How do you know when you’re in it?

It’s when you feel as though you’ll be consumed by it.

At the time it will feel like the hardest challenge in your life.

You’ll feel as though you’re running quicksand.

Yes, you’ll have fleeting moments when you’ll forget that you’re in it. But as soon as you do, you’ll experience a sinking feeling in your stomach that will serve to remind you that you’re still in it.

There will be times when you’re in it that you’ll want to give up, run away or just disappear.

Don’t do that.

Reach out and ask for help.

Most of the times you’ll be strong enough to work through it by yourself, but there will other times when you’ll need to be stronger and ask for a helping hand.

Learn to do so.

Life is nothing but a series of ‘its’ that all vary in duration and intensity.

When you’re experiencing it you might think that you’re the only one, but everyone you see is experiencing their own version of it.

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Have you heard the phrase, looking at the world through rose colored glasses?

Apparently the origin of this phrase began during the Civil War when wounded soldiers battling depression were given rose colored glasses as treatment in order to see things through a more positive light.

But this doesn’t just work on vision.

It can also work for your mind.

What you listen too, read and watch all have an impact on how you see the world.

How would your days and nights be different if you intentionally book-ended them with good, positive, uplifting information, practices and thoughts?

You can choose to do this not as an escape from reality, but a decision to frame your own reality.

And who’s to say that the information you currently consume isn’t just someone else’s version of reality that you accept without validation.

Practice creating a rose colored glasses regiment for your mind, and enjoy seeing your world through a more positive light.

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Have you ever played a game without rules?

A game where you make up the rules as you go along?

If you watch children play you’ll see that they make up rules to games all the time. And very often they’ll change or makeup new ones as they go along.

But the most interesting thing is that when they do change the rules it’s usually in their favor.

You can do the same for yourself.

You don’t have to abide by all the rules that are presented to you.

You do have choices.

Learn to challenge rules, if not physically then at least in your head. Ask yourself why this rule exists.

Rules are often made to create some form of order, but they are at times also created to benefit one group over another.

Breaking rules can have consequences but you’ll find that at times the consequences will actually be in your favor. Often if you push hard enough you’ll learn about exceptions to the rules, why not be that exception.

Your life is your game to play.

Learn to make your own rules when you can, because at least then you’ll know the rules will be in your best interest.

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You hear a lot about attention deficit, but what if you had an abundance of attention?

What if you were able to conjure up a laser like focus whenever you needed to?

What if you were able to be fully present in all that you do?

Well now you can with the all new Attention Abundance Trainer 9000.

In just 10 minutes a day you too can have a stronger, longer attention span.

The solution is all natural and requires no additional equipment or supplements.

All you need to do is practice for 30 days and you find yourself being able to pay attention at a whole new level.

Does it sound too good to be true?

Maybe it is.

But what if it’s not?

In all seriousness, research has shown that you can indeed increase your attention, and here are 3 ways that you can practice for as little as 10 minutes a day.

Purposely stop multitasking

Focused breathing mediation

Spend time in nature

Increasing your attention span can help you while studying and working but even more important is that it can make you more present in your interactions with people.  And being more present will lead to creating deeper and more meaningful relationships, especially with your loved ones.

So make working on your attention a priority, and move from having a shallow, fleeting interaction with your world to a fuller more vibrant relationship.

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What would your day look like if you agreed with everyone you interacted with?

If just for one day all you said was, you’re right or that’s a great idea.

And you did this by not just paying lip service but really taking the time to see the world through the eyes of another person.

Now obviously I’m not suggesting that you make a drastic life altering decision by blindly agreeing with everyone you meet, unless of course it benefits you.

What I am suggesting is being open minded, just for a day to alternative perspectives.

Even if you decide not to agree, just being open will give you a deeper understanding in to how people around you think and what is important to them.

If you find the just the thought of spending a day agreeing with others a little offensive then that says a lot about you and perhaps even how people feel about you.

Try agreeing with people, even if not for a whole day. Look at it this way, you can always go back tomorrow and say that you gave it more thought, and if it gives you pleasure then tell them they were wrong.

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Are you waiting for an easier day to come along?

A day so smooth that you glide right through it without experiencing any challenges?

Well, you’ll have to keep waiting because that day doesn’t exist.

And if you’re wondering, I can tell you with almost complete certainty that it doesn’t exist for anyone.

It might seem at times that some have it easier than you do, and you could be right. But there are others that are thinking the same when they see you.

Everyone is experiencing their own unique set of challenges and they are dealing with them accordingly.

Now, I know I said easier days don’t come along but that doesn’t mean you can’t change how you view your challenges.

You can begin by realizing that many of the challenges you face are in fact temporary and although they might seem huge in the moment, you know with some rational thinking that they will pass with time.

What I’m suggesting is that you learn to change your relationship with your challenges instead of fighting against them. This does not mean that you take a passive position just that you actively engage from a different viewpoint.

The truth is that in order to make your days easier, you have to work harder on yourself and not on the challenges you face.

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If you don’t ask.

If you don’t apply.

If you don’t act.

If you don’t take the first step.

You’ll never know.

You’ll never know.

That you could have succeeded.

That you could have won.

That it was yours for the taking.

That you were the right one for the job.

You’ll never know that you had greatness inside of you.

Don’t let your life be a succession of ‘you’ll never know.’

Somewhere inside you, you already know.

You feel the call in your mind and the tug on your heart. And just as you’re about to take the first step you stop.

This is the precipice of, you’ll never know.

It’s at this spot where you rock back and forth between knowing and not knowing.

It’s here where you decide, if you’ll never know.

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What is the realm of your reality?

Do you know that human eyes are only capable of seeing a very small spectrum of light and that there is a whole range of the electromagnetic spectrum invisible to us?

Do you know that the same applies to human hearing and sound?

Just because you can’t hear or see something doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist, it doesn’t mean it’s not real.

So much of your reality and what you experience is not just limited to your physical limitations but is also tied to your belief system.

Now you may not be capable of changing your physical characteristic but you can change your beliefs.

You can learn to expand and shape your realm of reality.

Reality really is malleable, and some people know this more than others. And these people are the ones known as pioneers, visionaries and luminaires.

If you feel constrained or limited by your current reality then explore a new one.

You don’t have to adopt all that you find, but don’t forget, you didn’t consciously embrace the one you have right now. It was passed on or taught to you by the environment you were born in to.

Step out, hear and see what you’ve never experienced before and consider creating your own version of reality, one that lives only in your field of vision.

If you’ve ever been to a bar or club then you’re probably familiar with the term cover charge.

Essentially the cover charge is an amount of money you pay for the privilege of entering the establishment.

However, have you ever considered the numerous cover charges you pay in life?

Consider the following cover charges.

The amount you pay for the neighborhood you want to live in.

The amount you spend on clothes and other accessories so that you look like you belong.

The amount you spend entertaining or being entertained.

The amount you spend getting educated.

These are just some of the more obvious cover charges that you pay through life.

The cover charge can be both time and money, however ultimately you’re always paying with your time.

I’m not suggesting that you don’t pay the cover charge, especially if it’s adding value to your life.

What I am suggesting is that just be aware of the cover charge. And if you’re not enjoying the club, then stop paying to be there.

What does the secret version of you look like?

How does it dress?

If it owns a car, what kind of car would it be?

Where would it live?

What kind of work (not job) would it be doing?

There’s a version of you inside your head that’s screaming to come to life. It’s banging on the walls of your brain at every opportunity it gets, and yet you keep silencing it.

You silence it because you don’t believe it can exist or you’re afraid what will happen if you set it free.

The secret version of you is who you were born to be.

It’s your soul’s wanting to express itself.

If you’ve been the kind of person that’s kept the secret version of yourself bottled up for a long time then you’re going to have to release it slowly in to the world.  Because if you make too many drastic changes at once you’ll turn your your current environment in to chaos.

Do it slowly, gracefully, one small act a time.

Write down the answers to the questions I’ve listed and feel free to add any more that you think will help you. And then slowly start shedding this current version of you.

Let there be no more secret version of you, let there only be you.

When was the last time you were put in time out?

When was the last time you were told to stand in a corner for not behaving?

When was the last time you had your toys taken away because you misbehaved?

Are the lingering memories of the punishment you received as a child still dictating how you behave as an adult?

The tools that were used to control and discipline you as a child can have a lifelong impact on you, if you let them. Just the fear of punishment can prevent you from fully expressing yourself.

Keep in mind that many of the disciplinary actions taken towards you, were in order to make life more convenient for those around you. Some of it might have been for your benefit, to protect you or teach you civilities, but there was also a strong element of control.

There will always be consequences to your actions but allowing how you were controlled in the past to cast a shadow over your future is no way to live. And don’t forget, sometimes being put in time out was a great trade-off for the fun you had misbehaving.

Smile.

Did you do it?

I hope you did because it’s a great way to start your day. And it’s not just me telling you that smiling is good for you.  Researchers have found that smiling can improve your mood, even if it’s a fake smile.

Smiling triggers chemicals in your brain to go work and give you an overall sensation of feeling good.

They also found that smiling can make you look younger and even more attractive.

Now that’s not bad for just turning up the corners of your mouth.

Okay.

So you’ve smiled by yourself and made yourself feel good, but now you can do it for other people too.

Smile at people while you’re out and about today.

You’ll make them feel good too because a smile is almost always greeted with a smile back.  And yes, like anything else, there’s always a case when it doesn’t work, but let’s not focus on that.

Think of your smile as one of your superpowers. Use it generously on yourself and for the benefit of others too.

When was the last time you played hide and seek?

How about we play it now?

This version is a little different.

It’s only between me and you, so make sure you’re alone.

Ready?

Ok.

I want you to close your eyes and count to 30.

Now I’m going to trust that you will close your eyes for 30 seconds.

When you open your eyes I want you to do something.

I want you to be the most honest, real, raw version of yourself.

I want you to remove every layer of political correctness.

I want you to remove every ounce of concern and fear.

And now, say out loud anything and everything you’re feeling in the moment.

It doesn’t matter what you say as long as you express every emotion you’re having.

You can also cry, laugh, yell, or whatever you choose to do.

Just take this brief opportunity to be 100% you.

How did it feel?

You see, so much of your day is spent with you being constrained.

Holding back how you really feel just so that you can navigate and protect your personal and professional relationships.

Think of this exercise as seeking and releasing your hiding self.

Use it as a mental shower.

A quick refreshing moment in your day that allows you to be truly you before you step in to all the other roles you have to play.

How do you deal with disappointment?

Do you try to ignore the feeling?

Or are you able to process it in a healthy way?

Everyone experiences disappointment, so you’re definitely not alone.

At its root, the cause of disappointment is misalignment between what you want and what you have. And this gap can be any area of your life.

It also stems from the belief that you can only be happy when things go the way you want them to.

Disappointment can be used as an opportunity for self-reflection, for improvement and perhaps even a realization.

Disappointment can also teach you to recognize that almost every situation is temporary although at the time it might not feel that way.

Learn that being disappointed is okay; it’s just part of being human and as long as you don’t continuously focus on it and wallow in the feeling, it’ll pass as quickly as you let it.

When was the last time you made a list of everything you own?

If you’re like most people then you’ve probably never taken a full inventory of all your possessions.

Yes, you might be are aware of the large items like cars, furniture etc. but rarely do you have real grasp of everything.

Recently a close friend of mine had the unfortunate experience of having a fire in her house. Although the fire didn’t destroy everything, the smoke and water damage pretty much wiped out all that she owned.

During a recent conversation she mentioned a realization about how much of her stuff she really doesn’t need. And, going forward how she feels as though she will be able to live with even less than she had before.

Another insight she had was about the people in her life.

All the people that have stepped up and offered her clothes, furniture and a temporary place to live, but most of all their willingness to be there for her.

Her community is strong because of the kind of person she has been. And although she’s in a position right now where due to insurance procedures she has to take inventory of all her possessions, she knows that her greatest inventory is the people that surround her and are willing to support her.

Taking inventory of all that you own can be very emotional and yet practical exercise because, it’ll give you a sense of how fortunate you are and could also serve you should the need ever arise.

So can taking inventory of your relationships.

You can nurture the ones that are flourishing, forgive the ones that have floundered, and look for opportunities to create new ones.

Because in the end, your inventory off what you have will never be as important as whom you have.

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Wait, don’t move.

You’ll only hear them when you move.

They’re just waiting to pounce.

Just waiting for you to take that first step.

Mostly they hunt alone, but sometimes the whole pack shows up.

You know who I’m talking about.

The critic.

Their job is to scare you before you even attempt to try.

They’ll have you wondering what they think, before you’ve even done anything.

They’ll make you freeze in your tracks.

And, they even have a friend on the inside.

Yes, they planted a mole a long time ago.

A pal, a buddy that will do the dirty work for them, just in case they don’t get to you fast enough.

And their friend, their buddy,

The one in your head.

The one they often rely on to do the job for them.

Your inner critic.

This tag team of external and internal critics will have you questioning your every dream and idea, if you let them.

Or you can learn to ignore them.

And if you ignore them long enough they might quiet down for a bit, but they’ll never go away.

So, if you want to live out any of your dreams, you need to learn to act, perform and proceed in the face of the critics and not try to avoid them, because that will be impossible.

What’s your favorite music?

How does it move you?

What do the words say?

Does the music you like inspire and motivate you?

Listening to music can be a beautiful experience, but music also has the power to influence your thoughts.

Music is like a subliminal drug; it can penetrate your brain and dance with your subconscious.

In fact, let me share with you an ancient Persian tale I once heard about how music came to be.

The day after making man God created the soul. And god asked the soul to enter the man’s body. But , just as the soul was about to move in to the man’s body it turned back.

God asked the soul “what happened, why did you turn back?”

The soul said, “It’s dark in there and I’m scared.”

This got god thinking.

And then god had an idea.

He created music and put it inside man.

Once he did this the soul was no longer afraid and happily went in to the man.

Now obviously this is just a tale, but if you do listen to music you know how it is capable of affecting your mood.

This is also the reason, because of its power; music has been used as propaganda for years.

So pay attention to the music you listen to.

Choose it not just to entertain you, but also to empower you, to influence you on your terms.

What would you do if you had more time?

Where would you be if you had more time?

How would your life look if you had more time?

You might not agree with me but…

I’ll venture to guess your life would look the same.

Now before you get upset with me, just hear me out.

Rarely is more time the solution.

In fact just having more hours only gives you more time to do exactly what you’re doing right now. There’s a name for this phenomenon and it’s called Parkinson’s Law. Essentially what it says is, “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion”.

So, more time is not the answer.

The answer is getting more out of the time you have.

There’s an attention grabber behind every corner and keystroke just waiting to rob you of your time, ready to cajole you into thinking what they have to say is more important than your time.

These time thieves will do all they can to lure you away from your time.

Stop taking the bait.

The best way to stop is to prioritize and then protect your time.

Prioritize so that you can allot the time needed to work on what is important to you. And then protect that time. Don’t let outside influences cannibalize your time.

Nobody has ever had more time. They’ve just been able to do more with their time. And if you’re diligent about your time you’ll realize that you can do more with your time too.

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What happens after you’re a success?

After you’ve climbed the highest mountain?

After you’ve won the championship?

After you’ve made the billion dollars?

After you received all the accolades?

What do you do next?

It’s not uncommon to hear ‘successful’ people speak about being depressed or unfulfilled even though they’ve reached certain goals in their life.

They thought reaching the goal would fill a void, or perhaps make them more complete.

But it didn’t.

So while you’re out pursuing your goals, realize that you shouldn’t use your goal to fill a hole in yourself. Because, if that’s your view then essentially what you’re saying is that without the external goal, you are incomplete. And that’s where the feelings of being unfulfilled come from.

Realize that you are already complete, and learn to pursue your goals for the sheer pleasure of the pursuit.