How good are you at managing your expectations?

Before I go on, let me ask another question.

Why do you think expectations exist?

Research shows that expectations exist because we are egocentric and tend to believe that the world does and should revolve around us. And it takes some of us longer than others to realize that this is not true.

The organization, Alcoholics Anonymous, has a book as part of their treatment plan, and the following is a paragraph from their book.

“Expectations are Premeditated Resentments. When you find yourself feeling resentment, you can almost always trace it back to your expectations. Usually it indicates that you tried once again to control or manipulate a situation or outcome and was resentful when it didn’t turn out the way you expected.”

Let that sink in for a moment.

Expectations are premeditated resentments.

Managing your expectations is about mitigating and, in some cases, eliminating disappointment and, as the AA book says, resentment.

When you find yourself angry, annoyed, disappointed, or any other number of negative emotions towards a situation, you can almost always pin it on the fact that your view of how things should be didn’t match the reality of the event.

Does this mean you shouldn’t have expectations?

I’m tempted to say yes, but I know that’s unreasonable.

If you’re human, you’re going to have expectations, some more than others. But how you manage them will be unique to you. And while I can’t give you a direct solution or panacea for managing your expectations, I can suggest grace.

Grace towards your own expectations towards yourself and those times when events and people in your life don’t meet your expectations. If you’re wondering why grace, then let me share the best definition I’ve found. Showing grace to others is about showing kindness even when they don’t deserve it.

So, as you go about your day today and you happen to come across a person, or event that collides with your expectations, remember, you can choose to manage your expectations. You can rebel, get angry, annoyed, or frustrated, which might feel good at that moment, but rarely lead to a positive outcome. Or you can choose to show grace, both for yourself and the event. Remember, how you manage your expectations will always be your choice.

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