Hello.

Did you respond with a hi or hello?

If you reciprocated with a hello, thank you.

In his best-selling book Influence, Robert Cialdini writes about the power of reciprocity, “reciprocity is the impulse we feel to return the favor after we are helped by someone or given value. That impulse not only inspires us to give back in equal measure but may in fact compel us to give back more value than we received in the first place.”

The key to reciprocity is that you must go first.

You must be willing put yourself out there, whether by word or deed, not knowing for sure if or how the other person will respond. And this can feel risky at times.

However, the more often you go first, the more you’ll experience people’s impulse to ‘return the favor.’

Why do people feel the need to return the favor? Because it’s a core survival mechanism. One of the reasons humans have survived for as long as we have is that we have learned to cooperate with each other. But to cooperate, someone needs to go first.

Are there people that will not reciprocate? Absolutely. But you’ll find the number of people that don’t will be surprisingly small.

While Cialdini wrote about reciprocity as a tool for influencing others, that’s not the only reason you should practice going first. Going first is about recognizing the humanity in the other person. It’s about acknowledging that we all share the same basic needs and desires. It’s a version of the South African greeting Sawabona, which translates to I see you. And who doesn’t want to be seen?

So, as you go about your day, take every opportunity to go first. See and recognize people with kindness and affection, and while there might be a few that won’t reciprocate, you’ll soon find the majority of them will, which means they’ll see you too.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please share it with one person you love.