What did you mean when you said…?

May I please have some clarification?

Or, I can just jump to my own conclusion, which may or may not be correct.

When left to one’s own interpretation, the waters of understanding can get murky very quickly.

You see, very often there’s a distinct difference in what’s being said and what you hear. Just to be clear, this is not your fault. It’s just that because of your compounded experiences you’re prone to hear certain things over others, which in turn also leads you to be more sensitive to some words and phrases.

Although good communication should be considered a shared responsibility, rarely is much attention paid to how we communicate. Very few people actually study communication and just assume that they are communicating clearly, and the things they say will be understood or even worse, should be understood by everyone.

But time and time again there’s evidence to the contrary.

That’s why you’ll so often hear, ‘that’s not what I said,’ and ‘that’s not what I meant.’

So how do you weave your way through this minefield of miscommunication?

You suspend your thinking. Or, even better, you hold back your judgement. You assume that the majority of people talking to you have good intentions and are not out to harm or hurt you emotionally.

Sound difficult?

That’s because it is.

But if you think about it long enough you’ll realize that it’s to your benefit to do so. Because when someone says something that hurts you or that you don’t like, it’s you feeling the pain, not them.

So the next time you find yourself in the middle of a misunderstanding over something someone said to you, try not to judge and with all honesty, seek clarification before assuming mal intent. And hopefully, they’ll learn to do the same for you too.

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