Posted on by Raj Daniels

Relationship Budget

What is your relationship budget?

Do you have one?

How do you allocate your time and energy to the people that mean the most to you? Do you give them the left over time you have at the end of the day or a week? Or do you prioritize them and invest in them frequently?

Relationships that aren’t prioritized will naturally erode over time. The unfortunate thing is that they will dissolve not out of malice but lack of attention.

If you wouldn’t expect your bank account to magically accumulate money over time then don’t expect the same from your relationships. Invest intentionally in your relationships by being present and undistracted. You can choose how much time you want to invest based on your experience, and then get in the habit of setting aside that time to nurture the relationships that are important to you.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

Greener grass

Do you know what it takes to maintain the metaphoric ‘greener grass’ that you admire?

How much time and effort it took to grow the grass? And, what if the grass is not as green as you think it is? What if it just looks that way?

The tendency to want what others have has been linked to a deep seeded survival mechanism that was prevalent when resources were scarce for humans. However, nowadays it’s more likely to be tied to self-esteem. It is the measuring of one’s self-worth against the imagined life of others.

When you see someone’s life that you admire consider the tradeoffs of time, money, education etc. that they have made and ask yourself if you’d be willing to do the same. And if the answer is yes, then go for it.

It’s easy to fall in to the feeling of seeing other people’s lives as better than your own, especially in today’s hyper connected age. But keep in mind that there’s also someone out there looking and wishing they have the life you have.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

Inspire others

Do you actively find ways to inspire others? Do you use words of encouragement do drive them towards their goals?

If you’ve ever been inspired by the words or actions by another person then you know how good it feels, so why not seek out ways to inspire others?

Inspiring others doesn’t mean being fake and supporting them in their every endeavor. However it does mean that you take time to listen and you learn to deliver constructive criticism and provide them with confidence to move forward.

You can also inspire other by genuinely celebrating their success and just as important, being there when they fail and not being the one to say, I told you so.

Inspiring others is ultimately a selfish act because when you make others feel good you too feel good about yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. The definition of the word inspire is to ‘breathe life in to,’ so why not be the on that breathes life in to those around you?

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Not good enough

Do you hesitate to try something new because you think you’re ‘not good enough?’ Well, you’re probably right, and that’s okay.

The feeling of not being good enough to even try something is like an invisible cage that prevents you from experiencing new and exciting things.  And the thing about this feeling is that it never goes away, it will be there every time you think about trying something new or different.

The trick is to embrace the feeling, acknowledge that you’re not good enough and that is exactly why you are going to move forward realizing all the while that even when you get better you’ll still feel as though you’re not good enough.

Don’t let the feeling of not being good enough hold you back. The truth is you’re already good enough to start anything.

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Why can’t you be more like…?

Has anyone ever asked you, why you can’t be more like someone else?

Was it a parent, spouse, employer or friend that asked you? How did it make you feel? Did the question make you feel inadequate and question yourself? Or were you able to shrug of their question and remain confident in whom you are?

The ability to remain resilient to a world that is constantly telling you how you should be is a skill that can serve you well. This is not to say that you shouldn’t model other people if it serves you in achieving your goals, but don’t forget that even those you attempt to imitate have flaws that you’ll never see.

Remaining strong in your endeavor to be yourself regardless of the constant pressure to be someone else will serve you well over the long term. And the world will benefit from your uniqueness, not you trying to be someone else.

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The Wall

What will you do when you hit a wall? Not a physical wall, but a metaphorical wall?

When you hit a wall in your relationship will your first thought be, how can I get out of this?

When hit you hit a wall in your career will your first instinct be submission?

When you hit a wall in your health will you give up on yourself?

The wall in any aspect of your life is inevitable. Think of the wall as the fall before you learn to walk. Imagine if you had given up on your first attempt.

The size of the wall will be relative to size of what you are trying to accomplish. Almost anyone can hop over a single brick but only some have the skills and resourcefulness to overcome the big daunting walls.

How you think about the wall will determine your approach. If you see it as a dead end then that’s what it will be. However, if you see it as part of your journey to a worthwhile destination then your approach will be different and you’ll find a way to overcome it.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

Re-focus

How will you see the world today?

What will you decide to put your attention on?

Will you start your day reading or listening to the news telling you about all the bad things going on in the world?

Will you focus on the traffic, the construction, the ‘bad weather?’

Will you be looking for faults in people around you?

Will you think about all the things you don’t have?

Or will you decide to re-focus and drive your attention towards all that is good around you and be grateful for what you do have?

Your attention is focused awareness and with practice you can train yourself to ignore things in your surroundings that you can’t change and focus on the things you can.

Try an experiment today. When you find yourself complaining or thinking about something negative that you have no control over, quickly re-focus to something positive in your life. Over time and with practice this will become easier as you re-wire your brain to your new habit and soon enough you will find this will be your new natural state.

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A little more

When was the last time you pushed yourself just a little more, physically or intellectually?

Pushing yourself to do a little more is your key to personal growth because it gives you confidence that you control your mind and that you can reach beyond your current capacity.

Doing a little more can be a simple as adding an extra minute to your exercise routine, reading an additional page of a book or spending a few minutes researching or learning about something that you’re working on.

The power behind a little more is that your efforts compound over time and your ability to control your mindset of being able to do a little more is a transferable skill.

Make an effort today to do just a little more than you think you can and notice how you feel a sense of pride as you realize just how much power you actually have over yourself.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

Getting Even

What do you do when someone treats you poorly? Do you spend your time and energy thinking of ways to return the sentiment? Do you say things like, if that’s’ how they behave then I’m going to respond in a similar manner? Do you become more like them?

If you have a set of guiding principles that you believe in for your own life then why would you compromise them based on someone else’s actions. Yes, it can be easy in the moment to react with a, I’m going to show them attitude, but where does that get you.

Not responding when you feel attacked or slighted is difficult because your ego jumps in to protect your identity. But if you’re confident in your identity then why does it matter what someone else says to or about you?

Don’t spend your precious life dwelling on or thinking about what people have said and done that has hurt or offended you. Instead, refocus and think about all the people that have been kind and thoughtful towards you, and you’ll see that your life will be much brighter.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

No Complaining

Do you complain about things you can’t change, things that you have no control over? Why do you do this? Does it make you feel better or change the situation?

Do you complain about?

The weather

The traffic

Your coworkers

Your family

The news

The economy

Or do you have any other personal favorites?

Complaining puts things you don’t like into greater focus which in turn makes the thing you’re complaining about seem more relevant than it is.

What if today you made the choice not to complain about the things you can’t change? And instead of complaining you just re-focused your mind.

When you find yourself complaining about something that you have no control over, learn to get in the habit of quickly changing your thoughts towards something you’re grateful for. By practicing this over time you won’t even notice the things you once complained about.

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You’ve already won

If you’re reading this then you’ve already won. Why have you won?

You’ve won because:

You know how to read.

You have the time to read.

You have a device to read on.

You have the command of the powerful language in the world. Yes, the majority of all worldwide business communication is conducted in English.

So now that you know that you’ve already won, what will you do with your winnings? Will you squander all your time and skills on trivial activities that waste away all that you’ve already won, or will you build a life of opportunities? The choice is yours.

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Empty Space

How often do you leave space in your life for magic to happen, to experience serendipitous interactions and opportunities?

Living with your days crammed with activities and things to do leave you with little or no room for ‘by chance encounters.’

You don’t have to schedule hours of empty space but you do have to make an effort to make time for opportunity. You can do something as simple as go to a coffee shop and talk to a stranger with no agenda or outcome in mind. You can take a walk without listening to music or talking on phone, just looking and absorbing your environment.

There are numerous examples in history, such as Newton and his apple or Archimedes and his bathtub where inspiration for a new idea struck when least expected because of empty space.

Make it a practice to add, or perhaps better said, to remove constant activity and input to your life. Leave some empty space for yourself and see what magic you experience.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

No Blueprint

Are you trying to follow a blueprint of someone else’s life to fix or improve your own life? The problem with blueprints, templates and other such mechanical terms is that they only work for mechanical objects.

Take a diet for example. A 100 people could be on the same diet down to the last calorie counted and measured, and yet there would be 100 different results because no two individuals are the same.

When you find yourself saying, but it worked for her or that’s how he did it, you are inviting yourself down a slippery road. You are making the error of assuming you are the same as the other person.

Now there are guidelines you can use to direct your life and they can help you move in the general direction towards what you want to accomplish but guidelines don’t guarantee ‘success.’

Someone else’s life blueprint can be a good starting point for you, but only as learning tool for you to continue to conduct your own life experiment and find a way to a unique to you.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

I don’t know how to…

Do you let not knowing how to do something stop you from moving forward? When you have a thought or dream of doing something new does your mind answer with ‘but I don’t know how,’ and you stop before you start?

Yes, there is uncertainty in feeling that you don’t know how to do something, but it can also be liberating.

Learn to develop the perspective that not knowing how to do something is a great position to be in. It means that your options are wide open and you have the freedom to experiment without any preconceived notions of the ‘right way.’

Don’t let not knowing how be your crutch that you fall back on and stop you from moving forward. You live in a world of abundant resources and the answer to almost every one of your ‘don’t know hows’ can be found as long as you are willing to look for them. And for the answers you can’t find, well now you have the opportunity to be the one with answer to someone else’s ‘I don’t know how.’

Posted on by Raj Daniels

Permission to Play

Do you give yourself permission to play; to lose yourself in an activity that you enjoy so much that time disappears?

It’s been said that play is essential to creativity. Playing enables your imagination to express itself in ways that you wouldn’t normally do in your everyday routines.

Playing is different for everyone and there are no set guidelines for the correct way to play. Playing for you could mean participating in sporting activities, wrestling with children or just watching movies.

As an adult you will always have ‘adult’ responsibilities as part of life and they will never go away. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give yourself permission to play. Indulge yourself occasionally in guilt free play time and don’t worry about all the other adult stuff, it’ll still be there when you’re done playing.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

Start to Start

What personal project, goal or idea have you been putting off? What’s that one thing that you think about that you really want to do that you haven’t taken any action on? It could be as small as clean the junk draw or as big as travelling the world. What’s yours?

Make time today to write down one thing you want to do. And I don’t mean make a list or take a note. Write it out in long form and go in to as much detail as possible.  Describe what the end result will look like and what it will mean to you.

Starting is one of the best habits you can develop for yourself. Not only will you get more done but it’s only after starting that you can really grasp the effort required in accomplishing what you want and it will also help you decide if you really want to continue.

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How can I help you?

How can I help you?

How may I serve you?

What can I do for you?

These questions have magic within them. They have the power to transform your life if you ask them with a sincere desire to serve others.

These questions also require you to have an abundance mindset because you have to know and believe that you have enough time, energy and mental capacity in order to make time to do things for other people.

Research shows that when that when you help others you’ll receive the added benefit of feeling good about yourself too. So make helping others part of your daily routine.  Add these questions to your vocabulary, make a habit of using them often, and experience how your life changes when you commit to helping others.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

Self-Worth

 

What is your self-worth tied to?

Is it tied to the amount of money you make, the number material possessions you have, your house, your car, your job, where you live? Would you have less self-worth if you lost any of the preceding items? Is it tied to how people see you? What if they were no longer in your life?

Self-worth begins from respecting yourself. It starts with appreciating who you are regardless of what you have. Now this sounds easy but you’ll be challenged daily by external forces such as family, friends,  media and advertising telling you that you’re not worthy until you have what they think is important.

Fighting these external forces is tough and you’ll often find yourself second guessing your self-worth because you begin to assess your value through the eyes of others. And you begin to measure yourself against other people.

The first steps to improving your self-worth are to stop tying your self-worth to possessions and to stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is not only destructive but it doesn’t make logical sense since each individual is made from a totally different set of DNA.

When you find yourself questioning your self-worth, challenge your inner thoughts, see yourself for who you are and commit to appreciating who you are and what you have.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

A Good Person

Are you a good person?

Recently I was at dinner with a friend and she shared that she was interviewing her grandmother and one of her questions to her grandmother was ‘do you have any advice for your grandchildren?’ And her grandmother had one answer, be a good person.

It’s not the first time I’ve heard this, especially from people that are in the later years of their lives. The people that have lived the longest seem to realize that in the end once you strip away all the titles, money, awards and material possessions very little really matters except being a good person.

So what if you start off with the end in mind of being known as a good person? What if you made that your guiding light? How would you live your life? How would you priorities change? Would you behave differently?

Being a good person is a broad definition and can mean different things to people, however there are some key characteristics that most can agree on.  If being a good person is important to you then start working on the behavior that will result on you being a known as a good person.

Posted on by Raj Daniels

Need or Want?

What are the things in life you need and what the ones you want? Finding a balance between the two can be challenging especially if you have trouble differentiating wants and needs.

Food/water, shelter and clothing were at one time considered basic needs and more recently sanitation, education and healthcare were added to the list. Now each one of these categories is vast and can span the spectrum from very basic to highly sophisticated.

Differentiating between a need and want can be tricky because the language seems to be interchangeable and external influences often lead you to believe that wants are needs.  The key is for you to use the language correctly.

Having wants is good in that it can push you and motivate you towards certain goals. But just remember that because you want something doesn’t mean you need it.