Do you listen to speak or listen to learn?

While both have their places in life, if all you do is listen so that you can speak then you’re probably not really listening, or hearing what’s being said.

Listening to learn means that you give the other person the room to explain or share their ideas and positions before you jump to conclusions or have answers and opinions cocked and ready to fire before they’re finished saying their piece.

Listening to learn is not easy. It takes a lot of effort, but it’s a skill that can be developed with practice. And it’s a skill that when honed can serve you well in life.

Although listening to learn is an active approach to communication, you will feel passive when you practice it because you’re waiting and providing space during conversations before you respond.

One reason almost everyone struggles with listening to learn is that we’ve been taught through our education systems and other social cues that the first to respond is often regarded as the smartest. But life isn’t a game show, and while there is a time and place for quick responses, not all conversations require to you defend or display how smart you think you are.

So, take the opportunity today when in conversations to listen and learn. Let the other person speak their entire piece before responding. I warn you that this will feel strange at first, both to you and maybe even the person you’re speaking with. But that’s okay, you’ll get used to it. And who knows, maybe when you start giving people the room speak their mind and share their ideas, they might start doing the same for you too.

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