How often do you find yourself asking, what’s next?

The minute you finish one task, or in some cases even before you finish the thing you’re working on, are you asking what’s next?

When does what’s next end?

What if instead of asking what’s next, you started asking, what’s now?

The reality is, that now is all there really is.

But if all you ever ask is what’s next, then you’ll never really get the opportunity to enjoy or really experience now.

Asking what’s now is one way to bring your attention back to the present moment. What’s now will allow you to appreciate, concentrate and focus on your task at hand. Even more important than the task your working on is if you’re in the presence of another person. They will feel your ability to present with them in the moment, because they will be at the center of your ‘what’s now.’

When you practice pausing throughout your day and asking yourself ‘what’s now,’ you might be surprised to find that asking the question will seem to make time expand. The reason for this is, when you continuously ask what’s next, you experience a sense of overwhelm, a feeling of too much to do and not enough time.

So now that you’re done reading this, you have a choice right now to ask yourself, what’s next or what’s now.

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“The South Indian Monkey Trap is an age old method for catching troublesome monkeys looking to steal food from local villagers in parts of India. This simple but ingenious trap consists of a coconut that has been carefully hollowed out at one end and chained to a pole in the ground. Some sweet rice is then placed inside the coconut through the hollowed out opening, which is big enough for the monkey to place its hand in and grab a handful of rice, but too small for it to then remove its clinched fist with the sweet rice. Eventually some monkeys would come along, discover the rice, reach inside the coconut, greedily clutch as much of the rice as possible, thus making a fist in the process, and suddenly find themselves trapped.

Oddly enough, as you may have picked up, there is no actual physical barrier preventing a monkey from escaping the trap – they could just let go of the food and they would be free, but they dont.”¹

So now I ask you, what are you holding on to that you can let go of?

What beliefs and values have you held on to that have now become your own trap?

If you have beliefs and values that aren’t serving you, then perhaps it’s time to ask yourself why you’re still holding on to them.

Changing a belief or value will seem difficult at first because they are ingrained deep inside you. However, you do have the ability to do so. You might experience feelings of guilt or even fear just thinking about changing something that’s at the core of who you are. But if you feel that you’re being held back by your beliefs and values, then you owe it to yourself to at least consider changing them.

Look, you don’t have to be like the trapped monkey. Fortunately evolution hast been kind to humans and given us greater thinking ability than the monkey. So if you have beliefs and values that have trapped you then why not use your ability to think and reason and just let go?

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1 Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values,’ Robert M. Pirsig

There are about 76 shades of the color blue.

There are about 75 shades of the color green.

There are about 445 shades of the red, and still rising.

There are also several variant shades of black and any other color you can think of.

So why is this important?

Well, it can give you some insight in to perspective.

There’s a great likelihood that you and I experience a color differently when we see it. So when we describe a color to each other and we don’t agree, it’s not that either one of is wrong, it’s just that we’re experiencing a different reality.

Although on a macro level our brains seem to process reality in a similar manner, on a micro level we are all very different. The macro level allows us to co-exist and agree on certain things, like stopping at red lights for example. But on a micro level we are all experience reality with a just a shade of difference.

Most of the time a slight difference in processing reality is not a problem, except or until there’s a disagreement or an encroachment on strongly held beliefs. Then we just can’t understand why people can’t see things our way.

And that’s why I started out with the facts about the colors.

The next time you’re in a disagreement with someone and you find yourself at a stalemate, or about to accuse them of not being able to understand your position, realize that you might just be right. They might not be able to see your facts because that’s not how they see the world. Their entire perspective is different from yours.

So rather than attempting to badger or sway them to agree with you, understand that their shades of reality are indeed, and perhaps will always be different.

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How much love can you infuse in your daily actions?

Not love in the romantic sense, but love as described by the ancient Greeks as Agape.  Agape is known as the modern concept of altruism, defined as unselfish concern for the welfare of others.

What if you could find or express love in some of your simple, almost overlooked actions throughout your day?

You could express love for an individual as you

Hold the door open for them

Let them cut in front of you in traffic

Send them an email

During a conversation

Or any other way that works for you.

As you emote the feeling of love towards another person, both you and they will begin to feel it. And your goal here is not for any other reason except you appreciate and recognize they are just like you.

The more you practice this kind of love, the more compassionate and empathetic you will become. At first this behavior might seem a little strange, but over time you’ll get to the point where if you don’t express love and respect in your action towards others, then you will feel inauthentic because it will become part of who you are.

Begin to practice your own version of agape today. Whenever the opportunity presents itself, even if it’s the smallest,  and perhaps to you irrelevant, put love in to your actions. I can almost guarantee that the more love you put in actions, the more love you will begin to feel towards you.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

What do you do when you see a sign that says road closed?

Do you pull over; get out of your car and walk away, vowing never to drive again?

What do you do when your flight is delayed?

Do you cancel your trip and head back home?

If these actions sound a little extreme or ridiculous then we’re in agreement that they are. But how often have you witnessed someone, or perhaps even yourself, give up on a dream or goal because of an obstacle or two?

Road closures, flight delays and even traffic congestion don’t appear or concern you until you’re going somewhere. Think about this for a minute. Right now, while you’re reading, there might be a 10 mile traffic jam right around the corner, but it won’t be of any consequence to you unless you have to go somewhere.

Life is very similar in the sense that you’ll experience no delays or obstacles until you decide to pursue something you want accomplish, and then all of a sudden they’ll all appear. And here’s where you’ll be tested. You’ll have to make a decision, sometimes daily or on occasion even minute by minute, just how much you want that thing you desire and whether to continue on or not.

The choice to stop and turn back or to find another way is up to you.  Keep in mind, your choices will begin to define the kind of person you are. You’ll have to decide if you’re the kind of person that views obstacles as dead ends, or just as temporary detours between where you are and where you want to be.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

How many fear based decisions do you make on a daily basis?

Fear of repercussions.

Fear of failure.

Fear of being ridiculed.

Fear of losing.

Fear of not fitting in.

Fear of losing what you have.

Fear of being left out.

Fear of being left behind.

Fear of being chastised or scolded.

Fear of being alone.

Fear of… you can add your own fears here.

How much of your life is guided by fear?

What if you could unshackle yourself from fear?

If not forever, then at least for one day.

Imagine what life would feel like if just for one day you could operate totally free of fear.

This is not an encouragement for you to act with reckless abandonment, putting your or someone else’s life in danger. It’s more a prompt for you behave with certainty and boldness. Its one day of you feeling and saying that ‘today I will base none of my actions on fear.’

Can you do this just for one day?

Or are you fearful just thinking about it?

If a day seems too daunting, then perhaps a morning, or just commit to being fearless for just the next hour.

How much of whom you really are, or want to be has been living behind the veil of fear?

Maybe today is the day you decide to stop being guided by fear, and instead you commit to being brave, bold and true to your real self.

Look, at least give it a shot. If you don’t like it, you can always go back to letting fear guide you tomorrow.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

What emotions, feelings and events are you reinforcing in your life?

What anchors are you putting down to remind of you things that happened?

As a child you don’t have the conscious wherewithal or maturity to decide how you will interpret events, but as an adult you gain the ability to apply a higher degree of judgement and perspective towards events. As an adult you’re able to choose how you see past events.

As an adult it’s up to you.

Are you going to view events in a way that empowers or dis-empowers you?

Are you going to work on reinforcing events that limit who you are, or that free you from your past?

And the events that constrain you don’t have to be from years ago, they could be as recent as last week or even yesterday.

Your behavior and thoughts today, right now, about something that happened even just a few moments ago will reinforce how you feel about it in the future.

The emotions and situations you choose to reinforce are entirely up to you, although at times it might not feel that way. But that feeling in itself is proof, because that’s a feeling you’ve reinforced over time.

How you choose to reflect on the events of your past will with almost undeniable certainty determine how you experience your present and view your future. So get into the habit of asking yourself what you want to reinforce and let your emotions and thoughts work for you, not against you.

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How much information can you get from a sound bite?

Let me rephrase.

How much information do you think you can get from a sound bite?

Sound bites used by broadcast media are designed to lure, tempt, and in many cases make you feel as though you’ve learned something. When the truth is that a sound bite is a thin sliver of information that may or may not be true. Sometimes they can even be rumors on steroids.

The problem with the sound bite is that many people form their opinions about an entire subject just from a sound bite. Or even worse they repeat the sound bite to family and friends while adding their own opinions giving the sound bite additional life, and in some case more credibility.

The sound bite is not only a tool used by media. Many a time individuals will share with you an edited version of an incident or story, that’s usually in their favor, and you will have to make a decision based on limited information whether you choose to believe them or not.

Here’s where things can get a little tricky because a person might not outright lie to you, but they might be attempting to gain your favor, so they ‘conveniently’ leave out important information.

And then they ask you, so what do you think?

And there you are. In your heart and mind you know you don’t have the complete story, but you’re being asked for your opinion based on a semi-factual sound bite.

So, what should you do?

I’m sorry but I don’t know what you should do because it depends on your relationship. What I can suggest is you employ a heavy dose of skepticism. Not outwardly towards the person, but internally. Learn to refrain from jumping to conclusions or heavily weighted opinions. Come to terms with the fact that just like the sound bite, you will rarely know the entire story.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

How do you separate fact from fiction?

Actually, a more important question is, how often do you take the effort and time to separate fact from fiction?

Facts and fiction get muddled together all the time, ultimately giving you a distorted view of reality. This is especially true when fiction is built upon a fact or two that gives it a sense of credibility. The distortion could be a simple as someone telling you that a person behaved a certain way, but because they used the person’s name you conjured up a story about them in your mind, which in turn moves you to believe or not believe the story.

Although daunting, separating fact from fiction is your responsibility. It’s hard, tedious and time consuming, but if you don’t develop a system to do so, then you will begin to believe everything you hear and are told.

Now there’s no easy way or shortcut to separating fact from fiction, but there is one rule of thumb that might be able to guide you. Take everything you hear and see with a grain of salt, essentially go with the premise that what you hear and see is not true unless you yourself can prove it.

This might sound like a very had lined approach to take, but not if you understand the majority of information being conveyed to you is someone else’s fiction.

And it’s not just you; we’re all victims of compounded fiction.

The best part of realizing that almost everything you hear and see is fiction is that you can now begin to make up your own stories. Maybe you’ve been living with stories that haven’t served you, but you believed them because they were told to you by people you loved and trusted, and so you willing adopted the stories as your own. And they didn’t tell them to you out of malice, it’s just that’s all they knew too.

The fact vs fiction ratio leans heavily in the favor of fiction and you can use this to your advantage. Once you’ve identified the few facts that do exist, you can use them as a foundation to build a fictitious world that can now benefit and support you.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Well, are you?

What is your flaw or vulnerability that you’re hiding?

If you let it, shame can play a debilitating role in your life.  And the sad thing about shame is that if you suffer from it, there’s a great likelihood that it was placed up on you when you were a child and you’ve carried it ever since.

Shame has been used as a weapon to protect the status quo. Shame is also used to control and manipulate, because the tribe says ‘if you embarrass us then there’s a danger we’ll disown you and then you’ll be alone.’

People will use shame in an attempt to control you because it provides them with safety and security, don’t let them. They will threaten to withhold their emotions if you don’t comply with their shaming, and this will be difficult for you, but try to keep in mind that this says more about them and their insecurities than about you.

Escaping shame is extremely difficult because it takes deep resolve and an exposure to vulnerability. It requires you to believe that it’s okay to have flaws, and that everyone does, some are just better at hiding them than others.

If you find yourself being victimized by shame, commit to fighting against it. Don’t live to be but a shadow of your true self that’s living behind a curtain of shame.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

Can I have a raise?

No!

Will you go out with me?

No!

Can I get a better deal?

No!

Will you buy from me?

No!

Can I try again?

No!

Can I leave early?

No!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

How do you feel when you’re told no?

Do you feel rejected, dejected, perhaps even a little less worthy?

What if you didn’t have to feel this way?

Fearing no is not entirely your fault. According to experts the average toddler hears the word no about 400 times a day. That’s a lot of no’s. Now a few young ones are able to push past or endure the constant barrage of no’s, but for the majority, the no becomes the invisible electric fence often used on animals. They develop an internal Pavlovian response, they just stop asking.

What if you could convince yourself when you hear the word no, it’s actually an opportunity?

Well you can, but first you have to remove your ‘self’ from the situation. What I mean by your ‘self’ is essentially your ego. When you hear no, it’s not always about you. Most rejections aren’t about you in the way you think they are. They’re just a story you tell yourself, and you can choose to stop repeating it. You can choose to stop listening.

You can choose to view a no as an opportunity or a permanent setback. You can choose to have resolve and use the no as motivation, or decide that it’s not worth pushing forward. Many times the difference between those who get what they want and those that don’t, is that former have come to an understanding that no’s are just obstacles they will have to overcome in order achieve their goals.

How you see a no is entirely up to you, but just keep in mind that when you hear a no, you haven’t really lost anything and there are always other opportunities out there just waiting to say yes.

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Are you familiar with the Goldilocks Zone?

If you are then good for you because you know your astronomy, if not then don’t worry, here’s a brief definition. “The Goldilocks Zone refers to the habitable zone around a star where the temperature is just right – not too hot and not too cold – for liquid water to exist on a planet.”

According to scientists, as long as we’re living on earth, we are living in the Goldilocks Zone. Imagine for a moment just how much perfection had to occur in the galaxy for the earth to be a habitable planet. I mean first of all you have this solid orb just suspended in essentially nothing and now it has life on it. It really had to be ‘just right.’

Right now you might be asking, so what?

Well, I’m glad you did.

If we played out the number of ‘just right’ occurrences that had to happen for you to be reading this right now, I’d venture to guess it would have to be in billions. That’s right, billions of almost perfect events for you to exist in this very moment. Now if that doesn’t sound miraculous then I’m not sure what does.

I know it might not always seem as though you’re not just right, or things aren’t just right, but that’s because your mind has the incredible power telling stories and of living in the past and future. But if you could just pause that thought process for a moment, you’ll realize that right now is just right. And you’re just right, living the in Goldilocks Zone.

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What active steps do you take to prevent your mind from being bogged down in the daily monotony of routines?

What do you do to free your mind?

Continuously feeding your mind information doesn’t provide it an opportunity to digest and really think about all that it’s consuming.

Stepping away from daily life activities for just a few minutes a day can provide your mind a brief burst of fresh air that it can use to reset and refresh itself. One of the best ways to free your mind is to build some slack in to your schedule. Actively scheduling slack or downtime in to your schedule doesn’t mean you have to step away for hours or days, a few planned minutes a day can do wonders for your creativity and enthusiasm.

Meditation is a great tool for relaxing and freeing your mind, but if it’s not for you then you can do a simple short breathing exercise, doodle, take a short nap, or even just look out of a window for a few minutes. You can choose to do whatever technique suits you best to give your mind just a little relaxation.

If you’re familiar with history then you’ve probably heard that many of the greatest eureka moments didn’t occur while engaged and engrossed in consuming information, they occurred when the individual stepped away and freed their mind. So schedule some time to free your mind, who knows, you might have your own eureka moment too.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

What was the last fun project you worked on?

If you’re like most people then you probably only work on projects that are necessary and not just for fun.

But who has time for fun projects?

Well, I’d venture to guess that you do, but your time is probably spent elsewhere.

Now, I’m not suggesting you build a life size model dinosaur, unless of course you want to. No, what I’m suggesting is that you make or build something small. Something you can put your name to and say, I built that. Not for a sense of pride, although nothing wrong with having pride in your work, more for a sense of accomplishment.

In today’s world of knowledge work, rarely do you experience the satisfaction of making something tangible; expect of course if it’s your job to do so.

Humans were designed to be builders and makers, but because you can now purchase anything you want to, there is very little reason to make or build anything of your own.

As I said earlier, you don’t have to start with something big and complicated; it can be as simple as a small paper origami project, just something to get your dormant natural builder synapses firing again. So, carve out an hour or two for yourself this week, fire up your creativity and use your hands to build something. Who knows, you might just end up building that giant dinosaur after all.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

Show me an emotion or feeling you have that lives outside of you?

Sounds a little silly doesn’t it?

Well, have you ever found yourself saying something to the effect of, you made me so, (insert emotion here)?

There really is no ‘you make me.’

The reality is you make you.  The emotion comes from inside you. Your emotion is YOUR reaction to the situation. Once you own that little piece of reality, your entire experience of life can change.

Is this difficult to do?

Absolutely!

But well worth practicing, because if you don’t then your emotions will be just like a loose kite, buffeted by every gust of wind that comes your way.

I’m not saying that you should be unemotional, in fact quite the opposite. Express your emotions at will but don’t let your emotions rely on the behavior of another person because if you do, then not only have you given away your power, but you’ve also become a hostage to their behavior.

Not responding to every external request on your emotions is challenging and might even seem impossible at first. But as time goes by you’ll find that even though you might initially respond to a situation emotionally, you’ll be able quickly reel back your emotion when it’s not serving you well.

Every emotion you experience belongs to you. You own it and have the power to decide when and how you’ll use it. So the next time you catch yourself saying, ‘you make me so,’ pause for a moment and remind yourself that, ‘you make you.’

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

What happened?

What’s happening?

What’s going to happen?

In which of these three questions do you spend most of your thinking time?

Are you evenly split between all three or do you find yourself favoring one or more over the other?

If you’re like the majority of people then although you’re physically present in the ‘what’s happening,’ your mind is either in the ‘what happened or what’s going to happen,’ questions. Your mind is in the past and future because it loves to reminisce and also tell stories. The problem with this is we as humans are notoriously bad at recalling what exactly happened in the past and then we use unreliable, skewed information to try and predict the future.

Studies have shown over and over again that even the most astute individuals, experts in their fields with access to endless amounts if information, tend to incorrectly predict the future. In many cases they’re just like you, creating fiction about what might happen.

So, if the past can’t be changed and future can’t accurately be predicted then what would it look like if you spent more time with your body in the present?

Being present in the what’s happening now can be challenging because, in all honesty, it can seem boring compared to the stories about what happened or what’s going to happen, and that’s why your mind wanders of in to the past and future. But being present can be a very powerful tool, because it can help relieve remorse and anxiety.

Dwelling the past or thinking about the future are natural tendencies and humans have been blessed with these capabilities, but they don’t always serve you well. And it’s in the times that they are not serving you well that you should focus your attention on the present.

The next time you find yourself caught up in the ‘what happened’ or ‘what’s going to happen’ thought cycles and you begin to feel anxious or overwhelmed, bring yourself back to where you are. Focus on being exactly where your body is and stay with the ‘what’s happening now.’

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

Let’s play a game.

Imagine for a moment you have a magic wand and with one quick flick of your wrist you could change how you feel. Or to an even greater extent, become a totally different person.

Not possible?

If that’s what you think then you’re correct and you can stop reading right here.

But, if you do believe it’s possible then continue on.

There have been countless studies and research on the subject of the placebo effect, where essentially people with real medical conditions have been given fake treatments, and yet they have convinced themselves that the medicine is real and their ailments have been cured. They changed how they physically felt based on what they believe about an external stimulus.

If a person can change how they feel and actually be cured of an ailment via an external stimulus then why not an internal stimulus?

Well, they can.

Every time you pretend to have an attitude, which is your internal stimulus, and then go through the motions, you trigger emotions that create and strengthen the attitude you wish to develop. Your pretending is your magic wand. However, unlike the fictional wand of fairy tales, you actually have to do a little more work. You have to tailor your mental and physical environment to remind of the person you want to become.

Once you setup continuous reminders of the person you want to become then your attitude and emotions begin to align with the behaviors you want to adopt. Like actors and kids, you too can pretend to be and feel however you want, and if you stay at it long enough, you might just become the person you want to be.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.

What do you consider to be unrealistic?

If you said nothing, then I’m preaching to the choir, which of course makes life a lot easier for me. But this isn’t about me, it’s about you.

You see, I’ve had the great fortune of meeting with a many people from all walks of life and a common theme that keeps showing up is their desire for a meaningful life. When I press the subject of how they would define a meaningful life they explain how they want to do great or wonderful things for themselves and also very often for their families and communities.

Almost all of them are seeking a level of extraordinary experiences in their lives, but yet, they temper their extraordinary with ‘keeping it realistic.’ Extraordinary and realistic are competing thoughts. Extraordinary doesn’t live in the same realm as realistic. Extraordinary can only be found and experienced when you move beyond what is considered to be realistic.

You, yourself have probably heard someone that’s accomplished a great challenge or goal in their life say something along the lines of ‘I never imagined, or this is beyond my wildest dreams.’ They say this because whatever they’ve accomplished is beyond the scope of what they thought was their reality. The awe and surprise comes from their unrealistic experience.

Being unrealistic doesn’t necessarily mean you have to defy the laws of physics by doing something like walking on water, although if you do accomplish such a feat then wonderful for you. It means the next time you find yourself wanting to do or experience something outside of your current reality or other people’s version of reality; you suspend your doubts and move towards being unrealistic.

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What is the value of X?

I can hear your brain churning away asking X what?

So I’ll make it a little easier.

Okay, now what is the value of X?

2x + 10 = 30

If you’ve had any experience with elementary algebra then you know the answer is x=10.

Why was determining the value of x in the equation easier than the open ended ‘what is the value of x’ question?

Well, it’s because in the first question you had no knowns, and in the equation you had a combination of knowns and unknowns. So using your power of deduction and hopefully some elementary math you were able to come up with the correct answer.

Life is very similar to an algebraic equation. When you’re attempting solve any problem you can first determine your knowns and unknowns. Obviously working with knowns makes it easier than unknowns because you have a clue as to where to start. However, when all you’re working with is unknowns, then you have to develop a hypothesis of what you think might happen and then essentially keep experimenting until you find answer that works for you.

So the next time you encounter a challenge or problem that you’re trying to solve, first identify all the knowns, existing information.  Once you’ve gathered enough information to give you a good starting point, then you can go to work solving for X.

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Sorry, that’s incorrect.

You lose.

You’re disqualified.

You’ve been rejected.

We’re not interested.

You’re fired.

You didn’t make it.

No, that won’t work for us.

Pass.

No thank you.

You’re not what we’re looking for.

You didn’t get the part.

We chose somebody else.

These are just a few of the phrases I could think of that represent failures and rejections, but I’m sure there many more. And I can honestly tell you that if you don’t experience any of these then you’re probably not trying anything.

Do these failures and rejections sting when you hear them? Absolutely!

You’d have to be some kind of emotionless machine for them not to hurt at least a little. Nobody likes to hear or feel as though they’re not good enough.

The question is, how will you respond when you hear them?

Will you take some time to heal your wounds and then rise up to the next challenge? Or will you decide not to pursue anything ever again. Will you in essence, reject yourself?

Failure and rejection can be difficult to deal with, but you can also train yourself to change your perspective and view them as learning opportunities. This is not easy, but absolutely achievable.

A perfect example is athletes and sports teams. Could you imagine if an athlete or team lost an event or game and decided that they’d never play again? Sounds a little ridiculous when you hear it, but all life is, is a series of events.

Of course some events in life are more important than others, but those too can be viewed as learning opportunities, almost like a training ground for you to build resilience against failure and rejection.

So the next time you experience failure or rejection, view it not as a personal downfall, but an opportunity to for self-reflection. First and foremost, commend yourself for at least having the courage to try, and then go out and find your next challenge.

P.S. Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it please share it with one person you love.