If it feels good then take the opportunity to pass those feelings along by telling someone else how proud you are of them.

Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt. The job of a marketer is to fuel these 3 most common emotions to move you to action. However, these are also the emotions that will prevent you from doing what you want to.

Here are some common examples of self-inflicted F.U.D.

What if I fail?

What if I look/sound stupid?

What if no one likes my idea?

Who wants to hear me speak?

Why would they pay me more?

What if I change and they don’t like/love me anymore?

I don’t have any good ideas?

I’m too, old, young, short, tall, fat, thin, poor, rich…(insert your own doubt here) to do what I want to.

Recognize that we all at some time or another suffer from these thoughts and emotions. I can tell you right now as I write this that I’m thinking of at least three of them : ) But I’ve decided to plough through and not let them stop me from doing what I want to.

So as you go about your day today pay close attention to your thoughts and see if F.U.D. is holding you back from doing what you want to.

It has been said that the quality of your life will only be as good as the questions you ask. So the better the question the better your life will be. One kind of question that is often asked is how did someone accomplish a task or goal, and this is an important question. However, I believe the better question is how an individual continues to do so.

For example:

A good question might be, how did you build a successful company? This gives the individual the opportunity to go back in time and share some of the tactics and strategies that allowed them to build their company at a previous point in time. In my opinion the better question is, how would you build a great company today or how do you continue to grow your company. This question gives them the opportunity to share what is working for them in present time which is more useful for you.

More examples

Good question, how did you lose the weight?

Better question, how do you keep the weight off?

Good question, how did you know he/she was the right one?

Better question, how do you maintain a happy relationship?

Good question, how did you choose your career?

Better question, how do you continue to be successful in your career?

Good question, what do you do? This usually gets you a canned/prepared answer.

Better question, what did you do today? This will catch them a little off guard and make them think about their day.

Put some time in to thinking about the questions you will ask today and hopefully some of the answers will lead you to learn something new.

Embrace your constraints.  We all experience some form of constraints at one time or another and are often disheartened when we do so. However, what if we reframed the constraint as an opportunity to grow and accomplish.

A time constraint might force you to become more productive by improving your ability to prioritize more effectively and removing some of the non-essential activities in your life.

A financial constraint could help motivate you to improve your skill set to earn more money. It could also push you in to being more creative about how you get what you want, or move you to ask the question do I really need this right now or ever.

Constraints to some extent force you to make a decision which is the only way that you can move forward and learn. Studies show that some of the most unfulfilled individuals are those that are unconstrained and have an abundance of time and money, because they do not know what to do with either.

Changing your perspective on how you see your constraints will help you learn to use them to your advantage.

Take 10 minutes in the morning to do what you enjoy and it will change your life. Starting your day by putting yourself first is going to be one of the most important things you do in your life. Doing this does not have to be complicated. Just carve out 10 minutes to read about something that you’re passionate about or have an interest in. I know some of you might say ‘well I’m not a morning person.’ And I strongly agree with you that you might not be, but imagine this for a minute. You go to a restaurant and when the waiter asks you what you would like to eat, you reply with just give me whatever is left over in the kitchen. Now as ridiculous as this sounds this is how you are treating your days and ultimately your life. If you decided to wait until the end of the day you are essentially using whatever time and energy you have left over at the end of the day to invest in yourself.

And some of you might say that you do not know what your passion is, and that’s okay too. Read about something that excited you or that you were interested in when were younger. Or choose to read or listen to a podcast about something that you are curious about.

Starting with this 10 minute investment in yourself is an easy win that almost anyone can do. And I guarantee that doing this will give you a sense of control and fulfillment over your day and your life that almost nothing else can.

Discipline is freedom. This might sound contrary to some people’s beliefs because often discipline is thought of as regimented, boring and routine. All this might be true about discipline, but it’s in the routine where the freedom is buried. For example, if you’re trying to eat healthy then having the same healthy meals scheduled for the majority of your week allows you to deviate when you want to or need too. Having a consistent workout schedule that you abide by allows you to maintain a healthy lifestyle without having to overthink it. Applying discipline in the major areas of your life is akin to an autopilot which then gives you the freedom to enjoy when you so desire.

The one addition I have to maintaining schedules and routines is that you should remember to evaluate them on a regular basis to ensure that they are in fact enhancing your life.